Prayer

Today when I went to work, I saw Jerrica there. After some time, I then ask her could I get leave on one of the days of this month? She said she can help me to cover up my work for me but I must ask Wendy and Peter first to see if they approve my leave or not. Ahhh! I pray that they'll approve! Which I know it is not likely cos I must work on one alternate weekend. But still I pray hard for me to get the leave to be approve. Hopefully my prayers will be answered! Please! Tolong tolong! Father! I hope that You can answer my prayers please? Please? Cos that day is an important day for me! Please!

Esther then tell me a very good news. She said Peter let her off on Saturday! Yeah! We both off together! She was thinking of joining the church after it shift to Expo! Yeah! My god-brother and my prayers are answered! Yeah!!! As there are no customers around at that time, I then shout,"Praise the Lord! Our prayers are answered! Yeah!" Jerrica then gave me a whierd look. Esther then give me a -_-" look and said,"Shen(2) Jing(1) Bing(4) ah ni?!"I said,"Ya lor! Cos I can see you at church haha!"She then request for the most early service but I think the 5pm service is the earlist. She said if my cell group is really the earliest cell group, she have no choice but to join my cell group(If she join, Vincent's prayer will be answered).

Esther then said she feels that she lose out to me. Cos she said I haven't get baptize and yet I am so spiritual. She has already Baptize but yet she is not so spiritual..should be the other way round. I then told her that even how spiritual I am, I will lose out to somebody. Cos speaking of being spiritual, he is MORE spiritual than me lor!(You should know who you are)

After that, when Jerrica left, I showed Esther the pictures I have taken on Saturday and she said the pictures are nice. Ya Cin and Esther then tease me when I told them about Saturday's incident. Hahaha! This year ends quite fast but I am glad that it is over. I just hope that the coming year will bring me alot of joy and happiness as I am quite upset and disappointed of what happen in my life for last year and this year. I don't want to lose everything I had like I used to. Even though I may get used to being alone, but at times I can't escape the feeling of being decrimated and unwanted. Seriously speaking, even up till now I am still feeling this way. Maybe I think too much but this is what I really feel even up to today.

I remembered that there was a time, I don't know was it my dream or was it that I visionize, I saw God standing in a garden with alot of trees of different fruits and alot of different types of flowers. The place was very beautiful to me. He was writting something on a pierce of paper and then he look at me and I saw myself running away after He sees me. He then called out my name three times but each time he called, I run further away from him. He was walking slowly to catch up with me while I keep on running away from him and hide behind each tree as He came. He then ask me from afar,"Why is it that each step I tried to take towards you, you are drawing further and further away from me instead of coming closer to me?"I then cried while I answered Him,"Cos of my Sins Father. I have committed too many shameful Sins and so I am afraid to come to you. Don't touch me Father, for I am now too dirty for your hands to be layed upon me". When God heard that, I thought I saw a tear flowing from one of His eyes. I was thinking,"God cried?! Or was it that I am seeing things?" He then said,"I have forgive you of ALL your Sins. There is no such thing that the Sins you have committed are greater than I am. Unless you tell me that you have taken someone's life". I then peek at him though one of the trees and he sigh and said,"Come to me again when you are ready to face me"and he walks off. He then turn back to take another look at me and said,"You will come before me one of these days though the Holy Spirit and will seek for my forgivness and you will want me to come into your life again to guide you as you walk though your life"He then turns and walk away.

After that, a few weeks later, Vincent bring me back to church and the week after that, I went down to the altar call and true enough, I did seek for his forgivness and accept Him back into my heart. When I close my eyes during the altar call and prayed along with the sinners, I "saw" Him sitting on his throne. He bend his head down to look at me and gave me a very big smile. I was sooooo tiny in that vision. He then gave me a look that said,"See? I told you that one day you will come to me and seek for my forgiveness". But my spiritual level was not so strong that time. I have alot of doubts and my life was in a terrible mess.

After that cell group meeting that Yue Ming had bring me to, I keep on thinking about what the brother said to me. Today at work, God spoke to me(or maybe it's my imagination). He said,"You thought that I was too busy for you? You thought that I have never notice the pain you go through each time you got hurt or suffered? You thought that when you backslide from church and walk away from me, I never notice you walking away from me while the rest came towards me? I was sitting here(his throne)all the time waiting for you to come to me to talk to me about your problems. I know what your fears and problems are but I just want you to pray and talk to me about it. But you didn't. Instead you keep them all inside your heart and suffered alone."and strangely, I cried for no reason. My tears just flow like that. Lucky, again no one saw. Somehow he is hinting me something which I am trying to figure it out what is his message.

After work, Adrian came and meet me to pass me the things he wanted to give me on my birthday. It was all Naruto things that I liked. He then offer to take my bag for me but I decline. I then showed him the photo I took of myself on Saturday and he said I look pretty in that picture. Haha! Very funny! Then I told him I am not free on the 23th Dec to 25th Dec so don't ask me out on that day. He then seems disappointed. He see me home after that.