Slut?

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I shouldn't be too friendly towards guys. Maybe....

I didn't know I was being labelled as a "Slut" until I shared what happen at work to BaoBei recently. He just told me how the guys there think of me and treated me. Since I do not have any resistance, naturally guys will think that I am "easy target" which in short form meaning "slut". I am a person who do not know how to express myself. Maybe towards most girls, guys(whom are not their bfs or husbands) shouldn't touch girls whatever they like. But for me, all along I thought that was innocent friendly gesture. Like patting on the back(by a guy) etc. Maybe it is wrong but....I DO NOT KNOW. I thought that was just friendly gesture. After I told BaoBei..He said I gave guys a wrong impression that I am a slut. He told me that I am more to the open-minded kinda girl. But in the process, I also might give guys a wrong impression. I only cried silently to myself that silence has finally killed me...my reputation and as a whole in the process. Cos I tend to keep quiet about most things.

Went out with BaoBei yesterday but in the process, we quarrel again. I quarrel with him last week cos he did not reply my SMS and especially did not pick up my calls for FIVE WHOLE DAYS! After that Ivan called me to said to BaoBei is under a lot of stress because of the way I treat him. I was thinking then,"Since I am the cause of his stress then I might as well leave". Ivan told me to forgive and forget(The stupid Turtle incident! Refer to my last year's entry) since it's so long ago. Haha! It's not easy for me to forgive someone THAT easily. I might..but even if that's the case, it would be a very long time from now. I tend to take an extremely long time to cool myself down.

There are times I wish I could end my life once and for all...Cos I am already too tired of carrying on living without purpose. But then again, the thought of my parents and brother crying in front of my coffin...makes me don't have the courage to end my life. Maybe I will wait..until my parents goes first and I'll follow them, leaving my brother alone in this world. Anyway he can survive well without me.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.