For those who don't like to read about my whines and complain, you can don't read this entry. Thanks! Suppose to go to Jurong East for interview for Production Operator job but strangely, I only see the vehicle number there but not the person. After waiting for about half-an-hour, I give up and leave the place. Went to Bugis and took a cab to a clinic to check up. The Doctor then access my medical history. He then refer me to a nurse to extract blood from my vein and send me for counselling. Cried when the counsellor told me certain things. I then ask her one very important but stupid question,"Can I still get married if the test is positive?" She said,"Yes of course you still can get married and things like that and lead a normal life". Haha! I don't know whether to believe her. All I know is, if it is positive, it's the end of the world for me. All of you won't see me blogging ever again and I can assure you, all of you won't even get to see me in person anymore. BaoBei lied to me. Or maybe it could be that he do not really understand himself. It's okay...The test itself is very expensive...I need money! Went to his house initially to return his Mum his house keys. But she invite me in and cook dinner. Asked me to stay to have dinner. After dinner, I accompanied his Mum to watch TV. Both of his eldest Brother and elder Brother are back. The elder Brother still ignores me. His dog barks at me more fiercely today. I think she don't recognise me? She almost bite my ankle when I step into the kitchen and BaoBei's Mum slap the dog's butt once.
Went to Harbourfront to walk around. I try to put up an act as if I am happy. Visit Wendy and the new girl(whom I forgot the name again). I then bid them goodbye and try very hard to smile cos I know I am going to cry soon. Walk around aimlessly and I went to the top floor of Vivocity and look down from the high floor. Part of me wanted to jump down...with my head hitting the ground floor first then everything will be settled. But then BaoBei's image and words flash within my head. I still remember him saying to me,"No matter the result is positive or negative, PLEASE DON'T AVOID ME and don't play disappearance with me! I will go crazy! I will search the whole Singapore for you even it means that I will be thrown into Detention Barracks for 3 years! After 3 years if I am release I will still look for you until the day I have found you!" I then dial HuiYi's number and wanted to chat with her but someone at her home pick up the call and ear drop. It's something private so I don't wish another third-party to listen. I called another number she ask me to call and spoke to her. She encourage me alot and I cried. Lucky thing is that she also know BaoBei very well and know what kind of person he is. She said,"What he says, he will do it! He meant what he say". Chat with her for awhile and she console me before I hang up the call.
Feel like smoking but I promise BaoBei not to smoke. I cannot cut myself cos I promise HuiYi for it. I cannot drink cos I promise Lorraine for it and Bro also set conditions for me about my drinking problem. I look down from the Balcony and see alot of people...don't worry. I don't have the courage to commit suicide. I then went to Cheers and bought 3 packets of milk. I cannot drink mah. I cannot smoke mah. I also cannot cut myself mah. Then I replace Alcohol with Milk can? Anyway it's a new kind of milk that I never tried before so I bought to try lor. Okay, I know I am being lame.
Board a bus home. My mind is still in complete mess. HuiYi called me to ask how am I? Chat for awhile before hanging up the phone. BaoBei called and I hesitate the pick up his call. I reject his call twice before calling him back. He was relieve when he pick up my call,"I thought you wanna leave me" He said. I don't really have the mood to talk to him because of what happened earlier in the afternoon. He said some things that made me cry. I cry because what he said, touches me a lot. The more he spoke, the more I cry, the more I felt touched but at the same time, the more I felt guilty. I was thinking,"I don't want to ruin your future. You've a very bright future ahead and I am sure someday you'll find a better girl than me". He seems to read my mind and said,"Dear, are you crying? I know..you are afraid that you'll burden me right? But Dear, I cannot live without you and I mean my words! Please don't play disappearance with me can?" I cried after hearing him says that.
I don't know whether to talk to Bro. HuiYi says wait till the results are out then say. Sorry, I am quite a negative thinker. Lorraine should know. Luckily BaoBei and HuiYi are positive thinkers. Haiz..How I wish I could think positively too. But when reality and circumstance slap on my face, I don't know how to think positive anymore. From the look on the Doctor's face, I don't think it's good news. I just have to wait for 2 weeks to find out.
I think I have to end here. Sorry for the lousy mood.
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