Last Saturday + Sunday night, which is around 14/3/09 and 15/3/09, I had two unusual dreams. Normally when I sleep, I hardly dream and even if I did, it is some nonsense dream which I know it won't happen in real life. Some times, I can even tell it's all a dream when I am still asleep! There are also times where I dream but the moment I woke up, I forgot all about my dream. But those two days, I felt very very strange. Yes, I know it's a dream but...one of them feels VERY REAL! These are my dreams:
On Saturday 14/3/2009:
I was walking along a tunnel which supposedly lead to a walkway towards Wisma Atria together with BaoBei. In my dreams, we are not holding hands(we normally hold hands when we are out in reality). We were chatting about something when I heard someone calling out my name,"Eh! Juliet!" I turn around to see who it was. I saw one of my ex-boyfriend, Kenneth. This ex-bf of mine, the history is quite messy. We were together after my 1st love left me. Which is in year 2000. But one month after being together, he suddenly disappeared! Only to re-appeared again after a few months and disappear again and re-appear in my life 5 or 6 yrs later, which I think is around 2004 or 5 ? I can't remember. This ex of mine is a Malay. But strangely in Real life his IC stated: Chinese??? His current look, looks like Indian cos of the dark skin he got. In my dreams he is even more darker! I replied to him,"Yes?" He said,"Can remember me or not?" In my mind I was thinking,"You this kinda bastard! Even burn you to ashes I also can still remember lah! NB!" I smile in my dreams and told him,"Ya". He then ask me how am I? What am I doing? Those kinda stuff. Then..BaoBei's face turn black. He said to me,"Baby, I go smoke first. Later you come find me" I said,"ok" But strangely, after chatting with my ex, we left TOGETHER HOLDING HANDS?! I was shock when I saw myself holding his hand in my dreams!!! I then suddenly jolt myself up from my sleep!
BaoBei ask what happen? I told him about my dream and he give me this face -_-"
On Sunday 15/3/2009:
I slept quite late on Saturday and was very tired. I fell asleep almost immediately. I remember wearing the latest ring that BaoBei gave me to sleep plus my pajamas. After some time, which I don't know how long, I saw myself in a shopping centre in the dream. Wearing a dress that looks very "Aunty" and carrying a basket with vegetables and fruits and some stuffs that mothers always go to markets to buy to cook for lunch or dinner that kind! I am wondering now,"What the hell am I doing in a shopping centre dressing like that?! Plus carrying basket of vegetable, fruits etc some more!?" But in my dream, I saw myself look much more older than my current look. About 35 or 37 years old. The hairstyle...eeek errr! short permed hair -_-"
I heard someone called out my name(why in dreams I always hear people calling out my name huh?) I turn around and saw a guy smiling at me. I couldn't recognize him at all. He said,"你不记得我了？" I shook my head. He replied,"我 是 Colin" My heart skip a beat in that dream. (<- That is why I said it felt so real!) He was wearing a Grey suite. Those office business-man look that kind. His hairstyle...very 90's! He has black almost-shoulder-length hair, centre parting, but his fringe dyed honey golden in color. I was thinking in that dream,"Haiz..chow Ah Beng as usual". He ask if I am free? Wanted to look for a place to sit down and talk? I nod my head. He said,"Wah! 你瘦很多了hor?" I -_-" at him and said,"Mr! 我肥了! Thanks leh!" He laugh. I can still remember the way he laugh until now. Nothing seems to have change except that he has gain more weight than the last time I saw him. When we sat down, I can vividly remember that place! Suntec city food court! Cos I recognize the surroundings in my dreams! He saw a ring on my right hand. He ask,"Eh? 你有男朋友了?" I said,"Ya" He ask,"多久了?" I replied,"四年了"(But then BaoBei and me, this year considered our third year) He then suan me,"Huh?! 四年了还没有结婚?! 几岁了?!" I said that I don't want to and anyway we are not financially stable plus his family doesn't seems to like me. He shook his head. He then went on chatting about other stuff. When I light up a cigarette to smoke in front of him, he seems very shock. He ask,"你几时开始抽烟的?" I told him only a few years ago. I smoke initally to spite my boyfriend but in the end got myself addicted to smoking since then. He told me,"Haiz..少抽一点！对你的身体不好!" I look at him and said,"Eh? 你也不是一样?! 讲我!?" He smiled(His usual "trade-mark" smile)
While he was chatting, I was thinking in my dreams,"Why didn't I accept him as my friend in the first place?" He told me he was living in a mansion now. I was like,"WOW! Mansion sia!" But BaoBei told me that Mansion is not so big in Singapore. I replied,"So your father's business now doing very good lah?" He said,"Huh? Ai ya..ok only lor. 生意上鬼道了。听说不久之后我爸爸要把他的公司交给我管理." I then congratulate him. He ask me what am I doing? I told him about my work and he just nod. I realize then that I no longer had feelings for him. But I do still miss him in real life. I then talk about his sisters. The last time I heard, his parents divorce and both of his sisters are now with his biological Mum. He told me that he hasn't seen them for a long time but from his expression I can tell he still do care and miss his sisters badly. I still remember his sisters name, Stephanie, his younger sister and Emily, his youngest sister. Stephanie is much more talkative and active than Emily. But Emily is more vain and "Ah lian" then Stephanie. At least that was the first and also the last impression they have left for me to remember about them. I ask him,"Then 你的女朋友leh? 还是老婆leh？" He said he doesn't have any and still single. I frown my eye browns and told him,"我听说你结婚了？有个儿子？不是meh?" He slam his drink on the table and said,"你又听谁乱讲huh?!" I said,"Kenneth 讲的嘛" He seems very angry and said,"你不要听那个王八蛋乱讲可以吗？！以前他就是乱讲话！害到我们现在变成这样！"
While he was chatting, I was thinking in my dreams,"Why didn't I accept him as my friend in the first place?" He told me he was living in a mansion now. I was like,"WOW! Mansion sia!" But BaoBei told me that Mansion is not so big in Singapore. I replied,"So your father's business now doing very good lah?" He said,"Huh? Ai ya..ok only lor. 生意上鬼道了。听说不久之后我爸爸要把他的公司交给我管理." I then congratulate him. He ask me what am I doing? I told him about my work and he just nod. I realize then that I no longer had feelings for him. But I do still miss him in real life. I then talk about his sisters. The last time I heard, his parents divorce and both of his sisters are now with his biological Mum. He told me that he hasn't seen them for a long time but from his expression I can tell he still do care and miss his sisters badly. I still remember his sisters name, Stephanie, his younger sister and Emily, his youngest sister. Stephanie is much more talkative and active than Emily. But Emily is more vain and "Ah lian" then Stephanie. At least that was the first and also the last impression they have left for me to remember about them. I ask him,"Then 你的女朋友leh? 还是老婆leh？" He said he doesn't have any and still single. I frown my eye browns and told him,"我听说你结婚了？有个儿子？不是meh?" He slam his drink on the table and said,"你又听谁乱讲huh?!" I said,"Kenneth 讲的嘛" He seems very angry and said,"你不要听那个王八蛋乱讲可以吗？！以前他就是乱讲话！害到我们现在变成这样！"
I know what he was referring to..the Chinese Garden Lantern festival in year 1999. During that time, he and Kenneth had a huge quarrel over something which I do not know then. After that incident, I learnt that it's because Colin claim that I used black magic on him. I cried very badly and hated him deeply since then. I remember cutting one of our photos cos of my deep hatred for him. I cried badly while cutting the photos into pieces then threw it away. Before he left me, he told me to wait for him for 2 years. I promised but never kept that promise in the end cos of what Kenneth said. From then on, I keep on cutting myself on my left hand everyday. Seeing the blood makes me feel a little better then. But I do not have to courage to cut deeper. Cos I heard from Colin one of his friend played a dare and someone dared his friend to cut DEEP into the veins. His friend lost a lot of blood and was rush to hospital. That friend never survive in the end. After that I had an accident during a chalet that I fell and knock on the back of my head very hard. I cried to sleep and lost most of my memories after that. After 2 years, Colin REALLY INDEED came back to look for me. But...during that time, I had some problems and couldn't be with him. Also during that time, was what I heard about the rumous of him. And I made him left me. I don't mind that he will hate me in real life. He doesn't understand why apart from that I have a boyfriend when he re-appeared, what was the exact reason that I couldn't be with him? Only I myself know the reason. I never forget the promises that we've made. But...the promise that I had made to him, can only be hidden in my heart. But I guess, he can get over me easily since he mirgrate to another country, Perth.
Before I woke up from my dreams, the last sentence he told me was,"有空来我家坐坐！" I only nod in my dreams but after I woke up, I realize that I forgot to ask for his number! BaoBei said that during the two nights, he saw me having jolting movements in my sleep. The jolting movement could have been the dream where he made my heart skip a beat.
I will end here for now. Consider that I have dreamless dreams or senseless dreams that I couldn't remember, this is the best dreams I ever had in my life. Even though I know it's a dream. But at least now I know how he is and glad that he's still willing to be my friend in dreams.
I will always be missing you~and that someone out there.
