Went to work in the morning and reach work early. Haiz..work was quite slack for the day. I wonder when I could leave? I really hate staying on. HuiYi once said before that the more you prophesy, the more it will come to pass? But why isn't the words that I keep confessing come to pass? Maybe it will...soon. I hope.
Went to lunch alone as usual. After that I slack at office almost for the whole day cos Derek and Boss are out around 4pm. After work I went to Harbour front to purchase some snacks before meeting HuiYi for dinner. Went to BK where we chat about a lot of things and she ask me to do a comprehension about blog for me but I could think of anything and wrote a short comprehension for her. MY SHORTEST COMPREHENSION IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! Feel so upset with myself that I couldn't write anything useful for her! What happen to my English?! Argh!!! Pek Cek!!! Cos I expect myself to write a lengthy long comprehension about Blog for her but...haiz...Less than 200 words lor!
Went to the top level of Vivocity to chat with her. Share with her some of my relationship problems with her and she seems half-surprise and half-shock by what I said about BaoBei. I told her that ever since BaoBei become more good-looking, I found myself detest him more and more instead of treasuring him and loving him wholeheartedly where I should be. I told her that I feel "normal" when communicating or looking at BaoBei at a distance but when BaoBei tried to hug me or get close to me, I feel irritate and have a very strong urge to push BaoBei away! I cannot talk to BaoBei face-to-face at all. As in, really close contact face-to-face type. HuiYi ask if I know the reason for my behaviour? After thinking for some time, I think it could be due to BaoBei's looks. Cos the YenHao I know before, was not so good-looking. Ever since he has become more handsome, I found myself getting more and more insecure and more and more irritated with him. HuiYi continue asking questions and then I know the answer to my behaviour: I was being condemn and received sarcastic remarks from a ex-guy-friend of mine when I was in Sec.1 who happens to be good looking. From then on, I hated all the good looking guys to the CORE! Anyway, if my friends ever notice, that is the reason why my ex-boyfriends whom I have dated were never handsome! When I first met BaoBei, I notice his features first, then his entire looks. I had a feeling that if BaoBei were to slim down, he would be quite good looking base on his face alone. But then what I never discover was my own reaction towards BaoBei. I almost forgot....I hate handsome guys.
HuiYi said the reason why I behave and so-called "reject" BaoBei's intimacy(e.g: Hug) is because of my childhood mindset towards good looking guys. The more I realize on which part BaoBei look good at, I will have a subconscious rejection towards him. Oh no! She said the only way, is to change my views and mindset towards the good looking guys, maybe my reaction towards BaoBei will change once I do this? No wonder I tried to show love but end up arguing and fighting with BaoBei instead. I don't know what to do?
Went home after bidding HuiYi goodbye. I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time...BaoBei, Dui Bu Qi. Bu shi wo bu ai ni. Zi Shi wo heng nan biao da wo de ai. Sorry!
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