As the day goes by, I'm feeling more and more useless. Cos..can't seem to get a new job fast. I have subcribe to don't know how many online job agency and don't know how many resumes I had sent but I didn't get any reply. Or maybe I should apply other jobs other than office jobs? Was thinking of working back to factory but I know very well that the timing don't suit me and that it's a dead-end job for me. Don't ask me to stay in my current job as I hate it! Esther told me the other day that she is thinking of leaving too. I then encourage her to stay on as I have my own reasons why I wanted to leave. Actually I was thinking of leaving the company quite long ago but I didn't have the courage. But now when I finally took the step of Faith to resign, things doesn't seem to go well for me. Jia Xin is also suffering as she is also out of job for two weeks. I can understand her pressure as I am going through it now. Haha. YueMing did prayed for me before and ask me not to lose hope. She told me that God will provide a job for me. Actually He already did but I don't like the job timing as I have to work 6-days a week and worst of all, I have to work on Alternet Saturdays which means that I have to miss service. I used to be very concern about that but now...I don't really care if I miss service or not. HuiYi should know very well why? HuiYi and WeiJing tried to knock some sense into me. HuiYi knows very well about me and what I am going through. She then ask me to talk to Brother Tony about this as she really doesn't want to see me backslide. I am still struggling with this decision although I know very well what I have decide.
Yesterday night, my God-sister then called me trying to ask me out for supper with that stupid idiot Alan and her boyfriend. I told her I am not joining them as I want to watch TV. Actually I wanted to avoid Alan as much as possible cos I don't want to be his "Dang(3) Jian(4) Pai(2)"Cos Cherlene is there and he seems to be quite unhappy. I know...I know..but don't ask me out okay? I will go out with that stupid Alan if he dare to clerify to Cherlene what is going on between him and me! Stupid Alan! Since you have a very big mouth that lies right? Then I want you to clear your lies first! If not, next time if I ever happen to see Cherlene and if she ask, I will tell her myself about the stupid whole story! Mei! Stop helping Alan can or not?! I told you the upteenth times that I don't like him! I thought you told me you understand le!? If you really treat me as your "sister", then can you please respect my decision?
Felt that everything has gone back to what it was before(at least for me). I am also struggling whether or not to go back to my bad habits once again and also try new *Ahem* habits(HuiYi should know what is it as she has pinch me for it)She told me not to give up and not to go back to what I was before. She don't want me to walk back into the past. The new habit is a thing that will destroy me completely if it is out of my control. The only thing I remember hearing HuiYi comment about my new habit is,"No! Juliet No! Cannot! Can you please be more positive?! Trust God! Believe that he will provide you a job that is suitable for you! Pray! Pray to Him and seek Him and confess! There is power is confession!"Actually I felt quite hurt by her reaction. In a sense that I don't wish to see her keep worrying for me and I don't wish to upset her. Seeing her worried expression made me think twice about my stupid decision.
I now understand why I had that nightmare and why is Vincent not in that dream. He used to ask me before,"Why you dreamt of HuiYi, Jing Xian, Wei Jing and MingWei(etc) and why was I not in your dreams together with them?"I then joke to him saying that if he were in my dreams, I guess he will take out his Bible and said to the zombie,"In the name of Jesus, I commend you to...!"(whatever he commends lah)He then joke back to me saying,"Ya, I will definitely do that!"But again on the other hand, it could be a coincidence about that dream. Cos sometimes, dreams do mean something that tries to warn us about certain things in our life or what our sub-concious self is thinking(at least that's how I feel about dreams). I used to dreamt of certain events that really takes place in my life years after that dream occur. I was quite young then. When I shared with my then classmates about it, a few of them said that I may have the ability to see the future through my dreams or whatever. But I don't think so. I dreamt of a dream(quite stupid)was I was Primary 5 and that dream turns into reality when I was in Sec.2. I finally get to learn who was that voice in my that dream but it was all too late. I now live in regrets that I had not treasured him when he was with me. He did came back to look for me 3 and a half years later after we broke up but sad to say, I cannot be with him due to certain reasons and I remembered he left me feeling heart-brokened. The very last time I saw him, he has changed alot, into someone whom I don't know. He got more violent, took drugs, rioting etc which made me extremely heart-broken, disappointed and upset with him. After that, I had no news of him. Some of his friends said he went to jail and was sentence to 7 years imprisonment while some said he has mirgate to Australia(if he's really sentence to 7 years, that means it'll be another 3 years before his release). But whatever it is, I wish him all the best in his future. Hopefully, the next time if I get to see him, he could tell me that he has a wonderful wife and a cute little child and that he is very happy with his life. At least, that is the last thing I wanted to hear him saying to me.
As for me, I think I will chose to remain single. Or until the day where a guy could really accept me for who I am and could really accept my past. I think I shall end my stupid nonsense here for now. Will blog again some other time.
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