Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Feeling very lonely

Today when I woke up, I went to Jurong East to sell a few of the CDs away as I no longer listen to it anymore. I then went to CD-RAMA to buy some CDs that again cost over $60 but this time, for 3 CDs. After that I then went to work as usual and Ya Cin had came back from her holiday. She even bought some biscuits from Malaysia for me. Erm..I take it as she has forgiven me le. Haha! Thank God..finally I've been forgiven.

After work, she finally bid me goodbye when she was going off. Haiz..it has been quite a long time she never bid me goodbye. I then went to look for Nor but she was not there. I guess she went for smoke again but without leaving the sign on. Cos normally when she left her workplace she will left a sign indicating she will be back in 5 minute or what but this time I didn't saw the sign and I didn't see her in the shop. Her shop front "door" is lock too. I then walk pass Elzy's shop and she ask where am I going? I replied that I am on the way home. She actually wanted me to wait for her to go home together but as we are staying in different area and her bus route doesn't reach my place, she then reluctantly let me go back home by myself.

On the way home, I suddenly feel quite lonely. It's a feeling that I have never felt for a long time. I felt that same kind of feeling when I was in my primary school daze right to my ITE daze as I was quite lonely and no one dares to talk to me. I then stare out of the window and thinking of something that has been troubling me for days. The feeling is still with me even when I reach home. I saw a friend of mine from Australia online and chat with him for awhile before he sign off. After that, I rip some music from the CDs that I have bought, into the computer. My brother taught me how to rip the music...quite complicated but I guess I will learn how to rip it myself one day.

Next week will be Nor's birthday. Initally she wants to celebrate it at either "Tunnel" which I do not know where is it, or Music Underground(Which is otherwise in short-form called "MU") She told me that there will be no birthday cake and the drinks will on her that day. But these few days, she told me that she may not be celebrating as she has no mood. I can see why. Cos her Boss hired a new girl and she hates that new girl very much. Although the girl is more educated than her, but the work she done is all quite lousy and that made Nor angry. Nor is also jealous of that new girl cos...the new girl is prettier than her. Nor has never seen her before but I describe how the new girl looks like to Nor yesterday as I have seen the new girl when I pass by her workplace once. She was quite jealous and said,"Humph! Don't know who ah..that time say won't hire anymore malay girls! Now leh?! The new girl is also Malay!"She also complaint that her Boss has pack her things one side and left a space for the new girl. She get what the boss means but she keep quiet and see how things goes. I wish her the best of luck.

There has been temptations for me to go back onto smoking these few days. I have been very down and don't dare to turn to anyone. I do not know how to speak my problems out. It's really very difficult and I don't know how to say it. Even if I do, I don't think anyone will ever understands. So I just bottled it inside my heart and somehow I couldn't cry when I wanted to. Why is it like that? Those who are really quite close to me or known me for quite a long time will know that I used to smoke before. But now I try not to smoke infront of those non-smokers. Don't worry guys, it's only a temptation. I was just thinking of smoking but so far I didn't go back smoking for now.

I think I will end here for now. I do not know what else to write. Night folks and take good care!

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