Tired day + Coming home to a loving brother = (^-^)

For those of my friends who know my family background, they grew up understanding that my Brother and I don't communicate much. Due to our age gap, I doubt he'll know what I am going though. Further more, perhaps because he's a guy. So...I have this mindset thinking that Guys don't understand girls much. I forgot when is the last time my brother and me have a really casual chat. My images of my own brother are very faint. I only remember him as the quiet, obedient and Mr-Nice-Guy type of person.

Whenever I came home from work, I would always never fail to go into his room to have a peek. I am so used to doing that, seriously, I don't know what I do that for? I only want to be assured that he's home. That's all. Or other times I would went to his room to play with his now only hamster. He has 2 hamsters but sadly one of them passed away last month(and THAT happened to be my favourite chubby hamham!!!) The only hamster left is being left out and feels lonely. I think she also misses her only companion. But she is also the one that makes my brother and me worried one day when she suddenly goes missing from her cage. Only to find her in another cage! It is very impossible for her to either jump or climb down from my brother's table to that cage! As the other cage is on the ground away from her original cage. The only way she could get into that other cage, is to wait for someone to "carry" her there. Until now we still don't know how on earth did the hamster manage to get into another cage without anyone "transporting" her.

Recently, when I came home from work, I went to his room as usual. To see whether he's at home. He suddenly said,"How's your day today Jie?"(Which he never ever ask me before) "Is everything ok at work? How's work? Tough? Did Boss scold you?" I give him a confuse expression before answering him. But strangely, I find myself sharing with him more things than I intended to. For the first time, I am able to chat with my brother like old friends catching up with one another's life. He has grown much more than what I have expected. He has become chatty and have a sense of humour. Maybe a little lame or cold jokes. But somehow, even a normal day-to-day chat like that from him, make me feel much better. He has his own ways of comforting me. I feel blessed to have a brother like him. Even though we might not talk much but at least he understands me.

One thing I notice is that, either my nose is extremely sensitive or I don't know what? I am able to smell "things" that people don't. I discover my this unique sense of smell when I was 8. But only realize it recently when I keep probing Khair about something. I think my senses are starting to fail. Maybe my smell too. I don't know. If it was to be really so unique about it, what's the use for it? I don't understand. If I ever recognise certain frangance, I can immediately name it. Sometimes I am right and other times I am wrong. There's only a kind of perfume that makes my nose sensitive. I am trying to figure it out which is the perfume that makes it so?

Scold Manager for the first time

For the first time in my entire life, I ever scold a Manager, at my workplace. He has been acting strangely these days. As in, whenever there's a reason or not, he puts up an angry face. This makes the rest of the colleagues having difficult time to do our work. Where on earth have people being angry for nothing or over trivial things for 24/7?! Wah lao! Not afraid of getting high blood pressure meh?! Be careful one day become "Bao Xue Kuan!" He likes to preach one thing and do the other. My colleagues and I are very frustrated about this!

Just yesterday around lunch time, it was again, another busy day and crowds keep streaming in to order their food. This is what happens that makes me angry:

We usually place customer's orders, especially for Salads, either in a bowl or plate. Depending on the potion that the customer order. I am always running the salad side. If a customer order 1 type of salad, we only place in a bowl for them. If they are two types or more, it will be place in a plate. A few months ago, when there was another part-timer with me, there was a time when there's no bowl and the queue is quite long. I have no time to rush into the kitchen to get the bowl. So I use a plate to serve instead. When my Manager saw it, he gave me a great scolding IN FRONT OF MY COLLEAGUES AND CUSTOMERS. Asking me why didn't I run to the kitchen to get it? Okay....Maybe it's my fault. So I didn't argue further and only apologise.

Yesterday, the same thing happen. This time, there are two new part timers in our team. I then instruct the new boy to rush to the kitchen to get the bowls which have been washed. He did as he told but when he was inside, I was there too. Do you know what my Manager told him? He said this TRICE,"Aiyah! No bowl then use plate lah!" I was very angry at his words but said nothing. The boy was scared when he saw my look(somehow people seems to know that I am angry even though I didn't said a word) I then went out to clear the tables. While I was clearing, I deliberately shout to my colleagues when they ask me to cool down,"I will confirm settle with him over this!!! KNS!!! What the hell!!!" After that, I went in and slam the tray onto the table and confront my Manager about what he told the boy's instruction just now. He seems shock by my reaction but I was also surprise on how he reacted next. I half-expect him to scold me or at least shout at me or saying about my attitude or whatever but he DIDN'T. Instead, surprisingly, he calmly told me why he done what he did. Then compare about the current incident to the one I am referring to. He also told me a lot of things that make me shut up in the end. He then ask me this in a extremely calm manner,"Does that satisfy your question now?" I said nothing but went out to join my colleagues to serve the customers. He also read my mind,"I know lah. You are saying me bias right? But then you cannot blame me because certain things don't work mah! I am not bias ok?!(ya right!) Sometimes we are really frustrated of what you have done too" But the expression he gave me when I scold him, is something I had never seen before. I don't know how to explain that expression. It's something like, confuse, surprise and shock mix into one.

When my colleagues knew about this incident, the oldest worker(work in the company for more than 5 years) until the newbie colleagues, said that what I have done to the Manager, is something no one else dares to do it - confronting the Manager. I am a very straight-forward person and perhaps suppressing my thoughts for some time also plays a part of how I react. I do not know whether what I did was right or wrong but at least I get my point across and luckily my manager understand what I am trying to say. In the end, he ask me to come to work at 10am today, which is one hour after my scheduled time. I do not know how to express myself well in words and especially reaction. So I am not really prepared what's going to happen or come next. Just have to watch my steps from now on.

I shall end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Colleagues + Cheated of my pay + Deep thoughts + Time = What am I here for?!

Work was tired for me these days. I am disappointed and sad that BaoBei don't understand my feelings and those who really do understand how I feel, are my colleagues on the job. I feel very depress and upset that I am always seems to be bullied by people at work and get cheated continuously! I just learnt that I am earning a salary that is even LESSER THAN PART-TIMERS?! How pathetic is that?! I just realize that BaoBei don't like to hear my complaints at all(but anyway, who on earth would like to hear people complaining anyway?) So...I think of 2 ways which BaoBei won't like it but what can I do?

1) Keep it to myself

2) Cut myself

Nowadays I don't even know what I am living for anymore. Been asking myself when can I leave this world? I don't know why too. Just tired of everything. BaoBei and...someone else are my only source and reason for my existance. BaoBei sometimes ask me what's in my mind and I told him,"Nothing" cos I don't know how to talk to him or share things with him anymore. I just don't know how to tell him what's in my mind. But anyway, people who know me well, will know that I tend to think a lot of things in my mind that are mostly negative or senseless. So in the end, there's no point sharing.

Looking back at my life, I don't know what exactly I have been doing? The only days I find myself living my happiess world are the days where I hang out with my ex-gang members, which have since dispense, and the days where everyone seems to fear me in school. Of course, BaoBei also play a part for my happiness. He complete me. But still, something seems to be missing. I just can't figure it out what?

Hating myself more and more each day!!! Feel like dying but I couldn't. Anyway, I haven't take my revenge and have not seen some people getting their retributation yet!!! Although your life is worthless to me, but don't make me have the mindset to kill you one day!!! I can do anything when my mind goes into crazy state!!! YOU WILL GET YOUR RETRIBUTATION SOON TOO!!!! SLUT!!!

Don't anyhow accuse me when you don't even know what I know!!!

Went for Cell Group yesterday very late. After cell group, Lorraine ask me a question,"Did you ever tell Li Yi anything about their father?" I said no. In my heart, I was thinking,"NB!!! I only ask Li Yi about the money you owe to BaoBei and whether you said was true?! It turn it that it wasn't and you cheated BaoBei's money!!! and cheated us!!! What the **** I ask about your father for what?! Ya lah!! But I only ask about the COURT CASE MONEY!!! You even claim to borrow money to pay for Li Yi hospital bills but it turn out that everything is paid by Li Yi's Mum!!!" Trying to accuse me of something that I didn't said out of my own mouth?! BITCH!!!" By the way, she only return BaoBei $10! Yet she told Lorraine different story! She said She paid BaoBei $50 and $20 last time. BaoBei only remember that she only SAID to return $50 but then again change her WORDS to $20. But in the end she NEVER RETURN ANY AMOUNT until I "chase" her for it and she did return - $10 only! Maybe it's BaoBei's forgetfulness that she did paid the money. But then, HOW CAN I TRUST THAT WHAT SHE SAID TO LORRAINE WAS TRUE!?

Li yi, sorry to tell you this: But hor, I really hate it when people don't answer my call or reply my SMS. If you are lazy to reply, is ok. But then not answering my call, will anger me a little. Unless you have valid reason like: you are working and unable to answer my call at the moment or in class. Or else, I think the basic courtesy is to return my call when you are free???

Haiz...feel disappointed to know someone like her! Liar! No wonder even your own sister said you've change a lot to someone she doesn't know! Pui!

Happy Valentine's Day

Went to work for half day for work today. Actually Manager was quite upset that I applied for leave at the last minute but since he still owe me 2 hours, he decided to let me go on half day instead. Haha!

Went for a stupid delivery before meeting BaoBei. I could actually knock off promply at 3pm but because of that stupid delivery, I ended up knocking off at 3.30pm! Went to FunNan with BaoBei and he keep looking at a Xbox game and his PSP game. While I roam about to look at laptops. BaoBei said that my father used to ask me if I wanted a laptop and I said no. Actually, thinking about it, I don't really need a laptop badly. The most I would use it for playing games and maybe taking down sermons with it instead of writing. Other than that, most of the time I think my "would-be" laptop will be left to collect dust! Although most people do owe a laptop these days, maybe that's because they really need it. I don't buy electronics unless I have a need for it. There's an advertisment in Funan that caught my eye. It's a panasonic laptop with shock resistance, water resistance, pressure resistance, and it does not even damage when u accidently drop it on the ground!(From a certain height) They even use monkeys as demostrations! But the cost of this laptop is not cheap. It ranges from $3999 - $4999+!!! To me, it's worth the money if you are a careless person like me. I tend to drop things(even my handphone) on the ground. So a shock resistance and water resistance laptop is good enough for me.

Went to Sushi don for our Valentine's day dinner. Actually I do not know where to bring BaoBei. The other day when fellowship with AiZhen and Mike, they also went window shopping with me to try to book seats for Valentine's Day(so pai seh!) but because I do not know what BaoBei likes to eat, I decided not to book(and I am glad I didn't!) I didn't even get anything for him while he got a couple ring for the both of us and a pair of bears! He said as long as I am by his side can le. The Chinese Newspaper of the day was a full page splash of Valentine's Day things. From where to eat to what to spend on and whether if it's worth it. It also has a test on Valentine's Day, some quizzes. My love language is mainly Gift-giving, which is my primary love language, and quality time is my secondary love language. So that is why I am disappointed that I didn't get anything for BaoBei. While I think BaoBei's love language is Quality time and physical touch(cos he likes to hug me very often) It also has 4 stages of dating and you can test for yourself to see which stage are you at now? Talking about this, beware of ANY EMAILS regarding about Valentine's Day and DO NOT DOWNLOAD it if you are suspicious of it's contents. Heard that it contains Trojan Virus! So be aware!

I think I wll end here for now. Will blog again some other time. You can see the Valentine's Day gift at my friendster. Hee~!

New Year Day 3 to 4

Went for company lunch at a Chinese restaurant. Meet at Moomba restaurant before that to gather. The food was superb! Finally get to eat king prawn! Ate a lot of stuff till very full. Thank all the chefs and went to meet BaoBei at Somerset after that. Receive a few Ang Baos from the Managers.

Met Weida, xiaopang, ah long, zhen ni and xin mei. Went to Shuang long's place and saw a lot of celebrities pictures about the recent scandal of Edison. Some were not on the newspaper. After that went to Zhen ni's place. Her room is designed with Hello kitties!!! All of her things in her room are all hello kitties! Went to Xin mei's place. Her room is decorated with WeiDa and her photos. So romantic! Went over the BaoBei's place and they tried to enter the room but excess denied. Hahaha! No la..cos BaoBei's Dad is fixing something in the room.

Later they are planning to watch movie at first. But when they change their mind to go singing, i didn't follow them. Cos singing KTV can make me broke. But then they change their mind to go watch movie again. Went to Cineleisure but the movie timings are all very late. Went to arcade to play games and I played my usual ParaPara. I wait for all the crowds to clear before going to play. BaoBei was watching me so I feel a bit stress playing the game. After I step down, a girl by the corner nod her head and smile at me. After the rest had finish their game, some went to other places while BaoBei and me went straight home.

Day 4

Slack at BaoBei's place for a while before going for his relative's place. It was an old couple by their own with a dog. The dog likes me a lot and even remembers me. Hahaha! It's the same age as Vivi except that she's more active while Vivi's getting slower. BaoBei's Mum comment that we should be the one who gave her Ang Baos since she gave people Ang Baos. -_-" I thought that she gave at her own free will but then it seems that's not the case.

Have reunion dinner with his family. All of his brothers turn up. This time I really saw a "Quan Jia Fu". BaoBei's parents, his eldest brother and his wife, his elder brother and his girlfriend, BaoBei and me. Ate "Lao Yu Sheng" with his family too. First time seeing a complete family having dinner together. Feeling very bliss and happy.

Went home alone in the end. Feeling very tired from all the gatherings and new year. I think I have gain weight over the new year. Haiz..That's all for now. Will blog again soon.

To her: If you ever get to read my new blog link by don't know how, I am not being childish. I delete you in friendster cos I DON'T consider you as a friend anymore. Ask yourself and touch your heart if you have ever cheat on people? Yes I admit I am still reading your blog. So? Change it if you want. I don't care. Better than you! Lying and cheating on people thoughout your whole life and you even call yourself a Christian when you didn't even repent! I have a choice of whom I want to put in my friendster as my friends! MY OWN CHOICE! By the way, if you aren't chasing my blog, why do you care whether I change my blog link or not? I read yours as long you didn't change your link. And it's again MY CHOICE! I chose to read your blog! So? God also states in the bible that He gave us the freedom to CHOOSE! Humph! And ya thanks! I am happy with the way things are now and I am Happy with what I do. No need you to "concern" over my life! Thanks Bitch!

Happy New Year

Went for reunion dinner on the eve of New Year at BaoBei's place as well as my family's place. Dino gave me Ang Bao after work on Wednesday! Yippie! My very first Ang Bao! Though the money is not much but the words he said to me are quite encouraging. Faizal wish me Happy New Year too.

Received Ang Baos from a lot of my cousins and Uncles. Surprisingly, my eldest cousin gave me cash straightforwardly without any Ang Bao. BUT..he wasn't married yet! Neither does he have a girlfriend. He said that since he is working, so he feel that he should give. It's quite a big amount! I have NEVER received such a big amount for my new year before! I thank him but still feel quite surprise.

Have reunion dinner with all of them afterwards. Strangely, I have nothing to talk about. Probably because we are all grown up and have our own lives to lead. All of my cousins and relatives are doing much more better than me and strangely, none of them are Christians. Yet they lead an abandance life. How unfair.

Bought a low heel shoes at the last minute for the New Year cos I don't have much time for shopping. Didn't buy any new top too. Only bought a new pair of Jeans. On New Year Day 1, we all went to my eldest Uncle's house to celebrate again. Receive much lesser Ang Baos. Saw some unfamiliar faces in the family. I heard that they are my distant relatives. But I didn't mingle with them cos I feel very strange talking to people that I do not know. Went to my 2nd Uncle's place to eat steamboat(again?!). My Aunty gave BaoBei and me Ang Baos. When we went back to count, the amount is actually the same(is minus the money my cousin gave me) but BaoBei is jealous that I get the extra money. Get to sit my cousin's car for the first time! Haha!

Went to watch movie with BaoBei on New Year's Day 2. Watch CJ7(Chang Jiang 7 hao). Nothing meaningful. It's about an Alien who came into this world by accident. The main character's Dad is a construction worker and a rubbish collector. His Mum passed away years ago when he was very young. So his Dad is the only sole bread winner who raise him up. The Alien has resurranction powers. It can resurract anything dead to alive, old to new. It appears as a normal "ball" at first. After that, it formed an Alien dog. But there's one day that the character's Dad died of an accident during work. The doctors tried very hard but couldn't save him. When the boy learns of the news, he was devestated and said that when the morning comes, his Dad will be back. The CJ7 Alien then resurract the boy's father. But it pass away after that and became a soft toy. The boy kept it close by his side. The ending was good. The CJ7 did came back..but bringing more different colours of CJ7's back! If you ask me the rating, I would probably give 2 stars out of 5 stars.

Will end here for now. Wishing everyone has a prosperous New Year!(except CHY!!!)

Humph!!! Some kinda "friend" she was!!! What a sly woman!!!!

Work was very tiring for me these days. Ai Zhen had plan the fellowship outing but sadly, I couldn't go cos I am really very tired after a long day work. Dino talk to me about my work performance today. I know I am not doing well. He doesn't know what is it that is hidering me from improving? After some discussing, he only spot one problem in me: I set too high an expecation for myself. Cos he finally found out that I tried to be perfectionist behind the line at work(which is impossible even for themselves) He said,"No one is perfect, except God. I am not asking you to try to be God. Human have flaws and weaknesses. I am glad that now you have started to help faizal out. But there are still room for improvement. I really don't wish to let you go. I don't know whether do you treat this as a temp job or is this your career? But no matter what, as long you are here, do your very best".

Talk to someone yesterday. After talking, I found out that the stupid bitch has been cheating BaoBei and me from day 1!!!! She has told us countless of lies and owe BaoBei quite a sum of money and she doesn't seems to even want to return any amount of money back!!!($1020 after she has returned $10) The details of this amount only BaoBei and that bitch know! Humph! Always claim to have no money for this and no money for that..but then, HOW TRUE IS THAT?! I regret putting my trust in her too much!!! I should have known!!!! I WON'T TRUST ANYONE EVER AGAIN!!!!!!! Try getting cheated, lied on, backstab, gossipped and duno-what-the-hell-else-she-have-done-onto-me by YOUR CLOSEST AND MOST TRUSTED FRIEND and get a taste on how I feel!!!! You will understand why I am so piss off at her ^%&^$%^ ways to cheat!!!!! She also lied to us a lot of things that now we cannot torlerate her!!! Humph! At church and outside act like oh-so-holy-and-innocent! But I never expect that she is this kinda woman!!! WHO IS THE BAD PERSON HUH?! NB!!!! No wonder you didn't get financial breakthough!!! You know why? BECAUSE YOU OWE PEOPLE TOO MUCH MONEY AND YOU CHEATED OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY!!!! That's why God didn't bless you financially!!! IDIOT!!!

Humph! I pray and wait to see WHEN she will get her retribuation! Don't expect me to take pity on you anymore!!! YOU ARE NOT WORTH TO BE PITIED!!! SINCE THIS IS MONEY RELATED PROBLEM, AND TRUST PROBLEM, YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE. IF I WERE TO REALLY CURSE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, THE CURSE WILL EVENTUALLY COME TRUE!!! TRY ME!!! FOR NOW, I JUST CURSE THAT YOU WILL FALL INTO A DEEP DEBT THAT YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF!!! HUMPH! I JUST WAIT AND SEE WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND TURN HIS BACK AGAINST YOU OR HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER GIRL!!! I WILL CURSE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!! JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE...if all 3 of my deep curses came true, THIS WILL COME TRUE TOO!!!! It's just a matter of time!!!

When my blood sheds,
hatred flows
When my heart turns black,
don't you dare turn back!
Death will be upon you,
curses will follow you for enternity
I'll make you pay
when there comes a day
Sufferings and retribuation will befall onto you!
What you did to make others suffer,
Justice will one day return you back on double!
Crossing my heart,
mark my words!
You will suffer when the time is due!
I'll let you taste the meaning of suffering,
I will let you cry and have nowhere to hide!
I'll make you suffer like the way others did!
For the misdeed you have done onto others,
it will be done onto you on double!!!