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Haiz...So strange...or is it that my actions are too obvious? How come some of my "friends" whom I didn't tell them who is the guy I like, they seems to guess correctly? This evening went to meet HuiYi for CGM, JingXian also guess very correctly who the guy was. Alamak! Siao liao! I then ask,"Who told you?" He stare at me with big eyes and said,"Nobody. You admit it on your own now. I just anyhow guess de" -_-" Don't know where to hide my face le!

During CGM, I actually had something to share for the testimony but don't know why my mind become blank all of a sudden(it is NOT because of him okay?!). I couldn't seem to remember. I only suddenly remembered it when it was Lorraine's turn to share. But I didn't dare to raise my hand to tell Bro.Kai that I have testimonial to share. Siao mah! Out of nowhere suddenly *pop* one new testimonial come out. Pai seh lah..so I just keep quiet. I wanted to share about the healing thing that occur last Sunday but like I said, NO ONE will believe me de! Cos it is really amazingly, miraclely healed! Anyway I don't want all eyes to stare at me when I am sharing testimonials..makes me feel very pai seh...especially if *Ahem* were to stare at me too.(Those who know who the *Ahem* I am referring to hor? Erm..u know? Keep to yourselves. You know, I know except he don't know..YET).

After that we pray in tongues but I had difficulty praying. Maybe because that I never speak in tongues for quite a long period of time so when Bro.Kai ask to pray in tongues for a Looonnnnggg while, I get "tired" easily. But although that happens, I almost finally get the "heaven" feeling back. Those images. Very difficult to explain to anyone. I guess those who "encounter"God while praying before should know how I feel and what I mean by that.

After the whole thing, I went home with HuiYi and the rest. A guy called Sheng Wei??? Don't know his exact name, came and chat with me about work. Cool! Seldom have people like to talk to me about work. He wish me all the best in my job and ask me to look for a permanent job at the same time. I wish too...but..only can leave it to God to provide for me. He's our provider! Amen?(Siao! Amen to myself..-_-")

Was chatting with Al through msn just now. He ask,"You don't feel sad that I didn't end up with you?" It's too late to be sad. That's what happens when you don't treasure the things God provide for you. God will take it away from you..(I know He won't do that but that's how I feel) anyway I don't wish to think about him. Although I keep changing "targets" but if seriously speaking, most likely I will end up with myself. Cos there are some things I just can't break free from no matter how and what.

HuiYi told me before a very long time ago, not to be guilty about my past. It's not only the guilt that ties me down. It's my past mistakes and stupid senseless decisions that made me what I become now. Although I am not at fault entirely but still, part of it is my fault. I don't know how to explain. I just can't break free from my past..FULL STOP. Bro Kai preach something about the bitter water and wonderful things are just a few more kilometers ahead. If we just carry on walking and don't give up, we'll find much more wonderful things that God has in stored for us or that we almost miss it. I don't know what does me meant by that but sorry to say, no matter what he says, I'll still stuck and die in the bitter water cos....come on, this WORLD is CRUEL and too REALISIC!!! His preaching sure encourage me alot BUT still I told myself,"Come on lah! Wake up can or not? The world is pre-justice! No money, no talk. Together with some other things which I really cannot state it here. Because of those things that I cannot let go off and cannot forgive myself of, that is why I am still stuck in the bitter water. Unless of course miracle happens that people are really willingingly to accept my past. Then maybe it's a different story(I refer mostly to the guys)

I think I'll end here for now. Really tired now after a long day...Will update again..