Cancelled Trip + Hatred = Help!!!!!!!!

BaoBei called me yesterday during conference with HuiYi that the one week trip was cancelled!!! I was like,"Huh?!" Luckily the other day HuiYi ask me to change my money to ringgit, I never. Cos the exchange rate was quite high then. But I am not really very sad. Just a tinnie winnie bit of disappointed that's all.

BOSS GO BACK ON HIS WORDS AGAIN!!!! KNS!!!! He said to advertise on the October for new admin position!!! But you know what he told me in front of Derek on yesterday's meeting?! He ask me to continue staying on and to work hard!!! He don't want me to treat this as a 9 - 6 job! He wants me to commit into the job!!! SAI LAH!!!! IN YOUR DREAMS MAN!!!!! I was devastated and at the same time, I really really really feel like breaking his skull!!!! Like in the SMS joke that BaoBei sent it to me some time ago about prayer to God. Derek then gave me a strange look but he knows what is going on in my mind. Humph!!! I don't know what is his purpose of detaining me for?! Feeling like a prisoner!!! I gave him a nickname,"Roti Prata" because of the way he keep twisting and changing his words!!! Derek will know what I mean...

When I went home, the first thing I did was to call HuiYi(actually in my mind, I was thinking of going drinking) then HuiYi had to listen to my woes and complaints(Poor HuiYi) BaoBei then conference with us later on. But while I was sharing about my problems at work, BaoBei sound very agitated and even in a more angrier tone than me. I was a bit frightened by his tone. I tried to skip topic here and there, end up HuiYi and BaoBei get even more confused. HuiYi then prayed for me while I said a short prayer for my workplace and CG before hanging up.

Why I could manage to quit my previous jobs without any problems but yet, this stupid job I had difficulty quitting? BaoBei and HuiYi said that I am being too soft-hearted towards my Boss, that is why he bullies me. If he wants me to treat him with "attitude", CAN, he continue to provoke me further lah! Then I will show him the "Lian" side of Juliet!(But then seriously speaking, I may end up in Jail for it)

Overheard him talking on phone with don't-know-who? Saying that he will be going on a business trip in early December! No wonder he don't allow me to leave yet lah! I seriously wonder when can I really leave?! I know it is not good to switch jobs. But what if the job is really unsuitable for me?

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Trip to JB + Wedding at JB + Unhappy episode = Depress + Hatred

Went to JB on Friday evening. There was a heavy traffic jam there and thus we reach there only around 8.30pm. Went to pick BaoBei's relatives to go to his place. His house in Malaysia was very big! But...so were the crowds that stayed at his place -_-" I had to sleep in a small living room cramp with his cousins.

Went to his Brother's wedding that is held in Malaysia. The food there were much more nicer than Singapore's wedding banquet! One of BaoBei's cousin is the lady boss of the restaurant. She was so young! She ask me to guess her age, which I said 19. But she said I was half-correct as she is almost 20 after her birthday. Her son was very cute but naughty! Both her husband and herself look very young to be parents! We feel at ease sitting and chatting with the rest as our table only consist of youngsters! Malaysians sure know how to arrange the seats for the people.

Went to KTV for singing session. I don't like the place cos the waitress dress very "indecent" in that KTV pub. I only sang one song with BaoBei cos I know my singing is not good. Tried to take a walk alone as I feel very bored but BaoBei manage to catch up with me and hold my hand to walk. He said,"Malaysia is not very safe!" He also don't allow me to walk around anywhere alone. We went to the fun fair nearby and BaoBei played a game. I wanted the soft-toy but BaoBei won a yoyo for me instead. I was very happy though. Better than nothing.

Went back to KTV to accompany the rest of his relatives for a while before we head to somewhere for food. I only ate some "dim sum" while BaoBei had Laksi Lemak for dinner. Went back to BaoBei's place to sleep for the night but have to share a pillow and blanket with him. How to sleep two people with one pillow?! Sai!!! Slept very uncomfortably thoughout the night and ended up slept for 4 hours only.

When morning came, I went downstairs to have breakfast with his cousins. Then lay on their mattress for a while. BaoBei lay there too. Strangely, they only ask BaoBei to get up but not me. They then end up having a heated argument, which BaoBei's Mum put the blame onto me! Saying that I never stop their argument and how stupid I was! LIKE AS IF IT IS MY FAULT?! I then ran out from the house crying. I tried to walk to somewhere but I walk until a dead end of a road. The road in front of me was a big and long patch of grass, like it has never been cut for years! When I spot BaoBei coming towards my way, I tried to walk through the grass but the grass were too long and thick that I couldn't walk through. BaoBei then grab my arm and said,"You better get out of there now! There might be snakes hidden inside those grass!" I held BaoBei's hand and he pull me out and I cried on his shoulder. We then took a long walk together before entering into the house again.

Bought some ice-cream for his cousins even after the quarrel. It's not that I am nice or whatever. But I guess since they want it, I buy it for them. Got the wrong favour of ice-cream for BaoBei and he ended up not eating. We then fight over the tip of the ice-cream cone. So stupid! >.<

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Marriage + Work = Burden & Stress

This week, Boss will not be around cos he's on overseas trip! Yeh! Feeling so free!!! I don't know what I really want? Read magazine and an article from "Dear Kelly" section caught my attention. A reader wrote in to Kelly to share about her marriage woes. I know that marriage is not an easy journey and two committing persons have to put in effort in order for the marriage to last. But....what her husband said to her during one of their quarrels, hurt her deeply. I wonder will that happen to me too? The reader's husband regretted marrying her and said that he should have listened to his Mum's advice! Cos even before marriage, the guy's Mum is already very against the relationship and things are not going well between his wife and his Mum. Haiz.....

Talk about other things with Derek. After fellow shipping with Jaslyn and him, I realise that Derek is quite an easy-going guy. There are really a lot of things I could learn from him. But he said that his character was molded after he joined his ministry for 4 years! I really admired Derek that he could be extremely patient towards Boss and had tolerated for so long! Derek saw me flare up before and he said that I am very scary when I am provoked or got angry. Strangely, although we didn't communicate much, but through work, Derek know me inside out! Perhaps it's because I gave him a shock the other day....hahaha!

Went home quite early as I have nothing to do. Esther SMS me saying to meet me, minutes after I had reached home. Haven't seen her for some time. Things have not been going on well in my friendship area these days. Esther maybe would know what I mean?

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Baobei's Brother's wedding

Went to stay over at BaoBei's place on Friday. His place was very noisy and crowded cos all his relatives are there to stay over too. Saw his eldest brother and his wife later and they have Chinese tea ceremony. I wondered,"Do I have my own wedding day too?" Cos of financial difficulties, I don't think so. Plus some other problems.

Went to take a nap, after that we prepared ourselves for the wedding dinner at a grand hotel near outrum park. I bought my own pink translucent Shaw along to match with the pink dress that I have bought the other day. We then went to look for his relatives. A few of them comment that I look too formal in that dress. Before the bride came, some of his relatives eyes, plus some people whom I do not know who they are, look at my direction. I wonder is there something wrong with what I wear?

Sat with his Malaysia cousin but I couldn't seems to remember her until she show me her dog in her camera phone. Ya I visited them in Malaysia before! Chat with her for some time before she went off to her friend's birthday party. BaoBei also bring me to see his father's colleagues and they ask him,"So when is your turn?" he replied,"4 years later?" They were happy and said they will be waiting for that day. So pai seh!

The bride wore three dresses. One was the white dress for the stepping in ceremony, one was a blue dress(I like the blue dress most!) and the last one was a light pink "peacock" dress when she stands at the door with the groom to see the relatives and friends off. I then learnt that the total cost for their wedding was $17,000. Not inclusive of the wedding dress etc. After calculated for the total cost, I estimate their expenses to $24,200!!!

I then told BaoBei base on the calculations that we would never get married. Cos I wonder how long will it take for us to save that amount of money?

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Seeing him + confusion + fear

I don't know how to explain the above title of my current entry. Work was very pressuring today. I really starting to hate everything at work...including Boss. Being held up at work and thus late for meeting Esther for 1 hour. Gomenasai..

We went to commonwealth for dinner, at the new blocks. The food there taste okay. Chat about food and some other things. Went to a nearby playground to play for awhile before heading home.

On the way home, I SAW HIM!!! A few of my friends would know who is the guy that I am talking about. HuiYi, if you are reading this, remember there was a period of time I was very distress and called you in the middle of the night to cry? That guy! I saw him at Long John Silver with another girl, probably his girlfriend(or another victim) I don't know why but when I saw him, I was shaken with great fear!!! I tried to shake off BaoBei's hand and run away....to..where? I don't know myself! I just want to run away from that place! BaoBei's grip was very tight that even when I shake his hand, he held on to my hand more tightly. He ask,"What happen?" I said nothing but he saw the fear in my eyes. He then look around and said,"Did you see someone? Who? Is it that guy? Where?" I then point at a direction and he describe a guy wearing a cap to me. I said,"No..that is not the guy". I pull him aside and point to him a direction and said the guy is sitting behind the plants. I describe what the guy was wearing and how he look like. BaoBei then went to take a look and came back looking very angry. He then comfort me and assure me that the guy won't be looking for me.

Bid Esther goodbye and went home after that. My hands are still trembling with fear....I am scared but I don't know of what? I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Feeling lost + fellowship

Went to work yesterday, nothing much happened. Some times I am really very tired of going to work. No prospect, no future. Not enough money! Jaslyn came in the evening with Derek and we chat alot. She said that I could always share with her if I had any problems. Derek over heard the accountant telling Boss to raise my pay the other day. Haha! But he didn't. Anyway, I don't see any reason for me to stay in this job. Jaslyn encourage me to seek a job that I really enjoy doing rather than staying in a job that I don't like coming to work to.

Went to commonwealth to have dinner together. There's a lot of nice food in commonwealth! Well, at least to me. The food there are quite cheap too! Ordered a beef steak while Jaslyn ordered chicken chop. Actually I don't know what to eat.

Went home after that to chat with HuiYi and BaoBei. Yes! Wednesday onwards I'll have a long weekend!!! Yeah! Boss also approve my leave for the next month. Maybe after the week, I could request to resign? Or should I wait until end of the year?

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Satanic!!! Help!!!(SL Game)

Played SL(Second Life) game yesterday and there was a theme called "Gothic". Initially I thought that Gothic means wearing all black that's all. But...what I saw in the game somehow change my decision greatly.

In the game, I was invited to an Island for regular dancing. Of course, every week, the Theme of the dance will be different. Last week was Mermaid theme. I do not have mermaid's clothing to join in the theme. This week, however, the theme took me by surprise. A new friend then gave me some Gothic clothing for me to join the event.

In the game, I was in a pub but the atmosphere in that game really scares me. The dance floor was made of blood plus there's hot fire around the dance floor. The pub was creepy!!! It has ware wolfs and Egyptian "Mummy" as "Door bitch". Then I saw a sign "Sacrifice" and "Cut" so I click on it. The sacrifice was just a human laying on a table. The cut was....A person holding a long knife and pierce into the person who was laying on the table through the heart!!! I almost faint! I also saw 2 cups and click on a sign "Blood", my Avatar then scratch out her hand and I saw blood dripping from her wrist into the cup. The cup was then suppose to be consume(This is Satanic ritual!) Eeek!

I finally saw how Lucifer look like! It was very ugly!!! I thought it was Satan at first and I ask the person who dress that way,"Are you Satan?" He replied,"No. But I am Satan's best friend" which I guess,"Lucifer?" He said,"Yes" and gave me an evil grin. Yucks! Curiosity really kills the cat! I saw what it look like a dustbin in SL. Wondering what a dustbin is doing in SL, I tried to click on it to open. It didn't. I then peek into the open lid and saw a human head in it! Ahhhh!!! I also saw a Avatar with multiple spears pierce through his chest with blood dripping. Plus..his front body has a big hole, but the organs are missing! The place really gives me the creeps! Saw coffins around too!

After what it seems like eternity, I pray while playing the game! After that I saw a Ghost ship and my friend invite me to board it. He said,"Whoever wish to see God, please board this ship!" After 2 other girls join in the ship, it takes off to Heaven. My friend wants to get at least 4 friends to Heaven. But he keeps inviting people to join the ship, sadly, very few people respond. Most just want to stay in Hell. He was sad and said this while on the way to Heaven,"So sad. People wish to stay in Hell to be with Satan rather than to go to Heaven to be with God" I am trying to find out what he means by this?

In the game, Heaven was so beautiful! I saw God!(In that game lah) He was carrying a very big cross on his back and wearing a white gown like what was drawn in some story books. I also saw my favourite blue sky! There are some white lights flying around us when God was near but I couldn't make it out what they were. I guess the white light represents the Holy Spirit? Now I understand what does the Bible mean,"Those who had seen Me, has seen The Father". The light then grew more and more bright until it was too "sharp" for me to see. A girl then shout,"Yeh!! Salvation is here!" While I sing in SL,"Je-sus, Je-sus, no other name...no one the same like you..the truth, the light, the way.."(I think I sing wrongly)

I shared with HuiYi what I have seen in the game. God may be trying to tell me something. HuiYi said when the end time comes, God will let us choose two paths, one is the narrow way, the other is the wide way. Which way would you choose? The path that you chooses, will determine whether you will go to Heaven or Hell for eternity. Strangely, although it was just a game, but in Hell, I am struggling and almost gone crazy(in Real life). When my friend take the girls and me to Heaven, I felt peace, comfort and joy. I saw God in the game face to face! But...His back was facing towards me. I guess maybe it's because He is controlling the ship. After that I was sent back to Hell once again with the girls. My friend ask the 2nd time,"Anyone else wish to see God?" This time, the only person who remains in the ship was me. The other girls then jump off from the ship and went to join their friends in Hell. My friend said,"Haiz..seriously so few people willing to go to Heaven meh?" He then park the ship somewhere else since no one wish to go to Heaven.

I shared with BaoBei what I have seen and he seems very excited about Hell. So sad. I wonder if the end time really comes, will people still choose Hell as their destination? Or Heaven? As for me, I had already know my own answer. This is the first time God answer me a question that I had ask him through SL! Logically speaking, it's coincidence! But spiritually speaking, there is no such thing as coincidence. Don't get what I mean? Never mind.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!! I GIVE UP!!!!!!

Went for service yesterday and most of the CGMs said that they didn't see me for a long time. I was like,"Huh? Really?" Listened to Pastor preaching about Church growth etc. After that we went to hear Lorraine's announcement and then we were dismiss. I was a bit shock when Daphne hug me! She said,"Hey! Never see you for a long time! How have you been?" and the hug me just like that! Before service, she seems to be in a very foul mood and argue with Li Hong about God-knows-what? Haha! But anyway I was feeling glad.

Talk to Bro and Lorraine. Feeling very pressure talking to them but then Bro lighten the pressure by talking to BaoBei about army stuff first and then he touch the main issue. At least now I know that how hurt Lorraine feels but some times I am really scared to tell her the reason why I am not coming. He then touch about trust issue and other things. Overall, I feel that the fellowship was good. At least, things are trash out and somehow it make me understand Lorraine a little better. She is not the person that I thought her would be(Cos she said once that she was a very "D" leader) but I do not know she also have a pastoral side of her as well. Or maybe I didn't notice.

I am very angry about prayer list!!!! I am starting to hate most of the CGMs!!!! OK FINE!!! SINCE ALL OF YOU ARE SO CO-OPERATIVE WITH YENHAO, THEN FROM NOW ONWARDS YOU ALL GIVE YOUR PRAYER REQUEST AND TIMING TO HIM!!!! DON'T NEED TO GIVE ME ANYMORE! AND I WON'T CHASE PRAYER REQUEST FROM YOU GUYS ANYMORE!!!! I feel like throwing a stack of papers at the members face!!!! I don't know is it the way we SMS? Normally I would send a SMS to members to ask them to send me their prayer request by Wednesday or Thursday 7pm BUT! Only a minority will take the initiative to send it out to me! But when YenHao send it on Thursday, ALMOST ALL the members reply to him!!! WHAT IS THIS!? SHEN MO YI SHI?! WHAT DO THEY TREAT ME AS?! FINE! SINCE YOU ALL ARE SO CO-OPERATIVE WITH YENHAO, FROM NOW ON, DON'T NEED TO GIVE ME YOUR PRAYER REQUEST!!!! GIVE IT TO YENHAO INSTEAD!!!!! I AM REALLY VERY SICK AND TIRED OF IT ANYWAY!!!!!

Didn't talk much with BaoBei on the way home. He said,"Why didn't you tell Lorraine about the prayer list just now?" I told him that Bro is there and since this is our own CG problem, I wish to talk to Lorraine only. HuiYi, if you see this blog, please help me tell the CGMs. I give up!!! I really give up!!! From now on, I won't be doing the prayer list! Anything you want your prayer list to be done, please SMS YenHao by Monday. Thanks!

I will end here for now. I am really disappointed with the CGMs. I don't know whether should I continue to stay on in the CG? Or I will just come to church on my own? No point to stay in a CG where people are NOT Co-Operating! What is a CG anyway? Sorry, I do not know ANYMORE!!!

Those of you who manage to view my blog by don't know who give you my new link, you can tag whatever you like at my tag. No need to blast at your own blog!

Sitting on the coach with you

We seems so close but yet so far

The silence between us remain

as the clock ticks by the minute

Your physical presence is here
Yet your heart seems so far
Not a word was exchanged,
straight to the bed you went

The weather was warm
but my heart feels cold
You treat me like a complete stranger
while my love for you remains

Tears flows as I close my eyes
Pain filled my heart like a million piercing knives
Millions of things I wish to share
Words I wish to let you know
But silence I could only endure
For I could never express it to you

I wish to be there
in your happiest moments of your life
I wish to be your only comfort
for you to cry on my shoulder in your darkest times
No longer you shared with me about your ups and downs
For the longest time,
never had I seen your smile
I miss your twinkling eyes and your lovely smile

I love you the way you were before
living happily day by day
I'll still love you all the same
but I pray for your love to return someday