Break down + negative thoughts = Help?

My day was not very good on Friday. Cried on the way home cos being chase out by Manager. I do not know what exactly I had done wrong. Feeling very suicidal there and then...almost took my own life(not going to tell you how). Shared with BaoBei about my day but..he could only listen. What else could he do? He's in camp. My friends were at work. I am alone. My heart feeling very heavy. I cried to myself and no one hears. I think I am already on the edge.

Hang around at Clementi area and went home at 2pm. Lied to my Mum that I am not feeling well, therefore releasing early from work. Didn't want her to worry. Rent some VCDs to watch and I cried while watching the VCDs though most are comedy shows. Pretend that I cried for the show and luckily my Mum didn't suspect a thing. Cos she is still learning English and so she thought that the show must be touching enough for me to cry.

Went for CGM and cried during CG too. Can't seems to stop my tears from flowing. The CGM was about prayer. You prayed for another person though HS. Very difficult for me cos my spiritual is not strong. If your spiritual is strong, you can really sense what is the person you need to pray for, like a sister from another CG did. She laid hands on me and pray for me. She said that I am facing thunderous amount of pressure and the pressure came from ALL sides at one shot. She said that I had already broken down(Did I?!)and said that God is only behind me. I just need to call out to him and pray. She said she saw me in a calm lake. In that picture, I was carefree and very relax. She said I need to release all my burdens up to Him. After she prayed, I cried very badly. BaoBei came for CG and the same girl prayed for him. She said she saw BaoBei on a ladder, heading towards God but somewhere, somehow, he is stuck in between to ladder and couldn't move. Went back to BaoBei's home to sleep. Cried at night and he consoles me and told me not to think too much. I worried about the future. I don't know why.

My friend celebrated my advance birthday for me. Eat 2 hours of steamboat and went to a cafe. They gave me a big bag for my present for the upcoming chalet. I was surprise that V SMS Esther to ask her to help him wish me Happy Birthday. When I saw the SMS, I was like, -_-" didn't really wish to talk to him. Although he didn't chase Lynn anymore but still, I don't know. I don't really treat him as friend. He's not my enemy now(cos I don't treat him as one) but neither is he my friend. Can considered strangers. I know, it's sad. But..I don't know how to put my thoughts into this. Do you know why V remembers my birthday? Because his Mum's birthday and mine are the SAME! Just that the years are different. That is why!

Yesterday, my CGMs help me to celebrate my birthday for me. Though it's not grand but I feel touch that almost all of them came! Jaslyn feels very sad that I didn't share with her my problem. I told her that I almost commit suicide on Friday and she was shocked! She said why didn't I call her to accompany me then? Cos...most of my friends are at work. She is studying and BaoBei is at camp. So..I am left with nobody. I told her that I think I have already broke down but I didn't know what I was doing at that time. All I know then was that I wanted to end my life to end the sufferings and the hurt that I have felt. The only reason why I couldn't do it is because people were walking here and there. The place I was at, is not very crowded but at the same time, if I were to do anything silly, I know someone will have seen it. So....that's why I am still here typing. Jaslyn said if I were to do that on that day, my soul will go to hell and will never make it to Heaven. Yes, I know. But...I am really suffocated at that time. I don't know what I was doing, I don't know what to do.

My leave was not approved. So I have to work for the whole week. My manager still treats me the same. But somehow, I felt a little bit better and a little bit happier. At least he didn't bother me so much...just for now. I hope my luck has indeed starting to be better.

I think I will end here for now. Don't know what else to write. Will blog again some other time.

Prince?! More like a bastard!!! Pui!!!

Went to meet Esther, Ivan and turtle to hang out yesterday. We were chatting happily until Esther received a call from Da Lao Po, saying that her prince will bring her to graveyard to drink. We thought they were joking at first but then things seems to get pretty serious as time goes by. Turtle was very worried for Lao Po and we took a cab down to Lim Chu Kang Cemetery to look for her. I followed Turle and BaoBei followed along too. We bid Esther and Ivan goodbye before we went to search for Da Lao Po. The cab driver refuse to drive us in even though we don't mind paying more. He also said,"Who the hell with the right mind would go into a cemetery to drink at night?!" The cab driver just drop us at the enterance of the Muslim Cemetery and we had to walk all the way in to look for Da Lao Po ourselves!

On the way in, I held onto BaoBei's hand tightly. I heard a lot of strange sounds that I couldn't describe what they were. In front of us, all three of us saw a flash of light, flashing at us only once and disappear! Ivan ask later was the light came from the graveyard watchman? I tell you, the answer is NO! There is NO graveyard watchman around at that time although there was a wooden house on my right hand side. But...even then, do you know that the house, which is the nearest to us, have to walk a distance to get to the house itself? When we got closer to look where the light is, it was only a tree! How on earth could a light came from a tree?! The time when we reach the Muslim graveyard was past 12 midnight and it was full moon. We then saw a van driving towards us. I ask is that Da Lao Po? We went closer to look and she was in the front seat of the van. I slam the van door and of course, her "prince" wasn't very happy about it. Turtle pull her aside to talk but Da Lao Po don't seems to listen to her.

After that Turtle went to talk to "prince" while BaoBei and I smoke at a corner. He was glaring at me though. He then agreed to drop us at Redhill MRT station. When he finally drop us at Clementi MRT station, one of his Malay friend with a big dragon tattoo on his back, came down and scold BaoBei, saying that he don't like the way BaoBei walks. Very sa pa rak(386 in hokkien). He ask us to remember his face(I will!), and said that if BaoBei walks that kinda way again, he will beat him up outside. NBC!! That is his natural walking way! Whatever shit you are unhappy about?! Then if others don't like that way YOU walk, does that mean they have the right to beat you up also?! I regret that I didn't stand up for BaoBei at that time.

From then on, I hate her "prince"! Don't know what she sees in him! Okay..maybe it's not him but I really don't like his social circle of friends! I know I don't have the right to interfer. It's her choice and I have to respect it. From then on, my impression of her boyfriend drops. He is really not suitable for her after all! But well, when you are so in love with a person, especially since he's your first love, most likely you won't listen what your friends point of view for your guy. Cos to you, your guy is almost perfect. Only those around you will see the full picture.

I will end here for now. Da Lao Po, if you don't like anything I said here, I am sorry but I am stating the fact! I had apologise to him for slamming his door and he said this to my anata before he left,"You stay in Whoapoh right? Be careful!" and then to me,"You too!" What the hell does he meant by that?!

Mess up life + Gangs = My only source of death

Went home to watch the 9.30pm channel U show about bloggers. The show talks mainly about Teenage gangs and their lives. When I watch the show, I realize that I am not as "hiong" as them as I have thought. The main character was a girl grew up from a rich family. Her behaviour really very "Quai". Really not suitable to be an Ah lian. The way she fight, I really don't know what to say. Only to think,"Siao eh..is that what you called fighting?" Her gangs even have to teach her how to fight -_-". They fight with other gangs in order to snatch territory(a place where they claim is their "land") Those who were in gangs before or are currently in gangs will know what I am talking about. But then I thought usually territory snatching is done only by senior gang members and not Juniors?! After watching the whole show and the main character wrack her future because of her slipping grades and was force to be on the venge of kicking out from school. Her rich parents were upset and worried about her future. By the way, the school she studies at is one of a top school in Singapore. Part of me wanted to join a gang again. Yes, I might be wasting my future away with those people but then again, what kinda future do I have? None! The main character also cuts herself with pen-knife. She said this,"Don't ask me, whether is it painful? I just want to feel the pain to know that I am still staying alive". Her cuts are deep and are fresh wounds! For me, during the times I cut myself, my reason is this,"I want to feel the PAIN so that I could feel the COMFORT in the later part of the pain" This, again, only those who cut themselves before might know what I am talking about.

BaoBei called to ask me about work and I seriously don't wish to talk about it. There's nothing to talk about. My manager is really very annoying these days!!! I don't know what the hell is wrong with him?! Don't know since when, whenever I punch in for work, he will surely find something to scold me!!! Even though the things might not be my fault(JUST BECAUSE I AM A FULL TIMER) I think it's because he feels that full timers are the ones who should be scolded regardless whether the duty is done by them or not! NBC!!! His part timer earn more than me okay!!!! I have ask around my friends without revealing my pay, whether is it reasonable for a PART-TIMER to earn MORE than a FULL-TIMER? Ivan said it is impossible for a part-time to earn more than full time unless they work longer hours than full time or they are working 12-hour shift. Everything I do(or NOT do) will get scolded!!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!!! Just quarrelled with my Manager and he says things that it not what I meant! I don't wish to quarrel with him further but only to state the facts! Khair said I am being sarcastic but I am not!!!

Though out the whole TV show, my Mum keeps on talking about BaoBei and his Mum. Because I shared with her that she is being scolded by his Mum. My MUM being bullied by others and yet I can't do a single thing!!!! She ask when his Mum said that, did BaoBei said anything? I said no(Most of the time, BaoBei don't know what to say) She then keep blaming me that I don't study hard enough and get myself a rich guy. Please lah...rich guys won't like ugly girls like me. She is disappointed that I have to live in BaoBei's place but yet being bullied by the members in the household. She said why don't BaoBei stay over instead?(Cos BaoBei don't like my home). I also shared with her that BaoBei wants to be a teacher and not a Chef when he comes out for work. She states that teachers earn lesser than Chef and on top of that, it's very hard to get into a school plus they have to keep on going for courses and studies to upgrade themselves.

Why is life much more difficult to live as the years went by? I only miss my Primary - Sec school daze only because during those times, no one dare to talk to me, no one dare to approach me. I am only with my gangs for 2 years and left the gangs, after that and I am on my own. Even then, still, no one approach me. Not that I am a good fighter or whatever. But because the way I throw my tantrum whenever someone provokes me or angered me. It's only a small action but yet it is big enough to impact on my schoolmates not to anger or provoke me.

I said that in a joking manner to my friends before, don't be sad for me even when I die. Just forget about me. Thinking back, what is there to be sad? Is it because my presence is no longer felt?(If so, I tell you, your life really be much more better without me than you think!). Is there any other reason? Friendship? Friends come and go. So....1 more or lesser, seriously doesn't make any difference. Love? You will find a better girlfriend(or maybe wife)than me, seriously speaking. I have no achievements, no title, no money, no fame, everything that I should have, I don't have it.(Yes, I have friendships and Love) but I still feel something is missing. Maybe death is the only answer for me.

For my friends: After reading this, please don't panic for me. Please don't worry. I am just blogging for fun. I won't have the courage to die. So no worries. Esther, this is the part that I told Turtle why I smoke for the real reason: I want to end my life slowly. Besides my stress as my other reason(which is also true. Not lie) But when I die, I make sure my ENEMIES will die together with me!!!

The world is really a cruel place...why did God create the earth and humans in the first place?! A lot of messy things are happening, a lot of ugly things are reflected! No God, I don't blame you for creating the world. The world is nice on the outside. I enjoyed your creations like the sun, wind, clouds and sea. Not forgetting your plants too(trees, Jungles, forest etc) but do you know God? The world is really corrupted on the inside??? Incest are happening(which you forbid in the first place), crime rates are increasing, humans living in mess up lives, the 10 commendents are breaking:
1) Thou Shalt not have other Gods before me:
-> Then what are those idols and statues and cults for?

2) Thou shalt not murder:

-> Then why are deaths of murdered occur in the world? Because of hatred and unresolved anger?

3) Thou shall not commit adultery.

-> The human flesh only goes for new things. New human. New feeling of love and affection. It's really very hard to stay faithful to one partner

4) Thou shall not steal.

-> Some people can't possess what they longed to have thus...the sin

5) Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

-> That bitch(HY) did this to my BaoBei! Then?! If it's not false witness, what is?! LY, your sister break this commendment!

6) Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
-> Sorry Lord but I find this very difficult! Especially to BaoBei's Mum!

7) For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.

-> That is why we have 6 days work week on most places -_-"

The rest, some of it is repeated on the above. So refer to Bible for the full commendments. This time, I guess, I really break down. I don't know what to do anymore. Don't wish to talk to anyone.....don't wish to live....just wish to be alone

My life

Cruel eyes of the society,

harsh reality of the world

Despair lurks in my eyes

Sorrow dwells within my heart

Trying to find ways to end my life in a flash

Ending the misery and the pain that pierce from within

Friends leaving my life one after another

Enemies surround me, awaiting for revenge

Words that I couldn't speak,

feelings that I couldn't show

Trying to stay invisible,

trying to be non-existent

On the whole, I may seem alright

Deep inside, I'm being tore apart

A broken heart,

a fragile mind

Breaking down on the inside,

trying to be strong on the outside

Crying till the tears runs dry

Shouting till the voice went hoarse

Whoever can help me?

Whatever can save me?

Wishing hard to end my life,

just to escape permanently

from this cruel and sarcastic world

LY's workplace + her change of mindset + Charger arguement = SIAN!!! PEK CHEK!!!!

Baobei and me went for dinner a few days ago at Cineleisure and he happened to saw LY. I didn't see her until she turn around. She was greeting her friend who is seated behind us but didn't see us. I then tried to wave at her but she didn't see me..until I call her name out. So coincidence! She is working at Taka B1 selling shoes(like her elder sister did -_-") Oh sorry..I forgot you almost don't have an elder sister..(That bitch!) Chat with her very happily but I scared she will kena scold by her boss. Her friend(whom I don't know her name) was Ivan's God-sister! KNS! The world in Singapore is really very small! Ivan also know 1 of my ex-boyfriend's cousin, Han Bing! While Angelia's kid brother is Aidah's friend! Wah liew! Ivan surely has strong connections!(Scarly he also happen to know my ex-boyfriends gangs) I do really hope that Li Yi has no longer self-inflict injury on herself anymore(Oei LY..I am worried for you on this part). Erm...at least she claims that she doesn't. Anything can find me.

Turtle stayed over at BaoBei's place last week. She borrowed a charger from Ivan(TAKE NOTE OF THIS PART). Before that, I heard Ivan proudly proclaimed that he has a few similar chargers at home so no need to worry. After that she claims that her bag is heavy and pass the charger to BaoBei. Which by the way, the charger is SIBEI LIGHT! But because BaoBei will be away in camp for TWO WEEKS, he pass the charger to me and ask me to remember to pass it to Ivan. Okay..like that never mind. I THEN REALISE THE REASON WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE TURTLE PASS THE CHARGER TO ME(or BaoBei for that matter) This is my guessing: She is afraid of being "chased" by Esther! Which is what she eventually did to me until I got extremely fed-up! This is what Esther did that lead me to be angry, frustrated and stress!!! Esther, in case you do not know why I got sooooo angry and fed-up, this is THE REASON WHY:

Baobei already pass me the charger to ask me to pass it to Ivan, on Monday, we did not meet and you ALREADY SMS ME TO REMIND ME TO BRING THE CHARGER! I did not reply because, I had already told you before a lot of times and even in front of Jia Xing, then whatever SMSes that only requires me to reply: Okay/ok or any ONE WORD LETTER, I WILL NOT REPLY!!! Even though I may have received your SMS. This is my style! and to the rest of my friends who view my blog, if you send me any SMS that requires me to just reply OKAY, please take note, I WILL NOT REPLY AND I DON'T WISH TO REPEAT THIS AGAIN!

2) I know that your lunch time is in the afternoon. But hor, if you already sent me an SMS to REMIND ME TO PUT INSIDE MY BAG, WHY DO YOU NEED TO SMS ME DURING MY MOST BUSIERST HOURS?!(Which happens to be rush-hour LUNCH TIME!) to ask me whether I had put in my bag?!

Sorry that I did not state and did not say this to all of you: From now onwards, my handphone is 24-hours ON! And I will never silent/off my handphone unless I am in these places or circumstances:
1) Cinemas
2) Church
3) CG meeting
4) Places that requires me to switch off or silent my hand phone

5) My handphone battery is either low-batt or completely dead!

Da Lao Po, I am sorry to have shouted at you even though this whole thing is not your fault but I am really very angry that Esther keep on SMS me during my most busiest hours! Esther, try this at your workplace if you dare for just ONE DAY. You switch ON your handphone(NOT SILENT MODE) and set your ringing volume that only YOU CAN HEAR. When your phone rings, in front of several customers who gave you a strange look on their faces, how would you feel? And if one of them comes to you to ask,"Excuse me Miss, is that your phone ringing?" How would you feel?

After the whole episode, Turtle and Esther SMS me. One to apologise, the other to thank me. If you still don't know what I am angry for, then forget it. Just take it as I am talking to the wind!

Money + SL addiction + Quarrel with BaoBei's Mum = Can I really die???

Things are not going well for me these days. Recently I realize that whenever Ivan is around, I need to spend more than $50 on food and cab fare to go out with them. Esther, it's not that I am not happy or whatever but I am thinking, if we need to spend so much money in long term to go out, I might as well meet you all once in a very blue moon. By the way, thanks for helping me to organise my birthday.

I am very sad, disappointed and regret introducing BaoBei to Secondlife game. BaoBei wanted to introduce Li Yi to the game but....somehow I don't think it's a good idea. Li Yi, I prefer that you play with your SIMS rather than SL cos SL is very deadly to play with. Recently, in the straits times on Sunday(I mean last last Sunday), they report and feature about SL gamers. To me, I agree only 50% on the report itself cos the report only reflects the bad image of Secondlife(SL) game. They describe how the game works and there is also an article about how a couple broke up because of SL. The boyfriend played SL game and was addicted so badly that the couple now broke up. The guy met a girl through that game and she was from Korea. He was so serious about his virtual girlfriend that he even flew to Korea just to visit her in RL. Crazy as it might sound but it is a true story. This is what happens when you are too addicted to SL and in some cases, some people merge SL into RL!!! Which leads to psychological unbalances in life.

I started playing that game after my Dad introduce me to the game but he himself wasn't interested in the game much and gave up after playing for 2 days. I, on the other hand had already played the game for more than half a year. I like my current Avatar and the clothes she wears. I admit I was addicted to SL once and my friend Marcus comment in my tag board not to be obsessed into the game. I don't know in the end how I manage to over come that addiction. Probably because in RL, I had a job which already tire me out enough and that plays a part to help me curb the addiction. To be honest, there was a time I almost broke up with BaoBei because of the game itself. That game plays a part in drifting BaoBei and me emotionally apart. Actually, I think not all people agree with me that SL is deadly. Seriously, it's HOW you are going to play that game and whether will you let the game influence your RL to the extend that you aren't yourself anymore. BaoBei cherish the people in SL more than his RL friends(That's what I think). We even quarrel over a stupid bloody L$200(Linden $200, equiventlent to Singapore $2.00). Because I use his account and Avatar to help a friend in SL find her baby. I didn't find it in the end but she still reward me L$200. I gave her the money back and when BaoBei saw it, we had a huge quarrel over it. He says the money in SL are difficult to earn(which seriously it is) but I didn't manage to find her baby so I think I don't deserve the reward. Although I search the whole Kakis Island by myself.

Quarrel with BaoBei's Mum for the very first time in my life. She came into the room when BaoBei went away for camp and scolded me this and that and even accuse me(without proof!!!) that after wearing my clothes, I didn't wash in the washing machine and just dump it into the cupboard and now the cupboard stinks!!!! I HATE BEING ACCUSE OF SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO AND I SAID THIS UPTEEN TIMES!!!!!! After BaoBei came back, he told his youngest aunt about his Mum. Of course as relatives, she surely side his Mum! After that when Ah girl told BaoBei's Mum about what I told BaoBei over the phone, she shout angrily,"I say her is for her own good! Complain to Ah Hao Lah! Impressive is it?!" WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTHING THAT BAOBEI DOES, I AM THE ONE WHO IS BEING SCOLDED AND PUNISHED!? I HATE IT!!!!!!! His Mum even want my Mum's number so that she could call my Mum to scold her. What kinda respect is that?! In the end, BaoBei had a quarrel with his Mum and his Mum said that from today on she won't say anything about me(Ya right man!!! KNS!!!) Skip church for the day and feel very depress. Feel like jumping out of the window to end my life straight but too bad....BaoBei's window had grills -_-"

Feel like slashing my wrist but have no pen-knife. Feel like eating poison but don't know where to buy. The only way I had is to eat overdose sleeping pills(Which I KNOW where to get it). The problem is: Whether or not I dare to take the step of....should I say faith? to die. Cried during my work one day for no reason. I also don't know why I cry for. Before that in my mind, I imagine my friends, BaoBei and my family members especially my Brother surround me. Feel very sad. Don't know what to live for and don't know what else to look forward to.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again next time.

Friends encouragement + Broken IC = FUCK!!! Wo shi shuai de lor!!!

Went to meet Esther after work. Was suppose to go for prayer meeting but I didn't go. For my CGMs, if you gain access to my blog by don't know how, sorry to say this to all of you, I HATE LAST MINUTE PLANS! I believe that I have stated it in my previous blog entries before. Ai Zhen SMS me last minute by saying that tonight there's a PM at River walk. It's near my workplace but still, SORRY! I still hate last minute plans! I wasn't informed that there's a PM going on except for the coming Sunday.

Nowadays I then realize that most of my CGMs are all gone. In a sense that a few of them back slided, or only to contact me for fellowship and church stuffs. Seriously speaking, I had told Lorraine that I won't and don't wish to mingle with ANY of the CGMs anymore. Not after that stupid incident. She told me to step out and renew my mindset. Try going through what I have gone through and then come and tell me again! There's 2 new members in our connect group. 1 of them really behaves like Vincent!(This name didn't appear in my blog for a very long time le hor?) God is really testing my patience(sorry..should I say, molding?) God!!! You know that I am extremely impatient!!! Haiz....Was wondering since BaoBei stop going to church and CG, should I stop going too? In a way that I become what Esther did. Just go for church service and have no bondage's towards CGs. Cos you see, CG is suppose to be a group whereby your church members gone though with you thick or thin. Fellowship with you, pray with you(talking about this, I forgot when was the LAST time I really prayed) etc. But sorry to say, I still feel it lacks of something to sustain me. Plus maybe there are more and more commitments, so I feel more and more pressured.

Something happened during my work. I was sent to UOB plaza 1 to deliver what it seems like a letter to one of the offices there. In exchange for the visitor pass, I need to give my IC to the securities at the counter. I remembered very clearly that when I gave my IC, it was in good condition. When I came back from the office, this is what happen: When I receive my IC back, it felt very different in the touch. Like somewhere there's a CRACK! When I look carefully, the right side of my IC had indeed been crack off(almost to the state of broken into half!!!) I was very angry and question the security of how they handed my IC!!! One security answered me,"Every one's IC is the same! You broke the IC yourself is it?!" NB!!!! If my IC has been broken earlier, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! He then said,"Go report to police lah!!!" After that I went back to work and Khair help me to call his friend who is in the police force to ask. He said that there is nothing the police can do about it plus I do not have any witness or solid evidence to say that it's the securities who broke my IC. SWAY DAO~! I was very angry until I don't know what to say!!! The only way I could console myself is this Chinese old phase,"Jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai" meaning, the old won't go, the new won't come by. Anyway, I see this as a good opportunity to make a new IC. I wanted to make a new IC long time ago - Just to add my Christian name behind my full name.

Went out with Sheryln, Esther and turtle. Ask Sheryln a lot of questions about the IC renewal. In order to add my Christian name to my new IC, I need to engage a lawyer to sign the court documents and to use the document to make a new IC. Of course will be much more expensive. But to me, it's still worth it. Cos...it's my name mah!

Went for a chat with Turtle while Esther and Sheryln went for toilet break. I told her something that I never told my other friends before, my real reason to why and what I am doing now. When she hear it, she shared with me about her depression and how Sheryln manage to make her get out of it. She ask me to find my own source of way to release. Cos different people release their burdens and stress differently. When Esther and Sheryln came back, Esther ask me to tell her my other reason. Sorry, why I don't wish to say is because I don't want you all to worry about me. Turtle said to them,"When she feels that it's time or when she feel like telling you, she will. Just don't force her". Though I said it out to turtle but don't worry. I won't do it. At least, I know myself. Cos if I wanted to do it, I won't say it out until I do.

Turtle then send me a chinese SMS that it's very meaningful. It's about life. Though I do not know who the ORIGINAL sender was, but the message was encouraging enough to make me cry. This is the message in English(sorry cos my computer can't type chinese so I will translate the SMS in English):

In the process of growing up,
there will bound to be set-backs
know to protect yourself
know also to love yourself
life's happiness or sadness
depends on how you want to write it
hiding might not be able to hide from it
facing it might not be the most unbearable
getting it might not last
losing it might not mean that it won't get back
turning around might not mean that it's the weakest
Don't be in a hurry to say that it's no choice
Don't think that in this world, there's only right and wrong
the answer to many things doesn't only mean one
so, we always have a way to go
you can find a reason to be sad,
surely you can find a reason to be happy
the people who have no worries, found relaxation
the people who knows how to forget, found freedom
the people who knows how to care, found friends
meaningful? Share it with your friends

Sorry that if I am bad in my translation. Those friends whom I have forward the above message to in Chinese will know what it says. It made me shed a tear but at the same time, it is encouraging enough to make me live on.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Colleague's strange behaviour + unreasonable schedule = KNS!!!

Went to work in the morning and scolded by Manager. He ask one of my colleagues why were we knocking off late yesterday night and she's kinda angry and scolded him back. But then again, WE ARE NOT PAID FOR OVERTIME, so why did the Boss make so much of a fuss?! He then laid out a schedule of "rules" that we are to follow. On that day, I am already not in a good mood cos I only manage to sleep for only 3 hours! Cos the fellowship end late and somehow or rather, I couldn't get to sleep. I don't want to take the sleeping pills cos it will make me sleep for at least 8 hours! The other day, Pastor just preach that we should get at least 6 hours of sleep to be sufficient. I told Khair not to disturb me or talk to me for the rest of the day cos I am not in a good mood due to lack of sleep. Talking about this, Manager told us that we are NOT suppose to talk at work at all!!! NBC!!! BORING WORK LIFE!!!! The only time I AM allow to talk is only during my break hours, which is only40 minutes!!! SAI LAH!!!

Feel like punching something and shouting at somebody!!! When Khair saw me in that state, he suddenly said,"Ai yah..come come. You beat me lah. If after beating me up will make you feel better, I don't mind". I said,"You siao ah?! KNS! Beat you for what? You are not the one who offend me what. Siam lah!" He then block my way and refuse to let me go out and said,"You beat me first. If I pain then I let you go"
Me: "Siao ah!? Siam lah!"
Khair: "Mai leh"
Me: *Pek Chek* "You better siam or else! Later you fly then I don't know"
Khair: "oh ya? See who fly first. Wanna try me?"

Me: Siam lah!

After that I finally hit him..but softly, on his arm. I don't know how to describe my feeling at that time. Khair wanted to go drinking with me tonight but I am meeting my friends later in the night so I couldn't join him. He is still wounded from his relationship. Anyway, the way I heard him drinking, I will sure get knock out before he do.

Went to meet Esther, Da Lao Po and Turtle(forgot her name). Played DDR extreme and they said it will help me to release stress. Okay lah. But still I don't know how to release. Have Pasta Mania for dinner and went back home after that.

Movie

It's been some time since I last blog. Don't know where to start. Went for the SL-RL BBQ last week and it was fun. Meet some of the players there. But all they talk about is SL and nothing else. BaoBei seems to click with them really well. Needless to say, he does all the BBQing. After that, Amok and Kerr take over BaoBei to BBQ.

SL girls in RL are quite pretty(except me lah!) Meet a lot of interesting people. Especially Tuilipcia. Though she is big size but her dress sense is superb! Celebrate Reds birthday that day too. But the decline to reveal her age. Because of the confidentially, I am not allowed to post any of the outing pictures.

Went to movie with Esther, Da Lao Po, her friend and BaoBei yesterday to watch "Step Up 2 - The streets" I have never watch "Step Up" but I heard that it doesn't link to "Step Up 2". The movie is about Hip hop dancing and in the movie, the students who were passionate about hip hop, would do anything to pursue their dreams. Even if it means to sacrifice their studies. Extreme right?! The main character(Andy) skip a lot of classes and schools just to be with the dancers as dancing is her passion. But then one day, she was forced to choose between dancing and school. Or she will risk being sent to Texas(another country) for studies. She went to school in the end, but find it extremely hard to cope with her school life. She has to juggle between, studies, her CCA and her street dancing. But because of school, she was kick out from her street dancing team due to the fact that she missed a lot of practice sessions with them. Things just got worst from then on. She then set up her own team in school.

She went to the usual club that her ex-gang used to gather and dance there with her new team mates. But when they see that their rival dance way better than them, they give up hope. Andy encourage them to keep trying and surprising, midway of the movie, one of her best friend from the streets, leave the gang to join Andy to help them in their dance moves. Their efforts didn't gone to waste! They even issue a challenge to the ex-gang dancers through the Internet and that made the leader of the pack angry. When they were back to challenge once again, this time, they defeated the ex-gang dancers. Andy said this before the dance,"Dancing is about different kinds of people with different background, different walks of life, come together to dance. To show off their skills. Not to fight against each other". She wanted to end this criticism once and for all. With that, she got the support of the crowds and went out in the rain to dance. I was amazed at their skills! In the end, they won the hearts of the crowd.

I wanted to look for the songs in the movie. Guess I have to wait till the sound track is out in stores. I only have one of the songs from the movie. Which is the main song. After that, we bid goodbye to Esther, Sherlyn and her friend. I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Shouting from Albert

Went to work today in a tired mood. Not enough sleep these days. I hope that I could get enough sleep someday. Later in the afternoon, Albert punch in for work. But during lunch time, he suddenly shout at me when I told him not to throw the coffee bean into the sink! In front of several customers, he shout at me,"Shut up lah!!!" I was thinking,"Na Beh!!! I work here longer than you or you work here longer than me!?" But I shout him back,"Say that again?!" After that I had no mood to work for the rest of the day. Luckily I applied for half day leave beforehand!!!

Later Albert called to apologise. Deep down, I am still hurt. Plan to celebrate my Mum's birthday in advance but she doesn't want. Waste my leave again. I wanted to go shopping but have not enough money.

Played SL game and I don't understand why BaoBei likes to flash other girls picture to others!? But then, is okay. Probably because I am already not in good mood and plus he is paying attention to other girls recently, I am sensitive. I know I am not attractive enough. So? No need to flash other girls picture in front of me to tell me that! I am already low-self enough!

Recently, me too have been started to think about other guys. I do not know whether is it a sign that we are drifting apart emotionally? I cannot really blame him for attracting to other girls since I myself is not available to him 24/7. Should I consider to be single again? I don't know.

Will end here for now. Don't know what else to write. Will be looking forward to SL-RL BBQ!

Going out with friends + Sick in my body + Schedule packed = HELP!!!!

Went out with Esther and Da Lao Po yesterday. Da lao po was surprise to see me at her work place. Went to check out a few bags but sadly none of the bags are suitable for me. The sales promoter was very strange. She keeps on talking on her handphone and did not notice the customers around her. Much less serving them! I don't dare to approach her to enquire for the bags.

Went for dinner with them at Cine leisure. Wanted to eat Pasta Mania at first but they were close for D&D that day. Went for Korean food instead. Saw a group of guys with a lot of Tattoos! Later in the night, I realize that one of the tattooed guy stay near my area!!! Check my schedule book and realize that some of the programs I had ahead of me were all crush onto one another. Had to cancelled some programs. Church is really giving me too much pressure at the moment. I shared with Esther and Da Lao Po about my problems. They said church should be a place of worship and relax. Not a place of pressure. But....well...i don't feel that way.

Went to the arcade and play some games, The DDR 4th mix(not fun to play), and my usual ParaPara. But a girl and a guy tried to challenge me. Esther said both of them criticise the way I played but they themselves wasn't pro either(dance louder than me somemore!) If I was in a bad mood that day I might have pick a fight with them!(so what if they have gangs?!) But don't worry Esther, you both can just walk away. Cos I myself not happy with them! Please lah! Don't act so "xia lan" can or not?! Esther comment that the way the girl dance was very bitchy. I hate people to critize before me and act "xia lan" after me when they dance even more lousy than me! Buay song chui lim beh gong! Mai ho lim beh act xia lan!!! Yes, I admit that I don't dance well. So? I haven't been playing DDR since after my secondary school daze. So? No need you to act PC xia lan in front of me! ^%^&*&^ asshole!!!

Went back home after that. Had a tiring day. Looking forward to Friday outing!!! BBQ!!!

What right have you got to judge Baobei and me?! + Pay raise = KNS!!!!

Yesterday afternoon, my Manager told me sort-of "good" news. He said that my pay will raise starting from next month. But the problem is, Ah Peng is still angry of the amount of pay that my Manager gave me. She said even the previous batch of full time worker gets paid MORE than me. Haiz...but...at least, I do really hope that it's better than my current pay.

Working with Albert, my part-time colleague, proves to be a chore and a stressful thing. Maybe God is trying to test me on my patience again but sorry Lord, I have failed the test and NO! I cannot stand him!!!! I am not trying to be the fairsies. What he really did, made ALL of us on our nerves!!! The worst thing is I still have to tolerate him for another month plus!!!!! God!!!!! Help!!!! He's a total freak!!!!! And has the EXACT same mind-set as my father!!! Help!!!! Can't stand such a guy! The worst is, my Manager push the blame to THE WRONG PERSON!!! and let Albert off so easily! Bak Chiu Tak Stamp lah!!!! KNS!!!!!

Went for Bro.Khai's CG as I do not wish to go to PM. Yes, what he shared was good, but sorry I just couldn't do it. After CG dismissal, Yanglin came and talk to me! STUPID ME!!!! Shouldn't have really told her!!!!! DA BEN DAN!!!!!!!! What she said, really hurt me alot. Thanks Yanglin, if you happen to see this, I am sorry to have confide in you. If you don't like to hear my problems just say so. I can understand. No need to pour cold water on me! Shao Kun then send me to the bus stop. Before that, we have curry crab at Bro's place.

On the way to Baobei's place, something "funny" happened. I don't know if the guy did it on purpose or what?! KNS lah!!!! $%@# horny bastard!!!! He doesn't look like Singaporean..but more to China national. Feel so angry with him but there's nothing I could do.

I think I will end here for now. Will need to look for a second job soon. Woooooo T_T

Church + Bitch + Couple quarreling in public

Went for service yesterday and it was awesome! Later went for fellowship with CGMs at Bedok. Wanted to try the Western stall but sadly, it was closed for the day and I ate a plate of smelly tofu with pork. Not bad at all. Try Katherine's food and it was nice! Next time I must order that when we fellowship again some other time.

After that we talk about the recent current affairs/politics as you may like to called it. A JI terrorist is on the loose in Singapore and hasn't been found yet. It's been more than 7 days since he escape from the prison. Chee Yuan said we cannot rely too much on the media's information cos, until now most of the people ask this question: How did the prisoner escape in the first place especially since the security there is extremely tight? Also, Chee Yuan ask another question which prompt me to think, If the prisoner really jump from the 3rd storey toilet and injured his leg(which is the reason they believe why he was limping) How did he manage to climb out of the wire-bulb gate with his injured leg? He is believe to still be in Singapore but somehow I have a feeling he is in another country or somewhere around the sea. Anyway, Singapore has always been a safe country until this happens. I think most Singaporeans are been too pampered and taking the Singapore's security for granted that now such things happened, we do not know exactly how to react.

Chee Yuan and Jing Xian ask me about that bitch! I do not wish to answer them. Chee Yuan said,"Remember what the bible says?" I said,"Ya. Love your enemies as you would onto your neighbours." But I forgot which verse was it. Sorry. I don't have such a big heart, neither do I have patience like Jesus. I am not God. Cheating of people's money and don't bother to return! Humph! Then went her own shopping spree and then claim that she has no money to return! What do you call this person!?

Baobei went to meet his friend yesterday while I go out for a walk. Further away from BaoBei's place. Saw a couple quarrelling on the streets and strangely enough, whenever couples quarrel, the girl's voice would usually be louder than the guys. From their conversations, it seems that there was a third party involve in their relationship. The girl just shouted,"Why are you at her place?! Who is your girlfriend?! Me or her?! Then you go find her lor!!" and with that, she shove the guy away. She was like me when I was 17 years old. Fighting with my ex-boyfriend because of a 3rd party in our relationship. Relationships with Ah Bengs are never stable. Maybe she's too young to understand her boyfriend. But when she really grow up, she will understand better.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Colleagues

Went out with my colleagues on Sunday evening. I was disappointed that only Khair and Mei Xin turn up. It's a farewell day for Mei xin too. Met a new friend, Jacky. Until now I still hate that name a lot. His personality is the same as Ivan!

Went to a Chinese Restaurant to have dinner. The food was so-so but the price is not cheap! Well...at least to me. Jacky paid for the food. After that the guys went for karaoke session while I went window shopping with Mei Xin. We shop till most of the shops are closed and we went to look for the guys. Mei Xin initially wanted to leave without informing them but I don't think it's nice.

Went to KTV to sing with the guys. Jacky said I sing without real feelings for the song. While Khair just covered his ears with the pillow there. Okay I know my singing sucks a lot. Sing Duel with BaoBei and Khair comment that BaoBei sings not bad and had a nice voice -_-"

After that, when the bill came, Jacky paid for it again! Khair says that he's always like that.

Work was quite stressful these days. There's a customer who order 92 boxes of sandwiches at first but later change it to 110 boxes! Really work us to death! She only gave 2 days advance for such large orders! Slept only 4 hours yesterday and was tired though the whole day. Had an extremely long day yesterday and nowadays I find my Manager getting more and more unreasonable. I am underpaid and yet he expects me to do a lot of things! Really regret that I never bargain with him about the pay! I plan to stay only for 2 - 3 years in this job and will have to switch job some other time. Or I see how it is as time goes by.

The other day, Aidah send me an SMS to ask me to take 'O' Levels privately. The cost is about $50(I don't know whether is it per subject or the whole subjects itself?) I have yet to check out the website. Anyway, I do not know what to study for even if I were to attend school again. And I will have to convert my full-time job to part time.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Tired day + Coming home to a loving brother = (^-^)

For those of my friends who know my family background, they grew up understanding that my Brother and I don't communicate much. Due to our age gap, I doubt he'll know what I am going though. Further more, perhaps because he's a guy. So...I have this mindset thinking that Guys don't understand girls much. I forgot when is the last time my brother and me have a really casual chat. My images of my own brother are very faint. I only remember him as the quiet, obedient and Mr-Nice-Guy type of person.

Whenever I came home from work, I would always never fail to go into his room to have a peek. I am so used to doing that, seriously, I don't know what I do that for? I only want to be assured that he's home. That's all. Or other times I would went to his room to play with his now only hamster. He has 2 hamsters but sadly one of them passed away last month(and THAT happened to be my favourite chubby hamham!!!) The only hamster left is being left out and feels lonely. I think she also misses her only companion. But she is also the one that makes my brother and me worried one day when she suddenly goes missing from her cage. Only to find her in another cage! It is very impossible for her to either jump or climb down from my brother's table to that cage! As the other cage is on the ground away from her original cage. The only way she could get into that other cage, is to wait for someone to "carry" her there. Until now we still don't know how on earth did the hamster manage to get into another cage without anyone "transporting" her.

Recently, when I came home from work, I went to his room as usual. To see whether he's at home. He suddenly said,"How's your day today Jie?"(Which he never ever ask me before) "Is everything ok at work? How's work? Tough? Did Boss scold you?" I give him a confuse expression before answering him. But strangely, I find myself sharing with him more things than I intended to. For the first time, I am able to chat with my brother like old friends catching up with one another's life. He has grown much more than what I have expected. He has become chatty and have a sense of humour. Maybe a little lame or cold jokes. But somehow, even a normal day-to-day chat like that from him, make me feel much better. He has his own ways of comforting me. I feel blessed to have a brother like him. Even though we might not talk much but at least he understands me.

One thing I notice is that, either my nose is extremely sensitive or I don't know what? I am able to smell "things" that people don't. I discover my this unique sense of smell when I was 8. But only realize it recently when I keep probing Khair about something. I think my senses are starting to fail. Maybe my smell too. I don't know. If it was to be really so unique about it, what's the use for it? I don't understand. If I ever recognise certain frangance, I can immediately name it. Sometimes I am right and other times I am wrong. There's only a kind of perfume that makes my nose sensitive. I am trying to figure it out which is the perfume that makes it so?

Scold Manager for the first time

For the first time in my entire life, I ever scold a Manager, at my workplace. He has been acting strangely these days. As in, whenever there's a reason or not, he puts up an angry face. This makes the rest of the colleagues having difficult time to do our work. Where on earth have people being angry for nothing or over trivial things for 24/7?! Wah lao! Not afraid of getting high blood pressure meh?! Be careful one day become "Bao Xue Kuan!" He likes to preach one thing and do the other. My colleagues and I are very frustrated about this!

Just yesterday around lunch time, it was again, another busy day and crowds keep streaming in to order their food. This is what happens that makes me angry:

We usually place customer's orders, especially for Salads, either in a bowl or plate. Depending on the potion that the customer order. I am always running the salad side. If a customer order 1 type of salad, we only place in a bowl for them. If they are two types or more, it will be place in a plate. A few months ago, when there was another part-timer with me, there was a time when there's no bowl and the queue is quite long. I have no time to rush into the kitchen to get the bowl. So I use a plate to serve instead. When my Manager saw it, he gave me a great scolding IN FRONT OF MY COLLEAGUES AND CUSTOMERS. Asking me why didn't I run to the kitchen to get it? Okay....Maybe it's my fault. So I didn't argue further and only apologise.

Yesterday, the same thing happen. This time, there are two new part timers in our team. I then instruct the new boy to rush to the kitchen to get the bowls which have been washed. He did as he told but when he was inside, I was there too. Do you know what my Manager told him? He said this TRICE,"Aiyah! No bowl then use plate lah!" I was very angry at his words but said nothing. The boy was scared when he saw my look(somehow people seems to know that I am angry even though I didn't said a word) I then went out to clear the tables. While I was clearing, I deliberately shout to my colleagues when they ask me to cool down,"I will confirm settle with him over this!!! KNS!!! What the hell!!!" After that, I went in and slam the tray onto the table and confront my Manager about what he told the boy's instruction just now. He seems shock by my reaction but I was also surprise on how he reacted next. I half-expect him to scold me or at least shout at me or saying about my attitude or whatever but he DIDN'T. Instead, surprisingly, he calmly told me why he done what he did. Then compare about the current incident to the one I am referring to. He also told me a lot of things that make me shut up in the end. He then ask me this in a extremely calm manner,"Does that satisfy your question now?" I said nothing but went out to join my colleagues to serve the customers. He also read my mind,"I know lah. You are saying me bias right? But then you cannot blame me because certain things don't work mah! I am not bias ok?!(ya right!) Sometimes we are really frustrated of what you have done too" But the expression he gave me when I scold him, is something I had never seen before. I don't know how to explain that expression. It's something like, confuse, surprise and shock mix into one.

When my colleagues knew about this incident, the oldest worker(work in the company for more than 5 years) until the newbie colleagues, said that what I have done to the Manager, is something no one else dares to do it - confronting the Manager. I am a very straight-forward person and perhaps suppressing my thoughts for some time also plays a part of how I react. I do not know whether what I did was right or wrong but at least I get my point across and luckily my manager understand what I am trying to say. In the end, he ask me to come to work at 10am today, which is one hour after my scheduled time. I do not know how to express myself well in words and especially reaction. So I am not really prepared what's going to happen or come next. Just have to watch my steps from now on.

I shall end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Colleagues + Cheated of my pay + Deep thoughts + Time = What am I here for?!

Work was tired for me these days. I am disappointed and sad that BaoBei don't understand my feelings and those who really do understand how I feel, are my colleagues on the job. I feel very depress and upset that I am always seems to be bullied by people at work and get cheated continuously! I just learnt that I am earning a salary that is even LESSER THAN PART-TIMERS?! How pathetic is that?! I just realize that BaoBei don't like to hear my complaints at all(but anyway, who on earth would like to hear people complaining anyway?) So...I think of 2 ways which BaoBei won't like it but what can I do?

1) Keep it to myself

2) Cut myself

Nowadays I don't even know what I am living for anymore. Been asking myself when can I leave this world? I don't know why too. Just tired of everything. BaoBei and...someone else are my only source and reason for my existance. BaoBei sometimes ask me what's in my mind and I told him,"Nothing" cos I don't know how to talk to him or share things with him anymore. I just don't know how to tell him what's in my mind. But anyway, people who know me well, will know that I tend to think a lot of things in my mind that are mostly negative or senseless. So in the end, there's no point sharing.

Looking back at my life, I don't know what exactly I have been doing? The only days I find myself living my happiess world are the days where I hang out with my ex-gang members, which have since dispense, and the days where everyone seems to fear me in school. Of course, BaoBei also play a part for my happiness. He complete me. But still, something seems to be missing. I just can't figure it out what?

Hating myself more and more each day!!! Feel like dying but I couldn't. Anyway, I haven't take my revenge and have not seen some people getting their retributation yet!!! Although your life is worthless to me, but don't make me have the mindset to kill you one day!!! I can do anything when my mind goes into crazy state!!! YOU WILL GET YOUR RETRIBUTATION SOON TOO!!!! SLUT!!!

Don't anyhow accuse me when you don't even know what I know!!!

Went for Cell Group yesterday very late. After cell group, Lorraine ask me a question,"Did you ever tell Li Yi anything about their father?" I said no. In my heart, I was thinking,"NB!!! I only ask Li Yi about the money you owe to BaoBei and whether you said was true?! It turn it that it wasn't and you cheated BaoBei's money!!! and cheated us!!! What the **** I ask about your father for what?! Ya lah!! But I only ask about the COURT CASE MONEY!!! You even claim to borrow money to pay for Li Yi hospital bills but it turn out that everything is paid by Li Yi's Mum!!!" Trying to accuse me of something that I didn't said out of my own mouth?! BITCH!!!" By the way, she only return BaoBei $10! Yet she told Lorraine different story! She said She paid BaoBei $50 and $20 last time. BaoBei only remember that she only SAID to return $50 but then again change her WORDS to $20. But in the end she NEVER RETURN ANY AMOUNT until I "chase" her for it and she did return - $10 only! Maybe it's BaoBei's forgetfulness that she did paid the money. But then, HOW CAN I TRUST THAT WHAT SHE SAID TO LORRAINE WAS TRUE!?

Li yi, sorry to tell you this: But hor, I really hate it when people don't answer my call or reply my SMS. If you are lazy to reply, is ok. But then not answering my call, will anger me a little. Unless you have valid reason like: you are working and unable to answer my call at the moment or in class. Or else, I think the basic courtesy is to return my call when you are free???

Haiz...feel disappointed to know someone like her! Liar! No wonder even your own sister said you've change a lot to someone she doesn't know! Pui!

Happy Valentine's Day

Went to work for half day for work today. Actually Manager was quite upset that I applied for leave at the last minute but since he still owe me 2 hours, he decided to let me go on half day instead. Haha!

Went for a stupid delivery before meeting BaoBei. I could actually knock off promply at 3pm but because of that stupid delivery, I ended up knocking off at 3.30pm! Went to FunNan with BaoBei and he keep looking at a Xbox game and his PSP game. While I roam about to look at laptops. BaoBei said that my father used to ask me if I wanted a laptop and I said no. Actually, thinking about it, I don't really need a laptop badly. The most I would use it for playing games and maybe taking down sermons with it instead of writing. Other than that, most of the time I think my "would-be" laptop will be left to collect dust! Although most people do owe a laptop these days, maybe that's because they really need it. I don't buy electronics unless I have a need for it. There's an advertisment in Funan that caught my eye. It's a panasonic laptop with shock resistance, water resistance, pressure resistance, and it does not even damage when u accidently drop it on the ground!(From a certain height) They even use monkeys as demostrations! But the cost of this laptop is not cheap. It ranges from $3999 - $4999+!!! To me, it's worth the money if you are a careless person like me. I tend to drop things(even my handphone) on the ground. So a shock resistance and water resistance laptop is good enough for me.

Went to Sushi don for our Valentine's day dinner. Actually I do not know where to bring BaoBei. The other day when fellowship with AiZhen and Mike, they also went window shopping with me to try to book seats for Valentine's Day(so pai seh!) but because I do not know what BaoBei likes to eat, I decided not to book(and I am glad I didn't!) I didn't even get anything for him while he got a couple ring for the both of us and a pair of bears! He said as long as I am by his side can le. The Chinese Newspaper of the day was a full page splash of Valentine's Day things. From where to eat to what to spend on and whether if it's worth it. It also has a test on Valentine's Day, some quizzes. My love language is mainly Gift-giving, which is my primary love language, and quality time is my secondary love language. So that is why I am disappointed that I didn't get anything for BaoBei. While I think BaoBei's love language is Quality time and physical touch(cos he likes to hug me very often) It also has 4 stages of dating and you can test for yourself to see which stage are you at now? Talking about this, beware of ANY EMAILS regarding about Valentine's Day and DO NOT DOWNLOAD it if you are suspicious of it's contents. Heard that it contains Trojan Virus! So be aware!

I think I wll end here for now. Will blog again some other time. You can see the Valentine's Day gift at my friendster. Hee~!

New Year Day 3 to 4

Went for company lunch at a Chinese restaurant. Meet at Moomba restaurant before that to gather. The food was superb! Finally get to eat king prawn! Ate a lot of stuff till very full. Thank all the chefs and went to meet BaoBei at Somerset after that. Receive a few Ang Baos from the Managers.

Met Weida, xiaopang, ah long, zhen ni and xin mei. Went to Shuang long's place and saw a lot of celebrities pictures about the recent scandal of Edison. Some were not on the newspaper. After that went to Zhen ni's place. Her room is designed with Hello kitties!!! All of her things in her room are all hello kitties! Went to Xin mei's place. Her room is decorated with WeiDa and her photos. So romantic! Went over the BaoBei's place and they tried to enter the room but excess denied. Hahaha! No la..cos BaoBei's Dad is fixing something in the room.

Later they are planning to watch movie at first. But when they change their mind to go singing, i didn't follow them. Cos singing KTV can make me broke. But then they change their mind to go watch movie again. Went to Cineleisure but the movie timings are all very late. Went to arcade to play games and I played my usual ParaPara. I wait for all the crowds to clear before going to play. BaoBei was watching me so I feel a bit stress playing the game. After I step down, a girl by the corner nod her head and smile at me. After the rest had finish their game, some went to other places while BaoBei and me went straight home.

Day 4

Slack at BaoBei's place for a while before going for his relative's place. It was an old couple by their own with a dog. The dog likes me a lot and even remembers me. Hahaha! It's the same age as Vivi except that she's more active while Vivi's getting slower. BaoBei's Mum comment that we should be the one who gave her Ang Baos since she gave people Ang Baos. -_-" I thought that she gave at her own free will but then it seems that's not the case.

Have reunion dinner with his family. All of his brothers turn up. This time I really saw a "Quan Jia Fu". BaoBei's parents, his eldest brother and his wife, his elder brother and his girlfriend, BaoBei and me. Ate "Lao Yu Sheng" with his family too. First time seeing a complete family having dinner together. Feeling very bliss and happy.

Went home alone in the end. Feeling very tired from all the gatherings and new year. I think I have gain weight over the new year. Haiz..That's all for now. Will blog again soon.

To her: If you ever get to read my new blog link by don't know how, I am not being childish. I delete you in friendster cos I DON'T consider you as a friend anymore. Ask yourself and touch your heart if you have ever cheat on people? Yes I admit I am still reading your blog. So? Change it if you want. I don't care. Better than you! Lying and cheating on people thoughout your whole life and you even call yourself a Christian when you didn't even repent! I have a choice of whom I want to put in my friendster as my friends! MY OWN CHOICE! By the way, if you aren't chasing my blog, why do you care whether I change my blog link or not? I read yours as long you didn't change your link. And it's again MY CHOICE! I chose to read your blog! So? God also states in the bible that He gave us the freedom to CHOOSE! Humph! And ya thanks! I am happy with the way things are now and I am Happy with what I do. No need you to "concern" over my life! Thanks Bitch!