Yesterday work till 7pm at night. Actually intend to work till 10 or 11pm but my head was very painful that I couldn't carry on my work. Decided to go home after that.
After I reach home, get showered and had my dinner, I then read Monday's Newpaper. At the speaker's column, a guy wrote in to complain about a shop assistant's rude behaviour and he was shock at the response of the Manager. His wife had trip on a hole that was cover by the carpet and had sprained her ankle. When he request the Manager to put a sign to warn other customers, he was shock to learn that the Manager is more concern about the shop image than the customer's safety! I didn't bother it too much at first until I read the name of the guy who wrote in. It was a name that I feared the most! When I saw the name of the guy, I had a mix feeling of anger, surprise and most of all, fear.
I felt my hands trembled a little at the name. I was thinking,"He's married?" But I am not very surprise cos it has been 7 years since I last saw him. But I wondered what did he do to the pictures and the video that...?(don't wish to say too obvious). He is the one that destroys my life completely and my life changed from the day where I first met him. Since he's already married, I guess he has cleanly forgotten about me. But till today I still have deep hatred and anger towards him. He has move on with his life but I am still stuck where I am now and could never ever forget that 1 and a half years torture of my life from him! For those of you who misunderstand that he is one of my ex-boyfriend, sorry to say, No. He is not one of my ex!
At night I couldn't sleep well and cried almost the whole night. Struggling with a lot of emotions within me. Why!? Why does his name appeared to me again?! Bro told me the other time to let go of my past and look forward to the future. He said that what has happened, happened and I couldn't do anything to change my past. What I could do is to treasure my present and to look forward to my future instead of looking back at my past. I understand what he means but still I couldn't forgive myself of what has happened even though many years has pass by. He said that I would meet a guy someday somewhere, a guy that won't mind my past and would accept me for who I am.
Thinking a lot of things in my mind. I find myself extremely irritated and sensitive about a particular topic nowadays. I listened to some worship songs and prayed for healing from God and The Holy Spirit(That was 2.10am in the morning). The memories that the person left for me was very painful! A lot of negative painful memories flooded back to my mind and I keep weeping.
Don't ask me questions cos I really do not wish to answer. Just read it and forget it. I would forgive him some time - soon. But still I really cannot forget the experience that I had that has "trap" me for so many years.
I think I'll end here for now. Feel better after blogging...
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