Feeling very confuse right now..Yesterday night, MingWei lecture me through MSN after SOMEONE told him about my blog! I don't mind that she told him about my blog and what I wrote inside there or whatever. I really don't mind. But I was extremely hurt by the things he said to me! He said alot of things to me and later ask me to go and think about it. I did not bother it and just log off the internet. But I cried the whole night after that. I did not really pray but in my head I was "talking" alot of things to God and asking Him tons and tons of questions. I then "stone" for the rest of the night. I dare not go back to sleep after crying out so much cos I know what will happen to my eyes if I were to do that. First time cried so badly while "talking" to God...
At work, my mind is going to burst as I see alot of cases not done piling up on my table. Stress! My supervisor then came and said,"Errr...Juliet, you still have so many cases not done yet right? Nevermind lah..I give Mr.S to do the things for today so you and Ms.W don't need to do lah hor?" I smiled at her and in my mind I was wondering,"Huh? Very funny leh. Where got such things as no need to do the work for today? Then if we don't need to do? When are we gonna do?" Plus she told me maybe...just maybe, Monday there will be NO cases coming in. When I heard that I was like,"Duh...dot dot dot dot dot dot" but I guess it's a blessing in disguise as I already "burned" most of my brain cells doing the work. I then prayed a silent "thank you" prayer to God. Maybe He knows that I couldn't handle it anymore? Thought someone said that God won't answer my prayers lor?(I really didn't pray for this to happen)
Finally finish the KNS case list to submit to my supervisor. I called it KNS cos it really hor..wasted alot of my time to do those cases! My work is still not done yet leh! 5 cases piling up my table..then Ms.W only have 3 cases! She then tease me and ask me to complete it faster. She said,"Eh! You know? Your case are the most easiest leh! We need to do alot of checking you know? Yours just can straight-away do it!" Ya lor, ya lor...say as if so easy! Then why the other time I just straight-away do it and kena scolding from the Managers? Easy? Ya right! Wait long long! Still cracking my head to solve the cases. Dare not give too much numbers or else if the Managers were to check and spot a number from the system that I didn't notice(mostly is that I couldn't find lah..but don't know how they manage to find it), I am the one who is going to get scolded.
After work, I quickly rush out and say a quick goodbye to Ms.W. She said,"Eh? Left so early today? Go where and chiong?" I then give her this look -_-" and said,"Going for CG lah. Running late le" She then stare at me with her eyes wide and said,"Again?! Haiz..always CG CG..go lah go lah" I then bid her a quick good-bye and rush to the MRT station. Lorraine called me when I had left the office 10 minutes later? She then comment that she pick the right timing to called me. Ya..haha! Actually now anyone can call me anytime. Cos now that I work in the office(my contract going to expire in a few months time), I can pick up calls anytime or SMS. Not like when I was in a retail line. Can't pick up call, can't SMS! Sianz! I hate that! Worst still is when my phone vibrates and when it stop, if I check on my hp and it only states,"MISSED CALLS: PRIVATE NUMBER" I will go crazy! Cos I do not know whose call I have miss if the person called me using either a private number or from payphone. Then hor, the MOST FUNNIEST part is, people don't seems to know that there is VOICEMAIL service in my hp. So can leave voice messages if I am unable to pick up your call. I purposely subscribe this service especially for those who use private numbers or payphone to call me - Please leave your voice messages lah! By the way, my greeting messages changes monthly or as and when I like it. It is very simple...if you called me and didn't hang up, you will hear either Chinese, English or techno music played at the end(that is if you continue to hold on and didn't immediate hang up when I didn't pick up your call)at the end of the music, you will hear a "Toot" sound. That is WHEN you can LEAVE YOUR VOICE MESSAGES! -_-""" <-- faints. So far, Lorraine is the ONLY ONE who knows how to leave voice messages to my hp when I didn't pick up the call. Other times, when I play back my voicemail, I only can hear background sounds with the person's breathing -_-" How am I going to know who called me when you don't leave your voice message? Worst still you called from a number either I am not familiar with or from payphone/private phone and didn't leave any voice messages? Please please please..if you called me and for some reason I am unable to pick up your call, Please please please have the patience to hold on till the end of the music + "toot" sound and SAY YOUR MESSAGE after the music+"Toot" sound okay?(Haiz..still need me to teach you all these things?)
When I reach Kallang, I was 15 minutes earlier than the agreed time. (O.o) first time arriving so early..a bit not used to it cos I am always late for meetings. JingXian then saw me and said he was surprise to see me first, for the very first time arriving so early to wait for people. I then smiled at him. After that when Lorraine came, we head for Macdonald's and she ordered food and sit and chat with me. Strangely, her words are ALWAYS very encouraging. Not like some people..only know how to pull me down to the bottom(I don't wish to mention who are those people..can name quite a few)Very surprise to hear her saying that she used to be very negative. Hmm..maybe I must learn from her how can she take things so lightly and to see things as positive as possible?(I admired her for this!)or maybe that I am more towards the emotional/negative side?
After that we rush to Bro.Khai's place. On the way there, Lorraine suddenly comment something that surprise me! I then probe her and ask who told her and so far who knows about it? She said it's the Holy Spirit..(Ya right) She then said,"Only those who need to know, knows about it"Until now, her this sentence still sticks in my mind..only those who need to know, know about it? Who are those who need to know??? I then began to suspect people. And I roughly know who is it who tell(But it's just my guessing..don't know is it HER?) cos after I ask someone and she said it's not her, then I think I know who is the one who tell. I pray that this won't spread to Bro or worst...Him(Ahem!). I don't wish to know his reaction but now I have to tip-toe around cos I can't handle it and I don't know how will he react if he knows about this. Lorraine ask me to tell Bro about it. What?! Tell him? Er....er....but I am scared lah. Can I just keep quiet and pretend nothing has happened?
I find it very funny, everytime when Bro.Khai has something to preach, the sermons seems to be talking about me or pointing towards me? It is like...when there is something going on in my life, whether or not I prayed for it, whenever I go to CGM, Bro always preach the sermons that is reflecting about me and what I am going through. It's like...the timing is...eerie...VERY eerie! It happened when I FIRST step into Bro.Khai's CG for make-up CG when I was still with W117 that time. I remembered very clearly that his preaching made me cry very badly on the spot. But I don't remember whether he has lay hands on me that time to pray for me. I totally forgot. The 2nd time it touches me was when I request HuiYi to bring me to her CG to see. His sermon collide with what is going on in my feelings - hatred for ZBR! He ask to let go of that hatred. After that, when I went back for CGM each time, although a different message was preach but somehow or another, it always seems to end up touching me or pointing at me. So scary! First time I have seen a leader so powerful and so...anionted?(Is that the spelling?)
I had a very bad feeling for today's semon. It is - Yes, pointing at me again! About Valleys of life. There is one sentence that Bro said, made me look at him with narrowed eyes. He said,"Suicide is NOT a good solution to TEMPOARY situation!"In my mind, I was asking,"What if the hurt gets too deep and seems too great for me to handle? What if...this this this..that that that..(cannot state..sorry)"He then state about the 5 Facts about the Valleys we need to remember when we go through tough times and the 4 must-do things if we go though valleys in life. At certain point, I really feel that Bro is talking about me..and it is also at that time, somebody in the CG shout,"Amen!"soooo loudly! I mean obviously loudly. It is as if he was telling me,"Yo! Hear that? Bro is talking about you"(Okay okay..I think too much). At the end of the message, he answers ALL the questions in my mind in only ONE answer - That is, All problems, will NOT last(Amen and Thank God for that!). I have doubt about a thing that he mention - Whatever you forcus on, you'll be drawn to it. Oh really? I would like to try that someday. But now my forcus is on somebody whom I miss very much(HuiYi should know who..and only she knows. Other than a few of my close friends..not "Ahem")
After that I then argued with HuiYi over something and went to the balcony to cry. The stone I was stepping on was not stable and I didn't realise it. Almost fall off the balcony cos I didn't balance myself well, but luckily the ledge was high enough for me to support. Nice view of the night from the balcony. Lorraine then called me out twice and I quickly wipe the tears off before answering her.
At work, my mind is going to burst as I see alot of cases not done piling up on my table. Stress! My supervisor then came and said,"Errr...Juliet, you still have so many cases not done yet right? Nevermind lah..I give Mr.S to do the things for today so you and Ms.W don't need to do lah hor?" I smiled at her and in my mind I was wondering,"Huh? Very funny leh. Where got such things as no need to do the work for today? Then if we don't need to do? When are we gonna do?" Plus she told me maybe...just maybe, Monday there will be NO cases coming in. When I heard that I was like,"Duh...dot dot dot dot dot dot" but I guess it's a blessing in disguise as I already "burned" most of my brain cells doing the work. I then prayed a silent "thank you" prayer to God. Maybe He knows that I couldn't handle it anymore? Thought someone said that God won't answer my prayers lor?(I really didn't pray for this to happen)
Finally finish the KNS case list to submit to my supervisor. I called it KNS cos it really hor..wasted alot of my time to do those cases! My work is still not done yet leh! 5 cases piling up my table..then Ms.W only have 3 cases! She then tease me and ask me to complete it faster. She said,"Eh! You know? Your case are the most easiest leh! We need to do alot of checking you know? Yours just can straight-away do it!" Ya lor, ya lor...say as if so easy! Then why the other time I just straight-away do it and kena scolding from the Managers? Easy? Ya right! Wait long long! Still cracking my head to solve the cases. Dare not give too much numbers or else if the Managers were to check and spot a number from the system that I didn't notice(mostly is that I couldn't find lah..but don't know how they manage to find it), I am the one who is going to get scolded.
After work, I quickly rush out and say a quick goodbye to Ms.W. She said,"Eh? Left so early today? Go where and chiong?" I then give her this look -_-" and said,"Going for CG lah. Running late le" She then stare at me with her eyes wide and said,"Again?! Haiz..always CG CG..go lah go lah" I then bid her a quick good-bye and rush to the MRT station. Lorraine called me when I had left the office 10 minutes later? She then comment that she pick the right timing to called me. Ya..haha! Actually now anyone can call me anytime. Cos now that I work in the office(my contract going to expire in a few months time), I can pick up calls anytime or SMS. Not like when I was in a retail line. Can't pick up call, can't SMS! Sianz! I hate that! Worst still is when my phone vibrates and when it stop, if I check on my hp and it only states,"MISSED CALLS: PRIVATE NUMBER" I will go crazy! Cos I do not know whose call I have miss if the person called me using either a private number or from payphone. Then hor, the MOST FUNNIEST part is, people don't seems to know that there is VOICEMAIL service in my hp. So can leave voice messages if I am unable to pick up your call. I purposely subscribe this service especially for those who use private numbers or payphone to call me - Please leave your voice messages lah! By the way, my greeting messages changes monthly or as and when I like it. It is very simple...if you called me and didn't hang up, you will hear either Chinese, English or techno music played at the end(that is if you continue to hold on and didn't immediate hang up when I didn't pick up your call)at the end of the music, you will hear a "Toot" sound. That is WHEN you can LEAVE YOUR VOICE MESSAGES! -_-""" <-- faints. So far, Lorraine is the ONLY ONE who knows how to leave voice messages to my hp when I didn't pick up the call. Other times, when I play back my voicemail, I only can hear background sounds with the person's breathing -_-" How am I going to know who called me when you don't leave your voice message? Worst still you called from a number either I am not familiar with or from payphone/private phone and didn't leave any voice messages? Please please please..if you called me and for some reason I am unable to pick up your call, Please please please have the patience to hold on till the end of the music + "toot" sound and SAY YOUR MESSAGE after the music+"Toot" sound okay?(Haiz..still need me to teach you all these things?)
When I reach Kallang, I was 15 minutes earlier than the agreed time. (O.o) first time arriving so early..a bit not used to it cos I am always late for meetings. JingXian then saw me and said he was surprise to see me first, for the very first time arriving so early to wait for people. I then smiled at him. After that when Lorraine came, we head for Macdonald's and she ordered food and sit and chat with me. Strangely, her words are ALWAYS very encouraging. Not like some people..only know how to pull me down to the bottom(I don't wish to mention who are those people..can name quite a few)Very surprise to hear her saying that she used to be very negative. Hmm..maybe I must learn from her how can she take things so lightly and to see things as positive as possible?(I admired her for this!)or maybe that I am more towards the emotional/negative side?
After that we rush to Bro.Khai's place. On the way there, Lorraine suddenly comment something that surprise me! I then probe her and ask who told her and so far who knows about it? She said it's the Holy Spirit..(Ya right) She then said,"Only those who need to know, knows about it"Until now, her this sentence still sticks in my mind..only those who need to know, know about it? Who are those who need to know??? I then began to suspect people. And I roughly know who is it who tell(But it's just my guessing..don't know is it HER?) cos after I ask someone and she said it's not her, then I think I know who is the one who tell. I pray that this won't spread to Bro or worst...Him(Ahem!). I don't wish to know his reaction but now I have to tip-toe around cos I can't handle it and I don't know how will he react if he knows about this. Lorraine ask me to tell Bro about it. What?! Tell him? Er....er....but I am scared lah. Can I just keep quiet and pretend nothing has happened?
I find it very funny, everytime when Bro.Khai has something to preach, the sermons seems to be talking about me or pointing towards me? It is like...when there is something going on in my life, whether or not I prayed for it, whenever I go to CGM, Bro always preach the sermons that is reflecting about me and what I am going through. It's like...the timing is...eerie...VERY eerie! It happened when I FIRST step into Bro.Khai's CG for make-up CG when I was still with W117 that time. I remembered very clearly that his preaching made me cry very badly on the spot. But I don't remember whether he has lay hands on me that time to pray for me. I totally forgot. The 2nd time it touches me was when I request HuiYi to bring me to her CG to see. His sermon collide with what is going on in my feelings - hatred for ZBR! He ask to let go of that hatred. After that, when I went back for CGM each time, although a different message was preach but somehow or another, it always seems to end up touching me or pointing at me. So scary! First time I have seen a leader so powerful and so...anionted?(Is that the spelling?)
I had a very bad feeling for today's semon. It is - Yes, pointing at me again! About Valleys of life. There is one sentence that Bro said, made me look at him with narrowed eyes. He said,"Suicide is NOT a good solution to TEMPOARY situation!"In my mind, I was asking,"What if the hurt gets too deep and seems too great for me to handle? What if...this this this..that that that..(cannot state..sorry)"He then state about the 5 Facts about the Valleys we need to remember when we go through tough times and the 4 must-do things if we go though valleys in life. At certain point, I really feel that Bro is talking about me..and it is also at that time, somebody in the CG shout,"Amen!"soooo loudly! I mean obviously loudly. It is as if he was telling me,"Yo! Hear that? Bro is talking about you"(Okay okay..I think too much). At the end of the message, he answers ALL the questions in my mind in only ONE answer - That is, All problems, will NOT last(Amen and Thank God for that!). I have doubt about a thing that he mention - Whatever you forcus on, you'll be drawn to it. Oh really? I would like to try that someday. But now my forcus is on somebody whom I miss very much(HuiYi should know who..and only she knows. Other than a few of my close friends..not "Ahem")
After that I then argued with HuiYi over something and went to the balcony to cry. The stone I was stepping on was not stable and I didn't realise it. Almost fall off the balcony cos I didn't balance myself well, but luckily the ledge was high enough for me to support. Nice view of the night from the balcony. Lorraine then called me out twice and I quickly wipe the tears off before answering her.
We then left Bro's place and went home. Lorraine then walk me to the MRT station. On the way, I am thinking should I go for some drinks? But then after some consideration, I didn't go in the end but went straight home. Chat with my god-brother for awhile before going off to sleep.
Think I have to end here too. Will blog again next time
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