KNS!!!!!! IDIOT!!!

Went to work today and the moment I step into my workplace, I saw most of my colleagues gathering around to talk. "Oei! No need to work ah?!" was what I first thought in my mind. But when I overheard what they are saying, I wanted to find out more. Cos they were discussing about the $50 that has been missing from the cash register yesterday. But then, yesterday I never touch the cash register at all so it's NONE OF MY BUSINESS! But then...I HEAR SOMETHING from one of my colleagues that I shouldn't have heard!!! CB!!! Here is what she told me:

Yesterday the cash register short $50..then don't know on which day, the cash register short $100. Then some time ago, the cash register also short $200+. You know what? MY STUPID MANAGER PUT ALL THE BLAME ONTO ME! Here's the thing: WITHOUT PROOF! Cos normally I am the one who is delivering the goods and at MOST TIMES, yes I didn't give them the money straight-away when I return from delivery. Why? Because by the time I returned, the cafe would be full of customers and no one is free to entertain me or to accept the money etc. But after the rush hour or if they are free I will either pass the money to my Manager or my colleague. I NEVER EVER TAKE ANY MONEY out of the delivery packet! Even if let's say I did take, the one who is counting will know that the delivery money is short! They will on the spot question me! Why didn't they?! STUPID!? I HATE BEING ACCUSE WITHOUT PROOF AND FOR NOTHING!!! FCB!!!!! ANYHOW SAY! WANT TO SAY ME AT LEAST PROVIDE SOME SOLID EVIDENCE AGAINST ME LAH!!! But I know I DID NOT DO IT! For what I greed for that small $50 note or $100!? Siao!? I want to greed why don't I greed the whole cash register money?! Why don't I greed $1000?! For what I greed only $50 - $100?! It's not as if the company never pay me my salary!!!

I told BaoBei about this. His colleague then call me on my phone and told me to be wary of my bag. Cos I know I never do it, ALL of my colleagues believe that I never do it and Ping believe that I am not the sort of person who would greed this small sum of money, Faizal also said he trust me. Now his colleague is afraid that since my Manager claim that I am the one who stole the money, and he doesn't have any solid proof, he will try any means and ways to sneak some dollars note into my bag or apron when I am not aware cos my locker can't be lock. So if my Manager want to plant such "proof" against me, he could. Cos I don't watch my bag very often and my manager knows I don't have a habit of zipping my bag. CB! FCB! This kind of Manager also have?! I CURSE HIM TO DIE!!! TO BE KNOCK DOWN TO DEATH BY BIG LORRY OR TRUCK!!! LIARS DON'T GO HEAVEN!!!! I know myself my conscious is clear..I did not do it! Means I did not do it! CB! Mind your fucking words!!! Try to get me into trouble when I did not do it!? Fine! I will let you suffer!!!

I will see how these few days or weeks. KNNBCCB!!!! I hate people to frame me without any solid proof!!! I DID NOT DO IT!!!! I WILL NEVER DO IT!!! CB MANAGER!!!!

Peace...?

Update after the "Chee Bye Manager" incident...

Went to work on Monday and everything seems to be fine. When I step into my workplace, I quietly ask one of my colleagues,"How is the "Whether" today"? She look behind her and see that the stupid Manager is not looking, then said to me,"Surprisingly, the "Whether" today very cloudy" meaning peaceful lah. Okay..same goes for Tuesday. On Tuesday, which is yesterday, Jean and Me were very surprise! Only both of us understand why. The other new girl doesn't understand. Cos we have learnt something about my Manager some time ago, that whenever BOTH of his full timers are absent, he will surely get angry, bang things around and his mood will be very foul on that particular day(ai yah! Anyway he is 95% of the time on foul mood). But today he surprise us..especially me. One of my chef went on MC and my other colleague is on long AL(Annual Leave). So which means only 3 part timers are working for him plus one full timer(Mind you, that full timer has only been with the Company for a month!) Jean was puzzled but I think I understand why he act this way. He have to...or else, if he dare to challenge me like again? He will be in big time trouble! This one, only I understand why and how. But I am not Hao lian. I am not Boss's daughter or whatever. Just that I can only say he has shown improvement on his attitude after BaoBei's Boss gave him a scolding plus warning. You might think,"Strange..your BaoBei's Boss is not related to your workplace. How come he has that kinda power to change a person until like that?" Don't ask me. I also don't know how. I don't know what he did to make things the way they are now. But seriously, I am quite thankful to him and appreciate that he has stand up for me even though it is not related to his workplace. Now my Manager doesn't even dare to raise his voice at me for now. BaoBei claim that his Boss has settled it for me. I don't know how. I tell you what happened on Monday:

BaoBei claim that his Boss's friend has scolded my Manager over the phone on Thurs or Sat? He gave a serious warning to him. After that he said this,"You very sak right?! Dare to challenge other people's girlfriend to fight right?! If you are a true gentlemen, don't fight with girl! You like to fight right?! Come out and fight with me lah!!!" After that, the threat came..but this, I cannot state it here. In case my blog is public. Then, BaoBei's boss went to the restaurant to look for my Boss. He briefly said what did my Manager do to me and he demand an explanation from them itself. But I don't know who is handling him at that time cos the restaurant has two bosses.

When I heard that from BaoBei, initially I dare not go to my workplace. I scared that I will be in trouble lah! Then I take my tinnie winnie bit of courage to go to work. I expected, if the incident was true, I will either get a very big scolding plus challenging again, or sack on the spot. But none of what I feared has happened? It is as if nothing has been happen before except that his attitude shown improvement. When I went to work, my Manager was quietly sitting in a corner doing things. Which he normally wouldn't. I was very surprise but didn't said a thing except to ask my colleagues how's his mood?

Things are so far so good. I can only say I like the way things are now. BaoBei says that now he dare not anyhow raise his voice at me cos he knows who I mix around with now. If he mess with me, he is messing the person who is behind me - BaoBei's Boss. Don't know how true is that?

I will end here for now. I really thank BaoBei's Boss for standing up for me and he has really been a great help to my situation.

Chee Bye Manager!!!!

To all of you workers out there(if you are reading my blog right now): Have you ever been challenged by YOUR MANAGER or SUPERIOR to a fight before in your life? If you have, count yourself SWAY! If you didn't, lucky you! At least your superior or Manager is still a HUMAN BEING. I tell you my side of the story. It happened only on Friday:

I was working as usual. But because during lunch time, the crowd was a "slow crowd" as I could describe it. So there are less trays for me to collect and even lesser plates and bowls for me to collect to wash. I walk with my USUAL PACE at work. During some time, one of my big boss came to tuck shop for a meal. I still do my work as usual until my stupid Manager said,"Walk slowly hor! You walk too fast le!" On the outside, it may seem like he was "suan-ing" me but deep inside my heart I know he is criticizing my work! Never mind.

After that, when my Boss goes off. My manager said to me,"You don't know I was suaning you meh?" I said,"I know! So?" he said,"So?! Still walk so slow!" I told him,"I WALK LIKE THAT AS USUAL EVERYDAY AND YOU DIDN'T SAID A THING! TODAY BOSS CAME THEN YOU SAY THIS KINDA THING! YOU ARE VERY BO LIAO LEH!!!" He then said,"Why?! You are not happy that I tick you off huh?! Am I wrong in saying you?!" I then said nothing and stared at him. He then said,"Not happy then call your boyfriend down to fight with me lah!!" I am still staring at him but in my mind I was thinking,"Na beh! What has it got to do with my boyfriend huh?! What I do wrong is my own business!!! WHY DRAG MY BOYFRIEND IN?!" He then said,"What?! Stare?! Stare somemore?! What?! Not happy?! Not happy go outside 1 to 1 lah?! Scared you!? Not happy then you can go home now!" I then said,"I did not say that I am not happy. Everything is YOU who said it" he said,"You didn't say it but you are thinking it!" I told him,"Anything you say lah! It's YOU who assume I am not happy!" He then said,"Argue?! Argue some more lah! You stand here for 5 minute and reflect on WHAT you did wrong!" I do as what he told. But then...apart from that I am walking slow, WHAT ELSE DID I DO WRONG? Nothing right?! I don't know what is he thinking..I ask all of you lah..CAN A MANAGER said these kinda gangsterlism words? Can a manager challenge worker to fight? By right, I can report him as threat to the police but because only I am the one who knows what is going on at that point of time and I have no solid evidence against him, he can turn tables around to say that I provoke him to say that stuff or whatever shit. Cos only the both of us know. None of my colleagues knew that my Manager DID challenge me!

When BaoBei learns about this, he was very angry and feel like going down to fight. But I told him not to. Don't need to fight with this childish person! I said childish is because, my Manager is already 30+ yr old guy. Yet he is saying the things and words that a rebellious teenger would have said. The words that he use on me, was what I would have said when I was FOURTEEN and FIFTEEN years old in Secondary School. After I grad from ITE, I no longer said these words until today. I am an adult. I knew the concequences of fighting. No matter who is right or wrong, in the eyes of the law, anyone who fights, violates a crime of rioting and can be sentence to jail. No matter who started the fight first. I am not stupid as to fight with a 30+ yr old guy with a 14-15 yr old gangster mindset! He still thinks he is in school whereby fighting only gets a public caning or see principal that kind? Siao!

BaoBei has told his Boss at his workplace. I don't know what will happen next? But seriously, I don't think it is of any use. Cos this happens only at my workplace and happens only between me and my Manager. But his Boss claim that he could make someone lose his/her position within one day at their workplace. I don't know how true is that? I could now only silently wish that my Manager could be gone from my workplace soon!!!

..................

I couldn't sleep well these two days. Was having a very high fever the day before but I still went for work. Imagine coughing non-stop, shivering and having fever at 5.10am in the morning. After that I take medicine and went to sleep for a few more hours before going to work. Supervisor then detained me until 5pm.

Went to buy some medicine before heading to BaoBei's home. I didn't went home because I had a triff with my Mum. While at BaoBei's place, his Mum said,"Why she don't go to her own house?! Always come to your place?!" BaoBei didn't fight for me. Some kinda guy!!! Don't know who is the one who wanted me to go over to his place ON WEEKENDS. Although this time I am the one who wanted to put up at his place, but he didn't even said a word for me! Some times I don't know whether I had pick the wrong guy to be my boyfriend! When he is sick, I took care of him. But when I am sick, he did not take care of me! I remember there was one time, I was starting to get fever and my head was getting dizzy. His place did not have any medicine. You know what? He expect me to go all the way down to get myself a medicine. I almost fainted on the way back cos I couldn't see my surroundings clearly. Did he know? He doesn't!

Actually, sometimes, I feel that I am a fool! He is not the only one who did that. Imagine this: I had an ex-boyfriend, when he was sick, he expects me to go to his house to take care of him. When I WAS SICK, he still expects me to GO TO HIS HOUSE so that he could take care of me. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

BaoBei's Birthday

Went for K-Box at Marina Square to celebrate BaoBei's birthday yesterday. BaoBei says it was his most happiest day in his whole 23 yrs of his life. I only ate a little of the K-Box buffet that day. Took a lot of pictures and everyone was having fun.

BaoBei's birthday at K-box

BaoBei and ALL of his Delta Secondary School mates


Peace!

4n1 friends

5n1 friends

Group picture

BaoBei's female friends

*Kisses* BaoBei so 幸福!

BaoBei's Delta Sec Sch friends

BaoBei's male friends

Candide shot!

Act cute

Had a very long and fun day that day. Went for a few drinks after K-box. I am glad that BaoBei is happy that day.

Being my own self once again~

For the first time in my life, I have lost more than 1 friend. Or should I say friends?. .Because of that woman again! Yesterday, she called BaoBei wanted to talk to him about something which I don't know what...I then SMS her,"After scolding and shouting at people, u still have the cheek to call people to talk?!" She showed BaoBei this SMS and then she herself called BaoBei TO SHOUT AT HIS EAR! Very funny right? Bo Bian, "A" level student is like that mah. What to do?

I then SMS Esther to ask her why did she lied to me? I think she is with that woman at that point of time because she SMS me this,"She not scared le" what does she mean by that? I then said since she want to be with turtle, then from now on, no need to ask me out or whatever. She said that I am being childish. I don't know in others mindset but I am thinking, since me and Turtle are now enemies, and I don't like what she have said, that she has hurt me so deeply, and our arguements and our way of seeing things are never-ending and can never be understood, Esther and BaoBei are the ones that caught in the middle, in order to let this to end, I might as well give up so many years of friendship with Esther. Since she chooses Turtle as friend and I cannot get along with her well, sorry, I have no choice but to give up the years of our friendship.

I think I would rather be alone from now on. I don't like friends. People often say,"Strangers are friends who have not met" but now, I don't think so. Turtle used to be a stranger. After knowing her NOT even for a year, she can help destroy everything I have had by assuming things, and by being smart Alec.

I think I am being wrong by listening to what my teachers used to tell me. I just be how I used to be. Maybe, by being alone, I will be much more happier.

Celebration at "Lunar" club

Went to Lunar club yesterday to celebrate YanLing's birthday. I heard that it's a new club and went in for the first time yesterday. It's a upper high class of "KBox"

Part of our KTV room. It's the 3rd biggest room in the whole KTV

Yanling's Birthday cake

Inside of our KTV room. Can't really see the big room cos of the dim lighting effects.

Upper floor of the bar...sorry for the blur image cos I was rushing to take this picture while walking off

Entrance of Lunar club. I take this shot secretly cos the Bouncers are watching...

Yanling's Sunflower. I think her husband gave this to her

Our group picture. Of course we are not the only friends around

Our costume play - Funny!

Went back home after that. Had a very fun day but also BaoBei is not happy with her friends there that day cos he finds them very sarcastic. Heard that the cost of the room is not cheap! Like $2000+ to $3000 just for the room itself! Recently I also added two new guy friends to my msn. When BaoBei saw it, he was not very happy. I don't know why. Will end here for now. Blog again some other time.

Quarrel with BaoBei + Idiot Bitch!!! = Haiz...Give up everything bah..and just be my old self once again

Went to stay at BaoBei's place as usual. But this time, something was very different. Quarrel with BaoBei all because of that stupid woman!!!(Turtle aka MeiFong!) Just because she is ONE year older than us, so what?! Very big ah?! BaoBei keep saying that she was not in the wrong. I was thinking,"Okay lor! Since you wanna side THAT WOMAN, then no choice lor! I sometimes wonder THAT WOMAN is your gf or I am your gf?!"

Met Esther on Thursday because I work half day that day. And then.....I saw THAT WOMAN with her!!! I gave -_-" expression and Esther was like,"Are you okay? U don't mind I ask her out right? I thought you guys are okay le since this was so long ago?" Hello?! I will never ever forget what she said!!! And how she TWIST my words to BaoBei...Li hai! Very li hai! This person is more "cleverer" than a "A" level student! Until now, Turtle STILL don't know what she did wrong that I am so pissed off(I guess that is the most gentleness word for "Du lan"?). She can still SHOUT AT ME on my face that day,"What?! I know you are still angry about what I said about your job right?!" You imagine this scenario: She shout at me IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AT TAKASHIMAYA SHOPPING CENTRE that day! The day that WHAT she told me on phone at my workplace, I am already very angry. Then, I am MORE ANGRY when she go twist my words to BaoBei(which until now BaoBei still sides her). The most part, I am angry about this WHOLE incident, is that, right after this incident, I think...a day after? Turtle SMS BaoBei saying that she knows why BaoBei don't pick up her calls and don't reply her SMS. Is because of me. I am already 80% HOT when she said that! WHY?! Hello?! YenHao is YOUR BOYFRIEND or MINE?! Why?! He must 24-hour standby for YOUR SMS and PHONE CALLS?! Then I SMS her back to tell her NOT TO ASSUME THINGS! Since she likes to assume things so much, then I let her be! She then SMS BaoBei the SMS that I sent her and I got scolding from BaoBei and that is when he said this,"Don't poke your nose into our business can?! This is between me and her! So you don't be a busybody and SMS her on my behalf!" READ and RE-READ this sentence that BaoBei told me on the phone when I was on the way to his place. To a couple, in between a mutual friend, you go think about it what is wrong with this sentence and try figure it out WHY I am 100% angry that time! At that point of time I was thinking this in my head,"Into OUR business??? Between YOU and HER?! So you are saying that I am the third party? Or you are saying both of you are couples and I am just an outsider? Or that SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND lah?"

At this point of time, my mind is total blank. All I could think in my head was this two words,"B-R-E-A-K U-P" But then again if Esther came to know about it, she will talk me out of breaking up. Which she already did once. So what BaoBei is rare breed? So what he is gentle? So what if he is....(Fill in your own words or impression of him) If he SIDES ANOTHER woman or women instead of his own gf, something must be wrong. Okay...assume that I really did something wrong that he feels that the other party is right but....I am a person who is extremely sensitive to WORDS! That is why, English dictionary have this sentence called,"MIND YOUR WORDS".

After quarrelling with BaoBei, when I want to walk out of his room door, he suddenly hug me very tight. Part of me feel like slapping him, kicking him, punching him etc, ANYTHING but to hug him back. But it was his hug that also made me feel at least a little bit better. S.H.E's song was right,"他还不懂" it sings about a guy she met in Korea, but that guy doesn't know what a girl really wants. Somewhere in the lyrics, she sings,"他还不懂，永远不懂，一个拥抱能代替。。(shou you)

But then, somehow I know...the feeling that I used to have towards BaoBei can never be the same again. I still love him but.......the kind of love is not the same anymore. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling now. Just that everything seems to go wrong. If I have to share BaoBei with another woman, I rather leave BaoBei. Some times, single is really better than attach. At least, problems that occur might not be so much and will not have such a big impact.

I will end here for now. Just blog to vent my anger and thinking. No one knows what I am thinking now. I wonder is that good or is that bad?

Thoughts about life, money, BaoBei....

I have been reading a book - Rich Dad's guide to financial freedom. It's more of a financial book about Investment, what's a good investment and bad investment etc. I then realize after reading half of the pages of the book, that I was and still am a fool in money!!! I am forever stuck in the E column. Those who read the book will understand what I meant. The book has 4 columns, E, S, B and I. E stands for Employee - People who work for money(Before you think,"Who doesn't?" Ah huh! That is the problem of people's mindset) S is for Self-Employed which is a category I wish to venture into if I really have the capital. These two are the left side of the money "game". These people work hard for money but ultimately in the end, whether they earn or lose, they will only find out only when they are face to face with death itself. But usually, for people like me, it's a sure lose situation. It's like you know 4D and Toto..you know chances of striking is either 1/10 or 50/50 yet you still throw like what? $100 a day or $2000 a week buying 4D or Toto NOT knowing whether you will win or not? In the end, if you never ever strike, you will lose all of your money that you buy that stupid ticket. But for S itself, it's not that they'll lose out forever. If they know how to go from S to I or S to B, they will someday become really rich. Provide if they are smart enough to know how to do "I" and how to run a "B".

After meeting Li Lian, I feel very down about life. I am really tired of living(Seriously). But Li Yi's advice was...something that says if I am tired, I should take a rest and then move on or something like that in an email. But the problem is, I tend to think a lot on things and on the future. I am constantly worried and fight for money. Recently, I met an old Uncle at my workplace. I pour my problems to him. This is his advice, see if you get what he meant: 钱来不要推, 钱走不要追!

He says from the day we were born, our destiny and fate has been determined by God himself. It is impossible for us to change our destiny and fate. I don't fully agree with his sentence, because I chose to believe in one thing, YOU can shape your own destiny and fate, by the LIFE CHOICES that you made in each phases of your life. I have made many, if not, a lot of WRONG choices in my younger life, now, I have nothing but to live in regret and a lot of,"What if I had done this? What if I have not done that? Would it make a lot of difference?"

My Mum walk by and saw me alone, she ask me questions about BaoBei. I knew it that she would definitely look down on him as she did to all my other exs. Because of one factor. I used to think that it's not important. The most important is a guy's heart and faithfulness but.....now as I grow up, I have learn some lessons the hard way...by my eyes and by my ears. Some times, by knowledge of other sources. After that, I realize one thing: Love really cannot survive in this world but money can. Though money can't buy true love, but you cannot deny that love itself has a lot of heartache. This is what I experience recently.

I have been thinking, since BaoBei likes to support that woman, I might as well let them be together. Though she don't like BaoBei and BaoBei have no emotional feelings towards her, but can someone explain to me this situation:

A and B are couple for 2 years. They met C through mutual friends. A and C used to get along well with each other, only have small quarrel occasionally but everything will be fine the next day or so that kind. Until one day, C said something that hurt A very much. A went to confide in B as usual every time A and C fights. Usually C will said things that are very sarcastic. BUT here is the problem:

Instead of comforting A as a boyfriend should, B instead, turn the tables around and make it seems as if A is in the wrong. On top of that, A realize something that B and her rest of her friend NEVER EVER notice. Whenever A and C argue or quarrel, B will always side C without fail no matter what situation. This time, A see the whole picture. Though they do not like each other but....something seems to be amiss whenever A quarrelled....and B, will never ever see her point of view.

End of story, although like I said, they are not together but since B as a boyfriend, always sides that other girl instead of his own girlfriend, doesn't that make her a indirect "3rd party"? I don't know what will you think?

I am very disappointed, very sad, I don't wish to hear, don't wish to see, don't wish to think and don't wish to know. Everything I do is wrong. No matter what....

Met Esther on Friday. I met her cos I knock off very early and since I haven't seen her for a long time, I decided to meet her. She has permed her hair...I am not used to it initially but now after some time, I felt it looks okay on her. Then.......I saw SOMEONE with her whom I do not wish to see...but is okay. She is entitled to be whomever she wishes to be. She said she thought that things have past so just forget it. Hello? Okay...I am petty! Okay?! I will never ever forget what she said. Everyone says she doesn't mean it or whatever shit! Or her pattern is like that blah blah blah. I know! But at the same time, I am doing this - MY ATTITUDE PROBLEM to let her see, that NOT EVERYONE can accept for her straight-forwardness especially NOT combined with her sarcastic remarks!!! NOT EVERYONE CAN ACCEPT!!! She likes who she is, that's her problem. If she thinks that WORDS DON'T KILL, I want to proof her wrong!!! She doesn't know who HuiYi is..she doesn't know why friendships on my side break very often!!! Because of one simple reason: THE WORDS YOU USE! Okay...since she doesn't know my example, how about Ivan's example?! What did she SAY to PISS IVAN OFF?! So Esther, you still think she doesn't mean it? You still think that WORDS DON'T KILL? Go and analyze and think about it. Or you experience the HURT you feel when you are with her and the WORDS she used on you, then you come and tell me again.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Scary + thoughts about life + Outing with Wei Da

I don't know when is it exactly, that Adi thought of me as more than a friend. He is only a colleague outside of my workplace. He works as a technician at Standard Chartered Bank. Usually when I walk by, he will just smile at me or wave at him for greeting. As the months went by, we slowly started to chat with each other. Only recently, he start behaving rather strangely. At first I thought that maybe he like to crack jokes and joking around but later on, one incident made me realize that he may not be joking after all. Maybe because I am a wordy person, so whatever that he express towards me with his words, scares me. There was one time, when I went out with him alone, he said something that really scares me,"What if one day we became more than friends"? I told him that it would not happen because I already had a boyfriend and we planned to get married. He wish me all the best but then he said again,"If choi lah! One day if you and your boyfriend break, you tell me ah?" After chit-chat for certain minutes, although on the outside, he seems to be like a gentleman and respect me, but the things he said, made me really scared of him. I don't mind being his friend but at the same time I do not wish to mislead him that I accept what he says. I don't know how to express myself in a way that tells him,"Sorry, I only treat you as a friend. I already had a boyfriend whom I love very much and it is impossible that we will be together". Ride a motorbike for the very first time. Very scary lah!!!! I don't know how the hell can HuiYi used to ride a motorbike till she told me that when she take bus, she said she is not used to it. KNS!!! REALLY SCARY LAH!!!!

On the way to meet BaoBei's friends yesterday, a lot of thoughts went through my mind. Before that, BaoBei's Mum keep on nagging at me and said to me a lot of things that made me feel very stress. I am already stress up at work, by my parents and friends plus a lot of things!!!! Why can't she just give me a break? Everything that BaoBei do or NOT do, I will always be the one who is at the receiving end of her scoldings and hurtful words! Sometimes I am very tired about life, about my family, about what BaoBei do and everything. From young until now, I have been seriously reflecting about my life and what I really want? Some times, I just want to fly out of Singapore and stay at a foreign country and maybe lived there alone. Some times, I just wanted to end my life to end everything once and for all. There was a time, MingWei's MSN extension nick type this,"Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem" I really wish to type this in my extension nick but I don't know if Lorraine will scold me,"Suicide is a PERMANENT and ONLY solution to a ON-GOING problem" I don't know how long I can be with BaoBei. I had told him one day,"If ever I leave you one day, either it is because you have done something wrong that hurt me deeply or it is plainly because I can't stand of your Mum anymore!" I can't see myself getting along with her even before marriage. What makes him think that I could ever get along with her after marriage. She may sound simple that she hate me becuase I didn't do housework, but I know myself too well, that there is more to it than meets the eye. I am really very tired..not only physically. If anyone knows what I meant.

Went out with Wei Da, Zhen Ni, Zhen Ni's boyfriend, Ah long and a girl whom I had never seen before but I don't bother to ask about her for intro. Her legs are slimmer than me!!! KNS! Went to esplanade to eat Xiao Peng's food. He sells western food and the price is really cheap compared to Anson's or any other western stall and it is value for money. Li Yi, next time if we had the chance, I will bring you there to try his food. If you are into pasta and meat. It is not very expensive but it is outdoor kind of enviroment. His most expensive dish is $14.90 I think?

This is the steak that Xiao Pang cook. Price is $11.90

After that they went to play pool and I sit there to play with PSP. I don't know how to play pool. We then went home after that...

Money Woes + Stupid me!!!!!

I really regret signing up for the Yoga thing. Maybe I didn't really read their contract thoroughly and now I have to face with money problems. It's my own carelessness fault. I can't terminate the contract until 2 years is up. KNS! I can only suspend my membership. But then again, if suspend, I will still have to pay $24+++ per month. BaoBei says he felt that suspend is better than I pay $100+ when I didn't attend any of the classes. The problem is, I do not know, for suspend cases, will it end as according to the date or it will extend the date for me for the termination? I have having a lot of stress. Friday I will work from 8am - 2pm. I will have to go down personally to sign some stupid paper for suspension. If let's say that for suspension, they will suspend until I am ok with it, then BaoBei ask me to suspend all the way if I wanted to, until my membership is due to expire. I felt like terminating soon but I do not know how much will I have to pay in penalty? If it is a few hundred dollars, I don't mind(Not that I am rich or whatever) but you see, my membership is $105+++ per mth. If they allow me to terminate but must pay them a few hundred, is ok cos even if I go for classes, I still must pay hundreds of dollars per mth. The problem is I am afraid that it is a few thousands! One thing is not worth of the money. Second thing is I pay for my stupidity! Haiz....stress....

The other thing is I just realize I lost Li Yi no. -_-" Cos the other day I wanted to SMS her something but end up in the end, the person on my contact list as "Li Yi" SMS me saying that she is "Li Ping"(My pri sch friend) I am very scared and at the same time feel like beating myself up. It's not very private message but still I feel very pai seh! Good lor! Sway lor! Now I lost Li Yi's no. Must wait for her to tag at my tag board again. -_-" Cos the other day BaoBei and me went to this restaurant at Vivocity. The ambiance is very good and the food was superb! Er...the price is of course..very "beautiful" lah(if you know what I mean) it's sort of like buffet style. But then again, apart from the buffet, it serves mainly meat kind of food which I don't know if Li Yi would like it? The chef put directly on your plate!!!

My plate after I ordered beef, mutton, chicken etc

"Carnivore" is the restaurant name. These are the tabs on the table. Red means you don't want anymore food and when the chef sees that, he won't put anymore food on your plate. Green means you still need food and the chef will ask if you want the food to be put on your plate?

This is the first time BaoBei bring me to a Brazilian restaurant to have dinner! Although I have to pay half of the bill, but still I feel very happy and touched that he plan something like this for me out of the blue. It's just that I don't know how to say it to him.

Li Yi, if you want to dine with us at this restaurant, you just have to save about $50 - $100 then next time we will bring you there to eat okay? Ya I know it is not cheap. If you are a meat lover, I can promise you that the food there is really worth the money. I will end here for now. Li Yi, sorry to have lost your number. Maybe you can SMS me or call me with your number again? I am sorry.

Fellowship with CGMs

Wake up at 8.30am today and I realize I was almost late for Sunday service. Luckily I manage to get a seat near the sign language interpreter in the end, thanks to Mike, Anthea, Eric and ZhiHao. After service, we went to Dobhy Gaut for fellowship. Mike left half-way cos he don't like to play board games. Anthea and me went for window shopping. The rest went to minds cafe to play board games.

After window shopping with Anthea, we went back to Minds cafe to watch the others play. Talk a lot of things with ZhiHao and I realize that we have a lot of things in common! Like our previous jobs and the things they do etc. Later I went to watch movie with Dicky. Initally, we thought it's a romance movie but.....the movie is about murderous instead?! The title is "The boys love Mandy". After the movie, Dicky and I discuss about the scenes but most of it I still don't get it. Later Dicky sent me to the bus stop and I board the bus home while Dicky board MRT home. He keep SMSing me all the way to ensure that I reach home safely. Feeling very tired but at the same time, very happy.

Poem for...

Laying on my bed,

memories of you flashes in my mind

Recalling the days of you and me

that evaporates into past memories

What a fool I was!

for loving you unconditionally

How could our love tore apart?

How could our love be so fragile?

Hate myself for loving you so

Ruining my life because of you

The months past me by
The years have gone by
Recalling certain things
which I would have otherwise forgotten
Can't accept that fact that you have gone
Broken pieces by myself I picked

Worlds and worlds apart we are

yet my heart has memories of you
Picking myself up,
and carry on my life without you
5 and a half months of relationship,
9 years of pain
only then I knew....
my love for you was not just a puppy love

Never could I find another guy like you
But we waren't meant to be
The memories and pain with me I take
for that is all that you have left for me

I ain't an ordinary girl

I ain't a girl who greed's for wealth

Ultra possessive I may be,

never will I resort to black magic to gain someone's heart!

What's yours will eventually be

What's isn't however hard you try it will never be

An evil materialistic girl?

Sorry I ain't that kind of person you think!

Regretted gaining the memories
for they stored the ugly side of you!
No longer will I love you
for I have learnt how to hate!
No longer will I wait for you
for I have found someone else

Wishing you all the best,
no matter where you are,
what you do
I will forget you if I could
like how you have forgotten me
Thanks for the love you used to showered on me
Thanks for the times of laughter and joy that you bring
Thanks for the times of my tears for you
Lastly, thanks for all the pain you given onto me
for these, I have learn how to love
for these, I have learn how not to hurt
for these, I have learn faithfulness
for these, I have learn to cherish
for these, I have learn to walk alone
Although I ain't any wiser,
for all my circumstances, a stronger me I have become
I will live my life well
with or without you

To: CNBH(known as CNBW)
Date created: 8 Oct 2008

Money woes + job = Stupid life!!! How I wish I could really die!!!

I didn't go to work yesterday and apply for MC. Cos after drinking with Turtle and the rest, I only sleep for 3 hours. I don't think I am sober enough to work so I went to see Doctor to get MC. KNS! The doctor seems to be very smart. Almost cannot get MC lor! But luckily he gave me 1 day MC. Went out with Esther and Turtle. We keep taking a lot of pictures. When I see some of the pictures of me, I really hate myself to the core!!! I think generally girls will never be satisfied of their looks no matter how good or bad they are.

Went to K-box to sing with them. I only sing a few songs while they sing quite a lot. The air-con there is very cold!!! Lesson learnt: If you are going to Jurong Entertainment centre, make sure to bring at least a jacket along if you are going to stay there for the whole day! Cos the air-condition there is super duper cold!!! Imagine even for my size, I can still feel extremely cold till my teeth keep shivering.

After that we went to eat before watching a movie,"Hua Pi"(Painted skin). Ehhhh...I think I give the movie 3/5 rating. The movie is about a guy who is a warrior in his country. While he went for his war, he saw a beautiful girl(who looks like Vicky Zhao) he saved the girl and bring her back to his country. The girl's look is sooo beautiful that she can instantly captured any guys attention for her. She could have any guy that she want but she fell in love with the warrior who saved her, who is married with a wife(act by Vicky Zhao). Strangely, I cannot tell the difference between the girl and his wife because they both look so alike! But, no one knows a deep dark secret: The girl whom the warrior had saved, is actually a demon. She eats HUMAN HEARTS in order to maintain her beauty(aka her face). The moment she arrive at town, a lot of strange things happen. People began to die one by one in the city and they die in a same way - Their hearts have been dug out. Only the wife of the warrior knows her true identity. But no one believes her.

The warrior had crushes for the girl but he kept his feelings suppress because he has a wife and he is very loyal to her. I admire the warrior cos even though he likes the girl, he never ever once did anything unfaithful to his wife. The demon is not happy and she wanted to be the warrior's only wife. She then fed his wife a drink which turns her into a demon. Before that, his wife made the demon promise to take care of her husband and not to kill anymore humans. After that she was hated by a lot of people and many of her guards were shock that she is the one who eat the human hearts(which is not true). Before the wife died, the warrior said this that make me cry,"No matter you are human or a demon, I will still love you. I am still your husband and you will always be my wife. Whatever you do, we will go through it together" The wife said,"Promise me, live for me, for my sake" then she took the knife to pierce into her abormen and died. The demon watch all these and she is very upset that she didn't manage to win the warrior's heart. In the end, she gave the man her powers to revive all his dead guards and his wife and she fades away into a little white wolf(very cute!!!!!)

After that we went back home. I am worried of how am I going to survive for the next few weeks without money? I have not found another job yet and BaoBei is nagging at me about money problems.

Job + Let it go = I want to forget....I wish to forget him....forgetting all the things that we've been through...forget everything once and for all..

The stupid Formula One(Known as short form F1) cause me to lose a lot of sleep and having backache these days. Luckily I stay over at BaoBei's place and he gave me back massage whenever I came home from work. So sweet of him~ ^_^

If there is really a thing that could made me forget certain memories, I am willing to try. Now I realize, it is really not a very good thing when you finally or suddenly recall certain memories. No matter how sweet it is. But....memories will always remain as memories. Unless one day, I really met him along the streets again(which I don't think I will). In case you all wondering why these days I keep typing the memories kind of thing, I tell you now. There was a time, I had sudden loss of memory due to impact trigger on my head. The last time I really remembered before I totally lost my memories of things was my father hit me on my back of my head very hard using a hard object. After that I cried to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I TOTALLY forgotten who am I, what am I doing here, what was I? Anything about me, I had forgotten cleanly! Strangely, I still remember my family members. After that I went out alone to wander around the streets to see if I can recall things? The first day, I walk aimlessly at certain place and my head would feel extremely painful when I try to recall things or I remembered that I had been to a place somewhere but forgotten with whom? The second day I try again, this time, a rush of pictures flashing though my head really fast! If you ever watch on TV, those people who lost their memories and when they try to remember, they will feel extreme pain on their head, it's true! It's not an act. I felt that way too when I try to recall things or when my brain trigger some memories or flashes through my head.

I had been like that for two weeks plus. Then slowly, I really began to remember things like who I am, how old am I, and then slowly recall back who are my friends etc. Only half of the memories I do remember. Most of it, I had totally forgotten. That is why I had since became very blur and cannot remember things well from then on. My memory has deteriorate quite badly. Through the years, I finally gain certain memories back by sight-seeing, asking around "his" friends about him...etc etc. Until this year recently, I finally do recall the rest of the memories and realize that I am the one who is at fault after all. But...he, being the usual gentlemen self, puts all the blame onto himself and says that he is not suitable for me etc. In the end, he disappear from my life like before. My heart was scattered into pieces the day he left. No one has ever be able to make it whole again.

I wanted to forget him totally. Since he is no longer in my life, there is no use for me to keep the memories of him in my head. I wanted to be fair to BaoBei - the guy who loves me for who I am and shower me with affection and love. But then again, BaoBei won't be able to provide me with the love that I really curve for anymore. He has his own method of loving me which I struggle to accept it -_-"

Why is it so hard to forget you? Why is it so hard to forget the memories that you had left for me?

JB holiday

Went to JB for shopping spree yesterday. Didn't buy much actually, cos I don't have any money with me. Baobei bought a 3-quarter pants for himself and I bought a slipper that doesn't have my size in Singapore. I might have buy more things if I had the money though. I wanted to go back next week but BaoBei says we can only go back around December with Esther etc, provide if they can go with us.

There's also a new brand of Marlboro cigarette selling in Malaysia that is not selling in Singapore. Marlboro Fresh Mint. I was attracted by the cover of the cigarette. The cigarette also taste quite nice compared to any other cigarettes. That is the reason why I wanted to go back to Malaysia. Cos only there, I can get my brand of cigarette.

I only visit City Square. The people dress there are the same as what you see youngster dress in Orchard Road. There are many shops there too. Although Singapore is well-known for food paradise, but there are also nice food in Malaysia too! So far I only visited JB and Seremban. I have not have the chance to visit other parts of Malaysia. By the way, the crime rate in Malaysia is really very high so I am often advise not to bring valuable things with me and the lesser items I bring, the better as I will not be targeted.

Recently keep quarrelling with BaoBei over trivial things. I am also quite stress that I hardly have anymore money with me and yet I still have to pay for some stupid things! I shouldn't have sign up for the yoga thing but it's already too late. I do not know what to do.

I will end here for now. Some times, I am really tired of everything.

Why why why why why why why why why????

I didn't sleep at all yesterday. From the time I start work(actually is after lunch time to be exact), I keep thinking about "Him" for the whole day yesterday. His face keeps on appearing on my mind. What is going on??? I tried very hard to ignore and keep myself busy but....my mind still flash his face and his eyes. I don't know why and I don't know what is going on?

During the night, I keep tossing and turning in my bed and I couldn't get to sleep. My mind keeps playing back some memories of him. Surprisingly, I am able to recall some of the events which I thought that I had forgotten. I cried.......in my mind, I keep thinking,"If only I had....if only I really really could turn back time". After a long time, and some memories suddenly jolt back to me, I finally realize something I had not realize then. He had told me the TRUTH all along but I had missed it. WHY?! Why didn't I believe him at that time.....? But it's all way too late now. Nothing can be done or undone, nothing can be change. Now, the only remaining wish I had, is for him to find his true and real happiness. A girl who can make him happy. A girl who can take over my place in his heart.

Throughout the years, I hear a lot of different version of stories about him and his life. Some times, I don't know who to believe and which of these version is true? Some said he went to jail(if it is true, he would be release by year 2011). Some said he had left the country. A few said he went to Thailand, some said he went back to Australia. His cousin told me that he attempted suicide - again because of me. My Mum told me that he was in a bar surrounded by a lot of girls(cos she hear girls giggling in the background of a noisy disco place). After hearing so many versions and I don't know which is true, I just cover my ears and let my tears flow.

There was a time, a group of Ah lians came to my ex-workplace. They were photo-taking and when I shout for them not to take photos, two of them glared at me and one of them whispered at the other's ear. Later, I hear one of them shout over her handphone,"Oei! Siao Eh! I think I have found Juliet" I do not know who is at the other line. Wendy and Ya Cin both stared at me but I deliberately ignored the Ah lians. But I suspected the person at the other line is..HIM. That was AFTER I had met him through Jacelyn. If only.........

If you happen to read this,(which I know he won't) and you know who you are, I just want to say,"I am sorry" I am sorry for not believing you then, I am sorry that I have let you down. I am sorry that I did not keep my promises to you, and lastly, I am sorry for making you what you are now. If there is something that I did owe you, please tell me. Lastly, I just want to say, remember the very FIRST poem that I have created for you and you said it was very mushy? I also wanted to tell you, somewhere between the lines, what I wrote there, it was from the bottom of my heart. Believe it or not, if one day I met you along the streets or anywhere, and you happen to be in trouble, the things I wrote in the poem, will come true. I know you will find me very ultra stupid for doing what I do but....I simply just owe you too much. Because of what I did, and because of what I said.

Of all the things you had ask me to promised you, I am sorry that I had failed. There is one and only promise which I had fulfilled. I had indeed found another guy...A guy who is really better than you(in person), a guy who truly loves me from the bottom of his heart, a guy who really takes care of me. If this is what you really want to see, I had fulfilled it. He has also met one of your most important principal in your life - He has never ever hit me, unlike my other Exs. I remembered your hokkien words until now,"Da Bo Pak Zha Bo Mm si Da Bo" That is what angered you the most and what you hated that most. He has never done that to me. But if one day...he did, don't blame me for being stupid again. This time, you can only find me above the stars or maybe in the sea(where I would like my ashes in future to be scattered at)

I am really going crazy soon...

Phone enquiry about job + Getting a little vain??? = Have I finally discard the old "me"?

Went for work today and I heard something that I think I should not have heard - about my Manager. Since Khair ask me not to spread this out, only BaoBei knows what happen in my work place. My manager is on leave until Wednesday and I accidentally overheard my colleagues gossip about where is he really going and what was the leave exactly for? Haiz...I really pity somebody.

My money is running really very low. I haven't got any chance to find another job yet. I manage to called up one job enquiry for the position of receptionist. The person told me that I am only required to work 5 days BUT my off-days will only be on WEEKDAYS. I am expected to work on weekends and PH. I don't need weekdays off cos I do not know what to do with it? Most of my activities tend to fall on weekends. That is why I tend to ask for weekends off.

I don't know is it that I am getting a little bit vain than my old self? The other day when Esther and Turtle saw me, both of them drop their jaws(if you get what I mean). Cos I was wearing something different than my usual dressing. I only wore a slight make-up for the night. Went to Ajisan to have dinner and I felt very painful when paying for the bill cos I have not get my pay yet and money was running out. But it's okay, we did enjoy ourselves at Ajisan. Turtle ask me to take a picture with BaoBei, when the pictures were develop(Cos hers is the digital camera that can see the picture within 2 minutes after taking), I was surprise to see myself!!! My first reaction was,"Is that me?! That's not me right?!" Cos I am surprise how different I look with my make-up on. I tend to wear a heavier make-up during the night but I didn't know it turn out well in pictures. But the picture is with Turtle -_-" Have to throw away all my old make-ups. I also want to re-dye my hair again as the colour is fading very badly.

Went to look for Da Lao Po and walk around Orchard with her. Went to Burger King to order drinks and we played our PSP there. After that we took our buses home. On the way to BaoBei's place, he ask what am I thinking? A lot of things run through my mind. Li Yi, my work, money, our future, his parents, our wedding and that bitch!!! I don't know how to tell BaoBei so I just said,"Nothing". Later we get off at our stop and we walk over to a bar to sat down to drink. I was surprise how cheap the beer there was!!! I said cheap because if you went to any other places, they will charge you at least $12.00 per bottle or maybe more. There, we manage to get it at only $10! Except for the very big TV screen and the noisy soccer match, the place would otherwise make a very good relaxation place for me. A place for me to drink and cry on my own problems.

Went back to sleep almost the whole day. BaoBei woke me up by using the food that he bought for us. I appreciate him to went down to buy food for me. But I still miss his own cooking most. But he doesn't cook for me anymore *cry*

I will end here now. Will blog again some other time.

1st Yoga lesson + Outing with Esther and Turtle = Pain!!! :'-O and fun

Went for Yoga lesson today and I was almost late for my first lesson. Luckily I made it in time! I learnt a new thing called "Ujayee"(Pronounce as "Wu Jar Yee" breathing. Until now I don't know how to master this kind of breathing. It is not normal breathing like what most of us always do. This kind of breathing, you DON'T breathe through your nose. You breathe through your lungs(with your mouth close). Not everyone can do it but if you are smart enough to master this kind of breathing, it will be good for you in the long run especially if you are a swimmer/diver or anything that requires you to hold your breathe more than 5 minutes(I can't even hold my own breathe for a minute lor!) now I need to hold my breathe for like...5 minutes?! Mad?! A few of my yoga-mates can even hold their breath using Ujayee for 10 minutes!!!

Later on, we do some yoga exercise that requires us to paired up. There is ONE particular yoga exercise that I will never ever forget cos the teacher mention this,"This particular yoga exercise is extremely dangerous if you don't practise it well or if your position is wrong. Your neck or head MUST NOT move at all in any circumstances when you are in THIS position because you will break the tiny vain in your neck area and once this happens, YOU WILL GET PARALYZE PERMANENTLY and I am NOT kidding!!!" I was paired up with a China girl and a few of our Yoga mates came to help us. I manage to get my WHOLE body weight up in the end. When the instructor ask,"Is this your first time? I heard that there is one new girl who is doing yoga for her very first time" I nod(I forgot I was in that position!!!) and my yoga-mates shout,"DON'T MOVE YOUR HEAD!!!!" The instructor raise his eye browns and said,"Wow! Serious? That's very good for a first-timer yoga!" When we tried to teach the China girl the same thing, her neck felt very stiff and so we advise her to stop the exercise. She ask how come she can't and I can? She ask what is it like for me doing that? I said,"There will be a lot of pressure on your shoulders and your neck area should feel very "empty" like as if your neck doesn't exist there at all. That will be the correct way. If you still feel stiffness around your neck area, either you are in a wrong position or that your body can't do this exercise at all" I later found out from one of my yoga-mates that not everyone can do this exercise. The instructor said that he heard someone from community centre, who did this exercise, a 26-yr-old girl, somewhere along the session, either her yoga-mate didn't support her enough or that she did it wrongly, her whole body weight came crushing down on her and she got paralyze in her WHOLE BODY in the end. I was shock!

I went for the 2nd session later in the afternoon, but it doesn't feel as good as the first lesson. It was suppose to be a combat yoga lesson but somehow, the instructor(supposely to be a female) didn't turn up and a guy taught us instead. I almost "died" there! Or maybe most of my positions are wrong. Now I got a muscle pain on my right ankle and my whole back is also aching!

Went out with Esther and Turtle. I was suppose to attend CG but they keep asking me not to go. Plus, the location was at Tampines and they inform at the LAST MINUTE!!! Haiz...I think some people didn't read my very previous post on what I said about last minute things?! Went shopping with them and I bought some accessories to match the clothes that I buy. I finally found a pair of shoes and bag that I like but I don't have the money to buy. Can you believe it if I told you that I found a very nice handbag selling at only $13?! But it is only big enough for me to contain my wallet, hand phone, my PSP and my organiser. I am very tempted to buy but I don't have the money. Can't wait for my pay day to come! Esther ask if I need a hand bag urgently? If not I can save up to wait. I do not know whether to put that bag at BaoBei's place or mine? Cos BaoBei is not at home most of the time but then when Saturdays came, I have no small bag to use! *fan nao!* Went for a drink with Da Lao Po and them. Taking a lot of funny pictures.

Went back home after that. Had a tired but fun day today.

Explanation + Memories of the past = Fear

Went back to True Yoga when my consultant finally called my mobile to ask me to collect my VIP card. I heard it wrongly that he said,"Black card" maybe he said too fast. Black card is a card that members pay in order to use the massage facilities. Not cheap ok? In order to get that bloody card you need to pay $3500 - $4000 +++. But since I didn't pay that sum of money, I thought they made a mistake. I heard it wrongly lah. Heez..I ask my consultant why I can't contact him? He said his hp drop into the toilet bowl the day when I left the club -_-" so sway! Now his phone is at hp shop for repair. But then, I understand that, for water-damage hps, ANY hp shop will NOT repair for you. Even if they did, they won't guarantee that the phone will work back in original condition. Mine is also water-damaged once and I really cried lor! Cos that is BaoBei's 2nd time in buying a hp for me. He was super angry of course. But somehow he manage to got it repair to original condition. o.O??! But with a price to pay of course. The person who manage to repaired for me, told BaoBei to inform me that I must prepared that the phone won't live beyond 6 months after damaged. So far, it's been two and a half months. I will see how as time goes by. My No.1 key spoilt. Cannot type full stop, comma etc. My No.4 key cannot type G, H and I. I had great difficult sending SMSes cos almost every SMS that I used to send, will contain these three letters! Sian lor! That time Lorraine ask me either to get a temporary phone or new phone. But I don't have temporary phone and have no money to buy a new phone. Luckily it can be repaired. I am now aiming for N95. Now praying for the price to drop. BaoBei says that actually for N95, the price is already very cheap but still, I don't have that kind of money to buy. Some shops are willing to let go for $800+ first hand with FULL accessories! Like I said, I don't have the kind of money to buy. If sign up with plan, will cost around $400 - $500 plus. BaoBei says once his plan expires he will get the phone!(To suan me! -_-") But for now, I am very contented with my N73 ME. Cos I only use it to listen to music, SMS and call. Actually, apart from the Mp3 function and camera function and WAP + 3G function, I realize that I don't need anymore other than that. Of course it will be good if someday, Nokia can finally launch a phone that I can watch live TV programs WITHOUT having to use WAP or 3G functions(cos if I switch on that function, my phone bill will be sky-rocket!!!) Now, I heard that Sony Ericssion has done way better than Nokia and it's popularity has shot up. Good lah! My father will be happy lor! Since that is his all-timed favourite mobile brand! Now my friends around me always comment Sony Ericssion phone is really better than Nokia. -_-". You know something? My VERY FIRST mobile phone, is SONY ERICSSION. Those from my secondary school time(1998 - 2001) will know how the Sony Ericssion phone look like during those days. It's a small phone with bulky battery, whenever you need to SMS or answer call, you will need to flip the stupid cover down to use it. Then after you are done, you need to flip back up to close. I flip it until my Sony Ericssion phone flip spoilt! LOL! Don't ask me how I did it. I just did! I can still remember ALL my used SIM card numbers(I mean from the very FIRST SIM card until my current SIM card numbers). But !Hi card numbers I cannot remember.

Yesterday when I board my usual bus home, while the bus stops at one of my ex-company, 4 Malaysian guys board the bus and sat beside the seat I am sitting. I recognise their accent to be Malaysians. Somehow, their accent brought back memories of me and one of my ex-suitor, who is a Malaysian. That guy, he tried very hard to woo me and even to the extreme of communicating with my Mum in order to get her to like him! My Mum was like,"What is this guy thinking?! Hello?! You only know my daughter for how long?!" That was when I was in my secondary school. I met that guy through my childhood friend. I would have fallen for him then...if not for....haiz...anyway, he really make me very disappointed. One thing that many many of my friends DO NOT KNOW, I really LOVE Malaysian guys. Pure Malaysians. Cos of one thing: Their accents. There is this accent when they speak in Chinese that I just simply love about them. For those who have watched,"Lao Shi Jia Lao Da", if you listen to Mark Lee's accent in the movie, you will know why I love Malaysians. Of course I understand some people will hate that kind of accents. BaoBei himself is a Malaysian but because he studied in Singapore, so when he speaks, he doesn't have the kind of Malaysian accent that you expect ANY normal Malaysians to have. His cousins still do have the accent(Lucky!) especially his youngest cousin. But she's very dis-respectful to elders -_-"

Ya Cin used to feel very irritated about my comments on Malaysians:

Me: Malaysian food very nice leh!:

Me: Malaysian guys VERY HANDSOME leh!

Me: Malaysian girls very pretty leh!

so on and so forth until one day she got very irritated and said this to me,"THEN GO MARRY A MALAYSIAN LAH! Or you want me to introduce you a Malaysian guy to you?" I said,"Okay lor! Good!" She almost faint on the spot! One thing I also notice this on the guys there is, they are usually VERY PERSISTENT when they want to woo a girl that they like. That means, when they like you or fall for you, they will try every means and ways to chase you. From giving you flowers everyday, to sending you to school and even some times fetching you from school!(That is what my ex-Malaysian suitor did!) So if you only purely like Asians that kind of person and wanted a passionate, affection-filled boyfriend who would love you with all his heart, trust me. Go for a Malaysian boyfriend. But bear in mind one more thing before you hop on my words: Malaysian guys are also extra-possessive and over-protective of their girlfriends! That means, IF you get yourself a boyfriend like my ex-suitor, don't ask in the end,"Why my (Malaysian)boyfriend so jealous of me talking to other guys?!" "Why he always sticks to me like glue!? Doesn't he have a life?" etc etc. If you are a person who need a lot of personal space in relationship then erm....DON'T go for them. Cos for me, I love my boyfriend to stick to me like glue so I don't mind.

On the day when I finally bring BaoBei to the store to let her see, she ask me,"Your boyfriend is really a Malaysian? Which part in Malaysia he stay? Good lor! Since you told me that you always wanted a Malaysian boyfriend, then now your wishes come true. Then I don't need to introduce you a boyfriend already! Wish you happiness with your boyfriend! Married already remember to invite me leh!"

I heard from KY that Eric(my ex-Malaysian suitor) has moved back to Queenstown. She suspects that he moved back because of me. But I think he doesn't know or forgot that I no longer staying there. Anyway, I don't trust her words because it has been too many years since I last stay that area and I don't think he still remembers me.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Just venting out my anger...can don't read it..just ignore

Went to work as usual. Manager is on leave until Thursday. Things are fine until almost after work...

Everyday, that stupid idiot would always ask me stupid question!!!!:

On Monday:

Mei Xin: Oei...you sweep the floor already or not?

Me: Ummmm(Tired tone)

Mei Xin: Oei..sweep already or not?

Me: Yessss...(Tired tone)

Mei Xin: Why I never see?!

Me: Cos you are doing something else!!!(Thinking to myself: You never see means I never do meh?! ^%^%#$^^!!!!)

Mei Xin: Table wipe already?

Me: Uh.....(slightly irritated)

Mei Xin: Window leh?

Me: Tsk!!!(Thinking to myself: Nah Beh!!!) Wipe already lah!!! (Thinking to myself: CB!!!)

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TODAY:

Mei Xin: Your floor sweep already?

Me: (Stare plus glaring at her!!!)

Mei Xin: What?! I just ask you a question only?

Me: Are you blind or you really blind or you act blind?!

Mei Xin: What?! Ask you question only why you so angry?

Me:(Thinking to myself: Cos you ask stupid question!!!) I sweep already! Plus mop already!!! Table, window and chair also wipe already!!!!

Mei Xin:(Mumbers to herself) Is it? How come I never see?!

Me:(Shouting) You always say you never see one lah!!! I must DO IT IN FRONT OF YOU then is consider WORKING is it?! If I don't let you SEE me doing that means I am NOT working lah?!(Me thinking: CB!!! You think you are what?! Boss?! Manager!!!??? CB!!! Always say NEVER SEE NEVER SEE!!!)

Mei Xin: I....I...don't mean that...

Me: *Slams knife on the table*

K: What happen? Why so angry?

Me: You ask your GOOD friend lah!!!

After that I went to keep the tables and chairs plus the board. All of them can clearly see that I am angry. Later, Khair ask me what happen? I explain to him and he said that she is just concern about my work. Ya right! I told him,"Ok lah, assumed that she is really "concern" lah. Why when I replied her,"I do already" she still say,"Why I never see?!" What does she mean by that? So does it mean that ANY work that I didn't do infront of her, meaning I didn't do lah? Or...rather, Must I do my work within her EYES then is consider working?!"

Khair went quiet for a while and he said,"I don't think she meant that. Never mind, ask her to come. I need to talk to her regarding this too" I do not know what exactly did they exchange about. After that Khair went to tell Manager about this problem and the Manager put it as if I AM THE ONE WHO STARTED IT FIRST. Who is the bloody hell who provoke me?! ANYTHING I did is WRONG! Just because they are the MANAGER's FRIENDS!! Of course he will side them!

Never mind. I see what will Manager say when he gets back. But, believe it or not? He will surely say until machiam it was MY fault?! Cos the two kuas is he HIRE mah! Plus they are HIS FRIENDS!!! Will he find fault in them?! NO! He will side them and push all the blame to me! His friends mah!!! I am just a NOBODY!!!! MY WORKPLACE IS REALLY UNFAIR!!!!

Later on, I SMS Mei Xin,"Sorry for banging the things just now or if I had scare you. Next time, i will inform you of EVERYTHING I do. If that is the way you prefer. I dun like people to make assumptions abt me not doing my work! If u never see me doing, it doesn't mean that i did not do my work. It's just that u never notice me doing"

She replied this,"No matter u do or don do next time..I won't care and I will not ask u anymore from today onwards.. U don need to tell me ANYTHING u do.. I noe I hav norights.. I will wait for the person who has right to say"

From the SMS, I feel that she's being very hao lian! That means she won't care but she will ask SOMEONE else to ask me the same thing! Anyway, her SMS really make me very angry!!! Na beh!!! Same position as me act as if you are elder or more senior position than me?! Wait long long lah!!! YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO CONTROL ME THAT WAY OR TO SAY ALL THOSE SHIT!!! YOU NEVER SEE ME DO, THAT MEANS I NEVER DO LAH?! WHAT RUBBISH IS THAT?! I MUST DO IT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES THEN CONSIDER DOING LAH?! CHEE BYE!!! FUCKING HELL!!! EVEN MANAGER ALSO DON'T DO THAT LOR!! The most he will ask what I have done or not done and I will tell him. That's all. He has NEVER EVER say,"Why I never see you doing that?" Na beh!!! Even MANAGER himself never do that!!! What makes you in the position as CASHIER to interfer what I do?! Even if I told you I had already done this and that, you would always say,"Is it? You do already meh? WHY I NEVER SEE?!" CHEE BYE!! Next time everything I do I will make sure you bloody hell SAW ME DOING!!! YOU HAPPY?!

Feel like changing workplace again cos I really cannot stand working with these kinda zhong-you-qing-se people!!! NO OTHER WORKPLACE I have gone to in my past, have these kinda people!!! Maybe because the place is small...bo bian..small place but politics are not lesser than office politics lor!

Will end here now. Actually, no use reading it. I am just blogging her to vent my anger..