I'm in pain....

Went to work this morning and have nothing to do. Haiz...A agency called me to say that they have a position for me as "Patient Associate" at Bukit Batok. But will double confirm with me tomorrow. I have already applied for leave. So I pray that somehow or another, I will get that job.

Went to lunch with my colleagues. All of them eat their food while I just drink a fruit juice. Don't have the appetite to eat anything. I had taken a very heavy breakfast in the morning but I don't know why, I feel nausea during lunch time. Ms.W then said,"Aiyah! She don't need to eat lah. In love le..then the stomach will automatically be full". I then blush and said that I really do not have the appetite to eat.

He came and fetch me after work. My God-brother wish to see him(I had only ONE God-brother left now). I then take him to meet my God-brother. He carried my brief case for me although I don't wish him to. Met my God-brother at the control station. I couldn't really recognise him from afar. Plus....he gain too much weight since the last time I saw him. I then chat with my God-brother and then introduce "him" to my God-brother.

Had a really great time walking with the both of them although my God-brother keep on searching for hand phones here and there. Haiz...make me feel tired from all the walking. We then sat at MacDonald's and he went to order a drink while we chat. I suddenly felt quite itchy on my right thigh and then my left arm. I do not know what am I sensitive to? I then quickly ask them,"Can we make a move?" He thought that I felt cold cos I suddenly wear his jacket. Actually I wear it to cover the itch marks on my left arm.

Bid my God-brother goodbye at the station. He then offer to send me home although I said,"No". He's so sweet! *melts* During the MRT ride, I thought I felt him kissing my right cheek(Maybe it's my imagination). My God-brother approves of him and he said he's very happy for me. On the way, HuiYi suddenly called me actually wanted to go to a place but didn't go in the end.

Reach my place void deck and sat down. I called HuiYi to chat with her. She said some things that make me very hurt. I wanted to cry but I keep holding back my tears. I promised him I won't cry in front of him and I never will! After the conversation, my heart hurts alot. I wanted to cry it out but I couldn't(which is a very good thing then). After she hang up, my heart sank very heavily.

He called me and told me not to cry. He understands how I feel. Why?! I do not know whether do all of you believe in fate? I don't quite believe it at first but now I am not so sure. Actually, I should have met him a very long long time ago but I don't know why God likes to play tricks on me? I don't know is it really should be a coincidence? Here are the places that we would have been met:
1) Tiong Bahru Arcade(1998 - 2000) - I joined gangs then and my ex-gang members hang around there often. He was there then too but don't know why...we didn't met even though I've been there every week. He studies the same Sec Sch with Esther Ho, Sheryln Ho, Lynn, Angel, Jia Xing and Fiona. Maybe we could have been met through friends but that didn't happen.

2)Clarke Quay Ex-Arcade place(2003-2005?) - There used to be a Arcade near Clarke Quay and I go there with my friends every weekend. He was there too but again we didn't met

3)Takashimaya S.C(2004) - I was working at Takashimaya, introduce by Sheryln. I then met HuiYi but was not quite familiar with her. He said he was working there too but at basement, while I was working at Level 3. I post only to basement at rare times. He said he was with HuiYi often but strangely, he didn't get to know me or even see me before.

4)CHC (2004-current) - We were in the same CG but strangely we never talk to each other. I had seen him a few times but never ever get to talk to him. I did backslide here and there in between the years. When I first went in my ex-CG I heard abt him but didn't get to chat with him at all. I then back slided. When I came back to CHC on recent years, he back slided and soon I had forgotten all about him.

I look at the year and the places, I then trap myself in my own world. I feel like crying but I couldn't. Tell me...Is all these merely a coincidence? I am very confuse right now. My heart is very heavy. I really don't wish to let go. He's all I had ever dreamt of. But....if it's really not meant to be, I will let him go. Perhaps...he would be happier with another....I'm sorry if I am the one who have cause you hurt..BaoBei..I'm really sorry this time. It's my fault. Maybe..if I didn't ask you that questions, none of this would have happen.

My final fate will be decided by someone on Friday...Whether we will be together, will be decided by one person and what that one person said, will change everything. I look at my pen-knife blade for a very long time...I'm feeling very pain inside. Don't worry HuiYi. I promised you I won't cut myself. Means I won't...no matter how much I wish to. I can do nothing no more..All I could do...is to only PRAY and HOPE...BaoBei, no matter what happens, promise me you'll be happy? With or without me? Please? I just want you to be happy. That is my request....Promise me?