Suicidal signs

Read one article from The Straits Times yesterday and I found something interesting. It is about recessions times and the number of suicidal deaths happen in that year and how many people really seek help from those so-called "help-lines". A suicidal expert(a person who studies suicidal deaths), Dr.Chia Boon Hock, Singapore's resident suicidologist has spent 40 years collecting and studying suicide data, notice that there have been four major suicide over the past 100 years in Singapore.

The article is actually about recessions in the past 3 decades and how many people took their lives in recessions:

1) During 1906 - 1910 Banker's Panic financial crisis, which he saw the suicide rate surge 71% to 11.3 per 100,000 people.

2)after the great depression from 1936 - 1940 when the toll swell to 15.8 per 100,000 people

3)from 1941 - 1945 during the Japanese Occupation. He saw 16 per 100,000 people ending their lives and lastly, 12.8 per 100,000 people per year. That translates about 400 deaths a year, or just one day.

After reading through all the article, it has one last article that I am very interested in. Surprisingly, I did not know that I am actually leaving signs for the people around me but yet they don't really care. Actually, I really don't have to courage to even to attempt suicide even though I done these things before:

1) VERBAL WARNINGS: These are given in almost half of all suicides. These consist of expressions that "life has no meaning", fatigue or bidding loved ones a final farewell. The young, sometimes issue verbal threats like: "if you do not love me, I will kill myself".

2) PRE-SUICIDE PLANNING: This is seen in about 10% of suicide cases. It involves tidying up one's affairs, such as finalising a will, leaving funeral instructions, sorting out finances, examining burial sites, studying the dimensions of the window they intend to jump from. Almost one-quarter of suicides here, usually the young, single and local-born, leave behind suicide notes. In some cases, they also send out text messages or make phone calls prior to the deed.

3) BEHAVIOURAL CHANGE: This is seen in only less than 5% of the cases. Changes include sudden calm or euphoria, excessive spending, generous gift-giving, sudden withdrawal, or a refusal to eat days to weeks before the event.

There are also help hotlines to call if you need someone to talk:
1. Sage Counselling Centre: 1800-555-5555

2. Care Corner Family Service Centre: 1800-222-0000
or 1800-353-5800(Chinese speaking)
3. Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444

After reading it through, I identify myself in No.1 and No.3. People around me will either tell me not to talk nonsense, slap me in my mouth after I said that or didn't notice at all(but that is because I act very well in front of them). But then again, I really don't have the courage to do it even though I do plan my suicide in advance since I was 14 years old. I have thought almost all methods to do the deed. But then I read certain books that says that if you commit suicide, it doesn't end there. Your flesh may have died but your spirit will continue repeat the suicide even after your death for decades! Imagine after you die, your spirits still repeat the death incident over and over again non-stop, and the pain that comes along with it. It cannot go to Heaven neither can it go to Hell. It just keeps repeating it over and over again until God knows when.

The No.3, I only identify myself on 3 behaviour changes,
1) Excessive spending - Your wealth and money won't follow you after you die. So, why bother to save when you already plan your suicide planning? This is the me in the past and now.

2)Generous Gift-giving - Ask Esther Ho about this and you'll know what I mean. Every year when she comes to my house and saw some CDs she like, I ask her to take it. Or anything that she like, I freely give her. Usually is because I no longer listening to the CDs or I don't need those things. Or than that, I have ever thought, these things won't go with me when I leave the world so might as well give it to others who are in need.

3) Sudden withdrawal - Those who are smart enough to notice me, will notice that I am way quieter than usual and will probe me questions. I feel that this is the hardest part my friends or people around me can identify cos I am quiet in nature and at most times, I don't even talk at all. I do prefer to listen to others or listen to people's conversation even though I may seem quiet. I admire certain of my friends, they seems to know how to read my face to know that I am not normal even though they know I am a quiet person.

After reading this, if you identify some signs that you have seen in yourself or your friends. It's time to do something about it before it's too late. Suicides don't happen overnight. It is best if you are very close with that friend and you are a very observant person. If you notice any behaviour changes, it's better to talk it out with that person before it's too late. Although I have identify myself, but don't worry. Like I said, I don't have the courage to do it. So don't worry about me.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

To Liyi: Really thanks for your encouragement, concern and letter in my facebook. :) Really happy to have a friend like you. Please don't walk the path that I have walk and don't think like me. You have your Mum to take care of and apple and some of your friends who really loves you, including me. Let's hang out again some other time.