Looking through all my old blogpost, I do not know what to say. It's not that I am happy. But I just I have just learnt to live with my decisions. Sometimes, I do not know whether or not did I make the wrong decision? Even if it is, it's pointless to think about it anymore.

He always seems to have excuses in everything that he does. Sometimes I am feeling tired. But I no longer know what to do anymore. It's been a long time since I have update my blog huh? But whatever. No one reads it anyway except myself.

I should have known that we are worlds apart. Sometimes, you really can't force love. A person who really loves you would want to be with you no matter what. A person who don't, his presence meant nothing when his mind is always so far away, or on other things.

It has come to a stage whereby I realized each and everyone of us have grown up. Each and everyone of us takes a different path of our lives. Most of the time, I feel stuck. Sometimes, not everything has fixed and not everything is worth fixing. Especially when it comes to relationships. But it's all too late now.

I no longer know what I want. The things that I truly wanted are all very far away from me. Or so it seems. I am living a life that isn't my own anymore.

My mother is no longer with me. It was  then that I realized, that she is the most important person in my entire life. Sadly, she is the most neglected person that I have put her to be. Sometimes, you only realize something or someone's value when they are gone forever. Ironic huh?

I do hope that she is in a better place now. In heaven. Or better yet, has already reincarnated. I used to rely her on everything. I still do. Except that this time, I have to handle everything by my own. She always used to say - I have grown up. I have to make my own decisions. Though some are not easy to make. It is only when she is gone, I realized that she is my only kin. In a way. My world has became dark ever since.

I don't know what to say anymore. I have to act brave and act cheerful so that none of my friends worried about me. Though some of them feel that I have been depress. I used to. I slowly learn to walk out of it, and pretending everything is okay. Or seems okay. After pro-long pretend, it will become real of what you have been imagine it to be. Right?