Shopping spee!!!

Went to my friend's store at SMU yesterday. She was there to set up her stall for just 1 day. Bought a few clothes there at slashed price! All going very cheap. Actually I had my eyes on 2 other clothes which cost $21 and $32 respectively but BaoBei don't allow me to buy those 2. He claims that he saw one of the clothes I had my eyes on, at Bugis cost around $8?! Well, he does the market research and with his stingy cousin around, I think he should know better than me. But then again, how many people actually really remember the price of certain design of the clothes they have seen it before at somewhere else? Unless you really like the design of the clothing and had your eyes on and the remember in your memory how exactly the clothes look like. But I don't have this kinda memory. I have this kinda memory only for bags. I am a bag freak.

Went out with Jazzyme and LaZyChOo after that and initially they plan to eat Sake Sushi! o.O I reject their suggestion and said I wanted to eat something below $20 for 2 persons. Cos today I will also be spending quite a big sum of money at Ajisan later for BaoBei's birthday. Jazzyme's friend, YunQi? Something Qi, her name I forgot, sell me a blue dress which I had my eyes on but cannot fit initially to me at $10!!!(Reduced price from $18) Haiz..I think I am getting fatter year by year. YunQi(I think?) is only a year older than me and she is MARRIED?! She even told me that her husband and her even applied for a HDB flat and is now headache looking for renovation contractors to paint their house etc. I then stared at BaoBei. She said,"Oops! Did I say something wrong?" I said,"See lah! You are younger than me and you are married! I am getting old! Almost 25 next year le!" Initially I thought she was 22 years old cos she look very young! And her figure is also very slim! But then after I said that, she was like -_-" and said,"Thanks for your compliment but I am 25 this year. 1 year older than you. So....you don't need to feel left-out. Anyway, not married is GOOD! You know why? Cos after married a lot of things you cannot do. Freedom lost..kena tied up by your husband and cannot go clubbing/pubbing/shopping etc with your friends cos your husband will expect you to be home by the time he reach home. So..enjoy your freedom while you can while you are still UN-MARRIED LOL" Jazzyme agree with her and said,"That's why I chose not to get married lor" I was thinking,"I still wish to be married cos I feel I am not young anymore." I heard the later you married and give birth to your baby, the wider the age gap is for you and your child and makes communication more difficult.(Like me and my Parents) I know there are parents who are very modern and I am envy of those people who have parents like that cos at least they are much more understanding and patient.

Went to a nice amosphere pub where we drink and chat about everything. It's been a very long time since I have been to a pub cos BaoBei don't allow me to go to such places ever since I have been with him and I don't know why. This part of freedom I have lost even though I am not yet married to him. Haiz...sianz...

I will end here for now. Nothing much to update nowadays plus almost no one reads my blog now. I think except my caring and lovable lil brother ^_^ *hugs*

MOLEST

Was very unhappy at work today. Actually, this incident happen the SECOND TIME. But just that I didn't shout until now. I don't know why, but my manager recently use pen/pencil to poke at my butt. Just to call me or wanted to tell me something. But then, why does he need to do that?! Can't he just call me or tap my shoulder?! Why must poke my butt?!

My so-called "Boss" came to my workplace today and chat with my supervisor at my Manager. I then walk into the back-sink area usually to ask my supervisor what he wanted me to take from restaurant for the day? It was then, this happen AGAIN and it is not the first, but SECOND time:

Manager: (Poke my butt twice) Eh! Later remember the take the Ham ah!

Me: Tsk!!! (Stare at my Manager) Na Beh!!!!! CAN DON'T POKE MY BUTT OR NOT?!
(Meanwhile my "Boss" and Supervisor watch our quarrel with a stunned look on their faces)

Manager: Eh! Hello! I just ask you to take something only right?! Why you so work-up?! Some more I never use bare hands to touch you!!!
Me: THAT ALSO CONSIDER AS MOLEST!!! I CAN CHARGE YOU FOR MOLESTING ME YOU KNOW?! SECOND TIME ALREADY!!!!!!!

(My Boss is standing beside me and my supervisor look at my face)

Manager: Eh!!! YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?! YOU BELIEVE I'LL SLAP YOUR FUCKING FACE?!

Me: YOU DARE YOU SLAP LAH!!!! (Staring at my Manager with my big eyes while saying this)

After that my Manager keep quiet and I ask my supervisor for instructions. My Supervisor still stunned for a minute before answering my questions. I guess he was shock that I shout like that in front of boss. Boss is there so what?! My supervisor and Boss are my witness to the incident! My manager DID POKE my butt with something!!!!! I ask 4 persons and 3 out of 4 of them said this act CAN be consider as molest. And I can sue him if I wanted to.

After the incident, he still can act friendly towards me and chat with me(like where I go clubbing etc) NB!!!! I am not a person that easily forgive and forget!!!! Didn't have the decency to even say "Sorry"!!!!

I then complain this to my admin friend who works at the restaurant. She ask whether I wanted this matter to let the Big boss know? But then she ask me to resolve the matter with Manager first to see how. Maybe he didn't did it on purpose?(He did!) or that he is just playing? Too bad Lah..I am the sensitive kind of person and there is some parts that I don't anyhow allow a person to touch me!(Do I need to be so precise?) If you get what I mean.

Why am I always so weak?! HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!

Haiz...

Went to Singapore Indoor Stadium yesterday to watch some concert. I was quite disappointed with the overall show. Got a free sample of beverage to try. The last time I tried the other type, it didn't suit my taste. Went for supper with WeiDa at Geylang...and I regretted going there.

When I went into the store, I turned and saw WanXia(I finally remembered her name). She was with a girl and a guy. But I ignored her and gesture to WeiDa if we could sit behind?(Cos I dun wish to sit in front of them. But...haiz....blame me for being too tamid and quiet. He suggest to sit at that very place I hated cos of the air-condition. -_-"

From the start, I ear-drop on what they say(My left ear is very sharp at listening things). After our food came, Wan Xia said,"Wah! So much they can finish meh?" Her friend said,"Ai yah! She so fat! Confirm cannot finish one lah!" I almost wanted to cry but never mind. BaoBei and his friends are there so cannot make him lose face. I just try very hard not to shed my tears. Throughout the event, I kept very quiet even when Wei Da ask me things. I just shake or nod my head(cos I was still ear-dropping Wan Xia's group of friends). Then they said something about very obvious? I think they meant my bra strap. Cos it was my first time wearing a bikini with halter top kind(if you can imagine how it look like). When I couldn't stand it any longer, I took my bag and tried to take out my hp but it contain some free samples of 1-shape. They then comment on it(WAH LAU EH!!!!! MUST THEY TALK SO OBVIOUS AND SO LOUD FOR ME TO HEAR!? NNB!!!!! CAN'T THEY LEAVE ME IN PEACE?!) that it can lost 4.2kg in a week.(Not 2.4 meh?! NB duno don't anyhow say lah!!! Stupid brainless bitches!!! People say Big breast no brain. I think she's no breast + no brain! = Shameless brainless sluttiest bitch!!!!) I keep quiet but my expression was like this -_-"

After they left, I then told BaoBei and Wei Da that the girls sitting behind us was my ITE classmate and how they used to bully me. They said,"Why didn't you told us earlier?! We can "shoot" them with our "style"" But never mind. I feel very unlucky...everywhere I go I seems to get bullied. Sometimes I wonder where is the old "me" gone? How gutless I am..sigh...

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Freedom VS Relationship

Sick and tired of my life nowadays. Recently I have been thinking,"Whether BaoBei is really suitable for me after all"? I realize I had lost most things when I am with him. It has been a long time since I last went clubbing. I kinda miss clubbing life. BaoBei forever will not understand why clubbers like me like to go clubbing so much? I heard that clubs do not accept anyone below 18 and above 30 or 40 yrs old. I just wanna visit all the clubbing places in Singapore just to soak in the amosphere and see the clubbing place itself just once. Is that too much to ask for?

Early in the relationship, BaoBei already forbid me to go clubbing. So what if he loves bar-ing? I love clubbing. That is my preference. Why can't I have my own preference? Read the Straits Times today and I realize that there's a lot of clubs in Singapore that I have yet to visit. It's been too long since I last went clubbing. Even just to go there for look-look see-see also forbids me to.

I am starting to having second thoughts on our relationship. I should have notice way earlier in our relationship that this is not going to work out but I didn't. I thought "Give and take will be okay" but it seems that it is not the case. There are things about him that started to irritate me now just that I just bear with it. I don't know why am I in this relationship for?

Maybe I should remain single for the rest of my life. So what if I had no partner to take care of me? I don't wish to live that long anyway. There are times I wish I could end my life. Recently I have found some way to die without anyone knowing and even if police were to found your body, surprisingly, they will classified you as "Un-natural death" or "accident" I have already found some of these ways to die. Just that I have many un-finished business in my life to take care of. Wait till I settled those un-finished business first before I can finally leave this world. Once I had finished, I will bid my friends a formal "Goodbye" and take my leave peacefully. I have been living unhappily for the most of my life anyway. What's the point of living if you are so unhappy with life?

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

PS: If only I had the courage to die...

3 Days 2 nights of Genting Highlands! WooHoo!

Went to Genting last week on Friday night with a big group of our friends. Waited for an hour plus for our coach bus to arrived. After that most of us fell asleep in the bus on the way to Singapore custom checkpoint except for me. I couldn't sleep a wink thoughout the 9-hours long journey. After we went pass the Malaysia checkpoint, again most of them are sleeping. BaoBei snored quite loudly in the bus. I couldn't sleep cos of the cold air-conditioner. We reach our destination at 6am. Had stop for breakfast before that.

When we arrived at our destination, we put our bags in a hall and BaoBei bring me to walk around the hotel. I reluctantly went with him cos I was feeling very tired. We went to casinos, some shopping centres, and 2 arcade games centre. I have never been inside casinos before all my life and was very delighted to have step into a casino!

Went back to the original spot at 11am and proceed to play some games. I played a game that requires to step on 12-steps of colours. It's sort of a memory game. You have to remember all the 12 steps of colours within 30 secs of the card you picked, and then you have to step on the colours that matches with the card that you pick within 3 minutes. Somehow, I manage to win that game in ONE GO. I tried to memorise the 12-steps colours of the card that I pick. BaoBei pick the same card with me but he gets to go first. He won after 2nd try cos he forgot the colour of the last step. While I win at one go. The organiser beep at me with his whistle cos he thought I step on the wrong color(Cos I played Too fast) in the end, his assist said,"She step correctly" He was stunned! Cos he replied,"Huh?! So fast?!" If I am not wrong, I cleared the game within 10 secs flat. The people who are in the queue for the game look at me with big eyes and said,"HUH?! So fast!?" I won a brown bag for the first game.

I then went to play the SAME game for a different prize. The prize is a T-shirt. That queue for the 2nd same game was quite a long queue. Imagine this, I just finish playing the first game with the 12-steps of colours. After I finish the 1st game, I still remembered the colours in my head! When it was finally my turn to play the 2nd game, guess what? When i pick the card, it is EXACTLY THE SAME CARD that I played on the first game! How lucky is that?! Part of me feel like giving it back to the person after looking at it for 3 secs. Cos I already know the steps! But the game rule states that is 30 secs. So I just treat it as a practise even though I know I don't need to. After that, BaoBei and my 3 other friends look at me when it's my turn to play. Again, I cleared the game in one go! This time i think is less than 10 secs. ALL of them were stunned! BaoBei said,"2nd time already!!! 2nd time!!! Clear at one go!!!" Then I heard the people at the queue said,"Wah lau eh! This girl!" I won the T-shirt but then it was too tight and too small for me -_-" I wanted to give the T-shirt away but nobody wants it. After that we went for meeting and called it a day.

I went back to my hotel room first cos BaoBei had to stayed for the meeting and I haven't slept a wink for a total of 40 hours straight!!! Woo! Broke my first record of 24 hours without sleep in year 1998! I duno if I had count correctly, on Friday, I woke up at 7am and haven't sleep until the next day at 10pm. Count it yourself. I don't know is it my imagination or my hearing problem. At first, I hear my hotel room door crack(like someone open the knob of the door) but nobody step in! After that I hear like showering sound coming from the toilet but again, I am alone in the room! I was scared and I went to my bag to place a yellow paper that my mother gave me beneath my pillow. BaoBei only came back at midnight. I was scared to death the whole time!

Day 2:
Went for breakfast early in the morning. I am still not used to waking up so early. Then went for a 5 hours meeting and a group photoshoot which BaoBei missed it cos he was sick. Had a grand wedding-like dinner which they called it "Gala dinner" followed by group dancing in the disco light - WooHoo!!! Went to shop around and experience first hand on a particular incident. I learnt something through the incident and then later shared with my group of friends.

Day 3:
It was time for us to pack up and leave. Went to gather at 11am to leave for Singapore. Again, the journey was very long and each of us gets to share our experience in the bus. When I said that I cleared the game at one go twice, all of them are surprise and jealous at the same time. Especially when I told them I have a very bad memory. All of them don't believe me. I taught them how I remembered the colours and encourage them to try it next year.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

I had enough....

Went out with SL friends on Saturday for some gathering. Play Monopoly games and I was feeling very happy. Played for five hours before one of the players declares bankrupt and we ended the game. It only cost $22++ for 5 person which Jazzyme and BaoBei says it's cheap. I think it could be that the crew counted wrongly but nevermind..Baobei bought a Molopoly game for us to play. I still couldn't graps the concept. So in the end, I lost in the game without knowing why.

Went back home today morning and went for check up just now for my nose. Doctor explains to me that I have dried blood inside my left nose and that my nose is sensitive and I cannot stayed in Air-condtion places and try not to sleep with Air-con on. She also advice me not to roll tissue papers and stick to my nose(which BaoBei always does that to me). BaoBei always switch on the air con to sleep. Could this be the reason why I have frequent bleeding? During the Journey to the hospital part of me thinking,"Why couldn't I die instead? Why must I still live?" I am seriously sick and tired of life that at times I seriously wish I was dead but I don't have the courage to end my own life.

My Mum nag at me about BaoBei again. She kinda dispise him! What can I do? This is my life and what I have chosen. But no matter what I do or whom I choose to be with, she is never happy with my choice. She will never approve whatever choices I have made. What's the point? I am tired. Seriously tired. My brother tried to console me. While in the back, my Mum keeps on saying bad about BaoBei. I didn't speak up for him cos there's nothing for me to speak for. What she says is right. But...what else can I do? I am tired...I do not wish to speak anymore of this. I'll just live one day at a time...hopefully, one day, I can really be dead. Or someone can kill me whether by accident or not. I'll just thank the person..cos I don't have the courage to commit suicide.

I always put on a smile in front of my friends. I always act like I am happy infront of people. Since there's this saying,"Your life is a movie, you are the director, the actor and the producer. How you want to live your life, how you want to act it out, depends only on yourself". Okay, so, I'll act. I act to be happy everyday, when inside my heart I am crying. I act to be cheerful, when deep inside, I am actually hurt. Sometimes I even wonder why I am I even exist in this world? Why didn't my Mum abort me when I am still in her womb?

I reflect a lot in my life, all along, I had useless boyfriends. Boyfriends who idle day in and out. Or who won't make it big. Some times, I think being single and alone is the best. At least, you have one less trouble weighing on you.

I will end here for now. I wish the end of the world will come soon. I really wish to die, don't wish to go on....

Happy Birthday!

Celebrated my birthday on Thursday. Actually it's not really a celebration cos not many people were with me that day. Friends who are really celebrating are getting lesser and lesser. On that day, the only people who came only Ivan, Esther, Li Ping, Jia Xin and BaoBei. Ivan and Esther hang out with me almost the whole day. We went to watch a movie,"Terminator?" I forgot the movie title but it was about a guy who sacrifice himself and donate his whole body for a research. In the end, he became a robot and he himself didn't even realize. On the outside you can't tell that he's a robot until you rip open his skin. His whole body is made of machine except for his heart, which still has the heart of a human. That is why he still can feel and has emotions of a human. Nice movie though in the end he gave his heart up to the main character, John conner. Who is dying. John conner's father is a teenager?! In the movie, he mentions that he could not accept that his father is younger than him!(who can?!) After the whole movie, Ivan mentions that this movie is the combination of Terminator 1, 2 and 3. Same as 无间道 1,2 and 3. And says that the movie makes no sense for those who watch Terminator 1 and 2 before. Imagine you went back into your parents past where your parents were still boyfriend and girlfriend. Try telling them you are their child and you are from the future. What would they think? After the movie, Ivan went home around 6pm. Esther ask where I wanted to eat?

We went to Jack's place and for the first time, I tried the steak there. You can even choose the doneness for your steak. The price is not cheap though. The one that I chose is around $23++ while Esther eat fish and chips. Jia Xin came quite late. Around 9+pm, I didn't know when she came. We then had our orders and ate as we chat happily.

The food that I've ordered

Esther and Me

My Birthday cake!

Jia Xin and Me

Burborn on the rocks..of course BaoBei wasn't too happy that I drink

Li Ping and us...seldom get to see her..she also has lots of suitors

Li Ping then joined us around 10pm(the restaurant was about to close). I think she bought my gift last minute cos there was no wrapper and she claim that she has no time to wrap. It was a faceshop facial wash. From the brand itself I can tell that it is not cheap, though I don't know how much it cost. Esther gave me my present and she said it was from Shuling, Angel, My 大老婆 and someone else whom I forgot. It was a bag and the design was what I was looking for, for a very long time. Esther said,"Oh really?! We didn't know you were looking for this design but glad you like it" My 大老婆 self-made my birthday card for me as usual. Every year she would gave me a self-made birthday card. Esther gave me a birthday card too and it was computerize type. Very good effort on the card :D

Went for Expo today to find some books that I am looking for. It was popular sale and Singapore Expo food sale! I bought a lot of books from the popular sale and even get discounts too! As for the food, because I had no time and it was quite crowded as usual every year, I just bought a noodle which is 1 for $1. The usual price was $2.50 for 1, I think? When I got home, BaoBei chide me for wasting my money on such things. I am an impulsive buyer which is not good. The books itself cost me $50+ for 9 books. Some books sale for $1 while the rest is around $14+++.

Tomorrow is the last day for the fair. If you are interested, quickly go and check it out before it's too late. Who knows? You might find some bargains there like me too! I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

A walk in my life time

On Wednesday, I went to a friend's house in AMK after work. We chat till quite late and I had to rush for the MRT at around 11+pm. I manage to catch the last train there that headed towards Jurong East MRT. But I alight at the wrong side of the station and got into a train that head towards Joo Koon in the end.

I alight at Chinese Garden, which at that point of time was 11.50 something, close to midnight. There is no more train service for me to transfer back home. Luckily I manage to get to a bus stop which has a last bus to Jurong East interchange. I then ask for directions to walk to Clementi. That person whom I had seek help from, ask,"Huh?! Clementi from here walk very far leh. You sure you wanna walk?" I told him,"Ya. Bo bian. If I don't walk I cannot go home. Thanks. Bye!"

It was the longest walk I had in my entire life. I am used to getting lost in Singapore. I remembered when I was in my primary school daze, there are a few times that I used up ALL my pocket money and has no money to board a bus home. I then walk all the way from Viking Road(Redhill) to Queenstown. I remembered very clearly it was a 20-25 minutes walk from the school to my home. There was once my cousin caught me walking alone and he offer me to ride home in his car. That was 12 years ago. He then blame my Mum for not giving me enough pocket money.

While I was walking, I keep on searching for last bus home. I was tired and hungry but I have no more money for taxi. A few taxis stop for me but I wave my hand at them to reject the offer. I then continue to walk in the dark. If you ask me,"Huh?! So late at night le you alone not scared?" I am scared but.....still I have to walk to get home. My Mum SMS me to ask where am I? I told her I am walking home as I have no money for taxi. She offer to pay for the taxi fare but I don't want. She is worried sick when she learnt that I walk home alone in the night! Actually, I am a road idiot(路痴) I didn't know my directions well. I could only rely on Building names or street names or any building structures that I find it familiar with, as my landmark.

I remembered I walked past a resort, which BaoBei and me went there before for one of our friend's chalet. That building itself made me recognise my way home. Cos it was near Clementi, but a few kilometres away. When I saw the building, I know I was somewhere near industrial park of Jurong and walking towards Clementi. I stop to look at the bus stop for buses towards Clementi. Because that is my only hope home. After walking for nearly 2 hours, I finally found a bus stop which has the last bus to Clementi interchange - Bus 99. I look at the timing for weekdays, and it stated that the last bus is 1.13am. I look at my hand phone time and it was already 1.16am. I decided to try my luck to wait.

After waiting for around 5 minutes, I then gave up as I thought there's no more buses. Cos bus usually either on schedule or earlier. Just as I was about to walk off, I saw a bus coming - Bus 99! I rush towards to bus and flag. When I board the bus and tap my ezlink card, I sat a place near the bus driver. The bus driver look at me in the rear mirror and said,"Eh!? You again!? Why? Lost your way huh?" Initially, I was very surprise of how this driver know me? I ask,"Who are you?" He replied,"Aiyo! You don't remember me? I fetch you home once you remember? You staying near Singapore Polytechnic there right?" I was shock! But then again, I remembered there was indeed once a bus driver took me back to my home out of pity. Cos I overslept in his bus and ask him innocently whether there's any bus to Dover? He told me there is no more bus and ask where I live? He then offer me to ride home for free but ask me to bend down as not to let his supervisor see any passenger left in the bus. He then drop me at Singapore polytechnic.

I told him I think I recall who he is. There is one other passenger at the bus at that point of time and he was shock that I knew the bus driver. I then chat with the bus driver and told him how I got lost again. He said,"ya la..maybe you pray to your God and your God sent me lah. You are lucky!". I did pray for a miracle at the bus stop to God that hopefully, there is still one last bus home, and He answered my prayers. After alighting, I wanted to get his number but then again, I was scared cos it is not very nice for a girl to ask guy for numbers. I just wanna thank him that's all.

I manage to walk all the way from Clementi back home. When I reach home, it's already 2+am close to 3am. My Mum said luckily there's bus home or else she thinks I'll reach home by 5+am.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Suicidal signs

Read one article from The Straits Times yesterday and I found something interesting. It is about recessions times and the number of suicidal deaths happen in that year and how many people really seek help from those so-called "help-lines". A suicidal expert(a person who studies suicidal deaths), Dr.Chia Boon Hock, Singapore's resident suicidologist has spent 40 years collecting and studying suicide data, notice that there have been four major suicide over the past 100 years in Singapore.

The article is actually about recessions in the past 3 decades and how many people took their lives in recessions:

1) During 1906 - 1910 Banker's Panic financial crisis, which he saw the suicide rate surge 71% to 11.3 per 100,000 people.

2)after the great depression from 1936 - 1940 when the toll swell to 15.8 per 100,000 people

3)from 1941 - 1945 during the Japanese Occupation. He saw 16 per 100,000 people ending their lives and lastly, 12.8 per 100,000 people per year. That translates about 400 deaths a year, or just one day.

After reading through all the article, it has one last article that I am very interested in. Surprisingly, I did not know that I am actually leaving signs for the people around me but yet they don't really care. Actually, I really don't have to courage to even to attempt suicide even though I done these things before:

1) VERBAL WARNINGS: These are given in almost half of all suicides. These consist of expressions that "life has no meaning", fatigue or bidding loved ones a final farewell. The young, sometimes issue verbal threats like: "if you do not love me, I will kill myself".

2) PRE-SUICIDE PLANNING: This is seen in about 10% of suicide cases. It involves tidying up one's affairs, such as finalising a will, leaving funeral instructions, sorting out finances, examining burial sites, studying the dimensions of the window they intend to jump from. Almost one-quarter of suicides here, usually the young, single and local-born, leave behind suicide notes. In some cases, they also send out text messages or make phone calls prior to the deed.

3) BEHAVIOURAL CHANGE: This is seen in only less than 5% of the cases. Changes include sudden calm or euphoria, excessive spending, generous gift-giving, sudden withdrawal, or a refusal to eat days to weeks before the event.

There are also help hotlines to call if you need someone to talk:
1. Sage Counselling Centre: 1800-555-5555

2. Care Corner Family Service Centre: 1800-222-0000
or 1800-353-5800(Chinese speaking)
3. Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444

After reading it through, I identify myself in No.1 and No.3. People around me will either tell me not to talk nonsense, slap me in my mouth after I said that or didn't notice at all(but that is because I act very well in front of them). But then again, I really don't have the courage to do it even though I do plan my suicide in advance since I was 14 years old. I have thought almost all methods to do the deed. But then I read certain books that says that if you commit suicide, it doesn't end there. Your flesh may have died but your spirit will continue repeat the suicide even after your death for decades! Imagine after you die, your spirits still repeat the death incident over and over again non-stop, and the pain that comes along with it. It cannot go to Heaven neither can it go to Hell. It just keeps repeating it over and over again until God knows when.

The No.3, I only identify myself on 3 behaviour changes,
1) Excessive spending - Your wealth and money won't follow you after you die. So, why bother to save when you already plan your suicide planning? This is the me in the past and now.

2)Generous Gift-giving - Ask Esther Ho about this and you'll know what I mean. Every year when she comes to my house and saw some CDs she like, I ask her to take it. Or anything that she like, I freely give her. Usually is because I no longer listening to the CDs or I don't need those things. Or than that, I have ever thought, these things won't go with me when I leave the world so might as well give it to others who are in need.

3) Sudden withdrawal - Those who are smart enough to notice me, will notice that I am way quieter than usual and will probe me questions. I feel that this is the hardest part my friends or people around me can identify cos I am quiet in nature and at most times, I don't even talk at all. I do prefer to listen to others or listen to people's conversation even though I may seem quiet. I admire certain of my friends, they seems to know how to read my face to know that I am not normal even though they know I am a quiet person.

After reading this, if you identify some signs that you have seen in yourself or your friends. It's time to do something about it before it's too late. Suicides don't happen overnight. It is best if you are very close with that friend and you are a very observant person. If you notice any behaviour changes, it's better to talk it out with that person before it's too late. Although I have identify myself, but don't worry. Like I said, I don't have the courage to do it. So don't worry about me.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

To Liyi: Really thanks for your encouragement, concern and letter in my facebook. :) Really happy to have a friend like you. Please don't walk the path that I have walk and don't think like me. You have your Mum to take care of and apple and some of your friends who really loves you, including me. Let's hang out again some other time.

Suicidal thoughts....

I am not feeling well these days. As in, mentally not well. The other time I tried to talk to BaoBei, but at that point of time, I forgot what I want to tell him. Even if I did, chances of him NOT listening to what I have to say, will be very high. So...what's the point of talking then? Now, my dictionary does not have this word,"Communication" anymore.

During one time, BaoBei suddenly blurted out,"Haiz..no money"(or something like that) That word angered me a lot!!! Part of it is because he is willing to continue working in his father's business, earning $300 a month(in the beginning) I feel that Xiao Pang pay more better than his Dad lor! Some more, BaoBei has not get his release letter from his previous employment so by right he is not suppose to work. But since his Boss verbally tell him that he is offically being release, then I hope that he could look for a better job. But then again, in BaoBei's previous contract, it is stated that it must be a written release letter. I think BaoBei doesn't know the law well. He could be charge! He doesn't even bother to argue for the release letter back!!! He just sit around and wait and wait...!!! Although I may seem like I am earning more than BaoBei, but I have my own debts to pay off and could hardly survive. I am seriously thinking of taking another job to supplement my current income but that would mean I get lesser sleep and lesser time.

Although I know I could never find another guy like BaoBei. But seriously, I think being single is still the best after all. Less headaches! BaoBei now no longer listens to anything I want to say or have to say. There are many many times I feel like giving up totally. Giving up my life. Nowadays I keep thinking of suicidal thoughts. Money is always the main reason of why we keep arguing. I no longer know what am I doing, I no longer know who am I and what am I living for anymore. There are times I feel like going back to my own self once again. Being alone and in my own world. At least it'll be better than the things I am facing now.

Recently I keep dreaming of my ex-boyfriend and some other strange dreams that I couldn't explain. I also heard some of my friends that the end of the world is coming very soon! In 21st December 2012. Jesus has already recarrianted into this world as human but we don't know who is He. BaoBei said if this was to be real, I just have to bear 3 more years.

Wouldn't it be better if I am dead??? Nothing to stress about. Nothing to argue about, don't need to care about anything and everything...

$%$#%#^$^%#$^#$^#$

Anyway I just blog to vent anger..can don't read if you don't like it.

Nowadays I hate my handphone a lot!!!! Cos it's china-made hp, worst of all, NO DICTIONARY!!! Never mind..it's just a temporary phone. I am aiming my next target anyway - Nokia 6600 Slide phone..yeh! But then must save along the way. BaoBei says wait till my contract ends, which is around late November. So..no choice but to wait lor.

I am seriously feeling easily irritated these 3 days cos my phone keep ringing non-stop!!!! As in, SMSes and CALLS keep coming in. Making me feel very busy. I used to love this kinda "busyness" during my secondary school daze but not now! Or maybe is my PMS problem that I feel irritated?

Tell you a secret, I have not been going to church for the past 6 mths(according to Lorraine). Somehow, I feel a lot more happier and "lighter" on the inside. Cos whenever I was in church, Lorraine always emphasis on "Friends, friends, friends, attendance, members' thingy etc" all the stuffs that makes you almost out of breathe. There's one time, I got really angry about this,

I was suppose to be in charger TOGETHER WITH JASLYN about the prayer timing and prayer list. At first, Jaslyn collect the timing and I collect the prayers. Then in the end I don't know what happened, she made me do it ALTOGETHER! Nevermind....after that I chased members for their prayer list on every Monday and ask them to submit to me by Thurs night. U know who reply then? I can count and even give u the names:!

1) BaoBei
2)Huiyi
3)Samuel
4)Ai Zhen
5)WenTing(only give me when I chase her the last minute)

that is all. During that time, member are SIXTEEN no.! And u see who are the ones who only gave me? I have been doing that for don't know how long and when I got fed up, I pass my assignments to BaoBei and he did it ON MY BEHALF...but you know what is the result? ALL of the member NB reply him TOGETHER!!!! I told Lorraine since that's the case I give up and hand all my work to YH, who is at that point of time serving NS! CB! Everyone reply him when he only sent ONE time! Me leh!?

Never mind. That's the past. After staying in church and CG for some time, I found myself can't adapt to the CG. Probably because I have difficulty inviting friends and saving souls. Li Yi wanted to come back to church at one point of time but I discourage her. You guys might feel strange why I discourage her? I ask u, if you stay in a place for a period of time, and you feel nothing but stress, would you invite your friend to join you? Worst of all, Lorraine always strongly wants us to invite friends. I get stress by that everytime. It's not that I am black hearted not wanting her to get saved. But......I have my own reasons why I don't want to bring her to church. But I told her if she really want to go, I will accompany her all the way. Though my heart is not there. I love God...it's just that I couldn't do the things everyone can. I am different in expressing myself. That's all.

Okay, enough of my renting. The last time I remember my phone was that busy was when I was in church and secondary school. Now I am no longer there but my phone is making me crazy!!! There are times when I wish I could throw my phone into a water! Spoil, spoil lor..$158 only mah! Some more it's not BaoBei's phone or the phone he gave me. You might think,"wah lau! $158 hp also phone mah!" ya lah..but then my hp that I bought is super lousy lor!

SMS no dictionary, calling, the tone also have problem, then camera is not very clear(though it's 5 megapixal) then have a lot more problems then I had imagine. No matter how poor you are, no matter how much you need a hand phone badly, one advice I can give you all:

DON'T BUY CHINA HAND PHONE!!! SI BEH LOUSY!!!!!!

Anyway I just blog to vent anger..can don't read if you don't like it.

Dreams~

Last Saturday + Sunday night, which is around 14/3/09 and 15/3/09, I had two unusual dreams. Normally when I sleep, I hardly dream and even if I did, it is some nonsense dream which I know it won't happen in real life. Some times, I can even tell it's all a dream when I am still asleep! There are also times where I dream but the moment I woke up, I forgot all about my dream. But those two days, I felt very very strange. Yes, I know it's a dream but...one of them feels VERY REAL! These are my dreams:

On Saturday 14/3/2009:

I was walking along a tunnel which supposedly lead to a walkway towards Wisma Atria together with BaoBei. In my dreams, we are not holding hands(we normally hold hands when we are out in reality). We were chatting about something when I heard someone calling out my name,"Eh! Juliet!" I turn around to see who it was. I saw one of my ex-boyfriend, Kenneth. This ex-bf of mine, the history is quite messy. We were together after my 1st love left me. Which is in year 2000. But one month after being together, he suddenly disappeared! Only to re-appeared again after a few months and disappear again and re-appear in my life 5 or 6 yrs later, which I think is around 2004 or 5 ? I can't remember. This ex of mine is a Malay. But strangely in Real life his IC stated: Chinese??? His current look, looks like Indian cos of the dark skin he got. In my dreams he is even more darker! I replied to him,"Yes?" He said,"Can remember me or not?" In my mind I was thinking,"You this kinda bastard! Even burn you to ashes I also can still remember lah! NB!" I smile in my dreams and told him,"Ya". He then ask me how am I? What am I doing? Those kinda stuff. Then..BaoBei's face turn black. He said to me,"Baby, I go smoke first. Later you come find me" I said,"ok" But strangely, after chatting with my ex, we left TOGETHER HOLDING HANDS?! I was shock when I saw myself holding his hand in my dreams!!! I then suddenly jolt myself up from my sleep!

BaoBei ask what happen? I told him about my dream and he give me this face -_-"

On Sunday 15/3/2009:

I slept quite late on Saturday and was very tired. I fell asleep almost immediately. I remember wearing the latest ring that BaoBei gave me to sleep plus my pajamas. After some time, which I don't know how long, I saw myself in a shopping centre in the dream. Wearing a dress that looks very "Aunty" and carrying a basket with vegetables and fruits and some stuffs that mothers always go to markets to buy to cook for lunch or dinner that kind! I am wondering now,"What the hell am I doing in a shopping centre dressing like that?! Plus carrying basket of vegetable, fruits etc some more!?" But in my dream, I saw myself look much more older than my current look. About 35 or 37 years old. The hairstyle...eeek errr! short permed hair -_-"

I heard someone called out my name(why in dreams I always hear people calling out my name huh?) I turn around and saw a guy smiling at me. I couldn't recognize him at all. He said,"你不记得我了？" I shook my head. He replied,"我 是 Colin" My heart skip a beat in that dream. (<- That is why I said it felt so real!) He was wearing a Grey suite. Those office business-man look that kind. His hairstyle...very 90's! He has black almost-shoulder-length hair, centre parting, but his fringe dyed honey golden in color. I was thinking in that dream,"Haiz..chow Ah Beng as usual". He ask if I am free? Wanted to look for a place to sit down and talk? I nod my head. He said,"Wah! 你瘦很多了hor?" I -_-" at him and said,"Mr! 我肥了! Thanks leh!" He laugh. I can still remember the way he laugh until now. Nothing seems to have change except that he has gain more weight than the last time I saw him. When we sat down, I can vividly remember that place! Suntec city food court! Cos I recognize the surroundings in my dreams! He saw a ring on my right hand. He ask,"Eh? 你有男朋友了?" I said,"Ya" He ask,"多久了?" I replied,"四年了"(But then BaoBei and me, this year considered our third year) He then suan me,"Huh?! 四年了还没有结婚?! 几岁了?!" I said that I don't want to and anyway we are not financially stable plus his family doesn't seems to like me. He shook his head. He then went on chatting about other stuff. When I light up a cigarette to smoke in front of him, he seems very shock. He ask,"你几时开始抽烟的?" I told him only a few years ago. I smoke initally to spite my boyfriend but in the end got myself addicted to smoking since then. He told me,"Haiz..少抽一点！对你的身体不好!" I look at him and said,"Eh? 你也不是一样?! 讲我!?" He smiled(His usual "trade-mark" smile)

While he was chatting, I was thinking in my dreams,"Why didn't I accept him as my friend in the first place?" He told me he was living in a mansion now. I was like,"WOW! Mansion sia!" But BaoBei told me that Mansion is not so big in Singapore. I replied,"So your father's business now doing very good lah?" He said,"Huh? Ai ya..ok only lor. 生意上鬼道了。听说不久之后我爸爸要把他的公司交给我管理." I then congratulate him. He ask me what am I doing? I told him about my work and he just nod. I realize then that I no longer had feelings for him. But I do still miss him in real life. I then talk about his sisters. The last time I heard, his parents divorce and both of his sisters are now with his biological Mum. He told me that he hasn't seen them for a long time but from his expression I can tell he still do care and miss his sisters badly. I still remember his sisters name, Stephanie, his younger sister and Emily, his youngest sister. Stephanie is much more talkative and active than Emily. But Emily is more vain and "Ah lian" then Stephanie. At least that was the first and also the last impression they have left for me to remember about them. I ask him,"Then 你的女朋友leh? 还是老婆leh？" He said he doesn't have any and still single. I frown my eye browns and told him,"我听说你结婚了？有个儿子？不是meh?" He slam his drink on the table and said,"你又听谁乱讲huh?!" I said,"Kenneth 讲的嘛" He seems very angry and said,"你不要听那个王八蛋乱讲可以吗？！以前他就是乱讲话！害到我们现在变成这样！"

I know what he was referring to..the Chinese Garden Lantern festival in year 1999. During that time, he and Kenneth had a huge quarrel over something which I do not know then. After that incident, I learnt that it's because Colin claim that I used black magic on him. I cried very badly and hated him deeply since then. I remember cutting one of our photos cos of my deep hatred for him. I cried badly while cutting the photos into pieces then threw it away. Before he left me, he told me to wait for him for 2 years. I promised but never kept that promise in the end cos of what Kenneth said. From then on, I keep on cutting myself on my left hand everyday. Seeing the blood makes me feel a little better then. But I do not have to courage to cut deeper. Cos I heard from Colin one of his friend played a dare and someone dared his friend to cut DEEP into the veins. His friend lost a lot of blood and was rush to hospital. That friend never survive in the end. After that I had an accident during a chalet that I fell and knock on the back of my head very hard. I cried to sleep and lost most of my memories after that. After 2 years, Colin REALLY INDEED came back to look for me. But...during that time, I had some problems and couldn't be with him. Also during that time, was what I heard about the rumous of him. And I made him left me. I don't mind that he will hate me in real life. He doesn't understand why apart from that I have a boyfriend when he re-appeared, what was the exact reason that I couldn't be with him? Only I myself know the reason. I never forget the promises that we've made. But...the promise that I had made to him, can only be hidden in my heart. But I guess, he can get over me easily since he mirgrate to another country, Perth.

Before I woke up from my dreams, the last sentence he told me was,"有空来我家坐坐！" I only nod in my dreams but after I woke up, I realize that I forgot to ask for his number! BaoBei said that during the two nights, he saw me having jolting movements in my sleep. The jolting movement could have been the dream where he made my heart skip a beat.

I will end here for now. Consider that I have dreamless dreams or senseless dreams that I couldn't remember, this is the best dreams I ever had in my life. Even though I know it's a dream. But at least now I know how he is and glad that he's still willing to be my friend in dreams.

I will always be missing you~and that someone out there.

Slut?

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I shouldn't be too friendly towards guys. Maybe....

I didn't know I was being labelled as a "Slut" until I shared what happen at work to BaoBei recently. He just told me how the guys there think of me and treated me. Since I do not have any resistance, naturally guys will think that I am "easy target" which in short form meaning "slut". I am a person who do not know how to express myself. Maybe towards most girls, guys(whom are not their bfs or husbands) shouldn't touch girls whatever they like. But for me, all along I thought that was innocent friendly gesture. Like patting on the back(by a guy) etc. Maybe it is wrong but....I DO NOT KNOW. I thought that was just friendly gesture. After I told BaoBei..He said I gave guys a wrong impression that I am a slut. He told me that I am more to the open-minded kinda girl. But in the process, I also might give guys a wrong impression. I only cried silently to myself that silence has finally killed me...my reputation and as a whole in the process. Cos I tend to keep quiet about most things.

Went out with BaoBei yesterday but in the process, we quarrel again. I quarrel with him last week cos he did not reply my SMS and especially did not pick up my calls for FIVE WHOLE DAYS! After that Ivan called me to said to BaoBei is under a lot of stress because of the way I treat him. I was thinking then,"Since I am the cause of his stress then I might as well leave". Ivan told me to forgive and forget(The stupid Turtle incident! Refer to my last year's entry) since it's so long ago. Haha! It's not easy for me to forgive someone THAT easily. I might..but even if that's the case, it would be a very long time from now. I tend to take an extremely long time to cool myself down.

There are times I wish I could end my life once and for all...Cos I am already too tired of carrying on living without purpose. But then again, the thought of my parents and brother crying in front of my coffin...makes me don't have the courage to end my life. Maybe I will wait..until my parents goes first and I'll follow them, leaving my brother alone in this world. Anyway he can survive well without me.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Malaysia trip

Went to Johor Bahru for holiday last week with BaoBei and his cousin and cousin's boyfriend(Double date!). Before that I went to money changer to change Singapore dollars to Malaysian Ringgit. That time was $1.39 and Ah Ping said the rate was quite high. I then use S$100 to change and paid $4.50(I wonder why must pay?) then the person gave me RM250. Went shopping at City Square(JB's most popular and well-known shopping centre) and I bought a bag, some make-ups there. BaoBei tried on a pants that I find it quite nice on him but it was RM70+ dollars! If I have more money and have the chance again, I would go Malaysia to shop again.

Went to Taman Lingie?(a shopping centre where I forgot the name) and ate a Malay restaurant there but the food was too oily! The taste also only so-so. Stayed at 小姑's place during the trip. Beat BaoBei up cos I thought he purposely made me fell plus at that time, 小姑 had just mopped the floor and I fell partly because I slipped. I hit BaoBei's chest very hard and later on he said I almost slapped him. He said if I really did, he will beat me up on the spot(or something like that?)

Before returning to Singapore, I had a very huge quarrel with BaoBei. Perhaps it's my fault that I SMS Mattrew the first thing I arrived back in Singapore. The other part is that during the trip I accidentally step on BaoBei's foot. I was wearing high heels so you can imagine the pain BaoBei felt. I delete the SMSes after sending cos I know BaoBei would be very angry. Mattrew is a guy that I had known through Alamak Chat.com. BaoBei was not happy that I got too close to that guy. Had met the guy only once and I find him not so bad in person but he can also be very cheeky in MSN. He did express interest in me initially but after I told him that I had a boyfriend whom I will be married to in a few years time, he seems to back out. But we continue to remain as pure friends. I have no interest in him at all cos I know BaoBei is all that I need(cos I believe He is what God gave me cos God did show me signs. This is for me to know) After some heart-to-heart talk with BaoBei, I realize that BaoBei loves me a lot because of one sentence he said,"When you truly love somebody, you will tolerate the person's everything" Somehow after some time, I felt that BaoBei has lost trust in me cos he ask me this question,"Can I put 100% trust in you that you won't be unfaithful to me?"(or something like that?) I do love BaoBei..but I don't understand why I find myself had roving eye for other guys(and girls too). But I realize something why I am close to Mattrew..He gave me something that BaoBei no longer gives me - Attention. It's something BaoBei no longer does for me. I think it only happens when you just got to know the person and you wanted to know the person better.

My knee cap and my wisdom tooth has been giving me problems these days. Went to see a dentist this evening and she told me that both sides of my wisdom tooth are decayed. That explains why I have sharp pain on my cheeks! She also said I have tar-tar(don't know what is that?) and cavities. She suggest to remove my wisdom tooth as soon as possible and it will be considered a surgery. It will cost me around $800 for both sides to be removed plus scaling and polishing. I do not have that kind of money. No wonder BaoBei refuse to go to the dentist. But I also understand that if I don't go now, sooner or later, I will have to wear dentures like my Dad(WHICH I DO NOT WANT!!!!). Haiz...if only I am free of money problems!

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time. BaoBei, I love you and I still do. Just that I do not know how to express myself anymore. I am sorry.

Poem for my BaoBei:

Hand in hand, down this path with you I go,
without regrets and no turning back
At times, we may fought, we may argue
but through the fights, we grow to understand
better

Your shoulders comfort me when
I am sad
Your hugs comfort me at my worst
times
You celebrate my happiness
You listen to my troubles and woes

You're my friend, my companion, my lover
I love you and no other
It's you who stood by me through good times and bad

Sorry for making you angry at times
sorry for not being understanding when I
should
sorry for I do not know how to
express myself well
sorry for hurting you
unknowingly at times
and lastly, sorry for
the tears that you've shed for me

Thank you for being there for me all these while
You could have found someone better
but yet you chose to stay
Thank you for being my friend,
for
those listening ears never fail to listen to my whines
Thank you for your comforting hugs and shoulders when I
need it most
For they comfort me without
saying a word.

May our days ahead
filled with love
May our years ahead
filled with surprises and happiness
Words
can't express how much I appreciate you
deep inside, I love you just as much
I still thank God for giving me YOU
I am still thankful for meeting you in my life.
There's no other that can give me what you could
You're my one and only
宝贝

I LOVE YOU

Lost my wallet

Lost my wallet 2 days ago, I didn't even know where exactly did I lost it. Haiz..inside contain important documents like my IC, $30+ worth of E-zlink card and about $100+ worth of cash. Needless to say, BaoBei's and my photots. Very sian. Was moody the whole day and quarrelled with BaoBei. Now I only can pray hard that any kind soul who found my wallet can return it to me. Though I am prepared that the money will be lost.

Gamble a lot for the past few days cos it's New Year. I never thought that 2 days ago was the last time I would ever get to hold my wallet and see it again. I don't even know where I had drop it. I shouldn't have draw out so much money in the first place if I know I might lose it anytime. Had called bank to cancel my cards and they said they will send me a replacement at $20 charge. So sad. I had since made a police report but they said they will not investigate.

Now I can do nothing but to wait and see how it goes. Cos I have no money to replace my IC plus I just renew my IC last year! Sian..I just pray and hope whoever found it can return it back to me.

Sad...and heartbroken

My days are numbered at my workplace. All because of what I considered, my stupid fault!!! I went to this Law firm for interview. Before that I keep dragging myself to go there. After the interview when I left, the interviewer called me back almost immediately, and he gave me the position on the spot. Of course before that, he did ask me a lot of tough questions and he enquire me about my resume as I seems to have change jobs often. But I have my reasons for doing so okay? He then let me sign of what he claim that it was an appointment letter. I signed it blindly. Which a few days later on then I realize I had signed was a contract. I had no choice but to tender my resignation to my Boss. He allow me to go happily, except for Faizal, who seems to take my leave with worries and burdens. Not only for Faizal, almost the whole of my colleagues are shock and surprise that I am leaving soon. Seriously, in my heart I had a very huge struggle cos I do not wish to leave the place. But I know what I had signed cannot be undone.

Most of them are worried about these things when I leave cos for now, only I am the one who is doing all these:

1) Deliveries = I am the one who do most of it, and because of that, I know almost every street name, and where to deliver like the back of my hand. Except for those which is out of my workplace area, it had to be taken by taxi to reach there. Everyone in my workplace is very worried cos none of them do deliveries before. Jing, a new colleague, says she's very blur about such thing and will eventually get lost if she delivers alone.

2) SOP = Standard Operations Procedure. During the operations of the shop, I was trained by my stupid ex-Manager to run the whole shop. By right, this was NOT stated at my employment letter with the company! But then now thinking back, I think it was blessing in disguised as I now at least know how to do standard opening and closing of the shop, on top of that, during peak hours, I am almost be able to multi-task to do duties like stock-up items, clear the tables, serving customers behind the line and wash dishes almost all at one time.

3) Closing + taking stock from restaurant = Okay lah, I don't do closing alone. But taking stock from restauarnt, apart from Faizal, I am the 2nd person to help the shop to run errands to take stock from the main company. I think this part Faizal can take over me.

For now, I can't think of anything else. But that's my main job at my for-now-workplace. Spoke to my Mum just now and actually I was thinking of borrowing $2.2K from her to pay my new job cos I do not wish to work there. After she browse through the contract, she ask me to try it out at my new workplace to see if I liked it. Anyway, she doesn't like me to work in F&B line. Cos she feels that, that kinda job, is for those who are uneducated to work. She also feels that it's a disgrace to work in that line. Especially if your position is just a service crew. Actually, I think, anyone can replace me in my current postion cos, although I do almost everything by myself, I hardly complain. Cos I emphasize on team-work! Ever since my stupid Manager leaves, there is REAL team-work in the workplace now. Before that, it doesn't seems like a team-work to me, it's more like indiviual work! Humph! Somemore my ex-Manager used to be from MacDonald's too(for 14 years somemore!) KNS! Pui! What a disgrace! Why I say that? Because the way he operates the shop and the way he lead us to do things, immediately I could tell it's NOT a team-work! A team-work is that when your colleagues needs help, you help them, and when you need help, they in turn, will help you if they can. Plus, we can co-operate together to tackle any challenges that's ahead of us as a team! The way my ex-Manager leads, is more like indiviual. Like example, when my colleague run out of meat items/salad items. They ask me to get for them, I did tried. But when I wanted to, that stupid Manager stop me and scold my colleague for asking me to take their things!(Which is not very far from me) Stupid right?! You call that team-work?! My colleague was unable to move from her station at that point of time because she was serving customer and I am the "most free" person at that point of time. How long does it take for me to run to kitchen to take her items? Ok lah, the most slow I will take is 20-30 secs! The customer can't wait for 30 secs meh? Then he will ask my colleague to leave her station to take it herself..then the customer who she is serving have to wait..but in a sense to me that is ridiculous! Imagine yourself as customer and a crew serve you half-way and run away to get her things in the kitchen. How would you feel? It's a very good thing that he left! All of us were very happy!

I will end here for now. Very tired. I will see how things goes as time goes by. Wish me best of luck in my new job.

Fire

Went to work yesterday and this time I saw something unexpected happened. I went for delivery as usual and on my way back to work, I saw a thick smoke coming out from what I think is the 2nd or 3rd level of the building. I then Dial 995 immediately when I sense something is not right. Cos I seen a lot of blue collar workers pointing upwards and gathered at the foot of the building.

When I went back to work, Faizal said that I act smart. 3 minutes later, a civil defence engine arrived. The announcement said that it was a real emergency. Luckily earlier last year, that company had a fire practice similar to what is happening now. Except now the problem is, most of the people know exactly where to gather at, while some are seen scattered around the streets. Haiz..I thought they are prepared and trained for these kind of emergency situation? I do not know if the news has been report of the case?

I am getting very tired these days as I work from 7am in the morning to 5 - 6pm in the evening. I am still looking for a new job cos although I am happy where I am now, but the money is really not enough for me to spend anymore. Unless I am able to take a 2nd job?

Yeh!

I think most of you who read my blog have already know..why I am so happy these days. Those of you who don't know, is because of one very simple reason:

You wanna know what?

MY MANAGER FINALLY KENA TERMINATED FROM WORK!!! YEH!!!! ^O^V

To some of you, you may think I am crazy or even think that I am mean. Only those who know the exact story of what happen will also rejoice with me! Really can open champagne to celebrate! I told my colleagues, I am more happier than winning TOTO/4D with this news! Okay lah..maybe I am a little bit exaggerating but at least without that idiot Manager around, I am now much more happier! No need to be kena scolding for nothing or kena challenge for tinniewinnie bit of things, no need to see his stupid bloody face and no need to be pick upon! Some more, I think this is the shortest job position he has so far in his job changing record! LOL! Cos when I was in good terms with him in the early daze, he used to tell me that his longest work was 7 years and that he only change 4 jobs in his entire life time. Of course all of his previous 4 jobs, he stayed longer than a year lah. So this job is consider his shortest! One year! Plus..it is not him who resign from the job. It is that he KENA TERMINATED from the job! Yeh!!! ^_^V

ALL of us are HAPPY that he is not around! You reap what you sow! This phase really suitable for my smelly Manager! As in, he used to treat everyone badly at work in the past 1 year, but strangely, ever since I told BaoBei that he threaten to beat me up and treat my colleagues badly at work and MOST of us are eager to see him leave, he really leave within 1 week. I cannot help but keep thinking whether is it BaoBei's boss who's behind all these? Until he really can have the power to make my Manager lose his position! Anyway, now I find BaoBei's boss really an amazing person! Just that I don't know how to express my gratitude towards him and his help.

Went for walk around Tanjong Pagar. That place really change alot! Saw some really cheap clothes there but don't have the money to buy for now. Will go shopping once I got my pay. I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time! Yeh!!! Happy New Year!!! Xin Xiang Shi Chen!!!(Which in my case, it has already happened! LOL!)

BaoBei's cousin's wedding

Stayed at BaoBei's place to rot for almost the whole morning and afternoon. After that dress up and went for his cousin's wedding dinner. The bride and groom's story were very touching from how they met each other, to a time where they were separate for 18 months cos the girl went to US for further studies. The girl only wore two dress from the start till the end. Cos I expect her to wear three dresses.

But I was not really happy during the event. When I step in with BaoBei to the wedding Banquet, when his family saw me there, they were quite unhappy. Especially his Mum. Cos they expect him to sit together with them but at that point of time, their table has room only for one person. Which means if BaoBei go alone, he can get to sit with them. His Mum was very unhappy and said,"Aiyoh! You come alone mah! Why must you bring...?!" I was quite upset by her words but I didn't said anything. BaoBei didn't bother about her and sat with me instead. When it's time to flash the slide shows of the bride and groom, BaoBei kept asking me when it's out turn? I then replied to him that I don't wish to get married - because of his parents. Some times, I feel really tired. Since his parents don't like me, why should I continue to be with him?

I know that there's no perfection in life. Maybe I had expect too much...