Just came back home not long ago after watching mid-night movie with my friends - Tokyo Drift! WooHoo!!!! You Rocks!!!! Actually was quite guilty and quite pai seh...cos accidentally let Bro saw me in my angry state. Haiz...was quarreling with one of my friends on phone about a matter that really angered me. But after Lorraine talk to me about it, it made me think,"Ya. No point being angry over such things especially to people who do not understand!"
Haiz...If I know today's service going to make me cry, I shouldn't have come in the first place! But I want to listen to the marriage sermons. Little did I know that it would be something more. Lorraine then pat my hand like HuiYi did to me some time ago. I wonder.....erm...does she know what I am thinking about in my mind? HuiYi then turn and saw me crying. She should know why bah? HuiYi then told me something that shock me,"I have told Bro le". I was stunned when she told me that. I could not speak a word out but in my mind, I was thinking,"You..WHAT?!"I then thought to myself,"Oh no! No face to see him le. But so far he never said anything to me. Or maybe he wants me to speak to him about it? No I won't. Unless you come and confront me about it first.
The sermon today is quite confusing. About what equality, about what helper. I understand for some parts. There is a part, I feel like standing up and ask the Pastor, about the helping the husband to bring in income, I wanna ask,"What if the wife is a housewife role in the family? How can the housewife help the husband to bringing in income?" You get what I mean by this? Unless the wife is also working lah..but other than that, how can she help to bring in income if she is just a housewife? But none of his preaching for today answer this question in my head.
He then preach about God create women not to be rule over by men lah..not to be step over lah or whatever lah! In my mind, I was thinking,"Ya right man! As if!"Partly because I don't see this happening in my family. I almost cannot make it to church today because of some things happening at home. The worst thing is I couldn't do anything to help. My Mum pull me aside asking me to stay out of this cos she scared my Dad will vent the anger out on me. She said,"You forgot what happen when you were young and when your Dad quarreled with me? Cos he couldn't hit me..He knew he couldn't so? He vent the anger out on you! He hit you! Cos he couldn't lay a finger on me!"If I were younger, I will of course automatically step out of this. But now, I couldn't see any future in my life and I couldn't see that there's anything for me to live for anymore(if it wasn't for someone). He wanna beat, beat lah! I scared ah?! When I saw my Mum took a chopper, I then called HuiYi and tell her I couldn't make it for service today as something crops up at home. She said she will tell Bro and will pray for me..
Luckily my younger Brother is at home to stop the fight. He is always the peace-maker in the family. Without him, I couldn't imagine how the ending will be like? I dare not go out of the house as I scared something will happen but my Brother assured me that as long as he is there, nothing will happen. During the quarrel between my parents, he said something that makes me cry. I was deeply touch by his words. In my heart, I thank God for giving me such a wonderful younger Brother. But I regret how I used to treat him in the past. Luckily he is those forgive-and-forget kinda person and he don't harbor hatred. He's exactly like Nicholas - The Mr.Nice Guy. My brother then assured me,"Go for your service and don't worry about it. I can handle it here". After confirming everything is alright the time before I step out of the house, I then went for service, but with troubled heart.
After service, we went to fellowship for awhile and I overheard some bad news. I then remain silent thoughout as I keep thinking in my mind,"Am I one of them?"I do not know the whole story what happened. Cos no one tell me and I don't wish to probe.
I then went to meet my friend at Bugis. When I reach there, S was crying. I do not know what happened. When I arrive, Jia Xin then made an shocking annoucment that make me stunned for 2 minutes(some people call it "stone")I really do not know what to say lah. How come so many things happening all at the same time huh?! Feel that my world has been crush! She then ask am I alright? I told her,"You say leh!?" I then told her that I need some time to absort what she says. I then said to her,"I didn't even drink and you made me drunk now..by your words!"My friends don't get what I meant. It's like I've just recovered from hang-over, that same feeling! She said that she gather us tonight just to make this announcement. On one hand, I am happy for her lah..that she finally become normal person - not like me. On the other hand, I was shock about her sudden annoucement.(Vicente Kor, don't ask Jia Xin about this hor! Shhhh! Just keep quiet!)
We then went to buy the tickets for the movie. Wah! So late then start?! The show starts at 12.30am and we arrive at around 11pm or so. My friends then went to the arcade and request me to dance on the ParaPara cos they said they never see me dance for a long time. A group of Malay guys surround my favorite machine. I wait for them to move off first before I played the game cos I thought they wanna play but in the end they didn't. When I played, the Malay guys then siams away. I don't know why. I know I dance very lousy lah..don't like that lah. After I finish the game, my friends are nowhere in sight but I saw two girls sitting on a chair behind me - watching me played the game. -_-" Aiyah! Me play very lousy lah. Wanna see go and see those ParaPara experts dance, they dance more beautiful moves than me! Fail at the same stage - "Ultra High heels". Humph! One day I will master that moves! Quite complicated moves. But not as complicated than "Broken my Heart".
I went to play other games. Saw one of my childhood favorite game!!!! I still love the game though. That game has been around for 17 years of my life? Very rare that I could get to see the game in arcades. One day if I had lots of money, I wanna play that game and break all the stages! Of course I would be glad to have a "helper" helping me to break the stages together with me lah. Maybe I should call my ex-Manager along? He love arcade games. Heard that he is still single. Quite funny. A interesting guy like him still single? Or is he just plain picky? Don't get the wrong idea.
Did I wrote in one of my blog entries before? We used to be quite close but as friends. At work, of course I have to listen to his instructions but I was quite "pampered" by him. Maybe because we have the same interest. Everything was fine until colleagues started to misunderstand us as couple. Cos he used to ask me to wait for him after my work(I punch out at 3pm and he punch out at 6pm)so I end up always sitting at the table or doing free labour just to wait for him. I have nowhere else to go that time...cos I have walk almost the whole of Orchard Road everyday then till I am bored with it and don't know where to go. Aidah also ask me that time,"Eh, heard that you and B####### go steady ah? Is it true? You like B####### Sir?" I was surprise and angry. But though word of mouth, news began to spread and it gets worst. On that day when the restaurant was closing down, we are suppose to be allocate to other outlets to station there as permanent staff. I then told B I wanted to be op out from it and resign my job. He was surprise but did not say anything. I guess he knew the reason why. I don't want him to lose his job because of me. I heard that Managers are not suppose to date co-workers or the crews there. We are not dating! We are just friends who shared common interest! I almost lose a friend there because of different views about him. He has a habit of touching people's shoulders - To encourage them at work or just to console them. Actually I don't mind cos I see nothing wrong with that as I see it as a "buddy" reaction. But when he treated my supervisor the same way, my supervisor was not happy with it and cried. She said,"How can he touch me like that?! I can sue him for molest!" Maybe because I am used to be on the guys side. Meaning my behavior and etc are almost the same as a guy so I don't see anything wrong. He also touch my shoulder mah. But I didn't say anything. Aidah said that I am being open-minded and my supervisor is not as open-minded as me. Oh really? Okay lor...
But we haven't been contacting each other for a long time. He used to ask me out late at night to accompany him to play billiard but I reject him flatly until he got very upset. He don't know why I have changed. It's not that I have change but I do not know how to tell him that my then-bf doesn't like it when guys gets too close to me. He tend to be very processive of me. He almost beat one of my god-brother up just because my god-brother address me as "Dear" and also because of my then-bf I lose my God-brother just the snap of the finger. Thinking about it, I regret losing majority of my friends because of him. I thought it is a sacrifice I must made just to please him or see him happy. But now I regret. Especially after he suddenly began to hit me - more than three times on different occasions. I torlerated his hittings and verbal abusing for 2 and a half years until there comes a day where I couldn't stand it anymore, and told myself,"That's it! I want a break-up!"I was living in this way and he has hitted me countless times. I remembered there is one time I showed my friends the scar marks on my face and the bruises on my upper arms and they plead for me to leave him immediately. Of course, most of his friends who only saw his "nice" side, don't believe me even I had show them the scars and they insist that I bruise myself to accuse him! They cannot believe that he is such a person. Yes, he is a gentle person - when he is nice. But when he is angry, his true color shows out. I remember Esther said to me then,"Why ah, when you were in your Primary and Secondary school daze, majority of the boys scared of you. But now you are bullied by him?! Where is your then-reputation?!"I dare not hit him not because I love him. It's because he's a takuanto blue belt! His defense and attack are quite strong for me. If I hit him on one spot, he will hit me on multiple spots(I tried that so I know)!
Anyway to me, marriage course are not suitable for me. But I just went to listen to understand what marriage is all about? So far I have learn that to accept and to torlerate each other differences, and to become a Husband's helper instead of a competitor.
Haiz...If I know today's service going to make me cry, I shouldn't have come in the first place! But I want to listen to the marriage sermons. Little did I know that it would be something more. Lorraine then pat my hand like HuiYi did to me some time ago. I wonder.....erm...does she know what I am thinking about in my mind? HuiYi then turn and saw me crying. She should know why bah? HuiYi then told me something that shock me,"I have told Bro le". I was stunned when she told me that. I could not speak a word out but in my mind, I was thinking,"You..WHAT?!"I then thought to myself,"Oh no! No face to see him le. But so far he never said anything to me. Or maybe he wants me to speak to him about it? No I won't. Unless you come and confront me about it first.
The sermon today is quite confusing. About what equality, about what helper. I understand for some parts. There is a part, I feel like standing up and ask the Pastor, about the helping the husband to bring in income, I wanna ask,"What if the wife is a housewife role in the family? How can the housewife help the husband to bringing in income?" You get what I mean by this? Unless the wife is also working lah..but other than that, how can she help to bring in income if she is just a housewife? But none of his preaching for today answer this question in my head.
He then preach about God create women not to be rule over by men lah..not to be step over lah or whatever lah! In my mind, I was thinking,"Ya right man! As if!"Partly because I don't see this happening in my family. I almost cannot make it to church today because of some things happening at home. The worst thing is I couldn't do anything to help. My Mum pull me aside asking me to stay out of this cos she scared my Dad will vent the anger out on me. She said,"You forgot what happen when you were young and when your Dad quarreled with me? Cos he couldn't hit me..He knew he couldn't so? He vent the anger out on you! He hit you! Cos he couldn't lay a finger on me!"If I were younger, I will of course automatically step out of this. But now, I couldn't see any future in my life and I couldn't see that there's anything for me to live for anymore(if it wasn't for someone). He wanna beat, beat lah! I scared ah?! When I saw my Mum took a chopper, I then called HuiYi and tell her I couldn't make it for service today as something crops up at home. She said she will tell Bro and will pray for me..
Luckily my younger Brother is at home to stop the fight. He is always the peace-maker in the family. Without him, I couldn't imagine how the ending will be like? I dare not go out of the house as I scared something will happen but my Brother assured me that as long as he is there, nothing will happen. During the quarrel between my parents, he said something that makes me cry. I was deeply touch by his words. In my heart, I thank God for giving me such a wonderful younger Brother. But I regret how I used to treat him in the past. Luckily he is those forgive-and-forget kinda person and he don't harbor hatred. He's exactly like Nicholas - The Mr.Nice Guy. My brother then assured me,"Go for your service and don't worry about it. I can handle it here". After confirming everything is alright the time before I step out of the house, I then went for service, but with troubled heart.
After service, we went to fellowship for awhile and I overheard some bad news. I then remain silent thoughout as I keep thinking in my mind,"Am I one of them?"I do not know the whole story what happened. Cos no one tell me and I don't wish to probe.
I then went to meet my friend at Bugis. When I reach there, S was crying. I do not know what happened. When I arrive, Jia Xin then made an shocking annoucment that make me stunned for 2 minutes(some people call it "stone")I really do not know what to say lah. How come so many things happening all at the same time huh?! Feel that my world has been crush! She then ask am I alright? I told her,"You say leh!?" I then told her that I need some time to absort what she says. I then said to her,"I didn't even drink and you made me drunk now..by your words!"My friends don't get what I meant. It's like I've just recovered from hang-over, that same feeling! She said that she gather us tonight just to make this announcement. On one hand, I am happy for her lah..that she finally become normal person - not like me. On the other hand, I was shock about her sudden annoucement.(Vicente Kor, don't ask Jia Xin about this hor! Shhhh! Just keep quiet!)
We then went to buy the tickets for the movie. Wah! So late then start?! The show starts at 12.30am and we arrive at around 11pm or so. My friends then went to the arcade and request me to dance on the ParaPara cos they said they never see me dance for a long time. A group of Malay guys surround my favorite machine. I wait for them to move off first before I played the game cos I thought they wanna play but in the end they didn't. When I played, the Malay guys then siams away. I don't know why. I know I dance very lousy lah..don't like that lah. After I finish the game, my friends are nowhere in sight but I saw two girls sitting on a chair behind me - watching me played the game. -_-" Aiyah! Me play very lousy lah. Wanna see go and see those ParaPara experts dance, they dance more beautiful moves than me! Fail at the same stage - "Ultra High heels". Humph! One day I will master that moves! Quite complicated moves. But not as complicated than "Broken my Heart".
I went to play other games. Saw one of my childhood favorite game!!!! I still love the game though. That game has been around for 17 years of my life? Very rare that I could get to see the game in arcades. One day if I had lots of money, I wanna play that game and break all the stages! Of course I would be glad to have a "helper" helping me to break the stages together with me lah. Maybe I should call my ex-Manager along? He love arcade games. Heard that he is still single. Quite funny. A interesting guy like him still single? Or is he just plain picky? Don't get the wrong idea.
Did I wrote in one of my blog entries before? We used to be quite close but as friends. At work, of course I have to listen to his instructions but I was quite "pampered" by him. Maybe because we have the same interest. Everything was fine until colleagues started to misunderstand us as couple. Cos he used to ask me to wait for him after my work(I punch out at 3pm and he punch out at 6pm)so I end up always sitting at the table or doing free labour just to wait for him. I have nowhere else to go that time...cos I have walk almost the whole of Orchard Road everyday then till I am bored with it and don't know where to go. Aidah also ask me that time,"Eh, heard that you and B####### go steady ah? Is it true? You like B####### Sir?" I was surprise and angry. But though word of mouth, news began to spread and it gets worst. On that day when the restaurant was closing down, we are suppose to be allocate to other outlets to station there as permanent staff. I then told B I wanted to be op out from it and resign my job. He was surprise but did not say anything. I guess he knew the reason why. I don't want him to lose his job because of me. I heard that Managers are not suppose to date co-workers or the crews there. We are not dating! We are just friends who shared common interest! I almost lose a friend there because of different views about him. He has a habit of touching people's shoulders - To encourage them at work or just to console them. Actually I don't mind cos I see nothing wrong with that as I see it as a "buddy" reaction. But when he treated my supervisor the same way, my supervisor was not happy with it and cried. She said,"How can he touch me like that?! I can sue him for molest!" Maybe because I am used to be on the guys side. Meaning my behavior and etc are almost the same as a guy so I don't see anything wrong. He also touch my shoulder mah. But I didn't say anything. Aidah said that I am being open-minded and my supervisor is not as open-minded as me. Oh really? Okay lor...
But we haven't been contacting each other for a long time. He used to ask me out late at night to accompany him to play billiard but I reject him flatly until he got very upset. He don't know why I have changed. It's not that I have change but I do not know how to tell him that my then-bf doesn't like it when guys gets too close to me. He tend to be very processive of me. He almost beat one of my god-brother up just because my god-brother address me as "Dear" and also because of my then-bf I lose my God-brother just the snap of the finger. Thinking about it, I regret losing majority of my friends because of him. I thought it is a sacrifice I must made just to please him or see him happy. But now I regret. Especially after he suddenly began to hit me - more than three times on different occasions. I torlerated his hittings and verbal abusing for 2 and a half years until there comes a day where I couldn't stand it anymore, and told myself,"That's it! I want a break-up!"I was living in this way and he has hitted me countless times. I remembered there is one time I showed my friends the scar marks on my face and the bruises on my upper arms and they plead for me to leave him immediately. Of course, most of his friends who only saw his "nice" side, don't believe me even I had show them the scars and they insist that I bruise myself to accuse him! They cannot believe that he is such a person. Yes, he is a gentle person - when he is nice. But when he is angry, his true color shows out. I remember Esther said to me then,"Why ah, when you were in your Primary and Secondary school daze, majority of the boys scared of you. But now you are bullied by him?! Where is your then-reputation?!"I dare not hit him not because I love him. It's because he's a takuanto blue belt! His defense and attack are quite strong for me. If I hit him on one spot, he will hit me on multiple spots(I tried that so I know)!
Anyway to me, marriage course are not suitable for me. But I just went to listen to understand what marriage is all about? So far I have learn that to accept and to torlerate each other differences, and to become a Husband's helper instead of a competitor.
I think I have to end here. Have to get a quick nap for now.
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