When I woke up this morning, I was feeling very depress cos of what happened yesterday night which I do not wish to mention about it. All I can say is that my inital plan had been foiled and I was quite upset about it. When I woke up, I lay on my bed crying and wondering whether should I report to work today? Cos I was thinking of getting M.C. I am not sick but I just don't have the mood to go to work. After I had finish crying and calm myself down, I drag myself out of bed and get myself ready for work.
When I reach my workplace, Wendy nag at me again for doing the scarf so slowly and said that I have spend 4 hours doing it and she is not happy about it. I then never said anything about it and keep quiet. I am already in a very bad mood and don't wish to quarrel with her further. After that when Ya Cin came, she gave me my christmas present and I was very surprise to receive it as she ask me not to buy her anything. Haiz..when I saw what she gave me, I was very happy as I was thinking of buying a hp chain as my previous chain had broke. I thank her and God for it as I think maybe it's God that spoke to her to buy me another chain. The chain was prettier than my previous chain and I like it very much.
Then Esther saw my earring and she ask me where I bought it and I said I bought it at "More Than Words" and I had bought it a long time ago. She then saw that I had 3 earrings on my left ear and said,"Wah! Since when u pierce so many ear holes? Chow Ah Lian!"I then laugh alittle at her comment as I know she is joking with me. She then ask why I seems so sad today and told her a little about what happen yesterday. She then encourage me to go. I'm still considering whether to continue going since my plan was foiled. I didn't make any back up plan for it that is why I am very upset. But a promise is a promise. Since I promise that I'll be there. I will defintely be there.
I then think of yesterday's chat with Wendy as she talk to me alot about cars and modifications. Although I do not know much about cars and all that, but hearing her talking to me about it makes me feel very excited. I don't know why. I then comment that I am envious that she can get to sit in a race car and to feel the speed as her then-boyfriend(now her husband)race with other racers. She then said,"Ai yah! You also can mah! Find yourself a Ah Beng boyfriend and you can get to feel the speed of the car and ask him to bring you along to his races lor"I then said,"Haha! If I have a Ah Beng boyfriend who race, I'll be happy. But then again, Ah Bengs are usually flirts and unfaithful boyfriends! So no way!" She then said to me that not all Ah Bengs are flirts. It depends on my luck. If the Ah Beng happens to be one of those who are faithful and responsible type, then it's a different story. Haha! Where got such guys right? Very funny...
After lunch, Wendy then tease me about the way I walk when I come back from buying food. She said when something is blocking my way, Iwill brake suddenly and stop there for 3 seconds before I move on which makes her laugh. When she shared this to Ya Cin and Esther, they laugh too and I feel very malu.
After work, I walk around alone and smoke for awhile before I went home. I was thinking of going drinking tomorrow to forget all about my problems but I know no one will go with me. Ladies night mah. I know it will not solve any problems but at least it can let me forget my unhappiness for awhile. I am still considering whether to ask Joesphline to accompany me along as we no longer talk to each other. Not because we fight before or what but somehow we just lost contact just like that. Part of the reason is because of Kenneth and Desmond which again I don't want to mention what happen cos it happen quite a long time ago. Sorry but this is how I release myself when I am depress or unhappy. I know alot of you will object and disapprove of the way I solve my problems. But this is one of the ways of how I used to solve my problems thoughout my years when no one is there for me or when I don't know how to express myself to others of what I am thinking. Anyway, even if I were to express, I will only create misunderstandings because of what I said. I hate that and I am very fustrated when this happens as I mention to some of my friends before that I am a person who do not know how to express myself well in either words or actions. I don't want to mention what is the other way that I used to solve..cos..it will scare quite alot of you if you ever learnt how I used to solve my problems. Looking back at my past, I now understand why my classmates and teachers are very scared and wary of me when I am upset about something. I do not understand why they get so freak out then but now I understand. It is something that I used to do it easily. But if I were to do it again now, I need alot alot of courage to do it. Cos after a teacher said to me about something that change my live totally, I did not do it anymore. I must really thank him for his words or else I do not know what I will become without his encouragment.
For those of you who read my blog now, don't worry about me. I am fine. It's just that I am poor at handling bad situations that's all. I am lousy at everything. Even to plan something for someone...I remembered there was a time I went to church, the pastor have this sermon that ask us to find what is our strong points and use it to serve God. But..no matter how I think, I couldn't find any strong points of myself. Haha! Funny right? But it's true. I don't have any strong points. Cos I couldn't think of any.
I think I shall end here for now. Will write again some other time.
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