Money woes

Went for last minute meet-up with Esther and Da Lao Po! Didn't see them for a long time. Feeling very happy that I could finally see them. Finally cleared all the debts that I had owe Esther. Went to Long John Silver for dinner and went around for window shopping. Bought myself some T-shirts cos I threw away one of my T-shirt when it got stained. Will be meeting them today later in the night.

Went home and opened my mailbox and I was surprise to see my bill. But when I saw the amount, I was quite depress and wonder where am I going to get the money to pay for it? I then think of transport expenses, bills, food, entertainment and the wedding deposit. How am I going to save for the trip to Japan later this year? It seems very impossible and I feel like not going for it anymore, although half of me look forward for a holiday. I had think of ways to get more money but seriously, those thoughts, will either land me in Jail(if I ever get caught) or I will suffer from serious depression and end my life(I am already on the Verge of doing so)

Luckily(or unluckily) for me, New Year is around the corner so it only means that I am getting Ang Baos. But then I can roughly predict that this year my Ang Bao money will be much lower cos of the rising in prices. I finally understand basic Teochew through BaoBei's Mum. Nope! She never teach me any. Just that I am so used to stick to what I know, English and Chinese, that I don't know any other dialects. Until one day that I thought I overheard her saying something bad about me in her dialect. Just that I couldn't make out what she was saying. I tried to get Esther to translate for me but she need to know what exactly BaoBei's Mum is talking about, in order to translate to me. As time goes by, I pick up lines from here and there(I myself also don't know how I manage to learn Teochew) I will roughly know what she is talking about. She knows that I don't understand any dialects. So she will openly talk bad about me in front of BaoBei. I used to genuinely don't know what she is talking about. But as time goes by, I can understand better. The other day, she was complaining to BaoBei that where on earth a girl doesn't know how to do housework?! Anything also don't know! What's the use of being a girl!? I UNDERSTAND what she is talking about! Just that I don't know how to reply in Teochew! Cos why? BaoBei need to iron his "Marks-man" to his uniform and I overheard his Mum saying,"Why can't she(meaning me) do it for you?" When BaoBei replied that I don't know how to do housework, THAT IS WHAT she replied! Seriously, I feel like going out and scold her! Not only that! She also said,"Her mother never teach her is it?!" This is why I feel like slapping her! If you wanna scold me, I respect you as an elder so I cannot say anything but PLEASE DON'T DRAG MY PARENTS IN!!! HAVE SOME BASIC RESPECT FOR MY PARENTS!!! SO WHAT IF YOU ARE OLDER THAN MY PARENTS?! IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE "PRIVILEGE" TO INSULT MY PARENTS!!!!

I can do nothing but to only cry! What can I do? BaoBei didn't stand up for me either. He just replied to her,"I like what she is!" Perhaps he doesn't know how. On New Year eve, I really don't wish to go to BaoBei's house to have reunion dinner! But then if I don't go, I feel that it's very bad luck(but then again, I am not part of his family - yet!) One thing is for certain. If I didn't say anything when you scold me and continue to endure, there will come a day where I cannot endure any longer and will just burst in front of you! Things will only get uglier by then. Ren yi shi feng ping lang jing. Tui Yi shi hai kuo tian kong! But sadly, THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO ME!!! If that ever happen, I think BaoBei will leave no choice but to choose either ONE of us!

I will end here for now. Couldn't sleep at all cos I have block nose. Tomorrow's going to be a long long day for me.

Friendship broken???

Went to church to queue for service. The message for the day was great! It talks about forgiveness. But seriously, I really find it hard to forgive, needless to say - forget. Right after the service, Lorraine look for HuiYi, Steph, Jayne, BaoBei and me for talk. On the way there, I heard people keep on accusing BaoBei of reporting to Lorraine about us clubbing. I was very mad at them but I tried very hard to keep my cool. Don't accuse people if you don't have the proof that they did so!!!! After that when Lorraine talk to us together, she ask us certain questions and I realize that I drink the least glass of alcohol! But still she was very unhappy about it. I was waiting for Lorraine to ask,"Any thing you guys wanna say?" for a long time cos I wish to raise my frustrations directly at all of them!(excluding Lorraine of course). I then tell Lorraine that some people accuse BaoBei of telling her! When I said that, Steph and HuiYi stared hard at me. After Lorraine address the matter, I was being ignored for a period of time while they are discussing the photographs. Anyway, I started to bear this grudge against certain people in the group. Your worst enemy is really indeed your best friend! If they wanna fell out with me because they falsely accuse of BaoBei or because of this matter, I don't mind. I keep getting misunderstandings and losing friends anyway, to an extend that I am numb about it. If you think that putting the blame on someone else and falsely accusing someone would make your life feel better, so be it.

Went over to Lorraine after she has spoken with BaoBei. She talk about the relationship between us when she reads my blog. She said my words are very harsh(I am always harsh in words) and that I shouldn't be thinking about changing bf! She talks to us a lot of things that make me think.

Went home with BaoBei but I think from now onwards, certain part of my thinking changes(hopefully). I am really extremely disappointed that people like to accuse others even without solid proof that the person has done it. What are friends for? Can someone answer me this?

Work

Woke up at 5am to rush for work at 6.30am. Ate a bit of breakfast before starting my work. I was doing opening for the day. My manager showed me the procedures and we were ready for work. Faizal help me with the Salads today so I have some free time to do other things.

Went to the main restaurant to collect some ingredients and stuffs. I am not very familiar with the cooks there except Chef Norman. He always seems to tease me whenever he saw me. Ah Peng even comment that she doesn't get his kind of treatment before. But today, another Chef in the kitchen, whom his name I couldn't remember, ask me to test the soup to see if it is salty enough? One problem with me is that, my taste bud is very bad, that my sense of taste is not strong at all. So please don't ask me to taste any food for you especially salty foods and regardless to say, don't ask me to comment. But the problem is that, the way he ask me to taste, I back off a little. He use a spoon to scope a bit of the soup and I thought he was asking me to taste it myself..but...he feed it to me! When Norman and Faizal saw that, both have different expressions. Norman seems to be a bit jealous(I don't know of what?) while Faizal warn the Chef,"Eh! She got boyfriend already sial! Later her boyfriend see you do that..you mati I tell you!" The Chef laugh cheekily and went about to do his duties. Faizal keep asking me whether do I think this Chef handsome or that Chef cute? I give him a -_-" look and said,"No comments". He said,"Ya lah I know lah. Your boyfriend most handsome lah"

Work was quite busy during lunch time that we almost couldn't handle it. Time flies really fast when we are busy. Christine shared some Gospel with me and it encourages me a little. Luckily I have a Christian colleague at work. Went back to the restaurant to collect some ingredients again and went back to clean up before I could leave to get back home. My Manager's mood was very bad for the past few weeks but now he seems to be stable a little.

Will end here for now. Just some nonsense entry cos nothing better to write :Þ

BaoBei and me???

Went for Sunday service today but I was late cos early in the morning cos I had diarrhoea. Only slept for an hour yesterday. After service, I message Anthea where was she and after she told me her seat, I went out midway of the service(almost ending) to look at some books. A book titled,"The Power Of Forgiveness" caught my eye and I bought the book. I like the author! It was written by Joyce Mayer! I only read a bit and it talks about personal sins and your fruit in the beginning of the chapter. Yes, there will be times we will be hurt by the people around us but we must learn to forgive and let it go(something I find it hard to do). She says it's easier to let it go than to bear grudges against the person. Until now I still do not understand why. I seriously find it hard to forgive. In the beginning, it states,"Why we must forgive?" I read an interesting line,"Wounded emotions can become a prison that locks us into our pain and keeps others out. It's a bitter, resentful, angry prison cell, and forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door that holds us there. How long have you been there? Do you want to be free of it?" I am not God and I don't have such a big heart like His to forgive people easily. Saying it really easier than done.

Went for fellowship with my CGMs at Bedok. Talk to Lorraine about my job and she ask me to look for another one cos I told her that in my current company, it doesn't have benefits and neither does it have bonus. But I can't be changing jobs all the time! Maybe I'll see how things goes from now. Talk to HuiYi about BaoBei. I had shock her the other day when I told her that seriously I am thinking of changing boyfriend. I remember Jayne's words. She said,"Talk to him first lah. If you keep it to yourself and don't talk to him, how is he gonna know? If in the end, after you have talk things out with him and he either still remains unchange or don't care about how you feel, then at least you have tried your best. Don't say the "B" word so easily lah. You guys got together so hard and now you wanna let it go like that? Don't you find it pity?" The thing I don't understand BaoBei is that, why is it that when I give in to him a bit, he must take my words for granted?! I heard that the other day Paul help me talk to BaoBei how I feel(When your relationship needs a third party to help you to solve, it means that both parties are not able to solve the problems themselves! So pai seh can?!) But anyway, in the end I have talk to BaoBei directly myself. I told him only this,"I allow you to do certain things in front of your friends and don't said a word, is because you guys have ego(as what Lorraine shared to me some time ago). Yes I am angry but what can I do? Scold you in front of your friends? Cannot what! I can only keep quiet and wait till we are alone then tell you all these! Since you've broke your promise to me, I don't know what to say anymore." We argue here and there. Sometimes I am tired and I know he is tired about the way I treat him too.

HuiYi don't know what to do anymore. But she pray that our relationship will remain as strong. She can see that I am already very disappointed and she couldn't do anything. Thanks HuiYi..

Fellowship with the CGMs and they play some games that I don't really understand. Lorraine also make us laugh when she speaks in a funny way.

I think I will end here for now. Don't know what else to write anymore..

Work + Bus incident = Extremely angry!!!

Work life is not very good for me these days. I either get scoldings for nothing in particular at all or for minor things. There was one time when I cried after being scolded, my Manager ask me to go back if I don't wish to learn. It's not that I can't be bother or don't wish to learn. It's natural reaction. He doesn't seems to understand that girls do cry. Or maybe all his entire life he has never seen girls cry before? In the end, I didn't talk to my Manager for the entire day. Some of my colleagues comment that my Manager is being unreasonable and seems to be against me alone. Cara(a new girl in my workplace, whom I later realize she was my Boss's niece!) came to comfort me. She's young, pretty and smart. She's only 2 or 3 years younger than me but she's already studied overseas and has diploma(or is that suppose to be degree? I forgot) in Psychology. She's be getting her results soon and heard that she'll be going to university.

Luckily for me, I had a Christian colleague at work(who is Catholic) and one of the supervisors treats me very nice. She's a Malaysian and her work permit would expire this coming August. I am praying very hard that her work permit would extend. Of all the colleagues there, she is the one I get along with very well. We even hit it off well, right from my 1st day at work(All thanks to Baobei) cos I talk to her about BaoBei and shared with her where in Malaysia BaoBei is from. She said,"Oh really?! Hey! I stayed near that town too!" and would share with me what places are good to visit in Malaysia and what are the foods that are nice over there so that I could try on my next visit. Basically, I could endure at work because of her. I couldn't imagine work life without her around. Anyway, I think most likely company would extend her work permit because she's the most experience worker in my workplace. She has 5 years of experience while the rest are either less than that or they are "new" in the place.

On the way to BaoBei's place yesterday, I decided to take a bus there instead of train. I know it's slower to get there but I enjoy the view from the bus. While the bus stops after Bugis station, a group of passengers board the bus. While the rest got settled down, 2 women fell when the bus applied on a sudden brake near the traffic light! In my mind, I was thinking 2 things: 1) The bus captain is blind!? Can't he see the red light ahead of him?! 2) Two female passengers fell: 1 fell from her seat just right beside the captain while the other, the impact was bigger. She fell backwards and she tried to grab the pole but her hand slips off, and her head landed on the ground in such an impact that shock all of the passengers who were on board. The old lady beside me then offer her seat to the lady who fell on her head(although the lady was younger) I ask if her head was alright and if she had any giddiness? The girl was not a Singaporean but I couldn't make out where she's from through her accent. I am very furious throughout the rest of the journey to BaoBei's place that part of me feel like confronting the driver! I take down of the Bus licence number and went to ask for the driver's name. The driver gave me a "bo chup" attitude! I always thought bus captains would ensure the passenger's safety first but after this incident, I don't think so. Maybe to him, it's just his rice and bowl but to me, it's the passenger's safety and life comes first!

I have since lodge a report through the bus website with BaoBei's help. But I didn't manage to get the ladies' number cos she don't wish to pursue the matter. Couldn't sleep for the rest of the night but I don't know why. Eye bags and dark circles are getting more and more obvious but there's nothing I could do.

Losing sleep + BaoBei's point of view = Silly me! x_x

Didn't manage to go anywhere for count down on the 31st Dec 2007 as BaoBei claims that he's unwell. Went for a drink and head home after that. On 1st of January, we practically did nothing. I slept almost the whole morning while BaoBei was watching movies from his computer. I was feeling very bored and ask if I could go out for a walk and BaoBei said no. *Cry*

Went home in the evening and bid BaoBei goodbye. But when I went home that night, I couldn't get to sleep no matter how I try(I didn't take any sleeping aid and tried to sleep by my own) I ended up crying the whole night and didn't sleep at all cos my mind was thinking a lot of things. I was very disappointed and angry at BaoBei for not bringing me to see the fireworks and that I've miss the 2008 count down because of him! That's one of the reason why I cry. The rest is for me to know....

Went to work in a daze and had dizzy spells here and there. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep at all. Couldn't really concentrate at work and my mood was lousy the whole day. Discuss serious things with my colleague and I couldn't imagine life without her around. I wish that her work permit would somehow extend.

BaoBei called in the evening and we chat about a lot of things. When I told him that I didn't sleep, he was kinda worried. I complaint to him that he didn't bring me out to celebrate on 31st Dec and he said he was sick that day. He told me another reason why he did not want to bring me out to celebrate, which I then remembered: I was molested on last year's countdown, By an Indian guy. Of course he got away Scot-free. Cos I do not wish to pursue the matter. I heard that there was 5 riots and 5 molest cases last year so the security has been tighten up and more polices were enforced on 31 Dec 2007. BaoBei said he does not want the same thing to happened again. He said that if I were to go through that again and this time, if he caught the guy, he would bash the guy up! o.O

He act on guy's natural reaction of course. It was then I realize that I lose sleep over nothing. BaoBei do love and care for me after all. If I didn't ask, I would never know. I think I would have to get to sleep now. Need to catch my lost sleep..burbye!