Actually I blog this a little late cos I don't want to link it to the anniversary part. Last week when I went to BaoBei's place, he ask me,"Do you wanna know how my ex looks like?" I just look at him in his eyes and he click on a folder. The image then appear a girl's picture and he says,"This is my previous ex...XQ"(The one from China) When I look at the picture, I feel very upset but I didn't tell him. I just comment,"Oh okay..she looks very pretty". She looks a bit like Joanne. I think maybe it's because of her hairstyle..cos it's the same as Joanne's hairstyle. Her face was very cute. Of course, you all can guess how I feel lah - Depress and low-self esteem lor cos I am not as pretty as her and I don't know how to dress up myself. He then delete the picture in front of me and it was sent to the trash bin. I ask him why and he said,"It was the past anyway. No use having her picture in my computer". I said that he could keep it for memory sake but he don't wish to. Maybe because he knows that it would somehow make me unhappy.
Facing a little financial difficulty cos I have no job and I don't wish to go out often. Plus the bad thing is that I still owe some of my friends debts from last year and haven't clear it out. Sian...I don't have anymore money in my account. Met Lorraine yesterday evening and fellowship with her a little. She was actually looking for a gift for her boyfriend but I couldn't help much. She ask about my relationship with YenHao and things between me and Esther Ho and HuiYi. Then talk to me a lot of things. Mostly encourages me...but still...I don't know lah. Maybe it's my mindset. Or maybe it's my low confidence or whatever. I just don't feel that I could serve the new CG well. Plus she told me that she don't know me well and ask me to tell her more about myself. Huh? I thought she know me well? Okay lah..to a certain extend lah..Hmm...I also don't know what else she wants to know about me?
She ask me have I step into City Hall? Actually the place that she brings me to, I haven't been step in since year 1999 until now...cos..I don't dare to go there. A lot of things has changed. Actually, I am running away from myself..trying to run away from past memories that hurt me so much for so long. I think it's time that I should face up to reality that it's all been over a long time ago. That part of Juliet has died..because of a guy. But then again, sometimes I feel that I have not changed at all..I am still the same old Juliet that is still so stupid about a lot of things. Lessons that I never ever learnt..but no matter how hurt I am, I know that I must still move on. From my past..The one question that I will always ask myself,"Will this guy ever hurt me?" The answer always seems to be a "Yes" in the end. I just hope that BaoBei won't ever hurt me again. Hurting me once is already enough - His lie. I have forgiven him...but I am not sure whether to trust him again? Although it's just a very minor thing but people don't realize that it's always the little things they do that either touched me or hurt me the most.
I will stop here for now. Don't know what am I blogging myself...
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