BaoBei and me???

Went for Sunday service today but I was late cos early in the morning cos I had diarrhoea. Only slept for an hour yesterday. After service, I message Anthea where was she and after she told me her seat, I went out midway of the service(almost ending) to look at some books. A book titled,"The Power Of Forgiveness" caught my eye and I bought the book. I like the author! It was written by Joyce Mayer! I only read a bit and it talks about personal sins and your fruit in the beginning of the chapter. Yes, there will be times we will be hurt by the people around us but we must learn to forgive and let it go(something I find it hard to do). She says it's easier to let it go than to bear grudges against the person. Until now I still do not understand why. I seriously find it hard to forgive. In the beginning, it states,"Why we must forgive?" I read an interesting line,"Wounded emotions can become a prison that locks us into our pain and keeps others out. It's a bitter, resentful, angry prison cell, and forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door that holds us there. How long have you been there? Do you want to be free of it?" I am not God and I don't have such a big heart like His to forgive people easily. Saying it really easier than done.

Went for fellowship with my CGMs at Bedok. Talk to Lorraine about my job and she ask me to look for another one cos I told her that in my current company, it doesn't have benefits and neither does it have bonus. But I can't be changing jobs all the time! Maybe I'll see how things goes from now. Talk to HuiYi about BaoBei. I had shock her the other day when I told her that seriously I am thinking of changing boyfriend. I remember Jayne's words. She said,"Talk to him first lah. If you keep it to yourself and don't talk to him, how is he gonna know? If in the end, after you have talk things out with him and he either still remains unchange or don't care about how you feel, then at least you have tried your best. Don't say the "B" word so easily lah. You guys got together so hard and now you wanna let it go like that? Don't you find it pity?" The thing I don't understand BaoBei is that, why is it that when I give in to him a bit, he must take my words for granted?! I heard that the other day Paul help me talk to BaoBei how I feel(When your relationship needs a third party to help you to solve, it means that both parties are not able to solve the problems themselves! So pai seh can?!) But anyway, in the end I have talk to BaoBei directly myself. I told him only this,"I allow you to do certain things in front of your friends and don't said a word, is because you guys have ego(as what Lorraine shared to me some time ago). Yes I am angry but what can I do? Scold you in front of your friends? Cannot what! I can only keep quiet and wait till we are alone then tell you all these! Since you've broke your promise to me, I don't know what to say anymore." We argue here and there. Sometimes I am tired and I know he is tired about the way I treat him too.

HuiYi don't know what to do anymore. But she pray that our relationship will remain as strong. She can see that I am already very disappointed and she couldn't do anything. Thanks HuiYi..

Fellowship with the CGMs and they play some games that I don't really understand. Lorraine also make us laugh when she speaks in a funny way.

I think I will end here for now. Don't know what else to write anymore..

Work + Bus incident = Extremely angry!!!

Work life is not very good for me these days. I either get scoldings for nothing in particular at all or for minor things. There was one time when I cried after being scolded, my Manager ask me to go back if I don't wish to learn. It's not that I can't be bother or don't wish to learn. It's natural reaction. He doesn't seems to understand that girls do cry. Or maybe all his entire life he has never seen girls cry before? In the end, I didn't talk to my Manager for the entire day. Some of my colleagues comment that my Manager is being unreasonable and seems to be against me alone. Cara(a new girl in my workplace, whom I later realize she was my Boss's niece!) came to comfort me. She's young, pretty and smart. She's only 2 or 3 years younger than me but she's already studied overseas and has diploma(or is that suppose to be degree? I forgot) in Psychology. She's be getting her results soon and heard that she'll be going to university.

Luckily for me, I had a Christian colleague at work(who is Catholic) and one of the supervisors treats me very nice. She's a Malaysian and her work permit would expire this coming August. I am praying very hard that her work permit would extend. Of all the colleagues there, she is the one I get along with very well. We even hit it off well, right from my 1st day at work(All thanks to Baobei) cos I talk to her about BaoBei and shared with her where in Malaysia BaoBei is from. She said,"Oh really?! Hey! I stayed near that town too!" and would share with me what places are good to visit in Malaysia and what are the foods that are nice over there so that I could try on my next visit. Basically, I could endure at work because of her. I couldn't imagine work life without her around. Anyway, I think most likely company would extend her work permit because she's the most experience worker in my workplace. She has 5 years of experience while the rest are either less than that or they are "new" in the place.

On the way to BaoBei's place yesterday, I decided to take a bus there instead of train. I know it's slower to get there but I enjoy the view from the bus. While the bus stops after Bugis station, a group of passengers board the bus. While the rest got settled down, 2 women fell when the bus applied on a sudden brake near the traffic light! In my mind, I was thinking 2 things: 1) The bus captain is blind!? Can't he see the red light ahead of him?! 2) Two female passengers fell: 1 fell from her seat just right beside the captain while the other, the impact was bigger. She fell backwards and she tried to grab the pole but her hand slips off, and her head landed on the ground in such an impact that shock all of the passengers who were on board. The old lady beside me then offer her seat to the lady who fell on her head(although the lady was younger) I ask if her head was alright and if she had any giddiness? The girl was not a Singaporean but I couldn't make out where she's from through her accent. I am very furious throughout the rest of the journey to BaoBei's place that part of me feel like confronting the driver! I take down of the Bus licence number and went to ask for the driver's name. The driver gave me a "bo chup" attitude! I always thought bus captains would ensure the passenger's safety first but after this incident, I don't think so. Maybe to him, it's just his rice and bowl but to me, it's the passenger's safety and life comes first!

I have since lodge a report through the bus website with BaoBei's help. But I didn't manage to get the ladies' number cos she don't wish to pursue the matter. Couldn't sleep for the rest of the night but I don't know why. Eye bags and dark circles are getting more and more obvious but there's nothing I could do.

Losing sleep + BaoBei's point of view = Silly me! x_x

Didn't manage to go anywhere for count down on the 31st Dec 2007 as BaoBei claims that he's unwell. Went for a drink and head home after that. On 1st of January, we practically did nothing. I slept almost the whole morning while BaoBei was watching movies from his computer. I was feeling very bored and ask if I could go out for a walk and BaoBei said no. *Cry*

Went home in the evening and bid BaoBei goodbye. But when I went home that night, I couldn't get to sleep no matter how I try(I didn't take any sleeping aid and tried to sleep by my own) I ended up crying the whole night and didn't sleep at all cos my mind was thinking a lot of things. I was very disappointed and angry at BaoBei for not bringing me to see the fireworks and that I've miss the 2008 count down because of him! That's one of the reason why I cry. The rest is for me to know....

Went to work in a daze and had dizzy spells here and there. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep at all. Couldn't really concentrate at work and my mood was lousy the whole day. Discuss serious things with my colleague and I couldn't imagine life without her around. I wish that her work permit would somehow extend.

BaoBei called in the evening and we chat about a lot of things. When I told him that I didn't sleep, he was kinda worried. I complaint to him that he didn't bring me out to celebrate on 31st Dec and he said he was sick that day. He told me another reason why he did not want to bring me out to celebrate, which I then remembered: I was molested on last year's countdown, By an Indian guy. Of course he got away Scot-free. Cos I do not wish to pursue the matter. I heard that there was 5 riots and 5 molest cases last year so the security has been tighten up and more polices were enforced on 31 Dec 2007. BaoBei said he does not want the same thing to happened again. He said that if I were to go through that again and this time, if he caught the guy, he would bash the guy up! o.O

He act on guy's natural reaction of course. It was then I realize that I lose sleep over nothing. BaoBei do love and care for me after all. If I didn't ask, I would never know. I think I would have to get to sleep now. Need to catch my lost sleep..burbye!

Thanks giving

On Saturday, Lorraine organize a thanksgiving day for the cell group. It is to thank our cell group members for what they have done in our lives. There are people whom you don't get to thank them in daily basis although you may appreciate for what they have done. As 2007 comes to a close, these are the people in my Cell group that I wanted to thank them for what they have done in my life. Sorry that I didn't thank you all personally but those who get to see this, maybe you can help me pass around? Haha!

Brother.Khai: Thanks for being my Cell group leader in the past year and early this year. Although we have multiplied, but you are not forgotten! Thank you for praying for me when I was down and thank you for your blessings to YenHao and me. Thanks for the effort to introduce jobs for me. I wish you all the best and will be looking forward to your wedding with sister Xiao wei in the coming year :P

Lorraine: Thanks for being my Cell group leader and thanks for leading E376 a cell group that loves and care for one another. Also, thanks for being there for me though my ups and downs in my life and I really appreciate your help and effort in helping me to look for a job. Although you are busy with your school and work, you did tried your best to meet up at least a few of the members for fellowship and to see how we are doing in our lives. Thanks for everything that you've done and sorry for the times that I made you upset and angry. I thank you for your forgiveness though. I still love you as my sister-in-Christ and respect you as my Cell group leader *Hugs*

HuiYi: Thank you for being such a great friend. Sorry for the times that I had made you cry and sorry for the hurt that I've caused. I know that maybe that wound will never be heal but I still thank you for being there for me when I need you most. Thanks for helping My "Ah Lao" and me to reconcile when we almost broke up. We're still together now because of what you did and what you have said to help us to talk to each other. Thanks for everything that you did for me and for the cards(though I have lost it..sorry) Ai ni lah..*muacks* *Hugs*

Stephanie: Thanks for being part of my life and to share with me your problems. Sorry that I can't help you much but to offer my listening ears to you and a shoulder to cry if you need it. I hope that you'll feel comfortable to the rest of the cell group members as time goes by. I love you with the love of Christ! *Hugs*

Jayne: Thanks for your words when I quarrelled with YenHao. I hope that you'll continue to stay strong in the Lord and be a part of the cell group. Your laughter and smiles brings warmth to all of us. I'm happy to have you as a friend and my sister-in-Christ! I really hope to know you more as time goes by. Thanks for the friendship! Take care! *Hugs*

AiZhen: Thank you for comforting me during the first few months of reading my blog. Though I do not know whether you get to read this, but I really want to thank you for your care and concern for me after reading each entry of my blogs. Thanks for your advise too. *Hugs*

Anthea: Sorry for being mean when I am not suppose to. Heard that you've been scared of me since the first day you step into this CG. Sorry if I had cause lots of fears in you. I am amazed by the things you have done at such a young age! Thank you for your cards and encouragements! I still love you as my sister-in-Christ lah :D Don't be scared of me ok? You are unique in your own ways and you do know how to use your gifts to encourage and to bless others around you. *sayang* *hugs* Thanks for the cards and everything that you do.

Chee Yuan: Thanks for helping the Cell Group to book seats faithfully regardless of rain and shine. Thanks for being the joker in the cell group to brighten our day. You've grown from a shy and quiet(man-of-few-words) boy into a happy-go-lucky young man. Thank you for playing the guitar for the Cell group. Cheers! :D

Katherine: Thanks for your composed songs and your cards. The reason why I smiled every time I see you because you make me feel very happy and you have this joy within you that spreads to the whole cell group(I hope it's a good thing, yes?) You're cute and bubbly that everyone feels good to have you around. Thank you for the things that you've done for me and it's really great knowing you. *hugs*

Jaslyn: Thank you for Derek's and your help in helping me to look for a job but sorry that it didn't turn out well. But I still appreciate your effort and I still owe you one for that. Thanks for being there to hear my complains(ahhh..so sorry) and sorry if I had cause any hurt to you in the past. Take care and I love you with the love of Christ! *Hugs*

Jacqueline: Sorry for the times that I've made you upset about your friends. I thank you for your forgiveness. Sorry to hear that your asthma condition has returned. I'll still continue to pray for your health and hope that it'll heal soon. Also thank you for your encouragements for the past year. I'm sorry for what I did and I thank you for your love. Take good care of your health and wish you a speedy recovery *Hugs*

Mike: Congratulations on your rapping competition! The superstar of E376! WooHoo! For some reason, I couldn't be there to support your every competition, but I'll still cheer for you all the way! You have made all of us proud! Continue to shine for the Lord and All the best in everything you do.

Eric: Thanks for sharing your sweets with me. Although the first few times I really find you irrating but I still thank you for your forgiveness. Thanks for your friendship and looking out for YenHao during "that time"(if you still remember when). I am amazed that you manage to read the whole bible(although I didn't know how you do it). Continue to serve the Lord and all the best in your army life! Take care!

JingXian: Thanks for playing for the cell group and although I didn't talk to you much from W117 until now, but I can see that you've grown stronger for the Lord. Sorry if I had cause any trouble for you during these few years. Take good care and best of luck in your police force!(and nursing course)

Samuel: ZhiZhi!(No la...actually cannot call you that anymore cos HuiYi will beat me :P) Thanks for being part of my life as my Brother-in-Christ. Though we never talk much but I'm glad that you take care of HuiYi well(except for the times you make her cry). I pray for both of your love will continue to grow strong for each other regardless of what people say. Actually I was confuse, surprise but overall, Happy that both of you are together. The path for the both of you is tough during the inital stages but both HuiYi and you had overcome it. I hope that you all will learn to appreciate and treasure each other in the coming years ahead. I wish you all the best in your Navy life and pray that both of your love will grow stronger each day.

Dicky: Thanks for being part of our cell group. I know that you're shy and maybe an introvert but I hope that as times passes by, we could get to know you better and that you could slowly open up to us. Continue to pray and seek the Lord and He will bless you in return. Take care!

YenHao(BaoBei): Thanks for being there for me for the past 1 year and 1 month. Sorry to make you upset and worried for me all these time. I know that you've tried very hard giving in to me. I thank you for your love, patience and tolerant towards me and thank you for your acceptance. Happy Anniversary! Thank you for lighting up my life and thank you for your cooking. I love you always *Muacks* *hughug*

Charles: Thanks for being part of the cell group and bring happiness and laughter to all of us. Continue to pray and seek the Lord and I pray that everything went well in your life. Take care! See you around!

WenTing: Thank you for your prayers and your sharing. Congratulations for your promotion in your usher ministry! Continue to grow in the Lord and good luck in everything you do!

That's all for now...I think? If I had left any of you out, I'm sorry but still I thank you for everything that you've done in my life. I am glad that 2007 had ended in a good way for me. Happy 2008 everyone! Take care and have a blessed New Year!

Merry Christmas? Lame!!!

Went to Mike's house for Christmas celebration yesterday. His house was very nice! But then the journey to his house is not-so-nice lah. I find it a tinnie winnie bit troublesome. Bought last minute gift there cos BaoBei told me at the last minute,"Later there's gift exchange leh". I was like,"Huh?! You never tell me earlier?!" In the end we just grab anything that can be a present from a store and ask the sales person to wrap quickly and rush off. Seriously speaking, the shopkeeper doesn't really serve us well.

BaoBei was cooking in Mike's kitchen the whole day. Stephanie called my BaoBei,"Ah Lao!!!???"(Meaning "Husband" in certain dialects") Humph! I really like Mike's house! He seems to have everything. After that we played a game that requires to memorize each other's name. All along, I have a very bad memory. But on that day, surprisingly, I could remember almost all the new friend's names! Junwei tried to scare me when the "blanket" being pull down to reveal who's opposite me. We have to shout the name of the person in order to score. He "Booed" at me trying to scare me while I point at him and shout,"Junwei!" almost immediately. Haha! In the end my team won! I wasn't even being scare by him at all. Probably because I told myself to keep calm throughout the game. Cos if you get too excited or panic during the game, chances of you forgetting the new friends names are very high. Tell you a secret: The reason why I can remember Junwei's name, is because he has the same name as one of my ex-boyfriend. Just that my ex's name was "Jing(1) Wei(3)"

We also played gift exchange game. I find the game quite interesting. We have to pass right/left according to the storyline. I got a stationery, which I don't think I have any use of it. Mike then send BaoBei and me to the MRT station and I bid them goodbye before going home. Had a really joyful day!

Peace be with you :)

Went for Christmas service yesterday and the queue for the day was very long o.O!!! Okay..Lorraine did warn us to come early to queue up but I overslept and only reach there about 4pm. Went to grab something to eat cos I feel that since the queue is sooooo long, it's really useless to queue cos it'll be a very long time before I could get in. BaoBei's friends fly him aeroplane the last minute(Sorry for the singlish), if you know what I mean. But luckily, by God's miracle, we could get into the service in the end without queuing up :P but we almost couldn't get the seats to sit with our CGMs cos the ushers that day, fought the seats with us really badly! To Lorraine, HuiYi, Samuel, Chee Yuan, Mike, Eric and the rest who came early to book seats for us, Thank you for the effort and sorry that we came late >.<

When the service starts, we were very engross in the show. Every year, the Christmas show would be very different. But in the end, it talks about the same purpose. Pastor then talks about peace. If you don't have peace in your life, everything you do it would be of no use. After service, we went to central, initially to fellowship but BaoBei says it's very late and we need to get home. Went to grab pizza to eat and the service crew there are quite friendly. BaoBei even manage to talk to the Manager casually. Haha!

Went back home to rest. Had a good day that day.

Drift apart....

Went to BaoBei's place yesterday and was suppose to watch movie with his cousins today. He said that I woke him up at 4am while I was talking in my sleep?! I didn't even know?! As his cousins occupy all the mattress, I had to squeeze one bed with BaoBei(very difficult to sleep!) but he tried to make me sleep comfortably by positioning his arms to let me sleep(aww..so sweet)

BaoBei wake me up early in the morning to ask me to buy breakfast together with him. After having breakfast, I went to take a nap for a while. When he wake me up the 2nd time, all of his cousins were not home and went out visiting. I then shout at him and we quarrel over the movie thingy. Who is the one who claims that we are watching movie with his cousin?! Some of my friends knows that I am on curfew set by him!!!(Must reach home by 10pm*angry face*) He then set another rule: Not to shout at him. Who is the one who said to see which movie his cousin choose huh?! I know he's the one paying for it but then I request to see the "Red line" movie!!! In the end, ALL of his cousin went out themselves!!! WHAT IS THIS!? Then blame me for not waking up!!!

Went to watch a love movie near his home. The movie was quite funny and ridiculous. The title is,"Good luck Chuck". It's about a guy, who's very unlucky in love life. When he was in his Teens, he played a game called "Spin the bottle" with his schoolmates. The game works in an interesting way, where opposite sex are sit right across from each other. The game goes like this: If a male/female spins the bottle, whoever the bottle points it at, the couple has to go to a wardrobe, supposedly to make-out(or to do "things-kids-shouldn't-do" in the wardrobe) for a few minutes. When it's the male lead's turn to spin, the bottle points it at a Gothic girl(That girl gives me the creeps). She dressed in all black, even her lipstick is black!!! They went into the wardrobe and the girl tried very hard to kiss the male lead, but he push her away. She then curse him in front of everyone saying,"Every girl that you've met, will fall in love for the next guy after you!!!" She tore a piece of the male lead's hair and went up the stairs, shocking everyone. That was in year 1985.

Years later when the male lead grows up, he gets dump by girls and strangely enough, all the girls who had been with him before, married the next guy they have met after him. Since then, word of mouth spread and girls starts flocking to him to sleep with him in order to find their next true love. All of the girls who had slept with him, eventually got married to the next guy after him. There is this girl who he met, he loved her very much. But because he knows his own problem, he dare not slept with this girl. Until a friend put him to a test...His friend find a very huge size, bad odour girl, to put it to the test. Cos no man with the right mind on earth, would ever love that kinda girl. So his friend challenge the male actor to sleep with the girl. He paid the fat girl just to sleep with her to see if the girl could have a boyfriend of her own. He was happy at first cos his friend proof to him that the girl was still single after the test. But..after the male lead sleep with the girl-of-his-dreams, he saw on the television that even the fat girl has a boyfriend!!! He was so freak out that he became over-protective of the girl. In the end, he almost risk losing the girl because of his weird attitude. But the ending of the movie is very good. Eventually he got married, to the girl of his dreams.

Went for dinner with his family after that and his eldest brother send me home. Feeling myself drifting apart from BaoBei emotionally...

Vivi, don't cry...(entry of Dog)

Woke up on Sunday morning to bring Vivi to see doctor. She hasn't been eating nor drinking for the past 2 days that I am with BaoBei. BaoBei's Mum said that Vivi hasn't even poo poo(if you know what I mean) for 3 days. She grew more weak and old each week I see her. Nowadays she doesn't even bark at me anymore. She used to walk very slowly but nowadays she just lie either on the newspaper or on the floor and doesn't even move at all. BaoBei said when he used to move Vivi's "basket", she would crawl away but nowadays she just lie down there and stare at BaoBei. She did tried to get up to crawl but she has no more energy to do so.

Bring Vivi to see a Vet. On the way to the doctor, Vivi shivers quite a lot. BaoBei said she is scared of doctors and medications. I could finally touch Vivi for the first time! We waited quite long for a doctor to see her. While waiting, Vivi cried and BaoBei "sayang" her. I accompanied BaoBei into the vet and the doctor check on her. Vivi bark very fiercely at the doctor and almost bite the doctor's hand. The doctor tried to put on a mask for Vivi but Vivi struggle very violently and refuse to put on the mask. The doctor then talk Vivi into wearing the mask. When the doctor finally put the mask onto Vivi's mouth, Vivi still stare angrily at the doctor. Vivi growl in pain when the doctor touches some parts of Vivi's body. The doctor console Vivi and said she's a brave girl(Yes, Vivi is a female dog). I cried when I see Vivi in pain while BaoBei shows no emotions(Mei liang xin!). Vivi was then taken to screen for X-ray. While she was screening, I accidentally saw a doctor doing operation on a cat. The kind of operation when a human goes through Accident&Emergency operation. I only saw the cat lying face up and the doctor is operating the cat's organs. The cat's eyes was shut but the mouth was wide open(So gross!)

Wait outside for Vivi and chat with BaoBei's sister-in-law and eldest Brother. There a parrot nearby but it scold BaoBei's sister-in-law,"Stupid". It only know how to say,"How are you?, Stupid" and whistle. The wings of the parrot are broken quite badly. His sister-in-law then teach the parrot to say,"Mei nu"(Pretty woman) but the parrot keep saying,"Ben dan"(Stupid) instead. At some points, I thought I heard the parrot said something in Hokkien but couldn't make it out. It then repeat again and this time I heard it said,"Cha Ba Buay?"(Have you eaten?) in hokkien! O.O!!! Saw a very big Golden retriver and it weigh 41 kgs!!! Surprisingly, the vet has a lot of dogs patients that day. I even saw someone bringing a small hamster to the vet.

When Vivi came out, the doctor prescribe her 2 tablets(I wonder how is she gonna eat it?) and the X-ray shows that Vivi's backbone has press hard against her body that made her legs feel "heavy". That is the reason Vivi has difficulty to crawl around. Went home with Vivi and BaoBei position her in a way that it cushions her backbone. Went to sleep and rush home later in the night. Poor Vivi...BaoBei even said that if it has no choice, he will have to put Vivi to sleep than let her suffer in this way. So cruel!!! I think I will miss Vivi barking at me...

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Emotional healing?

Work was quite stabilize in a little. At least I know what to do and what they expect from me. For the very first time, my Manager praise me for my work. He said that my performance is not bad on Thursday and Friday. Actually he did praise me here and there but also criticise me for my work if I am slow or didn't do well. Though the pay is low, one thing I like about this job is that the colleagues there are all generally very nice and helpful. They are more humble than my previous idiot job! At least whenever they are wrong, they are not afraid to say,"I'm sorry" or "Sorry for.." Not like that Botak!!! Even he finds out he is in the wrong, he WON'T say sorry. He just keeps quiet and act like nothing happen!

Couldn't get along well with BaoBei's Mum and just today, she keep nagging at me to keep the room clean. She then said something which embarrass me. One thing I don't understand is that, we have already pass 21 years of age and why is she still controlling BaoBei? My Mum said to me when I was 18,"After you have reach 21, I won't care about you anymore. You are on your own. Cos by then, you are an adult. But I hope that before you do anything, you would be more responsible towards yourself and your life. How late you stay outside(even until the wee hours of the morning), I don't care. But please take care of your own safety and yourself". BaoBei's Mum is very different. She said as long we are not back home by 11pm, she would lock the door. I don't know what she take us as? I am very tired about all these things. Maybe different family has different upbringing but...as long as a kid has reach 21, he or she is consider as a adult and should be given the freedom to choose his/her path.

I no longer know what I want. BaoBei is no longer the same person that I used to know. I know people does change and I have to accept the fact. There are sometimes that I wish to look for another guy but it's just thinking. Cos I know that I won't. BaoBei needs physical love while I need emotional love. I had learnt that in marriage course but somehow, I had forgotten most of the lesson said in the book.

Until now, there are certain times I asked myself,"What do I live for?" I no longer know. People are starting to be more and more deceiving. Some people can either put a smile to you and then stab you at the back(which I have already learn in MOM), or they just like to act(as if they are an actress) in front of you. Friends who used to be close, can slowly been drift apart by circumstance. Just like Esther's group of friends. We used to be close and meet at Clarke Quay to hang out till wee hours of the morning. No matter how busy or pack our schedules are, we will try to make it for each other's birthday parties. But lately, everything has changed. We are no longer as close as before as we have our own commitments. A few of us even MIA from the group. Most of my friends have either married or having children of their own(Mind you, they are either my age or even younger!) As for me, I do not know whether or not should I ever get married?

Friends really do come and go. No matter how hard we tried to stay together, this fact remains unchanged. I think I will end here for now. Will blog again if I have the time.

Paul's Birthday + Service = Happy!!!

Went for service yesterday and it was awesome! Saw Yanglin on the way to service and greet her. But what she said to me in her conversation, make me very upset that I have no mood to concentrate on service. She ask a lot of stupid questions about BaoBei and me. That time, Baobei wasn't with me cos he went to withdraw money. She heard that BaoBei and me are getting engaged. But it wasn't true. But we had paid deposit for our future wedding preparation. She then said,"Why don't you consider other guys? Is YenHao really the one for you?" Such words do hurt me alot!!! She continue on saying that YenHao is not financially stable yet as he is still serving the nation and she ask me to look for a guy who would provide me with both financial security and a future. I was very angry but I manage to keep my cool(I don't know why I can still keep my cool despite YenHao being criticize by others!!! Juliet!!! Le siao huh?!) I tried to defend and protect BaoBei by saying that because he is still serving the nation, so I would wait for him to finish his NS and wait for him to get a hotel/restaurant job. Because I was angry at her words, I then tried to defend BaoBei by saying that,"Sorry, but I feel that YenHao is the one for me. I won't consider other guys as YenHao is already good enough for me". Half of me felt like slapping her face!!! I really don't know why I can still keep my cool this way. JULIET!!!! WAKE UP!!! YOUR BAOBEI BEING SAY BY OTHERS AND YOU DO NOTHING!!!!?? IDIOT YOU!!!!! I know I work long hours in my job and the pay really sucks. When I told Yanglin, she comment that I work in a slave job. She ask me why I didn't ask Bro.Khai and Lorraine to help me look for job? THEY DID OKAY!? Just that I prefer to look for job in my own source can?! She then wish me luck. She said if I were to stay with BaoBei and he's financially not stabilize yet, I might suffer in future. Thanks Miss!!! I already know that I would suffer in terms of financial. If I really mind BaoBei's financial status, I would have leave him long ago!!! Why didn't I leave him leh?! In case you didn't know, let me tell you this: I won't leave YenHao!!! Unless he did something that I totally cannot forgive him for it. Other than that, we will try to work things out with each other! Thanks for your sympathize concern!!!

We Met Anthea's Mum and was very nervous. Finally a few of the members agreed to fellowship at Bugis! Yeah! Finally!!! Fellow shipping at the west! Yes! Cos usually we went to the East to fellowship and seriously speaking, I always mumbered to myself,"Why everything must go east? Why they cannot go west?" Then they will stay at the east until quite late and we have almost no transport home. Went to Bugis Junction to have dinner. I walk round and round the food stalls at food junction but I do not know what to eat. Finally settle down at a Kway Teow stall.

Went to meet HuiYi to lead her to join us at CG. She was crying on her way to fellowship. She said she need a hug and I did hug her for awhile. Sorry lah...Juliet don't know how to comfort people. I am not good in words and don't know what to say to cheer her up. Heard that she quarrel with Samuel again and this time it seems serious. I told her what Jane and Stephanie said during our way here about her relationship. Of course as friends, we would like to see her happiness with the one she love. But Jane said that logically speaking, she didn't think Samuel and her would last long as they often argue over petty things and HuiYi is the "princess" type of girl that needs a lot of love and pampering from her boyfriend. While her boyfriend is very immature and don't understand her needs and needs pampering too. She said she's afraid if one day when Samuel's mentality is in more matured state, he might abandon HuiYi. Stephanie said that she finds Samuel too sensitive. But as for me, I feel that they are generally very loving couple. Just that every time when they quarrel, HuiYi is the one who suffers the most and I do not know what to say or do to comfort her. I ask her to think through about her relationship. We, as friends could only do so much and could only said so much. Her happiness only lies on her own hands.

Went to Geylang to have steamboat with Paul. It's his birthday!!! Woo!!! Stephanie and Jane went to buy a cupcake to give him a birthday surprise. Paul talk about a lot of things and tension began to built up. Overall we were very happy. Jane and Stephanie then went off and we went home by Taxi. Had a very fun day yesterday.

Lorraine's preaching(Guilt) + Service = Release myself?

Rush for cell group as my work ends very late. I guess that I would reach by 9+pm but Lorraine said that it was not even 9 yet and I manage to make it for the word of God. Thank God! The sermon was about Guilt. I have been living with Guilt all my life so I felt that the sermon seems to be talking about me the whole time. It's true when Lorraine said that people who are living with Guilt, built their own personal prison in their hearts. That is what I am - in my own prison maybe for more than 5 years. Luckily, there's also ways to set our hearts free.

Went for service on Saturday and was very surprise to see Jayne coming back! We didn't talk much though. I felt that she has grown prettier. Went for fellowship with the CG and Lorraine ask why am I so quiet? I was listening to the members talking but I don't know what to talk? Cos I don't quite understand what is their discussion about?

Chat with Lorraine later at night and she talk to me a lot of things. I have misunderstood Anthea! Oh no! I was sad to hear that Anthea feared me since the day she step into the CG. Lorraine also told me that I could talk to her if I have anything. Not just BaoBei and HuiYi only. I was like,"*Grasp* Talk to you? But I am very scared". It's a kind of fear I don't know how to explain but luckily Lorraine knows what kinda fear I felt towards her. She ask me to learn to talk to her and also learn to control my temper :(

I was surprise that Anthea done so much things for the CG. Haha! Luckily she doesn't read my blog. There will be some changes in Church. I do not know if it's a good or bad change? But overall, I am quite happy with the Changes the Church have, except for the changes of the service timing. It will start earlier than usual *Sian* There will be services going on at both Expo and Jurong West! Yeh! But I wonder how will the service be like in future if the new building were to be built in the marketplace?

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Return to work after 2 days MC on Friday. The Doctor initially only give me 1 day MC but I told him that I need 2 days. Luckily I request that cos on Thursday, I am still having high fever and bad cough. Dino(My Manager) was on leave and I pass the MC to Ah Peng instead. The moment I punch in for work, Faizal ask me am I okay and even smile at me for the very first time. He chat with me a bit at work. Things went a little haywire when Dino is not around. Faizal ask me to stand at the cashier to learn how they went about doing their work but they were too fast! Plus during that time was lunch hour so it was quite busy and I didn't get to learn anything in the end.

Ah Peng then prepare breakfast for me and ask me to go for break first. I expect the crowds to be more on Friday but strangely, it was not as crowded as I expected again. After eating the breakfast that Ah Peng prepared for me, I felt very full for the rest of the day.

Doing closing with Ah Peng and she leave me alone to do the cashier as she expects me to be familiar after teaching me just once. But I look at my notes to do it. The amount tally in the end and strangely, Ah Peng is always the last to leave. By the time I end my shift, it's about 7.15pm. Went home to change and went to BaoBei's place late at night.

Nowadays I dislike BaoBei more and more. Some times I feel like being alone and don't see him for some time. Feel that he's no longer the same as before. I have talk to him but he insist that he has never change.

Didn't went for CG and service again. I am feel very exhausted after a long day of work and sleep almost the whole day at BaoBei's place. His Mum wasn't very happy whenever I did that though. Went for dinner with his Mum at KFC and saw my ex-KFC Manager there. After all these years, he's still the same. I heard that he's still single? Strange. I thought Aidah told me he has a girlfriend? After dinner, we went back and I am being demanding about BaoBei. I don't know is that the correct term for "Ye Man?" Instead of shouting at me, BaoBei calmly went to buy drinks for me - with a sulky face of course. I half expect me to shout back at me but he didn't. He's just so nice *guilty*

Lots of people are blogging lesser and lesser nowadays but they are more into the FACE BOOK thing. I wonder what is it anyway? Seriously, until now I still don't know how to use FACE BOOK. Anyone can give me a step-by-step tutorial on Facebook?

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time

1st + 2nd day of work + Sick le = HeLp!!!

Went for work yesterday and it was my very first day at work. The colleagues there are generally very nice. Work is from 9am - 7pm. I am very tired but at least I am happier there than in office work.

The first day, I called wrongly for one of the chef's name. His name is actually Faizal. But someone told me his name was Rahim? No wonder during the first day when he saw me, he gave me a very black face and refuse to answer me. I called his name wrongly! He gave me quite a lot of things to do, so my time for the first day passes very quickly. Before my Manager left, he ask me whether I like the job and whether the environment suits me? I said yes. He was glad that I liked the job. Went home at 8pm because of the cashier float thingy. Sian! Everything also must do! Luckily I had some cashiering experience beforehand and F&B experience so I could learn things much easily.

I had to stand throughout the day for more than 8 hours. So you can imagine how sore my feet are when I reach home. But after the first day, I had a very high fever upon reaching home and block nose. Had difficulty sleeping and I took large quantity of sleeping medication in order to finally get some sleep. Because of my previous office job, I was so stress that I couldn't even sleep, that I had to rely on sleeping medication to help me sleep. I think my body is starting to relying that sort of routine. So, when I didn't take any medication at all, I won't be able to sleep normally like other people could.

Today is my second day of work and Faizal is getting very impatient with me. He expects me to do things fast. I heard that Chefs have a very fury temper and they are the most impatient people in the F&B line. I notice one thing about chefs that bothers me until now: Chef are 90% smokers. The rest of the 10%, 5% = I don't know is it all the Chefs in Singapore smokes? 5% = I know Mr.W doesn't smoke. Don't get it? Never mind

Had runny nose and flu during my work that at the end of the day, my Manager ask me not to come for work tomorrow if I am still not feeling well. Don't worry. When I sneeze, I wasn't handling any food items. And luckily, I was in the back room. Learn to do float with Ah peng(She's a Malaysian, staying at Ipoh). During the 1st day, we talk about Malaysia. When I told her that I had a boyfriend who is half-Malaysian, she seems excited. I said half-Malaysian cos even though BaoBei was born in Malaysia, he is holding a pick colour IC. Just that his country of birth states: Malaysia. One of his documents states: The child is a Malaysian citizen at the time of birth. I was surprise when I saw BaoBei's documents cos I expect him to carry a blue IC instead(An indication of permanent resident). Ah Ping said that Ipoh is very near JB. I just nod cos I don't know Malaysia very well. She hit it off with me when knowing that I have been to Malaysia before and asked me how I find Malaysia and whether I had tried the food there?

Falling sick for 2 days le. Need to get a lot of rest. It didn't help that it was raining tonight when I had a very bad flu already! Ate a lot of medication but I didn't notice that I had taken overdose of the panadol!!! Oh no! I pray nothing will happen? I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Wrong job????

Suppose to went for interview at Tanglin Mall yesterday but didn't go in the end cos one of the jobs that I interviewed for, called me up just in time to inform me to go for 2nd interview. During the interview, the person ask how soon can I start work? I replied Monday and immediately regret my own reply. Cos after that I kept thinking about the 5 day POD thingy in my head. Well, what's done cannot be undone. IT'S JUST TWO MORE WEEKS!!! I regret not waiting. Before that, I wasn't inform that I have to work from 9am - 7pm!!! 10 hours!!! I do not know if I could take it in the long run? Maybe by God's strength, I can?

Went to BB to visit someone. I was surprise to see that most of the roads was demolished! The more closer I got to the house, the more heavier my heart sank. I don't know why. But I was disappointed in the end that I never get to see that someone. Most of the family members are not at home and strangely, the main door and gate was left wide open. Somehow, I have a feeling that they are going to moved soon. I never get to see that person ever again. But...as long as that person is happy, even without me, my heart will be at ease.

Lorraine ask the CG to memorise the contents page but I didn't really memorize. Feeling very lost. Eric new ALL the contents page finally! He even memorize the New testaments backwards!!! WOW!!! Lorraine then kinda "shoot" those who are guilty of not memorizing the Bible. I imagined Bro.Khai scolding in my head,"Never read Bible! See lah! Si Gina!" I heard that the Bible has over 60 stories! Prayed for Jacqueline cos during the praise report, she mentions that her health is deteriorating and when she got back her health report, it wasn't a very good sign. Seriously speaking, I never read her blog anymore ever since after the stupid incident. But I don't know why, for some reason, when Lorraine ask all the sisters to pray for her, the moment my hand touched her, I mean, immediately right after my hands touch her, my tears began to flow. I sense a very strong sadness deep inside my heart. It's a feeling that I get only when I am really extremely sad about something. Jacqueline cried, I cried. Immediately after Lorraine finish praying for her, I quickly wipe my tears and act nothing was wrong.

Lorraine then preach about the word and she mentions a story whereby Satan causes a man's wife and child to die but the man didn't murmur, neither do he curse God(I think I will do that if I were the man!) I was like,"Huh? Got this story meh?" Lorraine then said,"Those of you who don't know the story, that goes to show you never read the Bible!" Then I was "Hehe"(cold laugh).

Spoke to Lorraine that from next week, I might not be able to come for cell group because of the work timing. She said that if I were to be placed on permenant make-up CG, I might as well transfer CG. Actually, I am sort-of half-prepared for it. But BaoBei is upset. Cos I told him that we might be seperated during CG and if this goes on for a long time, I might be transferred out. Meaning BaoBei and I will be in different CG. Then BaoBei complain to me and almost shout that he don't want a separate CG with me. Did I mention that we are inseperatable? That's the problem for clingy partners.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

BaoBei's words + Job '*Sob* :=~(

Went for job interview in the afternoon, but the original job that I was going to interviewed for, I felt very uncomfortable with the place plus, the store wasn't even opened! Strange...I thought I had spoken to the person-in-charge during the morning? I then went to a nearby cafe for interview. Seriously, half the time, I do not know what was the interviewer talking about cos she has a very heavy Indian accent along in her English! It is a 6 days work week. After I informed BaoBei about the job, he was objecting very fiercely. He said that he do not wish that we will become like one of his best friend's relationship.

On my way home, I spoke to BaoBei on the phone. He said something that makes me think through a lot of things. I told him that I feel very burden on our finances and that if I were to be selected for this 6 days work, he can find his own entertainment with his friends or go to services alone, while I work. He said that each time he went out with his friends, they spend quite a big amount on things. What he said was true, cos whenever we went out with his friends, they will either dine at very expensive restaurants, or those expensive cafes like "Billy Bombers"(The price there is super steep!!!) and went to T.C.C cafe to drink. Maybe for them, these amount seems nothing to them but for me, as I am a low-income earner, I feel very burden and stress whenever I go out with them. Do you know what did he said that makes me think a lot? He said this,"I don't mind being poor, to the extend that we both shared one piece of bread together. I rather to be poor and spend quality time with you, than to have you out there working almost 7 days a week, that we hardly have time for each other!" He also mentions that weekends is the only time we could see each other and if I were to work weekends too, to the extend that he can't sees me, he's afraid we might end up like one of his best friend - a breakup

I have mix feelings towards my own thoughts: Is money really that important?

A poem written for HuiYi..as requested(Part 2)

As autumn pass,
leaves falling down.
Till one fine day when all the leaves has dropped.

The season lifted and parted ways
for dear winter who has been lifted from her long beauty sleep
to shower her blessing of snow once more
on the beautifully coated snow capped moutain

Poem created by: Kristy Teo C.C (My God-sister's poem)
Date: 11 Novemeber 2007

COPYRIGHT OF KRISTY'S PRODUCTION!

A poem written for HuiYi..as requested

Missing you, missing your Love

Watching your back leaving from my sight,

I cried as I hear your foot steps fading away.

Thinking of the goods times we've shared,

the promises you gave to me seems so real.

You lifted me up with your love,

Giving me a feeling of Heaven on earth.

In your arms, I feel so secure.

With you, I feel so right.

Now that you leave me for another,

my heart shattered in a thousand pieces.

Never had I dream for our love to come to an end,

never had I expect you to leave without a word.

I will stand on my own.

Living a world without your love.

I will be waiting for your love,

to return to my side one day.

Poem created by: Juliet

Date: 11 November 2007

Esther's Birthday

Went for Esther's Birthday yesterday. I wasn't really very happy before meeting them cos they keep changing venues here and there and when they had changed the timing from 4pm to 7pm, NOBODY BOTHER TO AT LEAST SMS ME TO UPDATE ME!!! End up BaoBei was quite unhappy about it. Esther claim that she had SMS me to update me but somehow I didn't receive the updated SMS! I thought someone was suppose to know the programs ahead and to check it out beforehand whether a place has the outlet or not?! Or was it a last minute thingy?!

Went to Bugis to meet them in the end and saw their teacher. Strange...They claim that the teacher was their ITE teacher? How come is it then that BaoBei has seen her before? BaoBei then mention about sylvia's wedding that he saw the woman once. I can't seems to remember her at all but their teacher remembers me. Walk around with them and when they went to take photo shoot, I plead BaoBei to take a picture with me but he declined. He only took it with me when I offer to pay for the photo shoot -_-". I prefer to take card photos than sticker type cos I will lose the sticker photos easily. But the advantage is that the sticker type can be cut into many pieces for easier distribution. Just that the photo itself will be much smaller. The photo shoot was very fast! Baobei and me had to swap our place within like...3 seconds? But I was glad that most of the pictures turn out well despite our "Kan chiongness" I finally saw how I smiled like naturally! Cos usually in pictures, I don't smile very well. Choose two pictures and we both kept different styles of our pictures. Humph! If I were to know that we could print both the same pictures, I would only choose ONE style instead of two!

Went to Sakae Sushi for dinner and I ate quite a lot of sushi. I think I gave Lynn a scare! Haha! She was looking at me and BaoBei when we took the foods. Haha! Sorry Lynn, both of us are quite big eaters :P so don't be shock to see us taking so many sushi's. Dare not try the red plates cos BaoBei says that the red plates cost $4 per plate. Although they are some that I would like to try. But in the end I was relieved that I didn't take cos we had 36 coloured plates and 2 red plates plus 3 char-ra-mu-shi?(don't know how to pronounce) and end up the bill came to $90++ after 20% discount. Jia Xing came quite late and when she gave Esther a birthday present by someone(only Esther, BaoBei and I know who) Esther's face changed a bit.

Ate the ice-cream cholocate cakes but left 2 big pieces cos we couldn't finish it. Took pictures with Esther before cutting the cake. We bid Jia Xing goodbye and went for a walk. I was feeling very sleepy while BaoBei has to book in early to camp. We too, bid Esther goodbye and went off. Had a wonderful day in the end.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER! Hope that you'll stay cheerful always and also wish that you'll find your true love one day. You will okay! When the time comes....will end here for now. Blog again some other time.

New handphone + owe BaoBei

Went to Toa Payoh with BaoBei to see handphone. Went around a lot of shops and most of them sell the exact same price. Finally settle at the very first Starhub shop that we saw at the first place. Bought the plan at $50+ per month. Expensive wor! In the end, it is less than my $400 budget and less $100 for BaoBei's budget! Yeh! Thank God! :Þ

Went to eat Sushi buffet, and I regret ordering the buffet set as we ate very little. Waste money! Went to walk around a little and went back home. Nowadays BaoBei knows what to threaten me with...I know, I still owe him a N73 hand phone lah....changed my contract and number too. Gave only to my close friends and CGMs. Haiz...if only I didn't lose the handphone that BaoBei lent it to me :(

Left little money for me to survive for this month. Need to look for a new job soon. I pray that I will look for a 5-day F&B job soon. I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

YEAH!!! I AM FINALLY FREE!!!!

YES!!! I am finally free!!!! Self declared freedom actually, I finally leave the job!!!!! But now I have to face 2 problems:
1) How am I going to survive with my remaining money?
2) How am I going to find another job?

The other time at CGM, HuiYi prayed for me. Now I understand why my prayer request wasn't answer by God! Humph! The way HuiYi prayed was gentle but with faith. While the way I prayed was "rough"but without much faith. Then just today morning, Derek SMS me to say that actually Boss had expected it. HuiYi prayed for my Boss to be lenient towards my resignation. He actually did!!! Miracle!!! Base on my Boss temperamental sort, I was surprise he was actually very calm about my leaving! Hahaha! Praise God! Thanks for your prayers HuiYi! *muack!* She also pray that I would get into a 5 day F&B job that I liked. I believe in faith that it will come to pass soon too :)

Went out with BaoBei to East Coast to cycle. It has been a long time since I last cycled. Stamina very low . Only to tire myself out in the end. Went to meet his Sargent to have dinner. BaoBei spend quite a lot today!!! I told him that I could no longer pay for everything as I have not got a job yet. He doesn't seems to understand.

I will end here for now. Will have to start looking for another job...

Cancelled Trip + Hatred = Help!!!!!!!!

BaoBei called me yesterday during conference with HuiYi that the one week trip was cancelled!!! I was like,"Huh?!" Luckily the other day HuiYi ask me to change my money to ringgit, I never. Cos the exchange rate was quite high then. But I am not really very sad. Just a tinnie winnie bit of disappointed that's all.

BOSS GO BACK ON HIS WORDS AGAIN!!!! KNS!!!! He said to advertise on the October for new admin position!!! But you know what he told me in front of Derek on yesterday's meeting?! He ask me to continue staying on and to work hard!!! He don't want me to treat this as a 9 - 6 job! He wants me to commit into the job!!! SAI LAH!!!! IN YOUR DREAMS MAN!!!!! I was devastated and at the same time, I really really really feel like breaking his skull!!!! Like in the SMS joke that BaoBei sent it to me some time ago about prayer to God. Derek then gave me a strange look but he knows what is going on in my mind. Humph!!! I don't know what is his purpose of detaining me for?! Feeling like a prisoner!!! I gave him a nickname,"Roti Prata" because of the way he keep twisting and changing his words!!! Derek will know what I mean...

When I went home, the first thing I did was to call HuiYi(actually in my mind, I was thinking of going drinking) then HuiYi had to listen to my woes and complaints(Poor HuiYi) BaoBei then conference with us later on. But while I was sharing about my problems at work, BaoBei sound very agitated and even in a more angrier tone than me. I was a bit frightened by his tone. I tried to skip topic here and there, end up HuiYi and BaoBei get even more confused. HuiYi then prayed for me while I said a short prayer for my workplace and CG before hanging up.

Why I could manage to quit my previous jobs without any problems but yet, this stupid job I had difficulty quitting? BaoBei and HuiYi said that I am being too soft-hearted towards my Boss, that is why he bullies me. If he wants me to treat him with "attitude", CAN, he continue to provoke me further lah! Then I will show him the "Lian" side of Juliet!(But then seriously speaking, I may end up in Jail for it)

Overheard him talking on phone with don't-know-who? Saying that he will be going on a business trip in early December! No wonder he don't allow me to leave yet lah! I seriously wonder when can I really leave?! I know it is not good to switch jobs. But what if the job is really unsuitable for me?

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Trip to JB + Wedding at JB + Unhappy episode = Depress + Hatred

Went to JB on Friday evening. There was a heavy traffic jam there and thus we reach there only around 8.30pm. Went to pick BaoBei's relatives to go to his place. His house in Malaysia was very big! But...so were the crowds that stayed at his place -_-" I had to sleep in a small living room cramp with his cousins.

Went to his Brother's wedding that is held in Malaysia. The food there were much more nicer than Singapore's wedding banquet! One of BaoBei's cousin is the lady boss of the restaurant. She was so young! She ask me to guess her age, which I said 19. But she said I was half-correct as she is almost 20 after her birthday. Her son was very cute but naughty! Both her husband and herself look very young to be parents! We feel at ease sitting and chatting with the rest as our table only consist of youngsters! Malaysians sure know how to arrange the seats for the people.

Went to KTV for singing session. I don't like the place cos the waitress dress very "indecent" in that KTV pub. I only sang one song with BaoBei cos I know my singing is not good. Tried to take a walk alone as I feel very bored but BaoBei manage to catch up with me and hold my hand to walk. He said,"Malaysia is not very safe!" He also don't allow me to walk around anywhere alone. We went to the fun fair nearby and BaoBei played a game. I wanted the soft-toy but BaoBei won a yoyo for me instead. I was very happy though. Better than nothing.

Went back to KTV to accompany the rest of his relatives for a while before we head to somewhere for food. I only ate some "dim sum" while BaoBei had Laksi Lemak for dinner. Went back to BaoBei's place to sleep for the night but have to share a pillow and blanket with him. How to sleep two people with one pillow?! Sai!!! Slept very uncomfortably thoughout the night and ended up slept for 4 hours only.

When morning came, I went downstairs to have breakfast with his cousins. Then lay on their mattress for a while. BaoBei lay there too. Strangely, they only ask BaoBei to get up but not me. They then end up having a heated argument, which BaoBei's Mum put the blame onto me! Saying that I never stop their argument and how stupid I was! LIKE AS IF IT IS MY FAULT?! I then ran out from the house crying. I tried to walk to somewhere but I walk until a dead end of a road. The road in front of me was a big and long patch of grass, like it has never been cut for years! When I spot BaoBei coming towards my way, I tried to walk through the grass but the grass were too long and thick that I couldn't walk through. BaoBei then grab my arm and said,"You better get out of there now! There might be snakes hidden inside those grass!" I held BaoBei's hand and he pull me out and I cried on his shoulder. We then took a long walk together before entering into the house again.

Bought some ice-cream for his cousins even after the quarrel. It's not that I am nice or whatever. But I guess since they want it, I buy it for them. Got the wrong favour of ice-cream for BaoBei and he ended up not eating. We then fight over the tip of the ice-cream cone. So stupid! >.<

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Marriage + Work = Burden & Stress

This week, Boss will not be around cos he's on overseas trip! Yeh! Feeling so free!!! I don't know what I really want? Read magazine and an article from "Dear Kelly" section caught my attention. A reader wrote in to Kelly to share about her marriage woes. I know that marriage is not an easy journey and two committing persons have to put in effort in order for the marriage to last. But....what her husband said to her during one of their quarrels, hurt her deeply. I wonder will that happen to me too? The reader's husband regretted marrying her and said that he should have listened to his Mum's advice! Cos even before marriage, the guy's Mum is already very against the relationship and things are not going well between his wife and his Mum. Haiz.....

Talk about other things with Derek. After fellow shipping with Jaslyn and him, I realise that Derek is quite an easy-going guy. There are really a lot of things I could learn from him. But he said that his character was molded after he joined his ministry for 4 years! I really admired Derek that he could be extremely patient towards Boss and had tolerated for so long! Derek saw me flare up before and he said that I am very scary when I am provoked or got angry. Strangely, although we didn't communicate much, but through work, Derek know me inside out! Perhaps it's because I gave him a shock the other day....hahaha!

Went home quite early as I have nothing to do. Esther SMS me saying to meet me, minutes after I had reached home. Haven't seen her for some time. Things have not been going on well in my friendship area these days. Esther maybe would know what I mean?

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Baobei's Brother's wedding

Went to stay over at BaoBei's place on Friday. His place was very noisy and crowded cos all his relatives are there to stay over too. Saw his eldest brother and his wife later and they have Chinese tea ceremony. I wondered,"Do I have my own wedding day too?" Cos of financial difficulties, I don't think so. Plus some other problems.

Went to take a nap, after that we prepared ourselves for the wedding dinner at a grand hotel near outrum park. I bought my own pink translucent Shaw along to match with the pink dress that I have bought the other day. We then went to look for his relatives. A few of them comment that I look too formal in that dress. Before the bride came, some of his relatives eyes, plus some people whom I do not know who they are, look at my direction. I wonder is there something wrong with what I wear?

Sat with his Malaysia cousin but I couldn't seems to remember her until she show me her dog in her camera phone. Ya I visited them in Malaysia before! Chat with her for some time before she went off to her friend's birthday party. BaoBei also bring me to see his father's colleagues and they ask him,"So when is your turn?" he replied,"4 years later?" They were happy and said they will be waiting for that day. So pai seh!

The bride wore three dresses. One was the white dress for the stepping in ceremony, one was a blue dress(I like the blue dress most!) and the last one was a light pink "peacock" dress when she stands at the door with the groom to see the relatives and friends off. I then learnt that the total cost for their wedding was $17,000. Not inclusive of the wedding dress etc. After calculated for the total cost, I estimate their expenses to $24,200!!!

I then told BaoBei base on the calculations that we would never get married. Cos I wonder how long will it take for us to save that amount of money?

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Seeing him + confusion + fear

I don't know how to explain the above title of my current entry. Work was very pressuring today. I really starting to hate everything at work...including Boss. Being held up at work and thus late for meeting Esther for 1 hour. Gomenasai..

We went to commonwealth for dinner, at the new blocks. The food there taste okay. Chat about food and some other things. Went to a nearby playground to play for awhile before heading home.

On the way home, I SAW HIM!!! A few of my friends would know who is the guy that I am talking about. HuiYi, if you are reading this, remember there was a period of time I was very distress and called you in the middle of the night to cry? That guy! I saw him at Long John Silver with another girl, probably his girlfriend(or another victim) I don't know why but when I saw him, I was shaken with great fear!!! I tried to shake off BaoBei's hand and run away....to..where? I don't know myself! I just want to run away from that place! BaoBei's grip was very tight that even when I shake his hand, he held on to my hand more tightly. He ask,"What happen?" I said nothing but he saw the fear in my eyes. He then look around and said,"Did you see someone? Who? Is it that guy? Where?" I then point at a direction and he describe a guy wearing a cap to me. I said,"No..that is not the guy". I pull him aside and point to him a direction and said the guy is sitting behind the plants. I describe what the guy was wearing and how he look like. BaoBei then went to take a look and came back looking very angry. He then comfort me and assure me that the guy won't be looking for me.

Bid Esther goodbye and went home after that. My hands are still trembling with fear....I am scared but I don't know of what? I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Feeling lost + fellowship

Went to work yesterday, nothing much happened. Some times I am really very tired of going to work. No prospect, no future. Not enough money! Jaslyn came in the evening with Derek and we chat alot. She said that I could always share with her if I had any problems. Derek over heard the accountant telling Boss to raise my pay the other day. Haha! But he didn't. Anyway, I don't see any reason for me to stay in this job. Jaslyn encourage me to seek a job that I really enjoy doing rather than staying in a job that I don't like coming to work to.

Went to commonwealth to have dinner together. There's a lot of nice food in commonwealth! Well, at least to me. The food there are quite cheap too! Ordered a beef steak while Jaslyn ordered chicken chop. Actually I don't know what to eat.

Went home after that to chat with HuiYi and BaoBei. Yes! Wednesday onwards I'll have a long weekend!!! Yeah! Boss also approve my leave for the next month. Maybe after the week, I could request to resign? Or should I wait until end of the year?

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Satanic!!! Help!!!(SL Game)

Played SL(Second Life) game yesterday and there was a theme called "Gothic". Initially I thought that Gothic means wearing all black that's all. But...what I saw in the game somehow change my decision greatly.

In the game, I was invited to an Island for regular dancing. Of course, every week, the Theme of the dance will be different. Last week was Mermaid theme. I do not have mermaid's clothing to join in the theme. This week, however, the theme took me by surprise. A new friend then gave me some Gothic clothing for me to join the event.

In the game, I was in a pub but the atmosphere in that game really scares me. The dance floor was made of blood plus there's hot fire around the dance floor. The pub was creepy!!! It has ware wolfs and Egyptian "Mummy" as "Door bitch". Then I saw a sign "Sacrifice" and "Cut" so I click on it. The sacrifice was just a human laying on a table. The cut was....A person holding a long knife and pierce into the person who was laying on the table through the heart!!! I almost faint! I also saw 2 cups and click on a sign "Blood", my Avatar then scratch out her hand and I saw blood dripping from her wrist into the cup. The cup was then suppose to be consume(This is Satanic ritual!) Eeek!

I finally saw how Lucifer look like! It was very ugly!!! I thought it was Satan at first and I ask the person who dress that way,"Are you Satan?" He replied,"No. But I am Satan's best friend" which I guess,"Lucifer?" He said,"Yes" and gave me an evil grin. Yucks! Curiosity really kills the cat! I saw what it look like a dustbin in SL. Wondering what a dustbin is doing in SL, I tried to click on it to open. It didn't. I then peek into the open lid and saw a human head in it! Ahhhh!!! I also saw a Avatar with multiple spears pierce through his chest with blood dripping. Plus..his front body has a big hole, but the organs are missing! The place really gives me the creeps! Saw coffins around too!

After what it seems like eternity, I pray while playing the game! After that I saw a Ghost ship and my friend invite me to board it. He said,"Whoever wish to see God, please board this ship!" After 2 other girls join in the ship, it takes off to Heaven. My friend wants to get at least 4 friends to Heaven. But he keeps inviting people to join the ship, sadly, very few people respond. Most just want to stay in Hell. He was sad and said this while on the way to Heaven,"So sad. People wish to stay in Hell to be with Satan rather than to go to Heaven to be with God" I am trying to find out what he means by this?

In the game, Heaven was so beautiful! I saw God!(In that game lah) He was carrying a very big cross on his back and wearing a white gown like what was drawn in some story books. I also saw my favourite blue sky! There are some white lights flying around us when God was near but I couldn't make it out what they were. I guess the white light represents the Holy Spirit? Now I understand what does the Bible mean,"Those who had seen Me, has seen The Father". The light then grew more and more bright until it was too "sharp" for me to see. A girl then shout,"Yeh!! Salvation is here!" While I sing in SL,"Je-sus, Je-sus, no other name...no one the same like you..the truth, the light, the way.."(I think I sing wrongly)

I shared with HuiYi what I have seen in the game. God may be trying to tell me something. HuiYi said when the end time comes, God will let us choose two paths, one is the narrow way, the other is the wide way. Which way would you choose? The path that you chooses, will determine whether you will go to Heaven or Hell for eternity. Strangely, although it was just a game, but in Hell, I am struggling and almost gone crazy(in Real life). When my friend take the girls and me to Heaven, I felt peace, comfort and joy. I saw God in the game face to face! But...His back was facing towards me. I guess maybe it's because He is controlling the ship. After that I was sent back to Hell once again with the girls. My friend ask the 2nd time,"Anyone else wish to see God?" This time, the only person who remains in the ship was me. The other girls then jump off from the ship and went to join their friends in Hell. My friend said,"Haiz..seriously so few people willing to go to Heaven meh?" He then park the ship somewhere else since no one wish to go to Heaven.

I shared with BaoBei what I have seen and he seems very excited about Hell. So sad. I wonder if the end time really comes, will people still choose Hell as their destination? Or Heaven? As for me, I had already know my own answer. This is the first time God answer me a question that I had ask him through SL! Logically speaking, it's coincidence! But spiritually speaking, there is no such thing as coincidence. Don't get what I mean? Never mind.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!! I GIVE UP!!!!!!

Went for service yesterday and most of the CGMs said that they didn't see me for a long time. I was like,"Huh? Really?" Listened to Pastor preaching about Church growth etc. After that we went to hear Lorraine's announcement and then we were dismiss. I was a bit shock when Daphne hug me! She said,"Hey! Never see you for a long time! How have you been?" and the hug me just like that! Before service, she seems to be in a very foul mood and argue with Li Hong about God-knows-what? Haha! But anyway I was feeling glad.

Talk to Bro and Lorraine. Feeling very pressure talking to them but then Bro lighten the pressure by talking to BaoBei about army stuff first and then he touch the main issue. At least now I know that how hurt Lorraine feels but some times I am really scared to tell her the reason why I am not coming. He then touch about trust issue and other things. Overall, I feel that the fellowship was good. At least, things are trash out and somehow it make me understand Lorraine a little better. She is not the person that I thought her would be(Cos she said once that she was a very "D" leader) but I do not know she also have a pastoral side of her as well. Or maybe I didn't notice.

I am very angry about prayer list!!!! I am starting to hate most of the CGMs!!!! OK FINE!!! SINCE ALL OF YOU ARE SO CO-OPERATIVE WITH YENHAO, THEN FROM NOW ONWARDS YOU ALL GIVE YOUR PRAYER REQUEST AND TIMING TO HIM!!!! DON'T NEED TO GIVE ME ANYMORE! AND I WON'T CHASE PRAYER REQUEST FROM YOU GUYS ANYMORE!!!! I feel like throwing a stack of papers at the members face!!!! I don't know is it the way we SMS? Normally I would send a SMS to members to ask them to send me their prayer request by Wednesday or Thursday 7pm BUT! Only a minority will take the initiative to send it out to me! But when YenHao send it on Thursday, ALMOST ALL the members reply to him!!! WHAT IS THIS!? SHEN MO YI SHI?! WHAT DO THEY TREAT ME AS?! FINE! SINCE YOU ALL ARE SO CO-OPERATIVE WITH YENHAO, FROM NOW ON, DON'T NEED TO GIVE ME YOUR PRAYER REQUEST!!!! GIVE IT TO YENHAO INSTEAD!!!!! I AM REALLY VERY SICK AND TIRED OF IT ANYWAY!!!!!

Didn't talk much with BaoBei on the way home. He said,"Why didn't you tell Lorraine about the prayer list just now?" I told him that Bro is there and since this is our own CG problem, I wish to talk to Lorraine only. HuiYi, if you see this blog, please help me tell the CGMs. I give up!!! I really give up!!! From now on, I won't be doing the prayer list! Anything you want your prayer list to be done, please SMS YenHao by Monday. Thanks!

I will end here for now. I am really disappointed with the CGMs. I don't know whether should I continue to stay on in the CG? Or I will just come to church on my own? No point to stay in a CG where people are NOT Co-Operating! What is a CG anyway? Sorry, I do not know ANYMORE!!!

Those of you who manage to view my blog by don't know who give you my new link, you can tag whatever you like at my tag. No need to blast at your own blog!

Sitting on the coach with you

We seems so close but yet so far

The silence between us remain

as the clock ticks by the minute

Your physical presence is here
Yet your heart seems so far
Not a word was exchanged,
straight to the bed you went

The weather was warm
but my heart feels cold
You treat me like a complete stranger
while my love for you remains

Tears flows as I close my eyes
Pain filled my heart like a million piercing knives
Millions of things I wish to share
Words I wish to let you know
But silence I could only endure
For I could never express it to you

I wish to be there
in your happiest moments of your life
I wish to be your only comfort
for you to cry on my shoulder in your darkest times
No longer you shared with me about your ups and downs
For the longest time,
never had I seen your smile
I miss your twinkling eyes and your lovely smile

I love you the way you were before
living happily day by day
I'll still love you all the same
but I pray for your love to return someday