The day didn't went smoothly today. Well, I guess everyone has bad hair days someday or once in a while. Stress at work cos my Boss wants me to do the stock count for July. Time sure flies fast this month. Actually, time flies faster when you are in the working world than when you are in school. At least, that is what I feel.
Went to view my God-Brother's blog. I was surprise that...He and his girlfriend had broken up?! They had been very loving and had been together for 5 years plus!!! No wonder his recent entry sounds so down! But he doesn't have any tagboard so it's hard to leave message. I should have known the warning signs! I went to see his ex-girlfriend's blog and her latest entry only wrote one sentence,"8th July 2007 - Marks the end of our relationship" Immediately I mumbered,"Oh no!" But in his blog, he also shares that the friends around him console him through SMS, phone calls etc. after reading his blog or knowing his problems through word of mouth. Some times, it's only when you are down, you will see who are your true friends and who would really stand beside you or available for you 24/7. I pray for my God-brother and hope that someday he'll be healed emotionally.
Sometimes, I am very tired of doing prayer list. People don't reply my SMS lah, Being Criticise of my own prayer request lah etc. But then I remembered Bro used to say to Lorraine before she rise up to be a CGL,"I pray that your journey will not be smooth sailing!"(or something like that?) I understand what Bro means. In order to be STRONG, one will have to go through "hardships". It's through hardships that we learnt lessons and grow.
Words does kill sometimes, Friendship especially. No Lorraine, I am not saying that I give up doing prayer list(even though part of me wanted to). I will still try my best to do it for you. This time, it is not I HAVE TO or I MUST DO. It's I WANTED to do. You get what I am trying to say? Now I know the feeling of,"The flesh is tired but the spirit is willing" feeling. But let me tell you this, I don't get this feeling always. Even though the prayer list cause me to lose a friendship, I will still do. The only time I stop doing, is when I have been criticize often enough, and agitated that I don't wish to do anymore.
Yes, I do feel hurt that the friendship is broken somehow because of my words(and SOME PEOPLE'S KNS OVER-SENSITIVELY!) But I no longer feel pity. I had lost a friendship of 16 years(to be exact, is 15 plus lah)! To some idiotic 3rd party! That is what I called pity. Anyway, it's long story. Imagine losing your childhood friend because of some stupid people! And the friendship is not a year, is not 5 years, but more than 10 years! Try losing that kinda friendship and maybe you will know how I felt and why I have become this way. Anyway, I was the one who left my childhood friend. I really had no choice but to "abandon" the long-time friendship. Maybe someday, things will be back like it used to. Or it may not and we became Hi-bye friends instead.
Now you know why I need emotional healing? I don't hide most things from people. I am okay, means I am okay. I am not okay, means I am not! Simple! I don't pretend! Even if I do, people who really knows me inside out, will tell the difference. Even people who don't know me well in person, knows I'm NOT okay(in SL!) so why should I pretend in RL that I am okay?! I can, if I wanted to. But I will be back to the cold-hearted Juliet that I used to be.
I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time
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