Went for shopping alone while waiting for Esther to knock off. Before that, I went to Jurong to pass my Time Sheet to my Agent and at the same time, tell him about my alteration about a time slot. He ask me if I wanted to work as a packer in a Japanese snack shop? I said okay but I forgot to ask about the location and the pay. He said he will call me if there's any news. Manage to buy the things I want. While shopping, my mind was imagining things and thinking of BaoBei. The more I thought about it the more unhappy I felt. Why didn't he tell me earlier?! I am angry but I don't know how to express my anger. I HATE GUYS WHO LIED TO ME OR TO HIDE THINGS FROM ME!!! He said that he has forgotten about it. HuiYi tell me not to think too much and anyway, it was his past. BUT I MIND A LOT!!!
I happened to saw his MSN history at his place. Actually I had created that MSN history for him cos initially he doesn't have one. But I don't know how come it can captured his conversations from 2005? He used to have MSN history message and there was one time I saw his conversations between his ex-gf and him. I was jealous but I didn't think too much of it. I then saw his conversations between Stephanie about SOMEONE whom I am familiar with. He never tell me that he liked her before until I asked him about it!!! He said that he wasn't allowed to pursue her cos she was studying that time. He's only allowed to pursue her only after she has completed her studies. Despite his explanation, I am still not happy about it although it was 2 years ago. WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME IN THE BEGINNING THEN!?
I HATE HIM!!!! I HATE HER!!!!(THE SOMEONE THAT HE LIKES) AND I HATE THAT CHINA GIRL!!!!! I won't fight with them anymore. I LOST! Although I had him but in his heart I AM NOTHING!!!! Lorraine, don't ask me to talk to him. I don't wish to talk. Now I have a feeling that I am just a substitute!
Bought the bag that I was looking for at $30. The initial price was $35 and Esther help me to get a discount. Finally bought myself a packet of sleeping pills. I was surprise that I can get it so easily over-the-counter for a very cheap price!!! I thought that I must see a doctor to get a prescription. The medication shock me cos my current pills is only 4mg - 5mg strong. The person said that it is the lightest and if I wanted a stronger one, I need to see a doctor to get it. The one that I have bought, is 25mg strong!!!
I told Esther that if I can I wish to take all of it at one shot(20 pills)she scold me siao and ask me not to talk rot during CNY(Lorraine will say,"Don't Ra-ra can?") I wonder 20 pills of sleeping pills plus 10 pills of Panadol will lead to what? That is only my thinking. I don't think I dare to try that.
My eyes hurts after crying. WHY CRY FOR HIM!? Since he initially wanted to pursue CLY then I won't say anything anymore!!! He's a diploma holder while I am only a stupid NITEC cert!!! CLY also going to study a diploma soon too. I said before, I won't fight but I'll just let him go. But if I ever really do that, my friends will see a very different side of me. If I ever failed again on this, I will save money to go for operation and then save another part of money to have my name and gender change and to serve NS. Leading a different life from then on. By that time, I won't be calling Juliet. Call me Richard. I have not yet think of a Chinese name for myself if I were to become a guy. Or maybe I'll try to save one million dollars to migrate to England? Then I'll start my new life from there. At least I can fulfil one of my dreams then. *Daydreaming*
I'll end here for now. Will blog again some other time....I won't trust you anymore BaoBei...if you really like CLY, then go for her...if you really think she's the one for you then I'll just say goodbye and thank you for the times that you gave me..I'll always remember it...
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