A cleaner from my workplace has been terminated for his service. I knew the Uncle only by greeting. A female cleaner now took over his place. I used to have short chat with him when I went to throw rubbish. The last few days that I seen him, he keep asking me out and ask me not to bring BaoBei along. I wonder why. Anyway, it's only dinner. But I had turn him down indirectly.
I am very upset with the things that's happening around me!!! I am more upset with the way BaoBei react to my situation!!!! He doesn't seems to understand my situation even after I had confide in him!!! So what if I had told him?! He still remains the same!!! Whatever for?! Humph! I really regretted not doing it in the first place!!! I should have taken my life there and then!!! Everything will be over soon~~the voice in my head says. I HATE ALL OF YOU!!! You lead a life that is indifferent. Regardless of the seasons, regardless of your family woes, regardless of your job. You lead a life that is the same! But I am not! and I can't afford to anymore!!! My situation has changed!!! I CAN NO LONGER HANG OUT TILL LATE LIKE BEFORE!!! BAOBEI DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!!! MY COLLEAGUES BULLIES ME!!!! MY WORK AND CG GIVING ME A LOT OF PRESSURE!!! PRESSURE THAT I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I WISH TO END ALL THESE ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! HUMANS ONLY CARE FOR THEMSELVES! THAT IS HUMAN NATURE! HUMANS ARE SELFISH!!!!
I have broken down - finally. Is that what you all expect to see?! Is that what you all want from me?! If it is, Congratulations! You won! I HAVE BROKE DOWN AND CRIED! BUT DOES ANYONE CARES?! NO! WHO CAN I TURN TO?! NO ONE! NOT EVEN A SINGLE SOUL!!! Turtle has been acting strange lately. The other day when Esther ask BaoBei and me out for dinner, IT WAS A LAST MINUTE THING! I didn't realize that turtle was affected badly by the outing itself. She was upset why did it have to be a guy who ask her out and not us girls! US GIRLS?! ME INCLUDED INDIRECTLY!!!! BUT DO I KNOW THAT SHE IS NOT COMING AND DA LAO PO IS NOT COMING IN THE FIRST PLACE?! DID I?! NO!!!! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!! BUT YET WHEN TURTLE SAYS THAT, I HAVE A FEELING THAT I WAS SOMEHOW INVOLVE! NOW SHE DOESN'T REPLY MY SMS AND DOESN'T WANT TO PICK UP MY CALL!!! WHOSE FAULT IS IT?! WHO'S TO BLAME?! STUPID!!! I FIND ALL THESE THINGS VERY STUPID!!! What else could I have done?! Tell me?!
I have decided. Since every time when I try very hard to open up to people, people took advantage of me, bullies me, heck care me, don't understand me, misunderstand me, I will go back to my old ways once and for all, cos it's the third attempt I have tried. Sorry! No longer will I open up! No longer will I share! What's the use of sharing when people don't understand?!
I wanted to tell BaoBei to give me some space and perhaps we should be separated for a long long while for now. But I don't know how to tell him and I doubt he will understand. I insist on my way, he insist on his. There is no real communication anymore. We don't really communicate anymore. When was the last time we really communicate? A very very distant long time ago. All he cares now, all he wants now, it's only one thing! When was the last time he did really care about me? A very long time ago too....a very distant memory. I don't know what is wrong with guys themselves. I know you all have this thing called "Ego". So? Just to boast that up, in front of my friends, you act like you are prince charming and act like you really care about me. But...when situations really calls, only I can see your true self! Only I know whether or not you really care! But can my friends see?! No! They only see the "gentlemen" and "caring" YOU.
Maybe....only maybe. This will be the final time I will blog. After that I will left my blog dead. Or I will just continue ranting my frustrations here and that's it. Thanks for reading my blog all these years(or months). I have broke down....Can anyone see? Does anyone really cares? T_T
