I don't understand??? Maybe..

Met BaoBei yesterday. He came all the way to my workplace and wait for me. I don't even know that he has been watching me working. He says that he has walk past my counter two or three times but I didn't see him. I think I was busy serving customers. Almost fainted at work around the evening. I have giddy spells but I don't know why.

BaoBei then sent me home and he have some chat with my Mum before he went off. Miss Service today but anyway, I really don't see the point being there. Cos I was thinking, even if I reach there, the singing itself takes about 30 minutes to 45 minutes(I take note so I know) and I must leave after an hour. What's the point going there just to sing and then leave? Sorry but this is how I felt.

Went to work and negotiate with my Boss to let me work early on the 15th cos I saw my organiser taking down a note that there's service that day 5pm -7pm. He then reluctantly agreed to let me work in the morning.

Around the evening just before I went for lunch, a customer keep sort-of "begging" me to change money for her. I then close my counter half-way and she shouted at me,"NO! NO! NO!" I got a fright at that point cos she shouted behind me! PLEASE! DON'T EVER SHOUT OR CALL ME FROM BEHIND! I REPEAT THIS! I then replied quite rudely to her,"Madam! Can you please don't shout!? I am NOT closing!" She didn't even apologise! Right after that moment after she shouted, I felt my chest have a piercing pain and I have difficulty breathing a little. But I quickly scan the rest of the customer's things. After I had scan the last customer, I quickly put a CLOSE sign at my counter and squat down. My chest still hurts! My colleague from the opposite counter who saw me, ask if I am okay? But after drinking one big gulp of water and some deep but slow breathing to relax my mind(hopefully), I felt better...Stupid customer! Some people don't know how to WAIT! I DON'T WANT TO WORK IN THIS JOB!!! I WANNA CHANGE JOB!!! I think I am not suitable to work with customers, they either angered me, frighten me or provoke me in some way or another. I think I am more suitable to work with things. Esther Ho also said that I am not suitable to work with customers as I will tend to let my feelings known/show. Sorry, once I am angered or provoked, it is very hard for me to smile. A few regular customers were surprise(or shock?)when I glared at them(The eyes that Esther Ho and my Da Lao Po(elder "wife")said that my eyes look murderous when I am angry that type) There is one customer even look down on me. I wanted to say to her,"Eh!! Hello! Since you know I am not familiar with the products here, then why don't you go to other counters where the cashiers are more familiar with the things?! Don't come to my counter lah!"But I didn't say anything but to stare at her and replied annoying,"Ya I know!"(In my mind I was saying,"KNS! Can shuddup or not?!")

Read BaoBei's blog and he says that I don't know him well. He even started to hate himself but I don't know why. I feel very sad when I read his latest entry. The Valentine's Day present that I gave to him, he didn't even read the message inside. He just open and see what is it and then close it. I felt disappointed but I didn't tell him. I guess it doesn't matter to him. Cos I expect him to at least read the small message that I had wrote for him inside. But he didn't. I just keep quiet and pretend nothing wrong. The Valentine Day present is only 99 hearts. The one that I took one whole day to make. I guess guys just don't know how to appreciate these kinda things. The rest of the hearts is in my room in another container. There was one time I type in my MSN extension nick: Will distance draw us apart or will it brings us closer? I guess his actions speaks out loud the question of mine. Although Esther Leong said that it will definitely draws us closer.

I wanted to talk to someone but I don't know whom. I also don't know where to begin with. Am I being sensitive again? Or maybe BaoBei really don't know how to express himself. Receive a cross necklace from BaoBei and he claims that he made it for me by asking his army mate to teach him how to make that necklace. I think I lost it but I don't remember where and when. There are times I wish that I could go somewhere alone to think things through. Why did BaoBei say that? Maybe I really don't understand BaoBei enough. Or maybe I don't even understand BaoBei at all.

During the days when I cannot accompany BaoBei, he did look for his friends that I ask him to. But sadly none of them accompany him. Xiao Pang is sick with high fever. Wei Da is busy with his girlfriend(Now then I know he's got gf! but I got the news a little late). He then SMS someone whom I felt threaten by. Although the SMS is harmless and pure, but still, the idea of her SMSing him makes me feel uncomfortable. She ask BaoBei to bring me along to meet her. I don't want! Seeing an ex-girlfriend of your boyfriend is really weird! I don't even know what is their status! Ordinary friends? Best friends? Close friends? Or what?! It was her who initiated the break-up(That's what I heard) but I forgot who told me before that JayJay who saw her before, only describe her one thing: When JayJay saw her, he wanted to "bed" with her. If you guys know what I mean by this? I also heard that BaoBei's ex-gf is quite sexy and pretty. *JEALOUS* But BaoBei used to be a racer. So I am not surprise that he got to know this kinda girls. I just feel insecure that's all. Cos I am neither pretty nor sexy. But I fear that if one day that girl came back to him, asking him to patch things back, BaoBei will have mix feelings. But if that really were to happen, I will most probably chose to let him go. I am not saying that they cannot remain as friends. But...I have my own fears and insecurities. Cos one of my ex-bf told me that he used to think that he has forgotten his ex-gf after I and him are together. But after I broke up with him, when I met my ex sometime ago, he told me that he realize that he still has feelings for his ex after all, deep inside his heart. Long after I left him and that he happened to met her again at his company functions. That is when he realise the feeling is still there. I fear that same thing will happen on BaoBei. But still, I cannot say anything about it. I tend to imagine things and at times, imagine the worst.

I think I have to end here for now. Nothing for me to type anymore. *Staring blankly into space imagining things*