Church + BaoBei's BBQ + New workplace

Went to church on Sunday morning. Service was good but then the air-con was too cold! HuiYi's hand felt very cold throughout the time and she keep grabbing my left hand to keep herself warm. Towards to the end of the service, BaoBei told me that WenTing's hand felt very cold(When Pastor ask us to hold our neighbour's hand to pray). I then exchange place with him and tried to hold WenTing's hand but she was praying that time so I don't wish to disturb her. Later when she puts down her hand, I then grab her left hand. WAH! SO COLD!(But not as cold as HuiYi's hand). Tried to rub against her hand to give her warmth. Although I do not know whether that helps.

Went to BaoBei's place to have BBQ with HuiYi and Samuel. We were disappointed that most of the members could not turn up as it was too last minute thing. Quarrel with BaoBei about something which he promised me but didn't keep his word for it! Chee Yuan, Angie(and her bf), Anthea, Katherine and Stephanie came around the evening to join us. Didn't really fellowship with them much. HuiYi and Samuel went swimming but I couldn't join them cos I don't have proper swim wear. Later, HuiYi's hamstring got crump and she had to stop swimming for awhile.

Ate some food that's cook by Katherine and Anthea. Their new idea to use honey to BBQ instead of butter, taste better! Next time if any of you wants to organise BBQ, try using honey instead of butter and see how it taste. Especially on the chickens! Yum! But sadly, quite a lot of left overs. Especially my favourite sting-ray! I only ate two of it. The chickens only left half packet(initially was 2 big packets). BaoBei said that from now on he won't organise anymore BBQ. I guess he was disappointed with the attendance.

Went to my new workplace yesterday morning. My Boss and the rest of the colleagues had to go for the exhibition and I was left alone in the office. I really hate office job. But no choice, maybe I will search for another job at the same time. BaoBei was upset that I am a job-hopper. Maybe to majority, I am. But I can't work in a place where I know I cannot handle the task well. I am expected to do accounts too! Which is my weakest subject in ITE. BaoBei ask me not to give up and learn the things there. I feel that it's complicated. I can only do simple task, without using the mind power. Yes, I am a simpleton but that is the way I am.

My attitude towards BaoBei really changed. Or at least I know myself. I find myself pushing him away whenever he wants to hug me. I don't know is it the lack of trust in BaoBei made me this way? Showed BaoBei a(teared) application form from immigration and he says it's not really important. Cos my Dad ask my Mum to tear away that piece of application form WITHOUT showing it to me first! This made me hate my Mum more. I had lost count of how many days had pass since we have spoken to each other. No, don't pray for my relationship with my Mum. It's over! If I can survive all these stupid years in school without socializing much with my schoolmates, I can do it at home too! Anyway my Mum and me quarrelled more than we could talk. So I find it pointless to even communicate. Either something I said will spark a scolding and being put down at, or it's something she said that will angered me. If there's something called "Dao" in the younger generation now, and if there's a "Daoest" competition, I think I might have won the award.

Oh ya, for those who are still studying now, especially in Primary and Secondary School(although I don't know whether primary school students came across my blog), if you get bullied in school, and you have tell your teacher and they do nothing about it except to tell you,"ignore them and they will stop", Let me tell you, this method DOESN'T WORK! It's even more pointless to complain to the principal cos if your school bully finds out, you're going to get deeper trouble and get more bullies than you can imagine. The BEST way, to deal with them, is to bully them back. PLEASE don't seek "revenge" by bullying kids who are younger than you. Ask yourself, who is the one who provoke you to be like that in the 1st place? If that big bully you met in school, is tough than you, taller than you or whatever the crap, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. It will be easier if the bully is in THE SAME CLASS as you. If you prove yourself to be tougher than them, more fiercer than the tiger and dare to strike back at them when they bully you, ONLY then they will stop picking on you! But you MUST stand up for yourself especially if you had told your teacher and they do nothing about it. The result may vary depending HOW you do it. For me I get the BEST result, the bully has stop, but the whole school are afraid of me. I get different nicknames in school(mostly which I am proud of). If you want to know how to completely stop that bully who taunt you in school, you can tag me and I'll teach you the ways. But then the concequences may be fatal. I am saying this cos this thing only surface in the news ONLY NOW?! Where it has happened even during my school years and NO BODY cares?!

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Stupid Wendy! + Lorraine's Prayer + Disappointment and lost total trust with BaoBei = What shall I do?

Yesterday was my last day of work. My Boss was very unhappy cos he will be working alone for the next 2 weeks. That stupid idiot Wendy don't want to come back to work, and still shout at me on the phone! One thing I don't like about her is, she likes to push responsibility and she always like to make it sound like it wasn't her fault at all even though sometimes, some things she does, IS PARTLY HER FAULT! I hate to see her hypocrite attitude everyday at work! She thinks she's the lady boss huh?! Always order me around! She doesn't have any hands is it?! There was one time, a customer enquire me about something that I do not know(cos the order is taken by Wendy and not me!) then when I call her, she SHOUTED at me,"WHAT?!"very loudly IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMER! KNS!!! OEI! THE ORDER IS NOT TAKEN BY ME OKAY?! %$$%^!!!! STILL HAVE THE CHEEK TO SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT! Although I am younger than you, it doesn't mean you can push me around! If I want to, I can shout back at you! But I chose not to! There are also some other incidents that made me hate her! Usually when I resign a job, is not really that the pay is not good. But rather, it's because there are certain conflict within that company.

Went for CGM and Lorraine prayed for me the first time but I didn't feel anything. When she prayed for me the 2nd time, I cried. It was the first time that I cried very badly. In my mind, I imagine an image of Jesus, stretching out his right hand and smiled at me. I also don't know why I can cry at that imaginary image. Lorraine announced something that shocked me and somehow, someone's prediction is right. They will not be together for long. When Lorraine announced, I was like,"Huh?! So fast?!". That someone then somehow give a smirk. The guy seems very calm about it. I wonder how is the girl?

BaoBei said my attitude towards him seems to change and he couldn't understand why. He did something to me THE 2ND TIME!!! That made me lost total trust in him. He wants me to forgive him and like..immediately trust him. But how could I?! I then SMS HuiYi and I called her to talk about it. She was shocked. She then suggest that I speak to Lorraine about it, which I did SMS Lorraine in the end.

I do not know what to do now. Lost complete trust over BaoBei. I do not know whether I should still trust him? The trust is broken and I know myself that it can never be meant it back. Why has he change that way? I simply don't understand...Sorry to be discreet about what really happen cos I don't want too many people to know what exactly happen. So...just leave it as it is. So don't ask me what happen. If I want you to know, I will tell you but if not, just don't ask me.

New job + Depression = How?

Stupid Wendy! Purposely apply for 2 weeks leave!!! Then now left me and my supervisor together! I just received a phone call from one of the interviews that I attend, to ask me to start work TOMORROW 8.30am!!! How can I just quit my job like that? Although yes, I am suppose to end my work by the 15th, but my supervisor extend my work until end of the month. How?! God! Help me!

Bought a card for Lorraine. I hope she'll like it...although it's long-winded card(cos I had written all over the card. Till no space to write) I put all my feelings into it but I didn't expect it to be so long. Haiz...

Went for BaoBei's POP yesterday. Help him to wear his jockey. But I feel sad that he's "alone". No one gave him any hugs while I saw the rest hugging their buddies. Went over to BaoBei's place and saw his future-sister-in-law and his brother. WeiDa and Elizabeth came over later and help his sister-in-law to do her nails. Received a call from Lorraine later on and we chat on the phone. Almost cried while talking to her but luckily I manage to control my tears. I also don't know why I cry for. Went home after that.

IC found + Cell Group's encouragement

HuiYi called me yesterday when I was on my way home,"Juliet! Somebody found my wallet le! Accompany me to Boon Lay Police Station!" Cos she lost her wallet, a few months ago. I was thinking,"KNS! Now then say found it back ah!?" Cos she already done her replacement IC and she feels heartache that the $100+ gone like that! Waste money! But then again, her old IC photo is quite old(a child's photograph). Time to change a new one anyway.

When we reach Boon Lay, we took a cab there. The uncle told us that it's "very near". Ya right! "Very near" indeed! Don't know turn how many rounds and we finally reach to the police station. It doesn't look like a police station to us. It's more like a ITE or Polytechnic school, although the sign outside state,"Jurong West Police Division". I was very frustrated and disappointed with the way the police staff there handle things. We stood outside the door that they instruct us to wait there, for don't know how long. I then tell HuiYi,"5 more minutes and no body come, I am going to approach the police! What kind of attitude is this?! Expect us to wait like forever is it?!" Plus, one thing I don't like the police officers there is that, they have the "heck care" attitude. Very slack lor! HuiYi then ask me to cool down. HuiYi and my BaoBei, are those very patient type of person, while I am impatient type.

After about 15 - 20 minutes, a person then came to unlock the door to ask us to take a seat. Wait for another 5 minutes before we were called to their office. The female officer ask HuiYi to check her things. She was lucky, not only did she manage to get her wallet back, but ALL of the contents inside! Including her $150. All left untouched. The officer then ask her to sign and write her address. HuiYi claims that she lost it in a taxi but some kind souls found it at a void deck. She said she could have drop it while she was on her way to ZZ's place.

After that we took a bus to Chinatown. My gastric was quite painful by the time we reach there. Cos the bus journey was extremely long! But I am quite happy cos at least we could chat a lot of things throughout the journey. We then went to a coffee shop to eat before we head home.

On Sunday after service, the CG gave me a card, to encourage me. I wasn't able to receive the card personally cos I went to buy food for BaoBei and the CG had to go for PM so they rush off first and ask BaoBei to give it to me on behalf of them. Thanks Guyz for your encouragement!

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Money makes the world go round + Tired of living = If only I could move out...

Went home yesterday straight after work. In the end, instead of being happy for me that I came home, what I get is nagging and non-stop verbal abuse! Half of me feel like throwing things but I didn't do so in the end. When I lock myself in my room, my Mum bang at my door to ask me to open up. When I didn't. They get a replacement key to open my door and said,"You are not allowed to lock your room door! This is a house! Not a rental! You wanna lock? Then pay up a rental fee!!!" Just because that I said that I will fold the clothes later, this is what I get! Anyway, it's not the first time this has happened. MY OWN ROOM! Yet I don't have the right to even lock my door! From young until now, I cannot lock my room door! Lack of privacy! I really envied Li Ping(Esther Ho should know who is she). She has moved out from her home since her early Teens and live outside somewhere. What she lost: Family ties. But what she gained: Friendship, Guys who drove fast/sports cars. The other time I saw her came to my birthday sitting in a Mitsubishi Evolution drove by a guy and behind that Mitsubishi was another sports car(Modified), which she claims that it was her friend's friend car. The guys who drove the sports cars were so cool! Her life was what I always desired and long to live with. But too bad. I am not as slim and pretty as her. I seldom contact her but I know that she's doing quite well with her life. How I wish my life was like hers...or even better!

I then walk out of my house and close the gate angrily(so you can imagine how it sounds like). My younger brother was staring at me with his eyes wide. I guess he never seen such a reaction from me before. He then shout,"Jie! Where are you going?" when I was walking away from the house. I then walk to a nearby park and walk down. When I came to a big canal, I saw water gashing out and I just sit on a bench, staring at the water flow. Finally, I could cry - alone. In my mind, I drew a picture of a girl inside a prison cell(cos in reality I am a lousy drawer and artist) She's staring out of a small window on top of the prison cell wall, with tears flowing from her eyes. On her left hand, she has multiple cuts on her wrist that she crunch near to her heart. On her right hand was a pocket penknife. This is the kind of drawing I would draw if I am upset or angry. But I do not even know how to draw. So I could only do so in my mind. Most of the drawings I remember drawing in my head are very negative. Mostly are self-inflict hurt.

Recently, I lost interest in most of the things. Even some things that I know I should treasure. BaoBei called yesterday and complain to me about his selfish and irresponsible army mates, instead of consoling him and encourage him, I did the opposite. He was quite upset by my reaction and he said,"You used to give me moral support but nowadays you don't seem to believe in me anymore!" He's also very upset to hear that I am thinking of picking his bad habit(He should know what). I then defy him and said,"Why you can and I cannot?! Since the things that you promise me and you never do it, plus because of this I am constantly being nag by your Mum, what's the use of talking to you?! You heard of something? If you cannot beat them, join them! That is what I am doing now!" He then reveal the Ah Beng side of him which I had never hear before and hang up angrily.

HuiYi called me and then lecture me about my spiritual life. She then said that Lorraine wants to talk to me about this. Some times, I really don't know whether or not to be hateful for that? A few days ago in her SMS, she SMS me and said that she knows that I have a problem but I am not willing to open with her. She find it difficult to talk to me and said that I've close up the door(of my heart)and she cannot enter. I really don't know what does she want to know?

There are times I really think that money can really settle everything(Like just throw a million dollars to my Mum and then walk out of the door. Never to come back again). Those who don't know why I keep buying Toto, now you know. Is because of this! Anything I do, she would never like it! Even the jobs that I work! She would either complain that I am earning less money or that I work so hard for peanuts money. I am really very tired of the things she said! When I suggest taking up two jobs at one go, she quarrelled with me! Cos of the job natural, a lot of people disagree with my choice of workplace. That is the only job I know that could really earn a lot more than what I am earning now. Although it would mean throwing my dignity away. Please don't come and talk to me about this anymore! I am really tired and frustrated! I am really grateful to those who try to find better jobs for me when they overheard that I am resigning soon(like Jaslyn's boyfriend). But then again, jobs are not easy to find with my low qualification nowadays. Don't ask me to study cos I don't have the means to.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time. Don't ever ask me why I have AP...I can only tell you, I HAD ENOUGH!

Is it true?

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions.Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well! At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time.You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's" Your Personality Type?

Off day + "Shot-gun" marriage = Slacking the whole day

I didn't went to work today. While I was preparing to shower, my supervisor called me and said that he won't be opening the shop today as he has a flu. So I stayed at home the whole day playing SL, earning credits. Half of me felt that I wasted a day by staying at home. But I also felt good that I can finally accompany my parents at home. Watch television with both of them until my brother came home. He then join in to watch TV together. It has been a long long time since we watch TV as a family. Although it's just a simple TV watching, but somehow I felt warmth in my heart. When I was at home, I cannot take my eyes off the main gate. I watch TV in a moment and gaze at the gate another moment. If that woman come again, she'll get a hell from me! Hai ren jing! Po Huai Jia Ting De Nu Ren! Wo Bu Hui Ching Yi De Fang Guo Ni De! Ni Gei Wo Ji Zhu!

Later in the evening, one of my God-sister called me. SHE HAS MARRIED?! Well, actually it's not that she never inform me about her wedding. It's just that it clashes with church service and I cannot attend. I remembering telling her that I am not free to attend her wedding dinner and she feels disappointed. She's five months pregnant but she said that she's didn't know until she was three months pregnant. While she talks to me, in my head I am thinking,"How come pre-pregnancy is a trend now huh?" Four of my close friends got pregnant before they even got married. Luckily, my God-sister's wedding and Pregnancy was sort-of "planned". I am happy for her that Chris(her boyfriend), had bear the responsibility. She also wants me to turn up when she delivers her baby boy.

Recently I have been reflecting on a lot of things. Called HuiYi in the morning out of the blue and share with her what happened on Sunday after Emerge. She was shock and angry at my ex. Although I feel humiliated by what my ex says, but at least now I know what I am in his eyes. I had talk to BaoBei about this and I was surprise that he's very calm throughout the conversation(This is what I admired BaoBei most). Half of me was expecting him to shout at me or something but that didn't happen(It only proves that He's the YenHao I've known ^_^). He has such a big heart. My ex says that BaoBei and me cannot last long. He says that the most we could only last for a few months. When I told BaoBei this, he said,"The more people says that we cannot be together, the more they look down on us and said it's impossible, we'll show them that we CAN be together for a very long time and prove them wrong!" I really felt like crying at that point of time but I couldn't.

I think I will end here for now. By the way, there's something wrong with my handphone and it cuts off automatically now most of the time. So if you can't get through my handphone, just kindly leave your voice messages and your contact number after the beep tone okay?

TOUCH MY FAMILY AND I'LL KILL YOU!!! + Birthday Present

Finally receive my birthday gift from my CGMs. It's a pinkish(?) lipstick from Silkygirl. Although it's just a simple gift but I like it very much! They even give me a big black translucent pouch that comes together with the lipstick which I now use as my make-up pouch. Lorraine says she wish to see that I will start putting on make up. Celebrated Wenting's Birthday yesterday and she cried! I guess maybe she feels touched by the CGMs.

I did not know that something happen to my family when I was away. I have not been at home for 4 days. My Mum showed me the oil stains near our front gate. THAT BITCH AGAIN!!! Just as I had predicted, I heard that she may be trying to set our flat on fire!!! The first time she came, she put powder into my main gate lock pad. It made us can't open the lock pad with our keys and my father had to change the lock pad. The 2nd time, I had told HuiYi before, that stupid slut put "something" into my side main gate and it was disgusting and gross! I almost vomited! This is the third time! I remember yelling at my Mum,"First she smash powder! Now she put this disgusting thing! Then what's next?! Burning our house down huh?!" My younger brother was the one who found the oil stains. He did not know when was it there but he said it was lucky that the flat had not been set on fire. That bloody bitch! That time I was working and I cannot do anything to you! Don't let me see you one of these days! You dare to set my house on fire or harm my family members, I'll make sure you'll pay for your deeds dearly!!! TOUCH MY FAMILY MEMBERS AND I WANT YOU DEAD!!! Or do you want to have a taste of your OWN MEDICINE?! *Evil grins* Remember to ask your daughter to watch her back when she goes home at night hor! Just don't let me see her! I made you feel what I feel!

Those of you who read this, please don't speak to me the forgive-and-forget thingy. Cos that bitch doesn't deserve any forgiveness! My Mum ask me to ignore that woman and that woman will get her retribution. Sorry to say, I don't believe in retribution and this word doesn't exist in MY dictionary! Lucky this time, she did not set the house on fire. Probably because my brother came out in time.

I think I'll end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Hurt + Sadness = Should I give up?

Went for service in the morning. BaoBei made sandwiches for the CGMs. Was quite late for service so we decided to take a taxi there instead. I then ask BaoBei to run quickly to pass Chee Yuan his wrist band and pass the sandwiches to the CGMs. Saw Esther Leong among the crowds and BaoBei ask her to take a sandwich too but she decline. I heard that some people in the crowd even mistaken that the sandwiches was distribute by the church and ask some of it to be given to them.

We then re-join the CG as we got separated somehow. Only can have ourselves to be blamed. Who ask us to be so late right? HuiYi then ask me to follow her to the ladies. We then chat about last night's conference call and she mentions that certain points that Lorraine spoke to the CG, was actually referring to me. I then felt sad but...I don't know how to say or express my feelings. Anyway, I don't have the right to say anything. The love has died and there's no way I can get it back. Went back to our seats and I kept on crying. BaoBei saw it and ask what happened. I just kept quiet. Later, he was somehow affected by my own emotions.

On the stage, there were participants playing the games and it was fun watching them. I didn't manage to stay on till the end. Later, CG celebrate my belated birthday for me and I got the cake as my present. (-_-") (T_T)

There are some things that I have been thinking to myself on whether I should give up? Like example: My relationship(be it with BaoBei or with others), I felt pressured by certain things but I guess I can't do anything. There are just some things I can no longer do. HuiYi was very angry about my way of "Love" for BaoBei. This is also where I felt pressured, stress, frustrated and depress about. I don't know whether I should give up or to continue on? I really understand but empathise BaoBei on this as he's not holding a full time job. I myself can't even hold a stable job in the marketplace and I am very burden by this. Somehow or another, I felt financially burden and felt sad that people don't seems to understand. Prices of things are on the raise but our paycheck doesn't seems to raise(except for the government's) and then the stupid GST raise from 5% to 7%(who earns? The government!)

I think I will end here for now. So sorry for the sad entry.

Interview failed + BaoBei's blog

Went for interview in the morning at Jurong. The position was Administrative Assistant. When I went into the interview room, there were 3 persons sitting there. This made me very stress. They explain the job scope to me and somehow drench cold water on me when they said,"Since you have been working as a temp staff all along but you have not stayed long in your previous jobs, I don't understand how come you have difficulty doing sales and customer service since most of your previous jobs are dealing with customers!" Esther Ho, Sherlyn and those friends of mine who have been working with me as colleagues before should know my attitude when serving difficult customers. That is why even though I had customer service background, I don't really like to work in the front line. Gemini's personality is outgoing and extrovert. Very talkative and can interact with all kinds of people. But Taurus is the direct opposite. Taurus is very quiet and not as sociable as Gemini. When Gemini gets angry, it quickly gets over it. Taurus on the other hand, will remember the hurt and will seek revenge at times. The anger won't subside for a very long time. So if you have friends who is PURE TAURUS, you better really watch your words(and watch your back!). After browsing through many horoscopes and compared their personalities, I find myself have a combination of Gemini and Taurus.

I just replied them that I just feel service line is not suitable for me. They then told me about the job scope which is completely different from what Zalyn told me! I don't feel the "peace" taking the job(Lorraine and my CGMs should know what I mean by this). I then anyhow ask a question when they ask me,"Do you have any questions?" They told me they will give me a reply within a week cos they have other candidates to interview. They ask me did I search by Newpaper? I said no and said that my friend introduce me here. They ask for my friend's name and I told them I don't know her real name cos is my gaming friend. Her name is Zalyn. Their expressions are in state of shock and all of them widen their eyes when they hear that name(Cos she is the Manager of Popular company) Somehow, I know that my chance of getting that job is low.

Went to BaoBei's blog and I tried to change the template(blog skin)for him. But no matter how, I cannot change it! I realize one thing through my experiment: Those who are using old version of blog spot, can change their blog skin as and when they want it but those who are using the new version of the blog spot, it doesn't allow HTML format and it doesn't have any template for them to change. Only the blog skin that the blog spot has, they can only choose there. Other than that, they cannot have any other blog skin like my kind of blog skin. SIAN! Maybe I will subscribe blog drive for him and see how it goes.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time. Sorry if you find my blog boring nowadays. Don't have anything exciting to blog on.

Manicure

Went to meet Elizabeth in the morning yesterday. She bring me to her "school" and then WeiDa and BaoBei then went for a walk. I stayed there for 2 and a half hours just to get my nails done. There were a few other students there as well. Some did the fake nails and only me and a girl were "models" for our friend to make our nails. The other girl nail colour was not nice. It's yellow and purple colour and another girl have black and pink colour nails. When Elizabeth was helping me to decorate my nails. A lot of people came to see, including her teacher. Her teacher was very impress with her work and Elizabeth was very nervous. Overall I like the outcome of the nail session. Her work was the most beautiful of all her classmates. A girl then comment,"Wow! You only spend 2 hours to get this kinda beautiful nails? Last time me and my friends spend 4 whole hours just to get our nails done!" It was the most wonderful birthday present that she made for me. Now I know where she learnt to paint her nails. She ask me to join her for this course but the course fees is $5000+ I couldn't afford it.

Weida and Elizabeth later gave me a key chain for my birthday. Went to my place for a while and my family ordered KFC for my birthday. Went to BaoBei's place and his Mum bless me certain amount of money. Went for fellowship but was late for an hour. Cos we went to fetch HuiYi to go together before that. She gave me a pair of high heel shoes for my birthday! The kind that I wanted it very much. The other time I just spoke to her casually that I like that shoes but it is no longer available. She manage to locate the shoes for me! Thanks HuiYi!!!

Lorraine, Katherine and WenTing present me a small cake and apologise that my birthday was accidentally left out. They will give me my present around Emerage day. But then somehow Lorraine ask me to be prepared to get "sabotage" and with that "Auntie" around, I better prepare towels and extra clothes. I had a feeling that it will be a chaotic scene. But WenTing assure me that only my face will be "sabo"

Went to chat with HuiYi at the end and bid goodbye to BaoBei. We then went home after that. Very happy receiving a lot of different gifts!

Happy Birthday

Didn't went for church yesterday as I was very late for service. I then went out to meet my friends 2 hours late. We wanted to sit the cable car at first but then I changed my mind. Went to Marina Bay to have steamboat. Angel and Sherlyn came later at the end.

They then bring out the cake and sing Happy Birthday songs for me. Receive presents from them. Lynn then gave me a Mango Tattoo perfume which I had stated in my previous blogskin before! Thanks Marcus! Esther, Jia Xing, Sheryln and Ling Zi gave me T-shirts.

Went to the arcade to play games and went home after that. Thanks for all the presents!

Past memories + BaoBei's words = Depression + Hurt

Pack my bag in a hurry cos I was rushing to Bro.Tony's CG yesterday. I then saw a old diary of mine while packing my room. I then pack the diary in my bag and rush for CGM. The sermon was great and somehow I felt that it was like as if God gave me a slap on my face with the message that Bro.Tony preach. Thank Bro.Tony for the message for the day. Saw Lorraine at the end and had a brief chat before I went to meet BaoBei at Bugis.

Watch "Pirates of the Caribbean, at world's end" The show was okay. Although there are some funny parts but not as funny as the previous movie, The lost treasure. Went to stay at BaoBei's place for the night.

Went for BS in the afternoon but I was late. The remaining parts that I couldn't catch, I ask the Brother for it. I don't quite like his preaching cos the way he preach was too fast and he never spelt out those difficult words for us and expect us to spell it out ourselves. Went to look for Chee Yuan to get a seat. A sister then ask us to give up 4 seats for the Korean Nationals. Chee Yuan then allow them to take the seats.

When BaoBei came, he fellowship with the brothers for a while before service starts. He then told me that he would like to go to Japan very much. Part of it was because he wanted to travel to Japan to see how is the country like. Another reason is that he wants to look for a female friend who has migrated to Japan a long time ago. He joke with me quite a lot of times that he wanted to get a "xiao lao po"(small wife) there which I felt that it is no longer a joke but something that he wish to do so. I then told him,"Okay lor. Then I also look for an England boyfriend/husband for myself okay?" He said,"Okay". There are times I really don't know how to communicate my unhappiness to BaoBei. Not because of this issue. But there are also some other issues that I never address to him or tell him. I just don't know how to put my thoughts across.

After that we went for briefing. I sort-of "bet" with BaoBei that the CG won't remember and they won't care! Initially he wanted to inform them but I told him not to. Cos I want to see for myself am I transparent in the CG or am I visible? True enough, sad to say, I am right. BaoBei was very disappointed that the CG really turn out to be what I predicted. But never mind. HuiYi says that maybe because the Emerge is coming so they had forgotten about other things. I will see how things goes for tomorrow. If I still get the same reaction tomorrow, then, it's okay. At least I know where is my stand in the CG.

BaoBei then gave me my present at the food court and he help me wear it. He gave me a heart necklace. HuiYi initially wanted to buy a Guess wallet for me but I happen to guess what is she going to give me even before she bought it so she said she is going to change another gift. Hahaha!

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time

Intention of Murder in my mind - Hatred

Fire in my eyes
My fist crunch as I stare at you before me
Never will I forgive you,
for causing her so much pain
How I wish I was a Guy and not a Girl
How I wish I was a Son and not a Daughter

"Forgive him" was all she said
Despite the pain you had inflict
Never will I understand
Your actions, your decisions and your world

Relationship that takes years to establish,

All it takes is for a wrong move to break

Millions of tears she shed for you,

sufferings and hardships she gone through with you

Yet in that way you repay her,

for the love that she sacrifice for you!

If it wasn't for the law,
if it wasn't for her,
your life I would have taken
Your blood I would have go after!

Perhaps someday I would take her with me
Perhaps someday I will learn to forgive
But never will I forget
The damage you've caused
that made me of what I am today!

Poem created by: Juliet
Date: 25 May 2007

Sad

Went for work and told my supervisor that I would like to take 2 days leave. Surprisingly but luckily, he approve my leave! Wendy was jealous and said she's going to take a week off. I do not know whether she said this jokingly or seriously? When she learnt that I am going to resign on 15th of June, she got very furious and keep asking me to stay on the job cos she also wanna quit and go back to Sentosa to work. KNS! I quit you also wanna quit?! Then Mr.W how?! The part that I am very angry is that, she wants to quit 1 or 2 weeks BEFORE ME! But she hasn't submit her request yet.

Went back home to change but was late for fellowship. Met Lorraine along the escalator and we went to look for the CGMs together. On the way, I told her that I wanna go for make-up CG instead. She allocate me to Bro.Eugene at first but then allocate me to my ex-CGL in the end!!! But things like that cannot be help lah. No Lorraine, I am not blaming you or whatever. Just that I am surprise that's all.

Tried the new can "Anything" and my CGMs tried "Whatever". It has different flavours! It has stated only "Carbohydrate" or "non-carbohydrate". I tried the "Anything" and got a coke. I keep fiddling with the drink cos I don't quite like drinking gasy drinks. My CGMs all tried the "Whatever" and they got Peach, Green Tea etc.

After that we went for window shopping and I seek Lorraine's advice. She answered me,"No!" a lot of times and it's her definite answer. I had ask BaoBei before and he said,"You wanna go you go lor" but his tone sound quite unhappily. HuiYi knows BaoBei well and said,"He meant that if you wanna go you go but he'll be more happier if you reject your ex". For those friends who don't know what is going on, it's simple: One of my ex-boyfriend wants to celebrate my coming birthday for me but he's bringing me for dinner. To me, I have NO MORE FEELINGS for my ex. I was the one who initiate the break-up. My ex did try to patch things up with me by doing a lot of things to "win" me back. But in the end I guess he finally gave up cos he knows my character: Stubborn. Once I made a decision, it's very hard for me to change. The other reason that is because his ex-girlfriend(I was his 2nd) now works in his company and they have been spending time together. He finds himself still have feelings for her. I don't know lah...he has a complicated life(but I myself have a more complicated life than him) Lorraine said that if I am sure that we have no feelings for each other and that we are just purely friends, then ok(or something like that?) But BaoBei said he don't trust my ex. Should I go? Or should I not?

AiZhen has cut her hair. She said she looks matured that way. In pictures yes but in person I couldn't make up my mind. We then went for window shopping and then went back home after that. Miss half of the 9pm show. I hate the Vivien now! Cos she abused Wen Jing's son! But I guess most step-mother's are like that.

I think I will end here for now. Yeh! BaoBei is coming back!!! Very happy!!! BaoBei, xiang xing wo, wo jue dui bu hui zhuo chu dui bu qi ni de shi qing. Wo shi yi ge bu dong de biao da de ren, ke shi wo xi wang ni hui xiang xing wo. Wo de xin li chu le ni, mei you di er ge nan ren. Chu le wo de jia ren, wo zui ai de ren shi ni. Wo gen ta yi jing shi guo qu de shi le. Zai wo de yen li, ta zhi shi wo de pu tong peng you. Wo li kai ta de yuan ying ni shi zhi dao de...wo zhen de hen pah ni you yi tian hui bian chen ta nan yang dui wo. Ru guo zhen de you na mer yi tian, bu yao guai wo. Ying wei yi chi de di yu jing yen, yi jing zhu gou shen shen de shang hai wo...wo bu xiang you yi ge hui da nu ren de nan ren zai wo shen bian. Zhong zhi, ni he ta bu tong ok? Bu Yao he ta zhuo bi jiao. Ta heng you qian, SO WHAT?! It's your sincerity and heart that I love you for it. Ru guo ni bu neng gei wo shen mo, wo bu hui guai ni. Ying wei zhi shao wo zhi dao, ni shuo neng gei wo de yi qie, do shi chong ni de nei xing he chen ken! Bu yao chi ta de chu ok?

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Online friend + outing

Went for work today and business was not good at all. Only have 3 customers for the day. Hmm..why has business been so poor nowadays? Went out to distribute flyer's cos Wendy don't like to go out to distribute. Lazy people! I then take a stack of the flyer's and went out for an hour and 10 minutes to distribute. When I was distributing, there was another group of distributors, gave out flyer's of family day. A boy about 14 years old, came to irritate me! Part of me feeling like shouting at him but when I see that he seems to be a bit retarded kind, I forgive him instead. I was quite surprise but at the same time quite happy to see his "friends" were also like his condition. Please don't get me wrong. I mean I am happy because at least these people are given a simple job for them to work. They can contribution to the society in their own ways(Those who are serving in the JAMs Ministry, will know how these kids are like. The people I met here are like that)

A group of office workers walk pass us and one of the boys tried to give out the flyer's. His speech is very strange, like a parrot's speech. But somehow I find him quite "brave" to be able to step forward to the people and give out the flyer's in his hand with a smile. So I felt quite sad for him when I heard a group of office workers comment badly about his speech. I feel like approaching that guy to tell him that flyer's distributing is not an easy job but I felt happy for him and encouraged that he dares to step forward to give out the flyer's than the rest of his "friends". Even I myself dare not step forward to give out my own flyer's. But then when I tried to talk to him, he walk away from me. While I was distributing, a girl came to enquire about the buffet meal and I point to her my workplace. Later I heard from my colleague that there were two girls who came to ask about the buffet meal holding the flyer's. Luckily that have their meal at my workplace in the end.

Went to meet a friend that I have met online to IMM. He ask me to accompany him to buy a fan. In the end, his Mum called and said that she has found a replacement. He looks quite different from the pictures he showed me. We then went to walk around IMM. I saw a Wedding studio and went to enquire them about the wedding package. My friend then sat beside me. The price range from $699 - $1999 for just the photo shoot alone plus an outfit(Japanese style, Korean style, Spanish Style etc) she said if we want the whole package will be $2999 - $3999 if the wedding were to be conduct on that actual day plus photo shoot and make up etc. From the whole time, she thought my friend was my husband or my fiancee. My friend's face was quite red and he was kinda embarrass. Luckily my friend got a call on his handphone and he excuse himself to pick up the call. I then told the auntie,"He is not my husband or fiancee" She then said,"Oh boyfriend? Never mind, you all can take a look and plan first" I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I then told her,"He is my friend. My boyfriend is still serving the army and he's now in NS". She look at me with her eyes wide and said,"Oh sorry sorry. Pai seh, pai seh. I thought he's your fiancee". Later I then apologise to my friend for the misunderstanding.

We went to Burger King and he ate a set meal while I just had a coffee. The coffee doesn't taste so good. He said that I had mention about my boyfriend a lot the whole time. I was surprise and said,"Did I? Oh sorry sorry" He smile and said that he understands and he feels that I must either have love my boyfriend a lot or that BaoBei and me are very in love,"It good that you have found yourself a nice guy" he said. Maybe unknowingly I have mention about BaoBei too many times. Don't know is a good thing or bad thing? He then chat with me about his part time work as a life guard.

After that we then went back to Clementi Interchange and we bid each other goodbye. Went to a comic bookstore but it doesn't have any "An Bao" comics. Even Comics collection doesn't have it. Watch the 9pm show and I was surprise that it says will be the last 5 episode.(Sorry HuiYi, the 1st episode I have difficulty recording for you. But I will tell you what is it about). I think I will end here. Will blog again some other time.

Communication

Finally told my supervisor at work yesterday that I am quitting in 15th June. He did not reply me and just ignore me. Haiz...Broke a glass when I knock off yesterday. I tried to sweep it off but the tiny pieces of glass(and some big ones) are very hard to sweep so I just use my hands to pick it up. Got tiny cuts on my hand instead and that time it bleeds quite badly(though it's just small small cuts)

Went to HuiYi's place and she apply medicine on my wounded hand. We then went to Tiong Bahru's food court to eat. The curry Chicken that I ordered was not nice. I think I would prefer BaoBei or my Mum to cook the curry chicken for me. After that we rush to Clarke Quay for CGM.

After the CGM, Lorraine then talk to us and ask us to share our Revelation about our own spiritual life. I then took HuiYi that I need to talk to her cos I don't dare to share with Sister Lorraine. She then bid the CGMs goodbye and we went to Tiong Bahru Macdonald's to have a drink and sat down to chat. She was surprise that I still drink Cappuccino late at night! I then share about my thoughts to her about yesterday's preaching and Lorraine's words. She said that I am running away from things. She ask me to begin to pray starting with 5 minutes prayer.

Told BaoBei the same thing yesterday and I ask him some questions,"What if one day, you suddenly realize that you don't have feelings for me anymore and our dates is just like routine kind?(Go church, Go CGM that's it!)not much communication anymore? We didn't even share our feelings to one another anymore(Level 5 of marriage course..BaoBei and me are just at level 1 and level 2)? He said something that really surprise and touched me,"I would go and think through our relationship and think about the very first time when I had my first love for you. I would think of the times and the things that made me fall in love with you and what attracts me to you in the first place". He continued,"It's the same with God. You have to go and find out what makes you pray for 30 minutes with God that time? What makes you have fire for God? What are the things he has done for you and bless you? What are the things that the Bible says or God's words that touches your heart?" He then shared with me about the time where Jing Xian shared with him something.

Reach home and log into SL to tell Zalyn(I don't know how to pronounce this name) about my resignation and she said she'll give me an interview time when I am free. Half of me felt regretted quitting my current job but at the same time, I know that I cannot survive with this kind of salary for long. I need a change of job and PAY!

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Happy with HuiYi

Went for work yesterday and I did everything half-heartily. I don't know how to tell my supervisor that I don't wish to work anymore. I haven't found any new job yet but I have been receiving calls about Admin position. But the place of working is a bit far so I don't wish to take up. HuiYi says I am very picky about Location and at times, Pay when it comes to Job search.

Called HuiYi and ask her to accompanied me to the Arcade yesterday. We then went to Vivocity for a walk and shopping. Bought some things there. HuiYi then went to check out her workplace and her "colleagues" there are all very unfriendly. I pray that when she start work there, she won't get bullied by them. Went to Burger King to have our dinner and then rush to HuiYi's house to watch the 9pm show. Li Yi's face getting better. The last time I see her, she has white spots all over her face!

After the show, she then show me some items and a soft toy which I like it very much! BaoBei was on the phone when I see the things. I keep screaming,"Mian Bao!!! Mian Baooooo!!!!!!!!"(Bread!!! Breaddddddddd!!!!!!!) The soft toy's real name is "An Bao" it used to be a very popular soft-toy some years ago but now I don't think anyone remembers who is An Bao anymore. HuiYi then give me one very small An Bao key chain. I was very happy! She says Kinokunia have An Bao's comics. I wanna buy!!! An Bao had a girlfriend named,"Strawberry" I think? HuiYi says so.

BaoBei talk to me on my way home. He ask me,"Are you crying again?" I cannot cry cos I am at public place. Chat with BaoBei on Wednesday and I did cry when we talk about Esther. It's been so long ago. I really cannot help but felt very guilty about it. Already one of my friend walk onto the path that I used to live but it's too late to "save" her from turning back. I don't wish another friend or any of my good friends to ever step into the life that I used to lead.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

I want new job and better pay!!!

I hate my current job!!! I want to change job!!! Today after work, my supervisor told Wendy and me that he will give 2 of us a trial from tomorrow onwards until next week. He says if business is still so bad after this 1 week trial, he has to let one of us go. Wendy then said,"Let me go lah, and let QiuFen stay" I then stared and shake my fist at her.(behind my supervisor's back of course!) I seriously hope that it's the other way round. Wendy stay, I go! Cos there is really no prospect in this line and the pay is the 2nd lowest pay I ever get in my whole life!(The first lowest pay is MacDonald's and KFC's!) I have told Lorraine about it and she ask me to find another job before I ever quit this job.

Met HuiYi and we went to my house together. She wants to do her resume but she has no Internet connection at home. She also help me to apply through a website that she's in and look for online jobs for me. She was surprise that I like factory job a lot! I do not know that factory job is fall under "Logistics" category. I used to work in Changi factory and the pay is $800 per two weeks. So I can easily earn $1600 per month. BUT! The problem is, it requires me to work on BOTH WEEKENDS from 7.30am - 8pm(plus overtime...sometimes up to 11pm). The off-day will only fall on weekdays ONLY. I think if I told Lorraine I want to go back to work in my ex-company factory and told her about the work timing, she's really going to scold me till Kingdom comes. HuiYi wanted to work at first because she heard about the $800 per 2 weeks offer. I then told her,"But hor, there's one condition: You have to work on BOTH WEEKENDS and the only off day is on week days. Then, you have to think, you cannot go service, maybe cannot go CG, and then ultimately, of course, cannot see your ZZ at all" When she heard that, she gave me the -_-(sian) look and said,"Don't want! Cannot! Like that Lorraine will also kill me and I will miss my ZZ"

After that I send her to the bus stop and went home to update my resume. I just pray and hope that I'll get a good paying job soon...

Work + Sermon

Work nowadays is very stressful. More and more things are required and the menu has also change. The way we were suppose to serve the customers is also changing. I don't know should I be happy with the change or not. Most of the people I know, told me that I am not suitable to work in a job that requires me to serve customers. I think I am only suitable to work with things after all. Like Production Operator, Data Entry etc.

Pastor preach about a very special sermon about our attitudes of life and he also touch about our spiritual life that amazed me! I feel that ALL Christians should listen to the word as I think it would help them very much in their spiritual life especially if they are not very regular at church. The sermon is so good, that it is already for pre-order and we are only at Lesson 4! Somehow, I have the feeling God is staring down at me from Heaven when Pastor peach certain things. It is something that so-called "test" whether or not we are a true Christian. -_-"

HuiYi called me some time ago and told me to go for the emerge event. She was very surprise that I have never even attend ANY emerge event at all. She said to me,"You must attend! It's very nice!" Maybe this year I will attend to see what is so wonderful about it, that until CLY will come so early to church to queue(after the emerge event, she's the FIRST to queue for service every time).

I do not know what to do now. I don't like my current job but I don't know how to switch jobs. Plus my qualification is low, it's very difficult to find a good paying job. HuiYi says I am more suitable for Admin jobs and I was like,"Huh?!" I don't know. I hate office enviroment because they tend to backstab you. I hate it more that you knew it but yet you couldn't do anything about it.

Haiz..I think I'll end here for now. Nothing much has been happening. Will blog again some other time.

Shopping with HuiYi

Met HuiYi after work at Orchard to go for a walk. We later then went to window shop at first. I saw a necklace that cost $15 but it was not suitable for me. She said that I rather spend money on BaoBei than on myself. I don't know? I think only BaoBei knows. Went to top shop and HuiYi help me to choose 3 tops. I try it out and let her see. Only Manage to buy 1 top and I like it very much as it can cover my fats. Went to Far East Plaza to window shop and also manage to buy a pair of slippers there. The slippers are a little bit expensive to me. Far East things are very expensive! I was a bit angry that when I wanted to look for the Microphone necklace, it is not available anywhere but now after I buy it, it seems that the necklace are selling everywhere! QI SHI REN! But the price is also more expensive than the one I afford.

Went to window shopping all over Orchard and after that head back to HuiYi's place to watch the 9pm Drama show. I like the show very much! It is a Chinese show about relationships and it talks about men and women, their thinking and their attitude towards things. Most of it are quite true. Can say that it's 99% true. The remaining 1% is depends cos it varies from couple to couple. HuiYi ask how is my relationship with BaoBei and on what level? I feel that my level of relationship with BaoBei is level 2 = Gossipping. While BaoBei's relationship level with me is level 1= Fair weather friends(or Hi-Bye friends). HuiYi was shock that BaoBei and me hardly communicate on a deeper level(heart-to-heart talk, sharing of feelings etc, which is the ultimate level of the Marriage course that I had attend). I envied her and Samuel cos on their side, they have communication, love, understanding etc. Everything that a "normal" couple have that BaoBei and me doesn't. HuiYi warns me that it's very dangerous to my relationship if BaoBei and me don't have proper communication(We are quiet most of the time on phone). The drama shows also feature that one of the Couple's Mum is staying in the household, creating a lot of unhappiness between the couple. HuiYi then mention to me about the marriage course about Leaving our Parents after marriage and cleave to our own spouse to live our own lives. She pointed at the television and said,"This is why Pastor wants us to leave our parents to cleave to our spouse. If the parents remains in the household, complicated matters and quarrelling/arguments will arise and it's not good for the couple. It will somehow strain the couple's relationship".

BaoBei then called me and we talk a bit on phone. He was very angry that I anyhow spend money again and bans me on my fetish(refer to my previous blog entries). He also ask me not to buy anything for him ever again -_-" (Mumbers: Lalalalalala...erm...That I cannot promise you, BaoBei. Still have your birthday, our monthly anniversaries, our one year anniverary etc. So.....Lalalalalala..can I say No? Please?)

Heard that HuiYi that Samuel is jealous(or envious?)that I buy things for BaoBei. Samuel then told HuiYi,"DearDear, you see..Juliet buy things for YenHao. Can you buy for me too?" HuiYi was very angry. But she have her own ways to show her love for Samuel that I couldn't do it. HuiYi is more of an expressive person. While I am not. The worst part is, HuiYi also knows I have split personality, which she says, it explains my strange behaviour and indecisive. Samuel, if one day you happen to read my blog, there is one thing I want to tell you. Not that I buy things for YenHao. Cos...that is my own way of showing him that I love him. I don't know how to express myself well, I am bad at hand-made things and I am not a romantic person. So...the only way I could "express" myself is to use practical ways like using money to buy his favourite things or the things that he like to have. While not everyone appreciates my this kinda gesture of expressing, but that is how I show love to a person. Other than that, I really don't know how to love a person. How I wish I can be like HuiYi, she knows how to take care of you. I don't know how to take care of YenHao.

I think I will end here for now. Will go for shopping spee again with HuiYi tomorrow.

SUCKER!!!

Went to Bishan Junction 8 for Sun's autograph session. I was very surprise that BaoBei and I were quite early there. There was only 1 row of queue when we get there(but very few people), about 7 people in the queue. We then proceed to the front when the Sun Fan club members ask us to move to the front. Half way through, we were stopped and told to go downstairs to Long John Silver to queue as the person claim that the queue was suppose to start there. I was like,"What the...?! We were not told about it!!!" I do not know how the sister in front argue with the person but somehow we were able to go to the front without going to Long John Silver's in the end.

When Sun finally appear, we were very excited. She then went into a glass door and never came out for a very long time. The fans keep on chanting different things saying,"We want sun! We want sun!" repeatedly for one time,"He Yao Shan! He Yao Shan!"at another time and,"Yao Shan! Yao Shan!", "Sun!" quite a lot of times. They then sing one of Sun's song loudly and I couldn't join them cos I don't know how to sing that particular song without looking at the lyrics. When Sun finally came, she apologise for taking too long inside(I wonder what is she doing so long inside since she never change her outfit or anything). She then sings "Chun tian de wei xiao" and "Ni Shi Wo de Gong Zhu"(a song that I never heard before). I know it's in her album but I didn't really go and listen to all the songs inside. She then came down and shake the fan's hands. I didn't get to shake cos I was busy filming. Delete that film in the end cos the people behind keep on pushing and knocking until I film quite angrily and anyway it was not good anymore.

I recognise some of the 2nd and 3rd row people cutting the queue and went ahead to take Sun's signature!!! I didn't say anything although I am unhappy. I ask BaoBei to help me get the signature cos he doesn't have the CD and I went to wait for him outside instead. Saw Lorraine on the way. Went to MacDonald's to buy takeaway food and went to wait for shuttle bus.

Reach church quite late and we had to sit separately. Luckily we manage to catch Pastor's sermon. After service we went to fellowship. Suppose to meet Wei Da but the timing was post phoned to 11pm. After finish eating, I then went to walk around. When I went into YELLOW shop, I was browsing at the things there. One of the sales assistant was extremely rude! As if I have no right to window shop! She complain loudly to her colleague,"Don't have money don't buy lah! Waste our time! We're going to close soon!" half of me feel like going over to punch the girl's face! I then went to the other sales assistant and asked her for the Manager's number. She gave me an office number instead which no one picks up the call. I have emailed to the address but recipient failed. I told BaoBei I will call the office on Monday instead. My lunchtime is 30 minutes..so I have tons of time to call! The outlet is at Tampines YELLOW shop. The Jurong Point YELLOW shop service is also not so good but not as bad as Tampines! I wonder how the managment there train their staffs? The customer service is extremely bad! Their customer service sucks to the core!!! Or they don't bother at all!? No wonder they have to fork out money to be advertise on TV. Their things are trendy yes. But Of all my life, I have never met any service provider that is as rude as her! And to that fat girl working in Tampines YELLOW shop, if you happen to see this by any means, Please go and learn some customer service skills! Did I offend you in the first place?! You mean that I have no right to window shop at your outlet lah?! Even if you are going to close the shop, there is no need to complain loudly. I am not deaf! You can kindly ask me if I wanted to purchase anything or explain to me that the shop is going to close! There is no need to "chase" me out using that way! I don't know what is wrong with your attitude?! But then one thing I can ensure you, by hook or by crook I will want to see your Boss or Management! Overall, YOUR SERVICE SUCKS!

Went to meet WeiDa and Elizaberth at Somerset. They then bring us to a pub where it plays live band and there are sexy dancers on the stage. There is also a time for the people to dance. It looks okay to me. Had only a few drinks as BaoBei don't let me drink too much. He suspect that I have liver problems. Went "home" at 4am and BaoBei keep disturb my sleep and I was very annoyed.

I think I will end here for now. Have to buy food for ViVi. Poor Vivi..very hungry..Will blog again some other time. Tampines YELLOW Shop SUCKS!!!

Shopping!

Very stress at work today. Finally business was good today as there are quite a lot of customers and the cafe was packed. But the problem is that because there are too many customers, we tried our very best to satisfy all of them but in the end we lose 3 tables of customers(1 table = 6 people). 1 of the table, was my primary schoolmate. I don't think she recognise me. She has become more prettier. She used to be the Primary School 2nd most prettiest girl!

After the lunch time was over, I wash the plates unhappily. Broke down and cried and Wendy was shocked! She told me not to take things too hard on myself. I was worried cos my supervisor warn me that if I don't perform well again he may find another replacement to replace me. I then apologise to my supervisor but told him that we have already tried our best. He was scolded by Boss(one of the "big shots" came down today)and the kitchen was extremely messy.

Went to meet HuiYi and went to CPF building to enquire something. The person said the scheme was for 40 years and above -_-" HuiYi then bring me to shop around at Chinatown. The things are are MUCH MORE CHEAPER!(some even cheaper than 50%! while some are only cheaper by 30 cents or so) She ask me not to shop at Watson anymore but to shop at budget shop to save money(by 50%!). HuiYi then bring me to window shop around. Finally found the necklace I have been looking for!!! When HuiYi went into a shop selling full of different types of necklaces, she shout at me excitedly,"Juliet! Juliet! Come and see!" I then followed her to see what is it and she point to me the necklace and I shout and jump in delight,"Yeh!!! Finally found it le!!!" The shop keeper gave me a strange look. I look for that necklace everywhere but to my disappointment, it was not in stock. That shop has 2 silver colour left and 3 golden colour left. After I bought one of the silver ones, the shop only left the last piece. HuiYi then hagged the price for me. The shopkeeper then gave me special discount as she thought that I was a student!

HuiYi then went to my place and saw something...she said she almost fainted. Watch the 9pm Chinese show with her and I find it interesting. Some of the character's relationship in the TV look like Samuel and HuiYi while the other's relationship act like BaoBei and me. HuiYi also said that my Mum looks very fierce. Haiz....why everyone says that?

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time. Yeh!!! Very happy!!! Thank you HuiYi!!! *Hugs!! Muack*

CHC Carnival + HuiYi's words

Went for CHC Carnival yesterday. Saw a lot of things at the Carnival especially food! The games are not much. Only arcade games and a spinning game. Rush to the back door with Jacqueline in the end and we were stop by the ushers. When we could finally get in, we couldn't get any T-shirts as we were late. The T-shirts that the Sun Fan club are wearing were all very nice and in different types too. Got free tickets for the carnival!!!

"Chase" Sun below the stage with BaoBei and the rest of the fans there. Some of them manage to squeeze their way to the very front of the stage. While chasing Sun, I lost BaoBei midway when the rest of the fans keep pushing me(including the guards) to the front. I was at the very front of the stage by then and BaoBei was stuck at the very back end of the stage. When I got pushed, I fell onto one of the chairs and I happened to see a hand phone LEFT OPENLY UNATTENDED!?(Nokia N73) I then took the Hand phone and throw it in the bag that was nearest to it. A girl saw me doing that and smiled at me. I just pray that the person won't "lose" his or her hand phone because of what I did. But it still makes me wonder,"How can a person leave his/her hand phone on the chair SO OPENLY!?" especially that particular day itself is a family day(Labour Day) and not all the attendees are Church-goers/Christians in CHC!!!

After the concert, we then went back to the carnival and this time, there were too many people and too crowded! The queue was extremely and super long that Mike even queue for 3 hours to finally buy 10 burgers. I was very angry at a particular store cos when I queue up, the person said that they will serve the last 4 persons in front of us and after that they will close the shop. I then went to Hall 9 by myself to look around. It was very crowded there too. By the time I came back to Hall 7, the store had ANOTHER QUEUE, this time more than 8 people are queuing!!! I was very angry that they lied!!! I was thinking of using a chair to throw at their stall but didn't do that in the end. When I wanted to go over to confront the shopkeepers, BaoBei held me back. He took a long long time to make me calm down. It's very difficult for me to remain angry when BaoBei's face was right in front of me(less than 5 inches apart)and he keep making cute cute expressions to me and using a kinda voice that really can make me laugh, to talk to me. I think I have scare some of my CGMs and have SMS to apologise to them this morning(Guyz, if you see this message, I am sorry for my attitude that day)

Hail a cab at the last minute and head to BaoBei's place. Took the banner with me that Jac left behind(I always mix up Jac and Jas..so sorry). Finally able to ride on the cab I have always been wanting to ride in!!! The new Hydai cab was quiet, smooth and FAST! Sleep for 5-6 hours before rushing back home to change my clothes to work. Business was extremely bad today but I pray that it will get better tomorrow.

HuiYi then called me at night to chat about many things. There are times I really wish that she could learnt to treasure Samuel more. HuiYi, if you are reading this, if possible, be less D and more P can? Especially towards your ZZ(you should know what this stands for). She then told me something that I feel like crying. I then SMS BaoBei that I need to have a talk with him. He called me back but his environment is quite noisy so it's very difficult to talk over the phone that way. Anyway, I also don't know how to put my thoughts and feelings across so I get forget about the whole thing. Thanks HuiYi, I will talk to my "Ah Lao" about it.

I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Surprise + expected outcome = depress

Went for CGM on Friday and accompanied HuiYi to Clarke Quay shopping centre. As I was late for meeting her, I took a cab there instead and she said that I waste money on unnecessary cab fare. We then saw a shop and she saw a ear phone necklace and recommend me to buy for BaoBei. I bought it in the end and went for CGM.

After CGM, BaoBei then SMS me while I was in the ladies' with some of my CGMs. When I came out, I was surprise to see him and gave him a hug. We then went in and wrote something on a paper while Lorraine said will be displayed at the Museum of Israel for many many years. So we must not made any mistake while writing it.

The next day, I accompanied BaoBei to Yishun Safra for his air rifle shooting game. Although he didn't qualified into the finals but I know that he has tried his best. Anita, Yue Ming and Bro Eugene was there too. Bro Eugene and Anita were both qualified into the finals. I then congratulate them.

Went to expo to have our lunch before going for service. BaoBei then ask me a very strange question and I thought about it for a while before answering him. He ask me,"If there's another girl who wants to fight with you over me, what will you do?" I just replied,"I will give you up to the girl. I won't fight with her" He ask me,"Then what if I only love you?" I just replied,"I'll confront the girl and have a talk with her". But in reality I doubt I would do that. The question that BaoBei asked, has actually happened to me before but on an ex-boyfriend of mine. In the end, I answer BaoBei,"Do you know why I would rather give you up than to fight with her over you? Cos I know myself very well, usually I will lose to the other party in terms of looks and character. Plus, guys won't ever go after a girl like me". I even ask BaoBei a question and his answer really surprise me. I ask this,"If you were to have a choice to choose between a girl who is very fierce, rough and very controlling over you, and a girl who is very sweet, feminine and gentle towards you, which one would you choose?" For majority of the guys out there, their answer is obviously number 2. BaoBei just replied me,"You should know my answer".

The service was awesome and after that we celebrated AiZhen and Jac's birthday. Saw Bro.Tony with his cute little daughter! After that we fellowship with a few of the CGMs before we rush off to help out BaoBei's Mum. The next day, we then went to have breakfast. BaoBei went out to play Basketball with his friends.

After Breakfast and when I was left alone with his eldest cousin, she then told me something which made me quite depress but I just keep quiet. She then comment that I was being too quiet throughout the day. But I do not wish to talk to anyone. I just want some time alone.

I think I will end here for now. May blog again some other time.

Broken Relationships

Quarrelled with my Mum yesterday night over the TV. She ask me how to program the TV but I admit that I was wrong that the tone of my voice wasn't very nice in replying her. Okay, it's my fault, I admit. But I really really really doesn't understand why, it just starts with the TV and my tone of voice!!! Why does she have to drag past incidents PLUS BAOBEI'S INCIDENT and quarrel with me?! Totally irrelevant to the issue at hand!!! I cannot help her because I myself don't know how to program my own new TV, which I hardly watch!!! Then?! My fault lah?! Since I hardly use the TV and Pa teach me just ONE TIME, she expects me to remember how to use the new TV remote control?! Okay, Sorry! I was really really in the wrong for using that impatient kinda tone to talk to her! But then, instead of sticking it to the topic to quarrel with me, she picks past(AND I MEAN PAST AS IN 3 - 5 YEARS AGO!!!)incidents to quarrel with me and she add BaoBei into the quarrel!!! I was like,"Wah piang eh!!! WTH is happening?!" She then threatened to have me out of the house and throw my Birth cert to me to ask me to get out. While my Bro is trying to solve the problem to help my Mum and me to have peace, I was actually thinking where to go and sleep for the night? But then, I will definitely NOT look for my friends first. I was thinking of sleeping at the stair case of my Block but then I scared that I will see...that guy! Only God knows what he will do if he sees me outside alone at 2am in the morning!

My Bro then talk to me calmly and later he ask me to go apologise to my Mum. I apologise in the end but then things will change from now. She doesn't understand why I don't ever go home on weekends and then blame it on BaoBei and said a lot of negative things which only BaoBei's Mum and Brother will know whether is it true? After everything that my Mum had said, I seriously think that I shouldn't have born into this world at all. How good would it be, if I wasn't exist at all in this world. Yes Lorraine, I know God Loves me and I am a child of God. But sometimes I feel that even though it's just a simple expectation, I couldn't even fulfil it. The marriage course proves to fail on me cos I am still an emotionally shut-down person(or maybe that's how I feel).

Went shopping alone and spend unnecessary money again on bathroom items. I had this fetish for showering Gel and items but I don't understand myself why(Those daily normal showering form). To tell you the truth, I already have 6 bottles of un-used showering Gels at home. Spend $10+ on Watson's small bottle of showering form and lotion($1.95 each...bought 5 bottles), of course plus other items like toothbrush(I need it cos my toothbrush is getting dirty at the ends) and buy a snack. Total amount is then $10+. I had told HuiYi about my fetish and when she step into Watsons to window shop, I saw some bottles of showering form and try to resist to buy it. Am I sick?(As in "Bian Tai" in Chinese or abnormal in English). On normal days or when I am in a rush, I will spend 15 minutes in the bathroom(while my Bro spends an hour..and i don't know what he is doing showering for 1 hour!) if I were to "play" inside the bathroom, it will then be either 30 minutes - 45 minutes(Play soap bubbles, Showering Gels, shampoos etc. Basically playing with Bubbles that I've "made" lah)I just find the bubbles and form interesting and fun that's all. So....BaoBei, if you feel that I spend too long in the bathroom(longer than 30 minutes), you can be sure that I am not bathing inside, but playing.

I have to end here for now. Going to SL to meet my "friends". Will blog again some other time.

Expectations

Went to meet HuiYi after my work to help her to get something. She told me that it's been a long time since she last went shopping spee. We then went to River walk and put our bags down. Met MingWei along the road and he followed HuiYi and me to Clarke Quay Shopping Centre. The last time I went there, I remember seeing a necklace that I was thinking of buying for BaoBei. This time when I went back there, the necklace was gone! The sales assistants said they sold two of the necklace that I wanted to show HuiYi about. I then enquire about a particular necklace that I was looking for a very long time. They then said they have the stock but it has not arrive yet! The price is much much cheaper than Orchard! I then leave my contact number and the sales assistant said she will contact me if the necklace arrives! Yeh!!! Finally found it!!! YES!!!

Went back to River Walk and I went to the ladies before going into the lecture room. When I went in, Lorraine was sort-of "Staring" at me and HuiYi whisper for me to go out. Oops! Sorry...I didn't know a meeting was going on. My apologies. I then went out and saw AiZhen with Mike and Shao Kun. She then pass me a card to ask me to write. When I saw the card cover, I was very surprise! It was very nicely done. I then pass to Bro to ask him to help me to write and then the card was passed around - to write encouraging words. I was the last person to write. By the time it was my turn to write, it almost didn't have anymore space left. Ai Zhen then tease me,"BaoBei!" Cos that's the way I greet YenHao. I am not a person who express myself well be it in words or actions. I just write what I was thinking at the moment with some Chinese words.

Lorraine then start CG but the atmosphere was a bit weird cos it was Chee Yuan first time playing for the CG~Wooooo!!!*Claps* Overall it was okay. Lorraine's preaching for the day somehow made me feel a little guilty. She later prayed for me. After CGM, Lorraine then made herself clear that she will no longer be booking seats from now on. Anyone who is late will have to sit by themselves. She feels that she pampered us too much. She then share the experience whereby she have to argue with the Ushers just to help the CG to get good seats and she said something like nobody seems to appreciates her effort. I was there when she did that and I witness it myself along with some CGMs. I was thinking, maybe it's not that the CG doesn't appreciates her effort but maybe it could be that they do not know how to express their appreciation. She then said if we do not have any valid reason not to turn up for Sunday PM, we better turn up. I was thinking,"I thought this was a choice whereby whether we WANT to turn up?" Cos I remember she ever said that it's useless that we were "force" to go. Or we just go because we HAVE to go. She said we need to have a mentality that says,"I go because I WANT to be there". Please...Lorraine, don't misunderstand me. What I am trying to say is...there are certain things that was said that I don't really understand. That's all. She was also not happy that when she don't take the initiative to have the CGMs meet up on weekdays, nobody meets up. For me, I always had this,"Go where? Do what?" when it comes to outings and I am not usually the person who knows how to plan things. Sometimes, due to budget problems, I don't dare to go to outings. Some more plus nowadays I am trying hard to find night shift job(please don't ask me for what).

Went for supper with the CGMs and later Ming Ze send me home to my block. Went home to play Second Life(SL) and saw my "friends" there. I then told one of them a problem and she ask me to see a doctor if I need to. Ever since my Avatar won the "Thinc Babe of the Month - April", the people in SL just treats me differently. There are many other girls there are prettier than my Avatar but surprisingly, my Avatar won the award. I am now trying to change my Avatar into a very sexy lady but I don't have the skin and body shape to do so.

I think I end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

P.S: Went to see Doctor le....Gastric Pain. Cannot skip meals and must take medicine accordingly. Sianz...Veggie fast? By the way, BaoBei, your suggestion to my supervisor Chef has been considered. He said your idea of suggestion was very good and he will talk to Boss about it.

Suggestion please???

Went to work today as usual but business was not very good at the cafe today. My supervisor has finally teach me how to do Latte and cappuccino, Oooh so that's how it was done! He also explains that all his equipment are very slow so he could only serve one customer at a time or do one thing at a time. I am very surprise that he is Lactose intolerant! At least now I can handle the drinks station now. He wants me to learn because from next week onwards, he wants me to station inside the kitchen while Wendy will station outside.

After work, he then ask me to stay back as he wants to discuss something with Wendy and me. He was asking us to give suggestion on how to improve the cafe and business. He also ask me is there anything that I do not like working here and what can it be improve on? Strangely, he never ask Wendy! I then said overall, I like the working place but I do not like the pay. Cos my Mum and I quarrelled very often nowadays over my pay wise(because I do not have any CPF contribution here). I had saw another advertisement working in somewhere as a cashier from 7pm till 1am and I wish to apply but then I know if BaoBei were to find out, we will be arguing very fiercely over it.

None of us had in mind on how to improve the business. Sending out fliers proves to fail. He said that fliers are very common and some people might not even look at the flyer and just throw it in the dustbin. He had considered of extending the opening hours but then he knew very well that his partners would not agree. He wants to open a chill bar until 12 midnight so that those customers who wanted to drink beers and wanted to catch up with friends or have a chat could come to the cafe to do so. He said not everyone likes Discos, Karaoke, Pubs etc and comment that only rowdy people goes to such places(That means he is indirectly saying I am rowdy lah!?). He said some people likes to have a place where they could drink beer and could chat/catch up with their friends without having the music blasting at the same time. He would like to make the cafe to be a place where customers could have their beer and chat with their friends happily. But then again, he has to consult his partners to discuss knowing that they would definitely disapproves. I was thinking to myself,"If he is confident that there will be business at night and customers would definitely come to eat and drink, then it's fine with me" But then again, it requires us to work way into the night. Which means I will definitely have to miss CG if his plan were to be fulfilled. I didn't really pray about my job and pray for my supervisor, but at the same time, I really wish to know what God thinks about this. He also plans to open over the weekends(And then also means I must work weekends lah?!). Seriously, I really cannot see any prospect of me staying long in this line. I like the job, I like the working hours but for pay wise, I really don't like it especially when my Mum is picking quarrels with me over my pay...and then don't know who is the one who don't allow me to work 2 jobs?!(excluding BaoBei)

I really hope people could help me...and my Boss. I would really like to hear suggestions from people how to improve the business. Maybe hopefully I could get advise or feed backs from those people who runs F&B line. Okay lah..I know I am being lame cos you will think,"It's none of my business mah!" But becuase I couldn't think of any idea of how to improve the cafe's business and how to advertise for him that is why I am seeking for public help. I'll value your comments and suggestions :)

Have to end here for now. Sorry for the lame blogging today...