I'm hurting inside....imaginary pen knife, imaginary cuts

Ever since yesterday, I have been feeling very down. BaoBei and I didn't talk on the phone anymore. Even if he did call, there will be an awful long silence between us. Don't know what to say anymore. He has always been very calm - most of the time. He just feels sad that his new phone lost - Less than 5 months. He don't know how to explain to his Mum.

My Boss compared my reaction about the loss of handphone to my work. He said that if I were that "Kan chiong" about my work, He'll be happy. PLEASE! FOR GODDESS SAKE! HANDPHONE AND WORK ARE TWO DIFFERENT MATTERS CAN?! I've not been sleeping since yesterday and won't be sleeping today. I have slip two 5ml of drowsiness medicine but it didn't seems to help me to sleep. I feel like taking 20 - 40ml of that medicine but....what if I take and won't wake up? I don't know? The accountant ask me to stay till December. I don't want!!! But....do I have a choice? Lorraine has given me some of the F&B jobs and she ask me to try. Thanks Lorraine! Despite your busy schedule you still look around jobs for me. Thanks and sorry for your trouble.

Will be going to lodge a police report on Saturday for the loss of handphone. I need the serial number. This is obviously theft! Although I am at fault in my part for misplacing the handphone, but, if the person who has pick up the phone, has the intention of returning it to me, why didn't she pick up my call in the first place but switch off the handphone after that?! No matter what, I must get that handphone back!!! Even if it's few months or years down the road later!

I am alone now. In my mind now is hatred towards my own actions. Yes, it's a painful lesson learnt. I feel very hurt inside. Took a ruler to slash my left wrist...but doesn't hurt lah. Imagine myself with multiple cuts all over my left arm...I don't know what to say anymore so don't ask me to share. What I wanted to say, I've said it. Nothing can heal the crack. Nothing can be undone. Eh...don't look at my blog like that lah. I don't have pen knife. Don't worry.

I think I will end here for now....will blog again some other time. BaoBei, it's okay if you don't wish to talk. I understand. Sorry...