I think from the above title of my blog you guys should know how am I feeling right now when I blogging this entry? Yes I am very moody! You will understand why later.
A few weeks ago, someone confess to me that he like one of my friend. I was very surprise and angry at the same time actually but I did not tell him. Mind you, he only know my friend for like what? A year? They seldom talk, seldom share things together and only go out when any of us organise any outing to ask him along. During a period when I know him not for long, I introduce him to my group of friends(as I usually do when I made new friends..I will introduce him or her to my friends first). He told me this and I remember it till today,"Please lah, I will never go stead with any of your friends". Then..a year and a half later what did he tell me now? I believe some of you will roughly know who is this person? I don't wish to say it out too obvious. Although we used to be very close but somehow or another, there's will bond to be misunderstandings here and there and that cause our friendship to drift apart. Although we seldom contact, I notice that he do have girlfriend once in don't know how many weeks? As far as I know, his relationship never last beyond a month or two and that cause a biggest concern for me. If you wanna say he's a flirt, then seriously I lose to him alot. Cos I admit that I used to be a flirt too alot but my shortest relationship, is 5 and a half months. Can you guys tell me lah, how can I entrust my friend to this person, whose relationship is not more than 2 months?
There are a lot of doubts in my mind when he told me that he like my friend. I told him I wish him all the best but behind him, I do a "check" on his relationship background cos I really don't think I can entrust my friend to him that he won't break my friend's heart or worst, toy with her feelings! Sorry I couldn't afford that to happen to any of my friends! But, to my surprise and anger, one of his ex-girlfriends claim that he almost hit her before! I was shock and my immediate response was,"Okay! That's it! This guy is NOT WORTH for me to entrust my friend to!!!" Sorry that if I seem to be over-protective of my female friends. I had seen alot! I have been through the toughest times of my youth that no one else(except those who were in the same boat as me)have been through!!! I dare to say that I am a live example for all my friends to see that if they made one mistake in their youth, they might regret it for the rest of their lives! I really regret not telling this to one of my friend. I really regret now cos she is going though the same path that I used to walk through now. The rest of my friends have warn her but she just don't listen. I used to hate her to the core but now I cannot abandon her when she need someone to be at her side most no matter how much I hate her in the past.
I regret...I really regret. I am very frustrated and upset. Feel like slashing my wrist but I couldn't cos I promise HuiYi that I won't slash my wrist. When I saw the worried look on HuiYi's face when she look at me at CG and tell me the other time,"Juliet, can you promise me not to slash your wrist in future? Please? I am worried for you" my heart hurts alot! I seriously don't know how much hurt I have cause her and how much worry I had given her. Sorry HuiYi...I always seems to make you so upset..I am not a good friend to you.
A lot of things has been happening for the past two days that made me very angry and upset. Why am I always the last to know whenever something happens to any of my friends? WHY?! Sometimes I had a feeling that I am not really close to Esther. If I am her close friend or forever friend as she like to say it, why am I always the LAST one who receive the information?! Esther, tell me the truth, have you ever treat me as your friend or not?! Or am I just your friend that you can only ask me out when times are good and when bad time comes, you hide things from me or only tell me when something serious happens(you should know what incident lah since you tell me not to blog it!!)If you only call me out when there's joy and leave me out when there's crisis or sadness hor, then sorry! I am not your forever friend! I am what people called it,"Fair weather friends!!!" I don't wanna be your fair weather friend!!! I know what you wanna say,"Sorry ne..I don't know it is so serious". It's okay...since everything is fine now I am relieve. I know that because I am not feeling well and you don't want me to worry too much so you keep quiet. But sometimes, keeping quiet will only makes things worst like yesterday what you experience. Especially since there are tell-tale signs of DANGER! I am very angry and worried so much because I don't want any history to repeat itself especially it is the pattern I have been through before. I hope you can understand, Esther. Let me tell you something in case you don't know: Do you know I attempt suicide in Sec.1 to Sec.3? I've tried many times but failed. Until one of the teacher spot some tell-tale signs of minor depression from me and keep bugging me for the reason! He found out about it and this matter was very serious that from then on the teachers who taught the class I am in, shown special "concern" for me which I tell you I hate it the most! Of course I got what I wanted in the end but I was still not very happy cos that kinda feeling is not exactly what I want. Luckily I manage to get over it in the end, or else seriously I think even if I am dead you won't know cos I didn't contact you and Shuling then! I don't know if you notice during sec.1, whenever I go out with you and Shuling, do you notice I always seems to carry a pen knife along? Maybe you didn't know cos I didn't tell you.
Next time please don't ever make me be the last one to know when something serious happens. Especially it concern about LIFE AND DEATH! Please don't hide things from me! Tell me immediately!!! I will try to help de okay? Don't worry, I really have forgiven you le cos I think maybe you really don't know and can't see how serious something is until it gets worst. I am just venting my anger here and trying to get my message across to you. Although I don't know if you get what I am trying to say to you at the end of this blog or not?
That's all for now...sorry for the erm..emotions. But I really can't help it. Sorry...
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