Job + Let it go = I want to forget....I wish to forget him....forgetting all the things that we've been through...forget everything once and for all..

The stupid Formula One(Known as short form F1) cause me to lose a lot of sleep and having backache these days. Luckily I stay over at BaoBei's place and he gave me back massage whenever I came home from work. So sweet of him~ ^_^

If there is really a thing that could made me forget certain memories, I am willing to try. Now I realize, it is really not a very good thing when you finally or suddenly recall certain memories. No matter how sweet it is. But....memories will always remain as memories. Unless one day, I really met him along the streets again(which I don't think I will). In case you all wondering why these days I keep typing the memories kind of thing, I tell you now. There was a time, I had sudden loss of memory due to impact trigger on my head. The last time I really remembered before I totally lost my memories of things was my father hit me on my back of my head very hard using a hard object. After that I cried to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I TOTALLY forgotten who am I, what am I doing here, what was I? Anything about me, I had forgotten cleanly! Strangely, I still remember my family members. After that I went out alone to wander around the streets to see if I can recall things? The first day, I walk aimlessly at certain place and my head would feel extremely painful when I try to recall things or I remembered that I had been to a place somewhere but forgotten with whom? The second day I try again, this time, a rush of pictures flashing though my head really fast! If you ever watch on TV, those people who lost their memories and when they try to remember, they will feel extreme pain on their head, it's true! It's not an act. I felt that way too when I try to recall things or when my brain trigger some memories or flashes through my head.

I had been like that for two weeks plus. Then slowly, I really began to remember things like who I am, how old am I, and then slowly recall back who are my friends etc. Only half of the memories I do remember. Most of it, I had totally forgotten. That is why I had since became very blur and cannot remember things well from then on. My memory has deteriorate quite badly. Through the years, I finally gain certain memories back by sight-seeing, asking around "his" friends about him...etc etc. Until this year recently, I finally do recall the rest of the memories and realize that I am the one who is at fault after all. But...he, being the usual gentlemen self, puts all the blame onto himself and says that he is not suitable for me etc. In the end, he disappear from my life like before. My heart was scattered into pieces the day he left. No one has ever be able to make it whole again.

I wanted to forget him totally. Since he is no longer in my life, there is no use for me to keep the memories of him in my head. I wanted to be fair to BaoBei - the guy who loves me for who I am and shower me with affection and love. But then again, BaoBei won't be able to provide me with the love that I really curve for anymore. He has his own method of loving me which I struggle to accept it -_-"

Why is it so hard to forget you? Why is it so hard to forget the memories that you had left for me?