Kana Shoot

Yesterday during cell group meeting, I didn't really join in. I suddenly harbor hatred towards God and the Holy Spirit. I then felt a sense of evilness within me..a feeling that I used to had a long time ago. I think a few of them must have notice that I didn't pray with them. I guess that the movie really affect me alot in a very negative way.

After the prayer, I then wanted to rush off. As I was late for meeting my friends. But when I told Brother Tony that I wanted to go off, he asked,"Juliet, is something bothering you today? You seems to lost focus for the prayer". I was surprise and thought,"He notice?!"For the first time ever, he finally take notice of me! Cos he was praying in the presence of God so I don't think that he notice that I wasn't praying at all. I then raise my voice slightly and told him that I don't think I can pray and worship to God anymore and that I have been thinking of backsliding. I told him this,"I can't believe that the God that I have been praying to and the Bible that I have been reading(although I didn't really read..but there was a time I really read the Bible for that period of time. From Mattrew to John), lies to me!!!" I was about to cry when I said that but I quickly blink my tears away. He seems very shock by my reaction and ask am I referring to the Da Vinci Code? I ask how did he know? He smiled and said that it is the hot topic currently in Singapore. He then slightly raise his voice to me and said,"Juliet, do you know that the movie you have watch is actually a fiction?" I said,"I know..but some things about the movie of what it says, I find it very hard to believe and it seems true! Like why was Jesus wearing almost the same color clothing as Mary?! And why did it said Jesus and Mary had a child when the Bible doesn't says so!? Even the discovery channel also said that Jesus actually LAUGH at his disciples?!" He took a deep breath before answering me that when the signs of end of age is about to come, one of the signs is false prophesy will come. What I had seen and heard about the Da Vinci code are all lies. He also said that when a person's is not spiritually strong and watch this kinda show, their faith for God will usually be shaken like what I am now. He then said,"You have not been praying and reading the Bible am I right?"I then look at him and nod..cos I had lost the fire and love for God and the Holy Spirit that I used to have. I remembered it was started when I think that I don't have time for God and don't have time for prayer. It was always either,"No time" or "Too tired to pray". I always told myself that,"I'll pray tomorrow". But till now, that day never comes and I guess maybe it's because of that, I have drawn further and further away from Father. Slowly, I find it extremely difficult to walk in His ways and I guess He has move on and left me behind.

He then urge me to start reading the Bible all over again and to pray to God more often. Thank God for the blessings that He showered on me, no matter how small or how big the blessings are and always remember his blessings. He said to me,"Juliet, always remember God's blessings on you. Do you remember any prayers that you made to him that he has answered it to you?"I then thought for awhile and I can name a few. Some small and some big. He also request that if I had any doubts or problems, it is best that I speak to someone than to keep it to myself. After that he then left me alone and Brother Eugene came and talk to me. Cos I think he has over-heard the conversations between me and Brother Tony as we were talking quite loudly. Brother Eugene said alot of things to me and he said since the movie is still fresh in my memory, it is best that I could buy the Da Vinci Code book by Mark Connell?(Can't remember the exact author). He said the book will have the true answers to what I seek from the movie. I had never seen Brother Eugene with that look before..his eyes are serious and his facial expression showed concern about my spiritual life with God. Cos I am used to seeing his jovial side of him. This is the very first time that I saw him being so serious. He also talk about his experiences with God that touches my heart. Maybe I have never notice God the way Brother Eugene does.

After that I then went to meet my friends and was 2 hours late. Haiz..went to the wrong place to meet them somemore..*laughs*. But we finally manage to meet in the end but I went home early as I was feeling too tired.