Freedom VS Relationship

Sick and tired of my life nowadays. Recently I have been thinking,"Whether BaoBei is really suitable for me after all"? I realize I had lost most things when I am with him. It has been a long time since I last went clubbing. I kinda miss clubbing life. BaoBei forever will not understand why clubbers like me like to go clubbing so much? I heard that clubs do not accept anyone below 18 and above 30 or 40 yrs old. I just wanna visit all the clubbing places in Singapore just to soak in the amosphere and see the clubbing place itself just once. Is that too much to ask for?

Early in the relationship, BaoBei already forbid me to go clubbing. So what if he loves bar-ing? I love clubbing. That is my preference. Why can't I have my own preference? Read the Straits Times today and I realize that there's a lot of clubs in Singapore that I have yet to visit. It's been too long since I last went clubbing. Even just to go there for look-look see-see also forbids me to.

I am starting to having second thoughts on our relationship. I should have notice way earlier in our relationship that this is not going to work out but I didn't. I thought "Give and take will be okay" but it seems that it is not the case. There are things about him that started to irritate me now just that I just bear with it. I don't know why am I in this relationship for?

Maybe I should remain single for the rest of my life. So what if I had no partner to take care of me? I don't wish to live that long anyway. There are times I wish I could end my life. Recently I have found some way to die without anyone knowing and even if police were to found your body, surprisingly, they will classified you as "Un-natural death" or "accident" I have already found some of these ways to die. Just that I have many un-finished business in my life to take care of. Wait till I settled those un-finished business first before I can finally leave this world. Once I had finished, I will bid my friends a formal "Goodbye" and take my leave peacefully. I have been living unhappily for the most of my life anyway. What's the point of living if you are so unhappy with life?

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

PS: If only I had the courage to die...