Went for Service on Saturday and it was good. Witness some healing takes place. After the service, something bad happen but I seriously don't wish to talk about it. Those who know what had happen after the service, just don't mention it ever again. After service, BaoBei tried very hard to console me but I was in inconsolable state. HuiYi then talk to me for a while. When someone came, I really don't have the mood to talk to her anything at that point of time. She said to me(While folding her arms <-- watch your body language next time..in case u forgotten, 90% of the communication is by ACTIONS),"Can you please talk to me in a calm manner?" At that point of time, how can one expect me to be calm? Anyway, at that time that was really my most calmest state. Then she add on something which made me very very angry,"Why? Challenge authority is it?" To that someone and to everyone that don't know me from Secondary School: You don't know me well. If I really were to challenge YOUR authority, I seriously would have done something to you that would definitely shock you and the people around me. I do not wish to talk to you at that point of time because I know myself well that I wasn't in a very calm or at least stable condition to talk to you. I seriously don't wish to say or do things that I might regret later on in life. But anyway, after thinking through, I could only say this to you: I am sorry. I am indeed in the wrong in the first place but....just something to tell you, there are times, you really have to watch your words(and that includes me too lah...i also have to watch my words)in case you do not know, certain words of yours did not prove your point or at least I do not really get your message but your words are only meant to HURT me. If that's your way of...doing things, then ok..I will accept it as part of yours from now on and PLEASE, I AM NOT CHALLENGING AUTHORITY! If you think it that way, again, I am very sorry to made you THINK that way. Overall, I am seriously sorry for what I have done and said since I am the cause of it.
After that, BaoBei then bring me "home". His cousins are all happily chatting and playing around but I don't have mood to even smile at them. I then quietly go out and wanted to go for a walk alone. His 2nd cousin followed me and refuse to leave me alone no matter what I said. She said,"Bu Ke Yi! Jiejie..wei shan mo ni ku? Gao Shu wo hao ma? Wei shan mo ni yi ge ren chu qu? Xian zai zhe mo wan le..ni yi ge ren chu qu hen wei xian"(Cannot! Jiejie..why u cry? Can tell me? Why you go out alone? Now so late at night..you go out alone very dangerous) That time was 11 plus at night. She finally leave me alone after some time cos she has to go back to Malaysia. I then lie on the chair and cried a lot while watching the stars. I saw the three stars!(Esther Ho will know what is the stars) but it wasn't very bright as the other stars. Her words then ran through my mind and I keep crying thinking back on Friday's incident plus Saturday's incident. BaoBei then called to ask where am I and why I go out alone? I didn't go back until 12 plus midnight.
When BaoBei saw me, he hug me and said he's worried. Had some serious talk that made me change my thinking on some things. After that I told him I am fine and went to sleep(or I should say pretending to sleep) while he continue playing games. From that time onwards my tears keep on flowing and it won't stop. That was the very first time I cried the whole night till daybreak. I then SMS that person to apologise after thinking through quite a lot of things last night. I had a feeling that certain things will change from now on. Sometimes, you don't have to use big words to hurt me. Just those tinnie-winnie-simple words of yours is enough to cause me emotional wound deeply. But don't worry. I know what to do from now on..seriously.
Had one week break and I wasn't very happy about it as I find it too long for a break. If I think of the positive side, I could only use the 1 week time to relax myself and to really use the time to calm myself down. If I think on the negative side, it would mean that it only makes matters for me worst base on my situation. BaoBei wants me to accompany his Mum during this one week. Which only means in her presence, I had to act as if I am happy no matter what happens.
I think I had to end here for now. I didn't mean to offend you on this blog in any way. Just some of my own views on things. Anyway, it's my fault and FULL STOP. I don't wish to say more...
No comments:
Post a Comment