Yesterday afternoon, I met Lorraine for service. I didn't know the venue has change so I continue to wait for her at the MRT station. While waiting for her, I sang some songs...mostly sad songs and edit the lyrics a little. A guy then came and sat beside me(I was sitting at the MRT staircase ledge). I felt very irrated as I want to be alone. As I keep singing, the guy keep looking at me(see what see!?). After I had finish singing a song, I then look at him and he turn his head away and look at his watch, don't know is he waiting for a friend or what? I then jump down from the ledge and went to sit at the staircase. Luckily the guy never followed.
Lorraine then called me and said she'll be late. I then went to meet her near the Expo hall and we went in for service together. On the way in, my mind was wondering whether one of my God-brother will be here? I then quickly look for HuiYi's cell group and sat together with them. Yu Zhi and Esther(if i never remember her name wrongly), then came and disturb Sandy. They sing a song looking into each other's eyes(Eeek! So mushy!)but the way they acted out, made me laugh a little..cos I find the way they act is very cute.
During the service, there was one part where I put my hand down. I think HuiYi knew what is going on in my mind and slap my hand hard. I knew what she is trying to say to me cos since Yen Ling is sitting inbetween HuiYi and me, there is no way that her slap is accidenial. I then raise my hand to sing the praise and worship..trying to concentrate on the service. Cos I had alot of things in my mind that I couldn't get rid of.
After the service, Brother Kai then talk to all of us. We were very bless by the message. I almost couldn't catch up cos the Preacher was preaching extreamely fast and there are alot of notes to jolt down. There are some spellings that we don't know how to spell but he didn't spell it out for us. Haiz...somehow I had a feeling that he was preaching the same message all over again as there are some parts of his preaching, I had heard it before. Brother Kai then plead with the members to be more open to him and don't keep problems
Brother Kai then pass me back the letter that I had wrote to him. Don't be misunderstood! Cos I wrote to him the other time cos I dare not say it out infront of the cell group members. He is just giving me the reply. I then open the letter and read it and was very touch and blessed by his reply. In the letter, somehow I can feel his care for his cell group members. He is very interested to my problems and wish to know how is the problem progressing? Am I feeling okay? Because I seek for his advice, he gave me a very blunt-but-reality advice. He ask me to make my decision wisely. He knew how hurt and terrible I am feeling(I felt consoled by this part)and his advice really calms me down alot. I felt that in my situation, it's like I am falling into a very deep pit-hole and keep shouting for help but no one is there to help me(In this case, I mean no one understands me)and there is an outstrech hand reaching out to me to pull me out from the pit-hole(Bro Kai is the outstrech hand), so that I could continue with my journey to seek God once again.
After that the rest of the cell group members went for fellowship to watch a movie. I wish to watch that movie with them too but too bad I am broke now. Maybe some other time? I then went for dinner with HuiYi, YenLing, JingXian, WeiJing and MingWei. HuiYi ask what did Brother Kai wrote to me and I showed her the letter(It's not secret anyway so it's okay). She then show it to the rest and all of them and they said they like the 1st few sentence of the letter, while I said I like the ending part of the letter. HuiYi then encourage me to confide in Brother Kai in future if I had any problems and ask me how I feel about the cell group? I told her my answers and give her assurence that I've decide to join the cell group. She was very happy to hear that. I now understand why they are so happy in this cell group. I also wanted to visit the other cell group leader to see how she is leading the cell group? Cos I heard that Bro Kai has two cell groups. I pray and hope that Brother Kai won't put me in the other cell group as I wish to be in his cell group. I really like the cell group members alot..especially Sandy and Lorraine. The rest I am still trying to mingle with them.
I am trying to forget what has happened and painfully have to forget someone in my life. Why does things have to end this way? But I know life must still go on with or without him. I could now only kept those memories of him in my mind. Of all the memories I had, his, along with only a few others, are the ones which I don't want to forget. Although it's very painful, but I had no choice but to make this decision. I never expect that he is such a guy! He really disappoint me greatly. But nevertheless, I'll always remember him in my mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment