Went to work to surf the net and to check a few case notes. Nothing to do at the office and I slack almost the whole day at work. Have been thinking some problems to myself. Sorry that I really couldn't share it out but I really appreciate the friends around me who cares about me(You guys should know who you are). I am really very sorry to have make all of you worried about me but I think for now, I could on endure and go through the problem myself. Thanks for all of your concern :) Really glad to have friends like you guys.
My mind then drift to some problem that I do not know what to do. I am struggling in many areas of my life too but sorry that I cannot tell. When I reach church, my mind is still forcusing on my problem and Bro.Khai ask me,"Is everything okay with you?" my heart skip a beat at his question but then I realise that he was asking me about why I didn't attend CGM the other day? In my mind, I was somewhat relieve and told him that I don't have money for travelling(My ezlink card amount that time was only suitable to only travel one trip)but by the time I knock off then I realize that my ezlink has no value so I skip CG...no choice. Then Bro said,"Haiyo! Why didn't you tell me?!" Pai seh mah...what he want me to tell him? Saying that,"Hey Bro, sorry leh. I couldn't make it for CG today cos my ezlink card no value?" Cannot be mah! Later he thinks don't know what then how?
Later when the Pastor preach about the sermon for the day, it speaks to my heart and my current circumstances alot. Oh! Now I know what type am I le. He then says something that I consistantly been asking myself almost everytime,"Eh? Where has the money gone to huh? Where did I spend it on huh? Oh no! Forgot leh! Why is my money disappearing faster than I could blink?"He then teach us a practical method to keep track of where our money gone to. Especially for people like me. Cos I spend my money without thinking twice and at the end of the day, I always ask myself,"Where is my money?"But he also says some things that really offends me alot that I feel like shouting at him! Never mind...Torlerate! 忍一时风平浪静! 我要忍! Later comes the Holy Convernent and I pray a little bit before taking it but still I need to see obvious signs! Lord! Show me some obvious signs can? Other than the Holy Convernent? Cos I see it as a coincidence and not a sign of His forgiveness. I sin against him in a great way so I need to see obvious signs that he forgives my sins other than the convernent. But somehow I had a feeling I am not forgiven cos I sin against him delibrately. That tempation really can kill me!(Please! Don't ask me what tempation is it okay!?)
After that we went for fellowship and I ask Bro can I not fellowship? He gave me a stern look and said,"No!"and bless me to go for fellowship. HuiYi then said,"See? Bro is very nice de. He's willing to help. Just that you need to go to him and speak up!" Liew! Pai seh mah! This kinda thing! But I told him I owe him one. Consider a good debt bah? Pastor preach about bad debt and good debt and the difference between the both debts. Since I can repay him after I got my pay then is it consider a good debt? Pastor also preach about credit cards and I am really very relieve that I don't own any. Luckily I only have debit card so I can use like credit card just that it deducts from my account and it won't process if the funds in my account runs low.
Later I walk with HuiYi and speak to her about my problems. She indeed know me inside out! She said she don't want me to repeat a particular pattern of my sin over and over again. Cos she knows what I will do and how I will feel if that thing ever happens again. She told me not to be so naive and to think it carefully. She wants me to be accountable everything that I had done to Bro.Khai!!! Ahhhh! No way! At least..not EVERYTHING please? She said that it is to teach me to be more responsible to my own actions and to be accountable in everything I do. Haiz...why like that?
Later Joan then comment that I look very pale and that I have slim down alot from my face! I told her that my weight remains the same and I am very tired of the slimming pills. She was surprise and said,"You are on pills? Then I think you better don't take it. Yes, you indeed slim down alot from your face but at the same time it makes you look very dull and sickly. You really look very pale!" I then give her this sign (-_-")and comment that it could be that she didn't see me for very long time so maybe that's why she feels that I have slim down. I ask HuiYi do I look like I have slim down and she said,"No". If I were to really slim down alot be it on my face or whatever or that I look very pale, how come during the afternoon when I bump into W117, none of them comment that to me? They seen me much more less often than Joan! Don't know lah..I don't care. But Lorraine and Bro never comment anything mah. If I look really pale, Lorraine and Bro should have been the first person to comment that to me but so far they didn't say anything. I think she must have been imagining things.
Later when the Pastor preach about the sermon for the day, it speaks to my heart and my current circumstances alot. Oh! Now I know what type am I le. He then says something that I consistantly been asking myself almost everytime,"Eh? Where has the money gone to huh? Where did I spend it on huh? Oh no! Forgot leh! Why is my money disappearing faster than I could blink?"He then teach us a practical method to keep track of where our money gone to. Especially for people like me. Cos I spend my money without thinking twice and at the end of the day, I always ask myself,"Where is my money?"But he also says some things that really offends me alot that I feel like shouting at him! Never mind...Torlerate! 忍一时风平浪静! 我要忍! Later comes the Holy Convernent and I pray a little bit before taking it but still I need to see obvious signs! Lord! Show me some obvious signs can? Other than the Holy Convernent? Cos I see it as a coincidence and not a sign of His forgiveness. I sin against him in a great way so I need to see obvious signs that he forgives my sins other than the convernent. But somehow I had a feeling I am not forgiven cos I sin against him delibrately. That tempation really can kill me!(Please! Don't ask me what tempation is it okay!?)
After that we went for fellowship and I ask Bro can I not fellowship? He gave me a stern look and said,"No!"and bless me to go for fellowship. HuiYi then said,"See? Bro is very nice de. He's willing to help. Just that you need to go to him and speak up!" Liew! Pai seh mah! This kinda thing! But I told him I owe him one. Consider a good debt bah? Pastor preach about bad debt and good debt and the difference between the both debts. Since I can repay him after I got my pay then is it consider a good debt? Pastor also preach about credit cards and I am really very relieve that I don't own any. Luckily I only have debit card so I can use like credit card just that it deducts from my account and it won't process if the funds in my account runs low.
Later I walk with HuiYi and speak to her about my problems. She indeed know me inside out! She said she don't want me to repeat a particular pattern of my sin over and over again. Cos she knows what I will do and how I will feel if that thing ever happens again. She told me not to be so naive and to think it carefully. She wants me to be accountable everything that I had done to Bro.Khai!!! Ahhhh! No way! At least..not EVERYTHING please? She said that it is to teach me to be more responsible to my own actions and to be accountable in everything I do. Haiz...why like that?
Later Joan then comment that I look very pale and that I have slim down alot from my face! I told her that my weight remains the same and I am very tired of the slimming pills. She was surprise and said,"You are on pills? Then I think you better don't take it. Yes, you indeed slim down alot from your face but at the same time it makes you look very dull and sickly. You really look very pale!" I then give her this sign (-_-")and comment that it could be that she didn't see me for very long time so maybe that's why she feels that I have slim down. I ask HuiYi do I look like I have slim down and she said,"No". If I were to really slim down alot be it on my face or whatever or that I look very pale, how come during the afternoon when I bump into W117, none of them comment that to me? They seen me much more less often than Joan! Don't know lah..I don't care. But Lorraine and Bro never comment anything mah. If I look really pale, Lorraine and Bro should have been the first person to comment that to me but so far they didn't say anything. I think she must have been imagining things.
I have to end here for now..my eyes are getting very heavy. Will blog again next time
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