Doing my work in the office. Don't feel like going to work...my mood is quite low these days. Don't wish to talk to anybody. Don't ask me what happen. Don't ask me why. Just leave me alone. I'll be fine after some time.
Stupid ^&%$%!!! Never see before is it!? Keep walking about and pass by my cabin to look at me! I am doing my work okay!? Then keep popping your &*^^%$ head up and down!!! Since you are so free why don't you help me out instead?! Only know how to back stab me!!! Give false accuse! One day if you made me blow up, don't blame me!!! I don't care who the hell you are! You are NOTHING in my eyes! NOTHING!!
After work I quickly rush to Vivocity to meet Ivan and Esther for movie. They decide to watch "D.O.A" It's a very nice show. A lot of fighting scenes. Overall the show is very good. Ivan then send Esther home while I went home. Initially was planning to go Dbl O to drink but then I change my mind.
Saw YenHao online. He then came to chat with me and I pour my problems to him. Cried while msn him at the same time. Finally I could cry out...I guess it has been some time since I could finally cry out my problems. He then want me to promise him something...haiz...okay lah. It's also for my own good anyway.
Ahhh!!! My Brother went to read my diary!!! He come across all my poems and he said that I am very emotional. -_-" Who ask you to read my diary without my permission?! He also said that a few of the poems are mushy...
Will try my luck whether I can get at least one sleeping pill. Sharon told me not to rely on the pills too much or it will become a drug if I rely too much of it. I look at her and smile but in my mind I was thinking,"I don't think so lah...even if it's true I dun really care. I just wanna have a deep sleep".(The best is not to wake up at all that kind) Don't look at me like that leh....I have my own reasons...just....don't ask.
Someone told me that he has tried taking sleeping pills before but end up sleeping for 36hours. Wah! 36 hours?! Cool! I would love to try that someday. Which means I have to get almost 3 days leave just to sleep. I wonder could I see him in my dreams like I used to a very long time ago if I ever get to sleep for so long?
I seriously wish that the judgement day will come sooner. I had ask this one same question to HS and God too many times since childhood. I had lost count on how many times I had ask Him. The book that my ex lend it to me a few years ago did not fully answer my question. So that is why until now I keep asking God the same old question for the past 14 years of my life! A simple question but so far I did not find a satisfactory answer for it!
Stare blankly at space now. Nothing going on in my mind....just need healing that's all. Will end here for now. I am very sick and tired of everything! Just let me be...I'll be fine someday...
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