Went to meet Esther after work. Was suppose to go for prayer meeting but I didn't go. For my CGMs, if you gain access to my blog by don't know how, sorry to say this to all of you, I HATE LAST MINUTE PLANS! I believe that I have stated it in my previous blog entries before. Ai Zhen SMS me last minute by saying that tonight there's a PM at River walk. It's near my workplace but still, SORRY! I still hate last minute plans! I wasn't informed that there's a PM going on except for the coming Sunday.
Nowadays I then realize that most of my CGMs are all gone. In a sense that a few of them back slided, or only to contact me for fellowship and church stuffs. Seriously speaking, I had told Lorraine that I won't and don't wish to mingle with ANY of the CGMs anymore. Not after that stupid incident. She told me to step out and renew my mindset. Try going through what I have gone through and then come and tell me again! There's 2 new members in our connect group. 1 of them really behaves like Vincent!(This name didn't appear in my blog for a very long time le hor?) God is really testing my patience(sorry..should I say, molding?) God!!! You know that I am extremely impatient!!! Haiz....Was wondering since BaoBei stop going to church and CG, should I stop going too? In a way that I become what Esther did. Just go for church service and have no bondage's towards CGs. Cos you see, CG is suppose to be a group whereby your church members gone though with you thick or thin. Fellowship with you, pray with you(talking about this, I forgot when was the LAST time I really prayed) etc. But sorry to say, I still feel it lacks of something to sustain me. Plus maybe there are more and more commitments, so I feel more and more pressured.
Something happened during my work. I was sent to UOB plaza 1 to deliver what it seems like a letter to one of the offices there. In exchange for the visitor pass, I need to give my IC to the securities at the counter. I remembered very clearly that when I gave my IC, it was in good condition. When I came back from the office, this is what happen: When I receive my IC back, it felt very different in the touch. Like somewhere there's a CRACK! When I look carefully, the right side of my IC had indeed been crack off(almost to the state of broken into half!!!) I was very angry and question the security of how they handed my IC!!! One security answered me,"Every one's IC is the same! You broke the IC yourself is it?!" NB!!!! If my IC has been broken earlier, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! He then said,"Go report to police lah!!!" After that I went back to work and Khair help me to call his friend who is in the police force to ask. He said that there is nothing the police can do about it plus I do not have any witness or solid evidence to say that it's the securities who broke my IC. SWAY DAO~! I was very angry until I don't know what to say!!! The only way I could console myself is this Chinese old phase,"Jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai" meaning, the old won't go, the new won't come by. Anyway, I see this as a good opportunity to make a new IC. I wanted to make a new IC long time ago - Just to add my Christian name behind my full name.
Went out with Sheryln, Esther and turtle. Ask Sheryln a lot of questions about the IC renewal. In order to add my Christian name to my new IC, I need to engage a lawyer to sign the court documents and to use the document to make a new IC. Of course will be much more expensive. But to me, it's still worth it. Cos...it's my name mah!
Went for a chat with Turtle while Esther and Sheryln went for toilet break. I told her something that I never told my other friends before, my real reason to why and what I am doing now. When she hear it, she shared with me about her depression and how Sheryln manage to make her get out of it. She ask me to find my own source of way to release. Cos different people release their burdens and stress differently. When Esther and Sheryln came back, Esther ask me to tell her my other reason. Sorry, why I don't wish to say is because I don't want you all to worry about me. Turtle said to them,"When she feels that it's time or when she feel like telling you, she will. Just don't force her". Though I said it out to turtle but don't worry. I won't do it. At least, I know myself. Cos if I wanted to do it, I won't say it out until I do.
Turtle then send me a chinese SMS that it's very meaningful. It's about life. Though I do not know who the ORIGINAL sender was, but the message was encouraging enough to make me cry. This is the message in English(sorry cos my computer can't type chinese so I will translate the SMS in English):
In the process of growing up,
there will bound to be set-backs
know to protect yourself
know also to love yourself
life's happiness or sadness
depends on how you want to write it
hiding might not be able to hide from it
facing it might not be the most unbearable
getting it might not last
losing it might not mean that it won't get back
turning around might not mean that it's the weakest
Don't be in a hurry to say that it's no choice
Don't think that in this world, there's only right and wrong
the answer to many things doesn't only mean one
so, we always have a way to go
you can find a reason to be sad,
surely you can find a reason to be happy
the people who have no worries, found relaxation
the people who knows how to forget, found freedom
the people who knows how to care, found friends
meaningful? Share it with your friends
Sorry that if I am bad in my translation. Those friends whom I have forward the above message to in Chinese will know what it says. It made me shed a tear but at the same time, it is encouraging enough to make me live on.
I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.
No comments:
Post a Comment