Forgiveness?

Yesterday night when I log in my msn, MingWei came and chat with me after seeing the nick that I had display on. He was not very happy seeing that kinda negative nick and probe me to tell him what had happened. I do not know how to tell him so I just said nothing. The way that he ask is very...I duno how to say. But I know he meant well. I understand his intentions. After some time of chatting, I then told him a tinnie winnie bit of why the nick was created. He then type a number to me and that number was very unfamiliar to me. I ask him whose number is it but he wouldn't tell me. He just typed,"Call this number and tell him everything NOW! Go and tell him your problems! Call NOW!" I didn't call in the end cos I had a feeling that the number should be Bro.Kai's. I then message him back that I don't dare to call cos I am afraid that he will lecture me or tell me to forgive-and-forget-your-enemies kinda thingy. So I dare not call. He then left me alone and said that he lazy to talk to me further and ask me to think about it. Haiz..KNS!

I then chat with my Aust friend and his sister at the same time. So happy that I can manage to talk to them at the same time cos they used to have only 1 computer so I could only talk to either of them or the sister will have to sit beside the brother and he have to pass her message to me. Now that her brother bought a new laptop, I could chat with them both at the same time. Her brother was unhappy that I chat with his sister more than him. Haha! So far I had only seen the sister's photo. She was very pretty! But she's Australian Chinese. Her Brother never show me his picture before but his sister let me see it secretly once. Not bad looking. I still have his picture in my mind. Cos I didn't save the picture and lose it after my father reformat the computer.

After that when the both of them are offline, I went to play my computer games. After playing, one of my god-brother came and chat with me for a short while. I thought he has something to tell me so I hold for a short while and bid him good night as my Mum nag me to sleep. I hate people to nag at me!

At night before I sleep I think back of what MingWei said to me. Why does he say those kinda things to me? I know he meant well. But somehow I couldn't help but feeling useless. Can't do this, can't do that. The worst part of all, I can't forget what has happened and I especially can't forgive. Only have myself to be blamed. I regret that when I always put 100% of my feelings on a relationship, it always doesn't turn out well. Maybe it's a Karma(duno the spelling)like they said. But nowadays I don't dare to think about relationships alot. Maybe I can go for a non-committed relationship. Cos Marriage really scares me. The other day, HuiYi was very excited to go for the marriage course held by CHC pastor. She ask whether I wanted to go for it too? I was thinking,"Huh?! Please! I can go for anything except marriage! Don't ask me to go for it! Cos I am really scared of that!" Samuel then joke with me to accompany him to go for the marriage course. I then give him a look that says,"I don't want! Don't ask me to go!" I can imagine all my friends around me will get married before they turned 30 years old and I am still the only one who is left on the shelves. That is what happens, when one is scared of marriage. Sorry but I really have seen too much of negative things happening before and after marriage. My parents is one of the "good" examples. Or maybe that I prefer to be alone? Maybe I am more suitable for single life. Haha! Single rulz! KNS!

Okay lah. I think I had blog too much nonsense liao. Gotta Go! Ciao!