I had enough....

Went out with SL friends on Saturday for some gathering. Play Monopoly games and I was feeling very happy. Played for five hours before one of the players declares bankrupt and we ended the game. It only cost $22++ for 5 person which Jazzyme and BaoBei says it's cheap. I think it could be that the crew counted wrongly but nevermind..Baobei bought a Molopoly game for us to play. I still couldn't graps the concept. So in the end, I lost in the game without knowing why.

Went back home today morning and went for check up just now for my nose. Doctor explains to me that I have dried blood inside my left nose and that my nose is sensitive and I cannot stayed in Air-condtion places and try not to sleep with Air-con on. She also advice me not to roll tissue papers and stick to my nose(which BaoBei always does that to me). BaoBei always switch on the air con to sleep. Could this be the reason why I have frequent bleeding? During the Journey to the hospital part of me thinking,"Why couldn't I die instead? Why must I still live?" I am seriously sick and tired of life that at times I seriously wish I was dead but I don't have the courage to end my own life.

My Mum nag at me about BaoBei again. She kinda dispise him! What can I do? This is my life and what I have chosen. But no matter what I do or whom I choose to be with, she is never happy with my choice. She will never approve whatever choices I have made. What's the point? I am tired. Seriously tired. My brother tried to console me. While in the back, my Mum keeps on saying bad about BaoBei. I didn't speak up for him cos there's nothing for me to speak for. What she says is right. But...what else can I do? I am tired...I do not wish to speak anymore of this. I'll just live one day at a time...hopefully, one day, I can really be dead. Or someone can kill me whether by accident or not. I'll just thank the person..cos I don't have the courage to commit suicide.

I always put on a smile in front of my friends. I always act like I am happy infront of people. Since there's this saying,"Your life is a movie, you are the director, the actor and the producer. How you want to live your life, how you want to act it out, depends only on yourself". Okay, so, I'll act. I act to be happy everyday, when inside my heart I am crying. I act to be cheerful, when deep inside, I am actually hurt. Sometimes I even wonder why I am I even exist in this world? Why didn't my Mum abort me when I am still in her womb?

I reflect a lot in my life, all along, I had useless boyfriends. Boyfriends who idle day in and out. Or who won't make it big. Some times, I think being single and alone is the best. At least, you have one less trouble weighing on you.

I will end here for now. I wish the end of the world will come soon. I really wish to die, don't wish to go on....