Cell group appreciation + Bro's announcment = Goodbye Year 2006

Can't sleep well cos I have a cold...haiz..thanks to the air-con! Oh well...but I guess I have to get used to sleep with the air-con for 5 days instead(Guess where am I?) Went for Cell group appreciation and gathering yesterday evening. Waited for some of the cell group members before we proceed to the place together. BaoBei then held my hand daringly in front of the rest of the CGMs! I was like,"o.O!!! Bro haven't announce yet! Want to die ah!?"But I guess is okay since almost half of the CGMs already knew our relationship even before Bro announce for us.

Reach there and we ordered our food. I ordered randomly cos I don't know what to eat. But I try to choose the least expensive food as possible. Cos I am on very tight budget. While waiting for our food to be serve, we played games and I forgot to bring my house keys along with me. BaoBei then lend me his set of keys and went off. He was not feeling well even before we met up with the CGMs. Poor BaoBei. Still tell me that he is okay when the fact that he is not! Haiz..maybe he don't want to disappoint the CG by not turning up bah? Not feeling well still insist on going.

While the food was being served, I heard the waiters and waitresses complaint that they had a lot of extra chicken cutlets and they seem very unhappy about it. I only knew majority of the CGMs ordered Chicken cutlet except me and a few others who ordered Fish 'n' Chips. After that, Bro said that he has something to announce to the CG and I had a feeling that he wants to announce the relationship between BaoBei and me. Indeed I guess right! He ask the CGMs not to be surprise if they see BaoBei and me holding hands.

Actually, during the 1st few weeks of our relationship, we had quite a difficult time being together cos there are some people who disapproves of our relationship - including my Mum. So being togther is quite tough for us plus we have to keep secret from the rest of the CGMs and it's quite suffering for the both of us when in both of our hearts, we wish to be open to the CGMs. But since Bro doesn't wish to announce it too early and too soon, we had to endure but still, a few of the CGMs get to know about this matter first hand(You guys should know who you are). It has only been a month and 10 days(Total 40 days) since we are together but we had gone through tough times together, although it is quite early in our relationship. I am very glad that BaoBei stood by me throughout all these days that we are together. Although there are quite a lot of times when I feel like giving up. Luckily BaoBei is much more stronger than me emotionally and provide me with lots of love and especially comfort when I need it most. Initially he set a rule for me not to cry in front of him and I had promised him but couldn't keep the promise in the end cos I broke down in front of him once when my Mum objects strongly to our relationship. He was surprise that I suddenly cried after talking to my Mum about him(That time he was at my place). HuiYi called me and I cried while talking to her and that's when BaoBei saw me crying for the very first time. He didn't know what to do except to let me cry on his shoulders.

The second time I cried when I was at his place. Jia Xin objects to our relationship that time and said some hurtful words to me. Again, he allow me to cry on his shoulders. He said he doesn't know how to comfort me when I am sad. But allowing me to cry out on his shoulder is his greatest comfort for me. I remember Marcus ask me why do I bother what others said if I am happy with the person that I love? The reason is very simple: I want the people around me to accept my decision and my choice of my beloved. If they don't, it will hurt me alot. Cos I don't want to come to a point whereby my friends hate my beloved to the core(to the point that they blacklist him). It happened to me once before but that was only because my ex-boyfriend hit me very often after he got enlist into NS and vent his frustrations on me. It got so bad that I suffered bruises on my arms with a few scratches(that's only the minor hurt..the major ones I cannot say it here or else if my friends were to read it, they will be more upset with my ex). My friends were so upset with my ex that one of them even said she'll beat my ex-bf if she ever sees him. Esther was one of them who plead me to leave my ex. Which I am glad I had the courage to do so in the end. The latest info that I heard, is that he has feelings for his ex-gf now. I am very happy for him that way cos it will meant that he won't look for me with false hope that we would patch things back.

BaoBei, Thank you for being there for me all this while. Sorry if I ever make you so upset. I don't know how much I have hurt you but I hope that you'll forgive me(I type here cos I dare not tell him face-to-face myself).

I think I will end here for now. Blog again next time.

Test report is out = Negative???

Merry Christmas!!! Okay..I know. Christmas season is over. Didn't really celebrate Christmas on 25th cos I don't have the mood. Suppose to send BaoBei off but didn't send in the end. When my Mum saw me, she thought that I didn't sleep at all cos I keep giving her blank stares. Actually, I do that just to avoid her questions about BaoBei. She ask me to go to sleep. After that I called BaoBei and the phone ring for a very long time before BaoBei picks up the phone. He said no need to send him there and ask me to rest at home.

Bid BaoBei goodbye and after that I lie on my bed and cry. Why? Actually very small matter. Cos..Until now I still cannot find any job and my money is really running out. Esther Ho ask me to send Jia Xing off but I don't dare to go out. Transport needs money too leh. I try to go out as less often as possible. Won't be attending service but I cannot tell Bro or else he will say that I give him lame excuses and Lorraine will also say that I "Ra-ra" again(Those who know Lorraine well will know what Ra-ra means). *Sigh*

Went to collect my results today. Some of my friends prayed for me over my results including Aidah. Thanks Aidah. The Doctor ask me to go over and she show me my results through the computer screen. Everything in the test shows negative..including something which I am worried most. The results shows,"Not Active". I was relieve when I saw these two words. Call BaoBei first when I came out from the room. He pick up the call and I ask him whether he is free? He ask me why and I think he remembered about my test. I told him the same thing and he said he is very happy for me. Received HuiYi's call and I told her about it too. She said,"See! I told you right? Nothing happen. Got thank God or not?"

Called two of my ex-boyfriends cos one of them is looking for me through friendster(I suspect he wants revenge). It's a long story. The other one, ask me to call him back through email. Cos I spoken to him something a few weeks ago and he's willing to help me(If BaoBei knows about this, I'll be in trouble!). He said he wants to ask me a few questions about BaoBei. Cos he said BaoBei looks familiar. But when he told me the name of the person he is looking for, I was thinking,"Nope! BaoBei's Christian name is not Eric. He doesn't study in Bedok!"(I think?) Only my closest friends will know BaoBei's Christian name(Shhhh!)

Don't know what to do now. I just pray and hope that I could get a 5-day work week soon! Thank you for those who have been praying for me for the past few weeks! Thank you very much and Thank God for His Miracle!

Christmas Eve + Christmas Day

Went to service quite late yesterday. Saw Brother Eugene and he look for 2 seats for BaoBei and me. Thanks Brother Eugene! Saw YueMing there too but didn't really get to talk to her. Bro then found us and chat with my BaoBei for a while before leaving. The Christmas show was great, and it made me cry when Pastor Kong said something about unforgivness within oneself....I still had things which I will never ever forgive myself for...

After service, we went to Expo hall 6 to see the canival. Didn't purchase any coupons for the games. Anyway, I am wearing a dress so it's quite difficult for me to play games there. BaoBei then buy the food that I crave to eat. *touched* While I was queuing for food, BaoBei went to walk around for a while. After some time, I wondered why BaoBei hasn't return? I then heard my name being mention through the P.A system and BaoBei delicate his message to me through Sister Sharmine. *Face turns ultra red* It was then BaoBei appeared and smile at me.

We almost left the canival when MingZe called. He ask where am I after hearing my name being mentioned. We then saw MingZe and he chat with us before he left. Went to Changi Airport with BaoBei cos I said that I wanted to see the departure of the aeroplanes. After that we went to meet Esther and Ivan at Bugis. We then went to walk around and went to Esplanade after that.

Strange? This year, I didn't hear any shouting or celebration when the clock strikes twelve. Only a few crowds spray at each other and nothing else(Boring!) Saw my ex-schoolmate, Shu Hua at the ladies. I only recognise her when she greet me. Didn't chat much. XiongZhi and her patch things up. Okay..good. Saw XiongZhi along the staircase when I was leaving from the ladies but I didn't greet him or talk to him. Nothing to talk and anyway, he used to be one of them who made my life a LIVING HELL when I was in secondary school! I never ever forget! I ignore him and just walk past him.

We then sat at Lau Pa Sat and I fell asleep. BaoBei and me then tried to hail cabs in vain. There are quite a lot of cabs, with the blue light on, with NO "ON CALL" sign, but still didn't stop when BaoBei tried to hail it. BaoBei was getting quite annoyed with it. Haiz...disappointed with the attitude of some taxi drivers! They have their lights on but didn't want to ferry any passengers! How strange is that?! BaoBei said he's going to make a complain to the company. I can understand why.

Reach home and BaoBei is now sleeping. Quite a long and tired day for us. Will blog again some other time.

My friend's wedding

Didn't go for service on Saturday cos I have to attend my friend's wedding. Went to fetch BaoBei from Pasir Ris and we then went home. Put my belongings at his place and went out with his eldest cousin, his youngest cousin and his Mum.

Went back and I sleep for an hour(Actually I never really sleep at all the other night cos I was in msn counting down to BaoBei's return). Okay I know I am very Bo Liao. After that we then change and his cousin help me to make up before we went to my friend's wedding. BaoBei said that I seems to lose some weight. Ya right! Maybe it's because he never get to see me for quite a long time so he says that. Actually I think I had gain weight. Plus my food disorder, I don't think I lose weight. I gain weight instead!

Saw my friend and she was very pretty! Haha! Brides are always on the prettiest on their wedding day. Her husband is not bad looking on that day too. Ate alot again. After that we then gather around to chit-chat. Met Ivan at Macdonald's. Wow! He dyed his hair! Now he looks like Japanese style! Hahaha! Quite cool looking lah.

Went back quite late at night and luckily manage to catch the last bus home. I think I will end here for now. Feeling very sleepy...will blog again some other time

P.S: Congratulations on your wedding day my friend! Wishing you an everlasting happiness with your Husband!

Baobei!!!!!!!! :D *Heartache*

I was extremely happy yesterday!!! Finally I can get to see my BaoBei after 11 days of waiting!!! But...I cannot touch him and he cannot touch me. Cos...he is wearing his Army uniform. *Sad* But I am happy enough that I can see him in person. BaoBei!!! I Miss You So Much!!! Never mind, still have 2 more days to go before I can finally hold his hand! *Pray hard that he won't get confinement* Father! Lord! God! I want my BaoBei! Please!!! I promise to bring him to church this coming Sunday for you to celebrate your "Birthday"! Please! Amen?! Amen! *Begs and cries out to God*(I know..I am Siao!)

He grew a little tanned from his training. We then went to Tampines and sat down at a void deck, listening to his BMT stories and his training there. Before that, HuiYi called me on my hand phone and she cried really badly. Poor thing! It was only after she told me the whole story then I began to be angry at someone! Haiyo! Please! Communicate can?! Hello!? You(to that "someone") attend the marriage course/seminar for nothing is it!? Still don't know how to communicate and don't know how to love your partner is it? Haiz..don't wish to say anymore. I cannot do anything anyway. My BaoBei then talk to her for awhile...but..the tone of his is quite fierce. BaoBei ah...please? Speak to her in a gentle tone okay? Ren jia shi nu hai zi leh!

Poor BaoBei...always kena bully by his Sergeants there. He told his army officer about his problem - ME. Cos he's afraid that I would suddenly disappear if the test result is not what we expected(Which I will and thinking to do it lah if the result is...never mind). Haiz..caught in between. BaoBei then send me off to the MRT station while he has to report back to camp. 2 more days only! I will definitely wait for you de!

Receive Lorraine's call when I was on the way back home. Russell Lee's Book NUMBER 15 IS OUT IN STORES LE!!!!! YEH!!!! FINALLY!!!! Listen to her telling me things. Haiz..I am still thinking how to write my spiritual diary. She then encourage me something about my mindset. I think? Or my confession? Something like that but I don't know how to say lah. Something about having doubts etc. -_-" Yes, Lorraine I know what you are trying to tell me. But seriously, I will try. This I promise you :) although the number may be small, but I will listen to your words. I will try.

I think I end here for now. Nothing else to write. Will blog again some other time.

Copy this test from someone again

1) Single, taken or crushing
Crushing and at the same time, taken. Haha!

2) Are you happy with your life now?
Not really. Maybe more money will make me happier..and a better job too

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him/ her fast?
Errr...Yes? *Sad to say lah*

4) Have you ever been heartbroken?
Yes

5) Do you believe that there are some circumstances, where cheating in love is acceptable?
NO WAY MAN!!! ANY FORM OF CHEATING IS STILL MEANS BEING UNFAITHFUL TO YOUR PARTNER!

6) Would you take someone back even if he/she cheats on you?
NO. A LEAPORD NEVER CHANGE IT'S SPOTS! WHY CHEAT ON ME IN THE FIRST PLACE LEH!? IF HE CAN CHEAT ME ONCE, HE CAN CHEAT ME AGAIN!

7) Have you talked about marriage to someone else before?
Yes

8) Do you want children?
Yes of course!

9) How many?
2 or 3 bah..I won't stop at one..cos "only child" often gets very lonely

10) Would you consider adoptation?
Yes, under certain circumstances

11) If someone likes you now, what do you think is the best way for him/her to let you know his/her feelings?
Either directly tell me his feelings or drop me obvious hints

12) Do you enjoy getting into relationships?
Not really

13) Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes

14) Do you believe you can change someone?
Up to certain extend - Yes but not totally

15) If you could get married somewhere, where would it be?
In Singapore..hopefully in a church..the traditional type that says,"I do" type

16) Do you give in easily when fighting?
No! I'll fight till the end!

17) Do you have feelings for anyone now?
Yes. For my BaoBei!

18) Do you ever wish that you could have had someone but you messed it up?
Yes..lots of times!

19) Have you ever broken a heart?
Yes

20) If one day your best friend falls in love with the guy/girl you're deeply in love with, what will you do?
Depends whether I and the guy are together or not. If yes, I will tell my guy and then depends on the situation(but most likely will fight with my best friend). If I and that guy is not offically together, I will bless my friend and that guy..

21) Are you missing anyone right now?
My BaoBei!!! and someone else...(HuiYi will know who)

22) 5 friends to do this survey
Duno..see who want to do lor

Layer ONE: On the Outside
Name: Juliet
Birth date: 28 May 1985
Current status: Taken/Attach and not available
Eye colour: Brown(but not obvious)
Hair colour: Black..I want to dye red colour hair! *sob*
Righty or lefty: righty
Zodiac sign: Gemini..

Layer TWO: On the Inside
Your heritage: Chinese
Your fears: Darkness, losing my BaoBei, jobless, no money etc
Your weaknesses: Hot-tempered etc
Your perfect pizza: As long not Hawaii pizza can le

Layer THREE: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
Your thoughs first waking up: Job! Job! I want Job! and my BaoBei!
Your bedtime: 2am or 4am
Your most missed memory: My childhood times and my early secondary school daze(Sec.1 and 2)

Layer FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Neither. I don't like to drink gasy drinks
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King for Mushroom swiss and the Barley water!!!
Single or group dates: Group
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Lipton tea or Nestea: No preference
Chocolate or vanilla: definitly vanilla !!!
Cappucino or coffee: No preference

Layer FIVE: Do you
Smoke: Social smoker
Curse: Yes

Layer SIX: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: Yes
Gone to the mall: of course lah
Been on stage: No
Eaten sushi: Yes..
Dyed your hair: No

Layer SEVEN: Have You Ever
Played a stripping game: NO! You are siao!
Changed who you were to fit in: At times, yes

Layer EIGHT
Age you're hoping to be married: 26

Layer NINE: In a Girl/Guy
Best eye colour: Brown/Blue
Best hair colour: Brown, Black, Blond etc etc
Short or long hair: Long hair

Layer TEN: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: This stupid survery lor
1 hour ago: Slacking on my bed
1.5 hours ago: Sleeping
1 month ago: Working
1 year ago: Celebrate friend's birthday, do Christmas shopping and attending Christmas festivals

Layer ELEVEN: Finish the Sentence
I love: My BaoBei, My Mum, my younger Brother, HuiYi and my friends
I feel: Loved
I hate: A lot of things..refer to my introduction list
I hide: under my pillow
I miss: My BaoBei!!! Someone, HuiYi and my childhood friend
I need: Money, Job, new Mp3 player and new handphone

Layer TWELVE: Tag 5 people
Marcus Chai, Lynn, Da Lao Po, My BaoBei and Esther Leong

5 more days and I can see BaoBei~! Thank you for all of your concern and care!

Went for CG chalet on Friday and stay over till Saturday morning. Play some games to warm up. The memory game, Ah Liang really speak very softly and there's one part I didn't really catch what he is saying and end up losing that game. Sorry Yang Lin..didn't manage to win for our team. But we had a lot of fun lah...although I feel very dizzy after the game. BaoBei called and I chat with him. He said he wish to be at the chalet but too bad he has to serve his NS. BaoBei! Jia You! Wo hui deng ni de! *muackz* I pass WeiJing my phone and I forgot to switch the picture...when he saw the picture of me and BaoBei, he was like,"....." and look at me blankly. I quickly snatch the hp back from him and pass to YuZhi instead. WeiJing then said,"Aiyah! Scared what? I know already lah. It's not as if I don't know. Haiz.." Feel very embarrass. Jac? I think? Know that I have something on my mind and I told her about my check-up and explain to her why I can't share my towel with her. She ask me not to worry and said I'll be fine. Even if I had it(touch wood!), she won't avoid me. She then use Esther's towel instead(For "safety" purpose lah).Thanks for your concern!

Sing hymns with Bro and eat BBQ food~Yum! While Bro came and shake every one's hands, he shook mine twice. Once for me and once for my BaoBei(which I think now my Cell Group members will now know who is he as Bro say his name out loud when shaking my hand that time). Still manage to sleep quite well despite those "night owls" playing cards noisily beside the bed I am sleeping at. Did I mention that I am a light-sleeper? Perhaps not as light as Esther Leong bah...heard that she's an ultra light-sleeper as well. Whenever they make noise, I would open my eyes, blink for a few times before closing my eyes again(Esther Leong said that I seems to sleep throughout their noise), while YangLin would suddenly wake up and go back to sleep again. Haha!

When I really finally woke up in the morning, they play cards outside. I then went out to see-see and went to take a shower. When I returned, Ming Ze was surprise and said,"Wah Juliet! You bathe so fast?! Just now see you stand here a few minutes ago and now you come out after bathing! so fast?!" I nodded and said,"Ya..I bathe for 15 minutes only"(My standard bathing timing). But the air-con inside the room is very cold! Ya I woke up many times because of the cold! KNS! Cannot switch off the air-con! I am not used to sleeping with the air-con! Cos I used to sleep with the fan on in my house. I think if BaoBei is there, he will sleep very soundly(cos he used to sleep with the air-condition on).

Fellowship with the members for a while before I went to burger king to have breakfast. Eat two toast of bread before that. Went home to pack and my Mum remind me of the family gathering dinner at night. Oops! I forgot all about it! Haiz..cannot go Saturday service. Went for Lorraine's baptism to cheer for her. Don't psycho me to get baptize please!!! I have my own reasons for it!(Luckily I didn't listen to that idiot Vincent Choo to go and baptize! If not I will surely and truly regret baptizing!) Saw a lot of pretty girls(Chio Bu!) and muscular guys(Woo~Yandao kia!) from the baptism. *Ahem!* Okay okay..BaoBei not happy le(if he sees this entry). Mei you lah! Mei you lah! Wo hai shi ai ni de okay? Zhen de! I only saw it accidentally okay? Cos when they baptize, their clothes surely can see-through. Don't know who is that idiot who set the baptize clothing to be all white!? Then when they baptize and when they came out from the water, surely can see through mah! Saw alot of cool bikinis too! Haiz..too bad I don't have the figure to wear. There are a few guys who have those 6-pac on their stomach area! Wow! That type of figure takes a lot of training and hard work man! Very muscular! I also want my figure to be like that!(wait long long). But must train extremely hard at the gym and must go and a extremely strict diet before I can get a 6-pac on my stomach.(Who says girls can't get 6-pac huh?)I saw a few girls on rare occasions along the streets before with 6 pacs on their stomach area too but that takes alot of hard work plus tough gym training to achieve that kinda figure lah.

Went home to prepare and watch the services through the internet for a short while before going for dinner with my parents. Ate alot there~oops! Gain weight again. *sob sob* my 2nd elder cousin then spoke to me about relationship and I feared for the worst. BaoBei won't treat me that way right?(I hope so!) I guess HuiYi is right. She told BaoBei before that if I really love a person, I will sink very deep into the relationship. No wonder I get depression easily. My cousin said human always love fresh and new things in life. He said if one day, some other girls admire my BaoBei and can relate well to BaoBei, he will surely go after that girl. Humans are like that. Xi Xing Yan Jiu. KNS! Say all these things to make me worry! But HuiYi assure me before that BaoBei is not like that and said he's very faithful type. But when bad things happen in my relationship, I tend to blame only myself and will think a lot of things. Yes, although a relationship is work with 2 parties but I do wonder at times what did I do wrong or what is it that I am not good enough if the relationship ever fails.

Nowadays when BaoBei called me, we don't seems to have any topic to talk(and that scares me a lot!). I told him I will bring him to discovery centre and Sentosa(heard that sentosa changes a lot since)to see-see. If I get a job and got my first pay. Okay lah...actually it's just an excuse. Cos I want to spend more time with him. Maybe one day I will also bring him to Night Safari..but that will have to depend. Cos he has to be home by certain timing. Haiz..reminds me when I was in my teens and had my first real boyfriend. My Mum also restrict me to be home by that exact same timing!

I didn't talk and ignore my father for 3 days now. Don't wish to communicate with him anymore! Something happen lah but I cannot say what is it. My closest friend will know what happen. Don't ask me! It's private!

5 more days till I can finally see my BaoBei. But he says there may be confinement if one person did wrong and thus will sabotage the whole Patton. I want to see my BaoBei!

I will end here for now. Sorry for the long long entry(Anyway my entries are usually very long)

Check up + Depression = End of the world

For those who don't like to read about my whines and complain, you can don't read this entry. Thanks! Suppose to go to Jurong East for interview for Production Operator job but strangely, I only see the vehicle number there but not the person. After waiting for about half-an-hour, I give up and leave the place. Went to Bugis and took a cab to a clinic to check up. The Doctor then access my medical history. He then refer me to a nurse to extract blood from my vein and send me for counselling. Cried when the counsellor told me certain things. I then ask her one very important but stupid question,"Can I still get married if the test is positive?" She said,"Yes of course you still can get married and things like that and lead a normal life". Haha! I don't know whether to believe her. All I know is, if it is positive, it's the end of the world for me. All of you won't see me blogging ever again and I can assure you, all of you won't even get to see me in person anymore. BaoBei lied to me. Or maybe it could be that he do not really understand himself. It's okay...The test itself is very expensive...I need money! Went to his house initially to return his Mum his house keys. But she invite me in and cook dinner. Asked me to stay to have dinner. After dinner, I accompanied his Mum to watch TV. Both of his eldest Brother and elder Brother are back. The elder Brother still ignores me. His dog barks at me more fiercely today. I think she don't recognise me? She almost bite my ankle when I step into the kitchen and BaoBei's Mum slap the dog's butt once.

Went to Harbourfront to walk around. I try to put up an act as if I am happy. Visit Wendy and the new girl(whom I forgot the name again). I then bid them goodbye and try very hard to smile cos I know I am going to cry soon. Walk around aimlessly and I went to the top floor of Vivocity and look down from the high floor. Part of me wanted to jump down...with my head hitting the ground floor first then everything will be settled. But then BaoBei's image and words flash within my head. I still remember him saying to me,"No matter the result is positive or negative, PLEASE DON'T AVOID ME and don't play disappearance with me! I will go crazy! I will search the whole Singapore for you even it means that I will be thrown into Detention Barracks for 3 years! After 3 years if I am release I will still look for you until the day I have found you!" I then dial HuiYi's number and wanted to chat with her but someone at her home pick up the call and ear drop. It's something private so I don't wish another third-party to listen. I called another number she ask me to call and spoke to her. She encourage me alot and I cried. Lucky thing is that she also know BaoBei very well and know what kind of person he is. She said,"What he says, he will do it! He meant what he say". Chat with her for awhile and she console me before I hang up the call.

Feel like smoking but I promise BaoBei not to smoke. I cannot cut myself cos I promise HuiYi for it. I cannot drink cos I promise Lorraine for it and Bro also set conditions for me about my drinking problem. I look down from the Balcony and see alot of people...don't worry. I don't have the courage to commit suicide. I then went to Cheers and bought 3 packets of milk. I cannot drink mah. I cannot smoke mah. I also cannot cut myself mah. Then I replace Alcohol with Milk can? Anyway it's a new kind of milk that I never tried before so I bought to try lor. Okay, I know I am being lame.

Board a bus home. My mind is still in complete mess. HuiYi called me to ask how am I? Chat for awhile before hanging up the phone. BaoBei called and I hesitate the pick up his call. I reject his call twice before calling him back. He was relieve when he pick up my call,"I thought you wanna leave me" He said. I don't really have the mood to talk to him because of what happened earlier in the afternoon. He said some things that made me cry. I cry because what he said, touches me a lot. The more he spoke, the more I cry, the more I felt touched but at the same time, the more I felt guilty. I was thinking,"I don't want to ruin your future. You've a very bright future ahead and I am sure someday you'll find a better girl than me". He seems to read my mind and said,"Dear, are you crying? I know..you are afraid that you'll burden me right? But Dear, I cannot live without you and I mean my words! Please don't play disappearance with me can?" I cried after hearing him says that.

I don't know whether to talk to Bro. HuiYi says wait till the results are out then say. Sorry, I am quite a negative thinker. Lorraine should know. Luckily BaoBei and HuiYi are positive thinkers. Haiz..How I wish I could think positively too. But when reality and circumstance slap on my face, I don't know how to think positive anymore. From the look on the Doctor's face, I don't think it's good news. I just have to wait for 2 weeks to find out.

I think I have to end here. Sorry for the lousy mood.

BaoBei, I miss you...

Each passing moment is an agony for me. Went to Pulau Tekong to see where he will be staying in and how his campsite look like. WeiDa and XiaoPang told me that he will not be staying in this kinda nice environment. It's only for the Sergent's and it's only "for show". Listen and watch my BaoBei take his Singapore Pledge to serve the country. Suddenly feel very proud of him although it will meant that I have to wait for him for 2 long agony years for him. Before he got enlist, he voice his fears to me and I can understand why. But then again, BaoBei. You should know yourself very well that I am not very pretty and with my hard-to-stand-temperamental of mine, who would want me? The Promise that I've made to you I'll never forget. I'll wait for your return. I miss my BaoBei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Love sick*

Went to Service quite late yesterday and manage only to catch the other half part of the sermon(I guess?). When I was seated at the very back seat, I scan around for my CGMs and I thought I saw Ah Liang? Indeed it was him! With Esther Leong etc in a row! After the service, I then make my way to the terrace and an usher block my way. He refuse to let me go through and ask me to exit by the back door. I point upwards telling him my CGMs are there. I then demand him to let me in! He give me don't know what kinda look before allow me to go in. I saw HuiYi and hug her when I saw her.

Gather with the rest of the CGM outside church. Bro was surprise to see me there. He said,"I thought you said you are not coming?" Ya, I wasn't coming cos I had to send my BaoBei off to his NS. He then spoke to us about the Holy Spirit and I listened. After that, MingZe then tease me about BaoBei. Bro still didn't announce for us. MingZe said,"Aiya! That day the both of you left together. Even the most stupidest person will know lor. No need to announce le. Both of you are quite obvious lor". Whatever..I don't care about this anymore. As long as I am happy with BaoBei and as long as he still loves me(or in his case, he only said like me), I'll be very happy.

Slacking in his home. Help him tidy his room a bit cos he told me to tidy it for him if I am free. Went to Orchard but I cannot locate the shop that I wanted to look for and thus, cannot find the necklace I wanted to buy for him. I tried to pre-order it but I know it will take some time. His pillow has the same smell as his shoulder(sometimes). A kind of smell that I don't know how to describe. It's not perfume, It's not sweat, It's not body spray. It's a smell that he has it naturally. Some people have their own kind of smell in the body. This is what I notice, that's why for some people, even without perfume or sprays, they still smell good...a little. I don't have my "own kind of smell". That's why I always spray perfumes often although I am allergic to it(I think). Listening to my BaoBei's composed song over and over again for the umpteenth time in his computer. Although it is sang by another guy and not my BaoBei himself, but the lyrics is written by my BaoBei himself. I imagined it's my BaoBei's voice that sing that song and not that guy's. I heard my BaoBei sang that song to me a number of times...his voice is stuck on my head. Somehow the smell of his on his pillow made me feel that he's still around in his room and not in NS. Okay...I know. I am going crazy soon.

I think I have to end here for now...going home soon..BaoBei, Wo zhen de hen xiang ni...xin hao tong...

"Last" Meeting with friends

Meet BaoBei at Bugis in the evening to introduce him to Esther and Ivan. I am really very happy that she have finally found someone that love her for who she is. Ivan then showed us some pictures that both of them took together. Wow! So romantic ne! Ivan then said,"Oei! It's your last day here leh. Don't go CG lah. Some more most of our friends are here leh. Marcus want to see how you look like". We then bid them goodbye to meet WeiDa.

While we were on our way to meet WeiDa, Bro then suddenly approach us from nowhere and ask us to follow him with Samuel and MingWei. He then explain to Bro that we have to meet a friend and will be going for CGM later on. Have lunch with WeiDa and BaoBei at Han's restaurant. We then rush to CGM and told Bro when we entered the room that we have to leave at 8pm. Luckily Bro allow us to leave. There's a guy came for make-up CG. We then play games and BaoBei signal to me it's time to go. I then call out to Bro and told him we have to leave and the CG bid us goodbye. I wonder has Bro announce us on our behalf yet?

Went to meet our friends at Vivocity. Went for dinner and later on WeiDa, Xiao Pang and Shuang Long came to meet BaoBei. We then walk around together. Went to the balcony to chit-chat. The guys sit at a corner to talk while I chat with my friends nearby them. I think most probably it's Army talk for the guys. While my friends and I discuss about one of our friend's upcoming wedding. I stole glances of my BaoBei here and there. Watching him chatting and laughing with his friends and Ivan. Feel very bless to have him as my boyfriend. At my most difficult times, he's there to comfort me and stand by me...(although I knew very well in my heart that he could easily found someone else better than me). Jia Xin and Lynn left first and Esther then chat with me about Ivan. I understand her doubts and I understand very well how she feels. She said she has no confidence in herself. For this period that I have known Ivan, yes, he does know quite a lot of pretty girls in his social circle. He himself is not bad looking too. But I believe that he choose Esther out of all those prettier faces out there because he love her for who she is and mostly, he love her heart. All I could say is,"Esther Ho, I know how you feel. But as a friend, I really don't wish to see you being single all your life. You have been single since that good-for-nothing-idiot left you so many years ago. Maybe you can give yourself some time to see who he really is and how he feels for you. I have no stand to say anything. It's your own happiness and future at stake. But as far as I see, he really does treats you very well. I really can put my mind at ease for him to take good care of you. But then again, if one day he really does treats you bad, please do let me know. You should know very well of my temper and what I will do if he really does that. Since you have found someone who loves you for who you are, do treasure him well. I believe he truly loves you from the bottom of his heart and will treasure you as long as he live. True Love withstand all test. Learn to Love yourself and Love him. See the guy who is standing in front of you now. See the guy who is now holding your hand. I believe he is the one who is willing to go through the good times and bad times with you. All you need to do it to put your trust in him. I know it's very difficult but if you never try, you'll never know. All the best to you and Ivan. I'll give the both of you my blessings."

After that Marcus then join us in our talk. We then tease him with Lynn. But too bad, he doesn't see Lynn with him in the long term. Of course if compare to Marcus with that &^%^$%, I would prefer Lynn to be taken care by Marcus instead of that %$^#$%!!!(Which until today I haven't beat him up for it!!!)Bro, Lorraine, HuiYi and BaoBei ask me to cool myself down and just forgive that person. I will! I will! As long as he stays away from Lynn I will forgive him.

See BaoBei and Marcus off to the MRT station while Ivan and Esther went home by bus. Still saw them while I was waiting for bus at the bus-stop. Strange? I thought they left earlier than us?

I think I will end here for now. Will be sending BaoBei off to his BMT this morning. BaoBei, I will miss you lots lots! *muackz* Will be waiting for your return. Watashiwa Ashitaeru! Sa Rang Hae Yo!!!

Day 2 + Day 3 at JB

Went out with BaoBei and Ah Pei for supper. Actually we just sit there to drink. I really regret that I didn't have enough money with me to buy things. But then again, the prices at Malaysia is almost the same as Singapore(if minus here and there). They then went to play pool while I watch them. After a while, I was getting bored and went out for walk. As I pace around, BaoBei then called out to me from behind and I get startled. Please! Don't ever call me from behind can? He ask me not to roam around too far,"This is not Singapore. JB is not a very safe place! Plus it's already so late at night and I don't feel comfortable for a girl like you to roam around the streets alone". I then followed him back to the billiard place. There are mostly Malays there and only a number of Chinese.

Went back with his cousin. The way she drive, I really don't know what to say. She drive at a speed of 30Km/hour. I was like," -_-" *Wu Ya Fei Guo* Eh Eh Eh Eh" that kinda look. BaoBei said twice to her,"Oei..get down and let me take over lah" I laugh at that point. But I cannot blame her cos I heard she just pass her licence.

Went to sleep and BaoBei sleep at the living room again. Wake up around 7+am in the morning. Wah! I was the first one to wake up! I then went to wash-up myself and then take their clothes out from the washing machine to hang them out to dry. Folded the dry clothes and put it in the eldest cousin room. Disturb BaoBei from his sleep and pull him to the room to let him sleep on the bed. Then I wash the dishes that is left overnight and re-heat the curry again. -_-" So many things to do. Wash my own clothes in the washing machine later on. BaoBei then wake up and said,"I had sleep enough". Ya right! Like I believe you! Yesterday night don't know who is the one who sleep very late hor?

Went out with his cousins and family to visit his Grandma. Too bad I don't know how to speak Teochew and need a translator. Saw his another uncle there and he only smile at me when I greet him. BaoBei was very restless there and he took me for a walk around. When I saw him....doing something that I don't like, I was like," -_-" KNS! Never mind lor. Since I told you so many times and you don't want to listen then I give up on you le". I then nag at him and he seems a little unhappy. Oei! For your own good hor! If you are not my who, I don't even bother to nag at you.

His auntie then fetch us back and BaoBei bought fried noodles for me to eat. I think next time I will have a very difficult time feeding BaoBei..cos...his appetite is really hor...haiz..extremely big. I die le! During the stay, I also grew fatter cos of the food there. Haha! Haiz..need to go on diet or else someone don't want me le :'(

Went back home to pack our things. I pack it in a rush so I didn't check to see if I had left anything behind. BaoBei was asking,"Where's my...this this this..where's my that that that"? I only replied,"I don't know". Cos I only recognise BaoBei's T-shirt and nothing else. Such a lousy girlfriend right?

Now back in Singapore. Very tired but don't really dare to sleep on the bus(cos scared that the things will go missing). Got numerous of miss calls and a few SMSes. Called my friend to confirm about her wedding and she request me to pack a bigger Ang Bao for her. Haiz..God! I'm broke le! I am jobless leh!

I think I have to end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Day 1 in Johor Bahru Malaysia (JB)

Went to my friend's place to ton overnight. My family thought that I was suppose to leave for Malaysia the night before but in the end I am still in Singapore. Chat with my friend till wee hours of the morning before going to bed.

Woke up in the morning to prepare myself. Then went to meet his eldest cousin to go to JB with her. Met BaoBei at JB and I saw him using another hand phone with a Malaysian line. His cousin then bring us for shopping. All the things there are sold at the discounted price! But too bad I do not have any Malaysia ringgit with me. BaoBei then bought a couple ring for me and him. He ask me to choose and I deliberately choose the cheaper price of the ring although the rings that cost a higher price is much more "prettier".

Went to his cousin's place to place my belongings. His eldest cousin then showed me the room I will be staying in. After that we have dinner with his uncle. His 2nd and youngest cousin keep on sticking to me all the time. Watch TV in the living room with them. I was surprise that their channel could watch Singapore drama shows! Haha! So happy! Their semi-detach house was very big!!! His eldest cousin room is bigger than mine!

Went to sleep in BaoBei's room and he sleep in the living room. I was suppose to sleep with his eldest cousin but her room was too dark plus I had to sleep on the cold hard floor -_-" I don't want! So I argue with BaoBei and snatch his sleeping territory. BaoBei was like,"KNS! I was suppose to sleep there" that kinda look. He then sleep in the living room couch. Poor BaoBei.

Woke up in the morning by him. I want to sleep! The room was still very dark but BaoBei says it's 8am in the morning and keep disturbing my sleep! Ahh! He said,"Wei! DearDear! Wake up already! Don't sleep le!" and tickle me till I said,"Okay okay! I wake up I wake up!" and went to wash-up myself. His auntie bought breakfast for us. I then choose the laksa while BaoBei choose a bean paste with "You Char Kway". He said the food he is eating now doesn't sell it around his area in Singapore.

Went for walk with BaoBei and now I am in the Malaysian Internet Cafe. Very cheap! Only RM2.00 per hour! I don't really like the people there though. They are those Ah Beng, Ah Lian type that you can see in Singapore(and I mean those low-class Ah Lians and Ah Bengs..not the high-class type).

I think I have to end here for now. BaoBei wants to use the computer to play racing..Hee..will update again if I had the chance.

*In my Dreamland with BaoBei*

Yeh! Slightly overcome my fear!!!

Went for interview in the morning. KNS! I really hate last minute interview. The Agency send me an email on Friday but I could not open it no matter what. I then went there to fill in my particulars. Interview by three interviewers instead of one. Feel a little pressure. I keep saying,"Yes" and "No" answers throughout the interview. One thing I don't like about the job is that they require me to work on BOTH weekends occasionally, which I don't like it. I have a feeling that I won't get selected for the job but it's okay. I had already made up my mind to work in a factory job or any 5-day work week job. No office job for me please. I had enough of office politics!

Went home to pack my things at the last minute. Going to Malaysia for 2-days-one-night stay. While I was packing my things, my Mum nag at me about my BaoBei again. Now then I understand, it's not that she doesn't like him. But just that she want my BaoBei to go through some "test"and want him to do what a guy should do before she consider whether to accept him or not. She said as long as the guy who need me to fork out a single cent of money, drop him. I was like,"....Ma! What era is this now?"but then again, I agree what she says. Cos...almost all my previous ex-bf, always want money from me but they didn't bother to return me back. It's not small sums. Slightly quite large sum to me. But of course in the end I couldn't get a single cent from them at all lah. Feel very stupid!

Went swimming with BaoBei and his cousins. I am starting to overcome my fear of swimming pools for now. But up to certain depth of the meter. I almost learnt how to swim freestyle le! BaoBei says the way my leg swim is in correct position but still I need to learn how to position my hands. Got choke quite a number of times from the water. When his 2nd cousin tried to "carry" me back to the poolside, I then kick my leg quite hard and end up my right ham-string cramp for quite a long while. I almost got drown again because of that. BaoBei then swim towards me to carry me back to the side.

Went back "home" to rest. His 2nd cousin said his Mum accepts me le but BaoBei says not to trust her words. If I want, I can confront the eldest cousin about it to see if this is true. I only told them,"If one day, his Mum ever call me up personally to invite me over for dinner, I'll be the most happiest person in the whole world and I'll be more happier than winning the lottery!"They laugh and BaoBei said,"You said so hor!"But I know very well that won't come true lah.

I think I got to end here for now. Will blog again some time.

*Feeling bliss in BaoBei's world*

Roses + Wedding + Cruel reality = Depression

Met BaoBei around the afternoon at Tampines for lunch. When he board the train I am at, he gave me 3 stalks of pink roses! The other day at CG, HuiYi sort of tease him and ask me to drop hints to him to see if he get what I mean? It's not that I don't like roses. But if he gives me roses occasionally, I'll melt inside my heart. So sweet! But I understand that he is not the romantic sort of person. Don't worry BaoBei. I can understand. I won't expect you to give me roses everyday or what. But I am really surprise that you gave me roses yesterday.

Someone suppose to meet us at Tampines but in the end he didn't come due to last minute reason. Well never mind. At least we could spend time alone together to window shop. Took some pictures too but I don't look good in it. He received his friend's call about a wedding dinner he has to attend later on. Oh no! He forgot! I then rush home to change into the white dress that his cousin lend it to me. Went over to let his cousin to do my hair before setting off.

Met a few of his friends to go to the restaurant together. I am the only girl there. Haiz..if I had known, maybe I won't bothered to go along with him. Feel very "extra". My mind is thinking about someone and I wonder how is she doing now? When we reach to the restaurant, he introduce the Bride-groom and Bride(His friend)to me. The bride is very pretty! Her friends are all very pretty too. Erm..the Bride-groom is okay looking to me only.

Ate a lot of food there. Haiz...We then toast for the Bride and Bride-groom to their happiness. BaoBei's friend then ask,"Oei..when is your turn?" He replied,"5 years later". He need to get a stable job and income first. But somehow, I have a feeling that the journey ahead of us is not easy and will be quite tough. I then sank my mind into deep thoughts.

Someone smoke quite alot these days. Beyond the limit of cigarettes that I had set for him. I feel very heartache and slightly upset each time I see him light up the cigarette. But I could not blame him since his social circle of friends smokes. A few years ago, my father email me a slide show about a loving couple from their secondary school daze. The girl is a smoker while the guy is a non-smoker. As they grew into adulthood, the guy went overseas to work while the girl stay in the country. When the guy returned, the girl's hair had cut short to the look that she have when they first met. In the end, the girl died in the guy's arms peacefully. She said she was tired and fell asleep on the guy's shoulder. But..she never woke up from her sleep. When the guy sent her to the hospital, the doctor said that she died of excessive poisoning in the lungs from cigarette smoke. The guy broke down and this is what the sentence shown in Chinese that sticks to my mind until now: 如果时间能够到流,我会毁掉你手中的烟,也不让你这样离我而去!

I do not know whether he knows my fears? I don't wish to tell him anything about his smoking habit anymore. I am tired. But I know he is trying his best to quit. Maybe I just need to give him time.

I think if I really got the money, I will terminate my line and change a new handphone number. The bad thing is, this current line of mine is quite new and quite recent. So if I were to change number, I think I will need to pay the penalty fee. Or maybe I could ignore certain calls and SMSes for the next 2 years till I finally change another new line again. If you guys want to know the reason why, it's very simple: Just don't keep chasing me for money or WORST, borrow money from me when I myself is already on a very tight budget!!! And I don't mean those small amount of money like $2 or something like that..it's $50, $100 or worst, keep asking me to top up your !Hi card for you and NEVER PAY ME BACK! OEI! I AM NOT YOUR ATM MACHINE OKAY!? If you request me to top up your !Hi Card for you, please kindly return me the amount of money! If I top up for you once and you don't even bother to pay back, SORRY I am not going to top up for you again! Most things, I will try it trice before giving up but when it comes to matters like this, I will help just ONCE and that's it! Sorry if you think that I am being stingy but hey! My family doesn't print money okay?! And my family is NOT WELL-OFF! The "people" whom I mention above, is the kind that when they need help or favour, they will come to me especially if it concerns about money. But when I need them for help, they disappear without a trace and will only emerge again to me when they need my help. Hey! You call yourself a friend to me like that?! Sorry! GET OUT OF MY LIFE! I don't need friends like you! If you all don't understand the reason why I am become like that, reason is simply because, I had been cheated money from friends and even boyfriends and it's not just ONCE! That is why I am extremely sensitive when it comes to money. And to SOME PEOPLE, please don't chase me for CG funds etc though SMSes! I will get extremely irritated! If you want, talk to me FACE-TO-FACE for the funds! Then if I had any problem giving you the money I can also speak to you straight on your face! Just don't SMS me for money unless you want a scolding from me or if you want me to throw money onto your face! I will really do that if you keep on SMS me this kind of stupid thing! Just TALK to me! Can!? There is also something call "CALL ME"! Just don't SMS me especially when it comes to money! Don't ask me why!

I think I will end here for now. I know I will offend a lot of people for my last part of my blog. There are just some things you guys don't understand about me. Much less, my attitude towards certain things.

Pain in my heart

Went to meet his cousins to help them to do Manicure and Pedicure for them. I don't know if they like it? His 2nd cousin don't want to use the stickers that I had bought for them for their nails. She said she don't want me to waste money. Haiz...I don't mind doing it for them cos I don't really use the stickers anyway. Although it does cost me a lot when I bought it some time ago.

Went swimming with his cousins the day before. I have phobia of swimming pool and his eldest cousin encourage me to jump into the water. When I did, I gasp for air and cling onto the side of the pool. She ask me to let go and place both of my feet onto the "ground". I think I had slowly learn to overcome my fear of the swimming pool. Luckily the pool is not very deep.

Meet my friends around the evening. We then went to Ajisan for dinner and Ivan foot the bill. We then went for walk and bought his youngest cousin a gift. After that we then went to Starbucks for coffee. Ivan and my BaoBei sat outside to chat about God-only-knows-what while JiaXin, Esther and me went to order our drinks. While waiting for our drinks, JiaXin then comment on something which make me very sad. But I don't wish to let BaoBei know. I don't want him to worry or upset.

We then went home and BaoBei could sense something is not right. He then probe me to tell him. Still, I didn't say it out. Somehow, he could sense what is the problem and said he'll talk to me about it later. Cried on the way but I quickly blink the tears away. I promised him I won't cry in front of him...I must be brave!

My mind is thinking of a lot of things. Mostly negative. I don't wish to tell him. Anyway, he will only say the same old thing.Life starting to get tough for me...

I think I shall end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Staring into space...in my dreamland

I am very happy for these few days. Maybe due to the constant shower of love from BaoBei bah. Had seen both of his parents and all his young nieces. Hmm..all of them seems to like me very much. He said that if the eldest cousin like me very much, everything will be smooth sailing(I hope so too).

Saw both of his Parents yesterday. I am quite envious of his family. Especially his parents. Cos both of them are very loving to each other even though at their golden years. Unlike my parents....How I wish my parents could be like them but sad to say, that was not the case. Constant quarrelling has been happening at my place due to the same old reason 9 years ago. My Dad is still repeating his same old mistake...a mistake which I hate ALL the guys for it!

He told his parents,"Pa, Ma, my girlfriend says that both of you are very loving" they smiled. Sigh...His dining table have a very big mirror. I look at his parents through the mirror and deep down inside my heart, I feel like crying. But then again, he told me before not to cry in front of him.

I like his Mum's cooking. Quite nice..especially the fish. Hee..His dog still barks at me but luckily this time she never bite me. I was afraid that she might bite my leg. When I tried to touch her, she barks at me fiercely again. Haiz...Vivi ah...when can I ever touch you?

HuiYi ask me to treasure him. She says he's a very nice guy and a very faithful guy? Strangely, when I go out with him, he doesn't look at other girls unlike all my other exes. Hmm..it's the only part that so far, I felt secure with him. He says even if he does look at girls, it's because he only look at their dressing. Hmm?

Met his ex-Boss yesterday. He look way younger than his actual age! Not bad looking..but he look sort of like my 2nd cousin and 3rd Uncle. A very fun-loving guy. My poor BaoBei been "suan" by him almost all the time. He treat us thai food. Very spicy! There's one particular dish I ate, made me cry in tears! BaoBei then order lime juice for me to ease the heartiness. Wah! Very sour!!!

They then play pool and billiard while I watch them. I still don't really know how to play. Quite complicated game. Count me out! Thanks! Suppose to go for Prayer meeting yesterday but then Lorraine told me at the last minute. She says,"Every Tuesday is prayer meeting what!" I was like -_-" Can-I-don't-go-attitude. Cos I have been there once and I don't really like it. I don't know why.

I am starting to feel very tired cos it seems that Bro accept us, all my friends accept us, his younger three cousins accept us, now left only his Dad and my Mum. My family only my younger Bro accept him. My father doesn't really care what I do. My Mum doesn't accept him and object strongly to our relationship. I feel very sad and told HuiYi about it. She encourage me to be strong. She said if our hands are held closely together, there's nothing that we cannot go through. Hmm..maybe I do not really have faith bah. Cos I've been through the worst of my past relationships and there are certain things I am very scared that it would repeat again. I just pray and hope that he is my last and only guy in my life. If he ever leave, that's it for me. Like I said, I don't know what I will do to myself...

I think I will end here for now. Don't know what else to write. Will blog again some other time

Argh!!! Oh No!!!

Went for service alone yesterday and was late for BS. I then went to register my attendance before going in. Bro didn't saw me at first even after he scan my IC. Haha! Cos he's busy chatting with a brother beside him. He then ask,"What classes are you coming for?" and look up at me. I then smile at him. He was like,"Tsk..So late?! Go go go"and I quickly rush for BS.

I like the way the sister preach. At least she write out all the words on the white board so at least if we don't know how to spell certain words, we can just look up at the white board. The topic for that BS was about "Love". Haiz...I had miss the previous two topics. While she was sharing, some one's image then linger on my mind.

Went for service and listen to Rev.Dr.Phill Pringle's preach. I like his preaching although he end it quite late for all of us. Went for fellowship with the members. I then receive a call and quickly finish up my food and bid the members goodbye. Mingwei ask,"Oei! Who are you meeting with?" I then stammer and replied,"Erm..friend. Bye!" and quickly rush off.

Reach Bugis 30 minutes earlier than the stated time that he told me to meet. I then walk around here and there within the control station like siao zha bo. How come I am always early when I met him? Erm..cos I am scared of being late mah. He came with his friends and introduce me to them. One of his friend was quite.."Dao". Never talk to me the whole time. If I am not wrong, his name is Shuang Long. Then his female friend is quite pretty. Have curves too. I am quite envious rather than jealous of her figure. How I wish I had her figure. Wei Da is quite an interesting guy. Talk alot of things but which I do not understand. The other guy I met him once but forgot his name.

We then went to Queenstown to play pool. Actually, they play while I watch. He tried to teach me how to play but I felt quite scared and give up playing. The food and drinks there are quite expensive! They played their game while I walk here and there, playing the arcade games there and just watching them play. Haiz...quite restless lah.

After playing, they hail a cab while he walked home with me. Talk about a lot of things. Reach home at 2.30am in the morning and my Mum is still awake. She then stared at me. After that I went downstairs to accompany him. Didn't really sleep at all. I told you guys in my 100 things that I am a light sleeper mah. My neck and low back hurts. Ouch! Haiz...that is the only bad point of sleeping at public place.

When he woke up(which I think he too also never really sleep at all). He then send me back to my place. That was 5+am in the morning. My Mum is still very awake. She don't ever sleeps? After that I immediately sleep when I hit the pillow. Help! First time tired till I can't even open my eyes.

Woke up at 12.30pm and I wait for him at home. When I finally met him, which I was late for 5 minutes. He told me that he went down for the altar call. Yeh! Very happy! BaoBei finally got back to church to receive God back into his heart! He told me that Bro prayed for him and at the same time, erm..prayed for us too. How I wish that the things Bro prayed for us will finally come to pass. I told BaoBei before, if this relationship ever fails, I know how I will become. I will sank into depression(which I had before for a year)and after that....only God knows what I will do to myself. He said something which touches my heart very deeply..and I felt secure with him around.

Went to his place to visit his Mum. I was very nervous and afraid to meet his parents. His Dad is not back yet. Heard that he's flying back by this evening. When I step into his place, I greet his Mum with a smile but his Mum never said anything. After that I tried on a white dress which his 2nd elder cousin lend it to me for my friend's special day in December. Just nice! Fits me perfectly. Later, when I watch television at his living room, his Mum came and chat with me. She sound quite friendly. I showed her my IC as I don't know how to explain the writing of my surname,"Li". She then went back to do her cooking. His Dog was very fierce. Keep on barking at me since the moment I step into the house. He said the dog only barks at strangers. Okay...

I haven't told my parents about him yet. But I think my Mum is suspecting me. Only my younger brother knows of his existence. I told him I will take him to introduce my parents one day..maybe soon or maybe only after his NS.

Read his blog and Esther Leong said that she had told some of the members. I will like,"Oh no!" But overall is okay lah. Cos Bro said he will announce it to the members only two weeks later. Erm..as long not ALL of the CGMs knows about this can le. But...paper can't cover up fire. I think maybe within one week and before Bro could announce, maybe the whole CG will already know -_-" KNS! Yes, we are open but at the same time, we don't want to shock too many people about our relationship. Esther Leong, if you know what I mean? But it's okay lah. I don't blame you or whatever. Just that I prefer Bro to announce then they know..that kind.

I think I have to end here for now. Will be celebrating my BaoBei's Birthday eve later. Will blog again some other time. Bye!

Yeh! Thank you! I Love you BaoBei!

Was very worried for the past few days. I couldn't really eat well. He was quite worried about me when he knew about my eating problem. Went to work for the last day today to clear my stuff. Return my pass to the HR and exchange numbers with a few of the colleagues there. Leaving the company happily. Although there will be some people in the office whom I will miss very much.

Went to CG today with a very heavy heart. I told HuiYi and she ask me not to be so worried as Bro will not react the way that I have imagined. The way Bro preach was very fierce. It is the very first time that I heard him preach in such a fierce manner. Very scared of him the whole time.

After CGM, Bro then wanted to talk to us. He then get straight to the point. I was very terrifed the whole time when he talk to us. All my fears about Bro's reaction were unfound. Finally, Bro smiled! It was then I let out a sigh of relieve

Walk home with a few of the members. My mind was thinking on something. For the very first time, I am truly happy deep within my heart. Because of someone's love for me. This time, I'll treasure what I have and won't let it go. He's my everything now. I don't know what will I do if I were to lose him...

I think I end here for now. Have to go for BS tomorrow. Bye! *On cloud 9*

I'm in pain....

Went to work this morning and have nothing to do. Haiz...A agency called me to say that they have a position for me as "Patient Associate" at Bukit Batok. But will double confirm with me tomorrow. I have already applied for leave. So I pray that somehow or another, I will get that job.

Went to lunch with my colleagues. All of them eat their food while I just drink a fruit juice. Don't have the appetite to eat anything. I had taken a very heavy breakfast in the morning but I don't know why, I feel nausea during lunch time. Ms.W then said,"Aiyah! She don't need to eat lah. In love le..then the stomach will automatically be full". I then blush and said that I really do not have the appetite to eat.

He came and fetch me after work. My God-brother wish to see him(I had only ONE God-brother left now). I then take him to meet my God-brother. He carried my brief case for me although I don't wish him to. Met my God-brother at the control station. I couldn't really recognise him from afar. Plus....he gain too much weight since the last time I saw him. I then chat with my God-brother and then introduce "him" to my God-brother.

Had a really great time walking with the both of them although my God-brother keep on searching for hand phones here and there. Haiz...make me feel tired from all the walking. We then sat at MacDonald's and he went to order a drink while we chat. I suddenly felt quite itchy on my right thigh and then my left arm. I do not know what am I sensitive to? I then quickly ask them,"Can we make a move?" He thought that I felt cold cos I suddenly wear his jacket. Actually I wear it to cover the itch marks on my left arm.

Bid my God-brother goodbye at the station. He then offer to send me home although I said,"No". He's so sweet! *melts* During the MRT ride, I thought I felt him kissing my right cheek(Maybe it's my imagination). My God-brother approves of him and he said he's very happy for me. On the way, HuiYi suddenly called me actually wanted to go to a place but didn't go in the end.

Reach my place void deck and sat down. I called HuiYi to chat with her. She said some things that make me very hurt. I wanted to cry but I keep holding back my tears. I promised him I won't cry in front of him and I never will! After the conversation, my heart hurts alot. I wanted to cry it out but I couldn't(which is a very good thing then). After she hang up, my heart sank very heavily.

He called me and told me not to cry. He understands how I feel. Why?! I do not know whether do all of you believe in fate? I don't quite believe it at first but now I am not so sure. Actually, I should have met him a very long long time ago but I don't know why God likes to play tricks on me? I don't know is it really should be a coincidence? Here are the places that we would have been met:
1) Tiong Bahru Arcade(1998 - 2000) - I joined gangs then and my ex-gang members hang around there often. He was there then too but don't know why...we didn't met even though I've been there every week. He studies the same Sec Sch with Esther Ho, Sheryln Ho, Lynn, Angel, Jia Xing and Fiona. Maybe we could have been met through friends but that didn't happen.

2)Clarke Quay Ex-Arcade place(2003-2005?) - There used to be a Arcade near Clarke Quay and I go there with my friends every weekend. He was there too but again we didn't met

3)Takashimaya S.C(2004) - I was working at Takashimaya, introduce by Sheryln. I then met HuiYi but was not quite familiar with her. He said he was working there too but at basement, while I was working at Level 3. I post only to basement at rare times. He said he was with HuiYi often but strangely, he didn't get to know me or even see me before.

4)CHC (2004-current) - We were in the same CG but strangely we never talk to each other. I had seen him a few times but never ever get to talk to him. I did backslide here and there in between the years. When I first went in my ex-CG I heard abt him but didn't get to chat with him at all. I then back slided. When I came back to CHC on recent years, he back slided and soon I had forgotten all about him.

I look at the year and the places, I then trap myself in my own world. I feel like crying but I couldn't. Tell me...Is all these merely a coincidence? I am very confuse right now. My heart is very heavy. I really don't wish to let go. He's all I had ever dreamt of. But....if it's really not meant to be, I will let him go. Perhaps...he would be happier with another....I'm sorry if I am the one who have cause you hurt..BaoBei..I'm really sorry this time. It's my fault. Maybe..if I didn't ask you that questions, none of this would have happen.

My final fate will be decided by someone on Friday...Whether we will be together, will be decided by one person and what that one person said, will change everything. I look at my pen-knife blade for a very long time...I'm feeling very pain inside. Don't worry HuiYi. I promised you I won't cut myself. Means I won't...no matter how much I wish to. I can do nothing no more..All I could do...is to only PRAY and HOPE...BaoBei, no matter what happens, promise me you'll be happy? With or without me? Please? I just want you to be happy. That is my request....Promise me?

Feeling very confuse and uncertain..about myself..

Chat with him yesterday night till the wee hours of the morning. I keep on probing him something and finally he told me. When I heard it, half of me was very happy but somehow at the same time, I feel very confuse, very uncertain and I have no confidence in myself. I never told him the exact reason why. Only a few of my close friends knows. There are a lot of doubts in my mind and a lot of "what ifs" questions keep on lingering on the back of my head. Maybe it's because that I've been hurt too deeply by my past relationships. The kind of hurt that I don't think ANY of the girls should go through. That is also the reason why I tend to be over-protective of my female friends(I am deeply sorry by this part). If I happen to find out any signs of abuse, be it physically, mentally or emotionally in any of my friends from their future boyfriends, I will ask my friend to leave him immediately! I just don't want them to suffer the way I did. Maybe I will just wait...but maybe eventually I won't tell him anything. I am very scared to get hurt again...especially after some incidents happened...

Went to the basement with Sharon. She said that I look slim with the new blouse. Erm...that's my Mum's blouse. I had no other clothes to wear. She then "feel" my waist for the very first time! I was very shock cos she never ever touch me before. Although she's a girl but somehow her action makes me feel very uncomfortable. She's not even my close friend or close colleague! Jolene don't even touch me like that! The most she only hold my arm! If my close girlfriends were to touch me that way, I really don't mind. But not when you are someone that I am not so familiar with or not so close with! Sorry..maybe I am being over-sensitive but that's me! Unless you are my very long-time friend, close friend or close colleague, please don't "hold" me! Especially from behind! I felt somewhat scared but I didn't say or do anything more.

Yeh! Feel very happy! He came to my soon-to-be-ex-workplace to look for me! He cook Japanese set rice for me! Didn't manage to finish the remaining one fish that he cook. Cos feeling very full but still I keep forcing myself to eat(Cos the dish is cook by him). He said,"Haiyo! If you can't finish then never mind lor" Actually I went for lunch 15 minutes earlier. The rest of my colleagues also went for early lunch. Yao Si wor! I then heck care and went for early lunch too. I don't want him to wait too long. The fishes he cook was very nice! Before I open the lunch box, he said to me,"Sorry..don't look really nice". But okay leh. He observe the other day I bought a small fish to eat and he figure it out that it should be no problem for me to eat the fish that he cook. Erm...he observe me? No lah..I think too much.

After that he took me for a walk as I still have quite some time left. His cousin tease him when he left the house. Haha! Very cute. The other day his cousin chat with me using his msn and ask me some questions which I don't wish to answer. The way she ask is way too direct. I don't want to answer is because I am afraid that he will see it. I don't wish to let him know too soon. Maybe I will let him know "when the time is right". Along the way, I tried to sing his composed song but I couldn't get the tune right. He then strain to hear my singing and said,"Sing lah". Then he ask me something,"Why is your face so red?" Oops! Haiyo! Don't listen to my singing lah. I don't sing well. Bid him good bye after he sent me off back to my office.

Went back to office 10 minutes late. Oops! Nor then ask,"Oei..that one who buy for you?" pointing at the desserts. I blush and said,"Erm...no lah" She said,"oooh I know! Your sayang?" I quickly said,"No lah! Not my sayang! My friend only!" Liew..then kena tease for the rest of the afternoon not only by her. But also from another colleague from another department beside me. I then shared one of the desserts he bought for me to her. She smiled and said,"Thank you".

I think I will have to end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

P.S: Don't buy the essential oil for me..okay? Cos I know that small thing is quite expensive..Anyway I don't need it..I think? I don't know how to use.

Peace in mind?

Slacking in the office again. At times, I hate coming to work with nothing to do. Imagine coming to work, nothing to do, and that you have completed all your task at work(much faster than you've thought). So boring!

Receive his SMS saying that he have something to tell me tonight. Half of me had a very bad feeling but something assure me that it's nothing serious. I then take my handphone out with me of the office and called him. He sound very...I don't know how to say and ask me to go back to do my work as he don't want to interrupt my work. But I told him that I have nothing to do at work as I have completed all my task(I never lie. I really complete it. Just that I had complete it too fast) and ask him to tell me. But in the end he still didn't tell me. Just that he said he have to travelled for a short while. I had a feeling he was planning to go to Malaysia, to do something which only I know what he'll do. I didn't stop him from going cos it's something he like it best and it's also one of the reason why I...never mind. It's not that I don't like it..don't misunderstand. But just that I am concern for his safety. That's all. As long as he comes back in one piece, I have no objections. But I heard that usually the winner will get jackpot plus pretty girls..(the part which threaten me most). He then SMS me something that assure me and that I could put my mind at ease.

Jolene was very unhappy when she knew that my contract is ending soon. She said she'll miss me. I miss her too. Haiz..promise someone that I'll bring him to escape on his birthday. I really don't know where to bring him to celebrate his birthday for him. Any suggestions? I think I need help from the guys on this part. I wanted to bring him somewhere to celebrate his birthday but at the same time I am very budget. Cos he say he'll stay at home on his birthday?! No way man! I wanted to bring him to escape theme park to "race" with him on the race track. But I am not sure of the ticket price. Heard that it's $10+++ per person? Anyone knows the exact price of the ticket? And do I need to pay for the games there?

I think I have to end here for now. Nothing else to write. Take care!

P.S: To that "someone", sorry that if I sound very harsh to you. I am not angry...but..just that I really don't know how to express myself well. I didn't mean it. I really don't mind you going there but...just promise me that you'll be safe and sound. That's all I ask for. Just my simple request.

Advance Happy Birthday YenHao!

Went for CG yesterday. Very happy that Yen Hao joined us for CG for the very first time. WooHoo! When Bro ask us to welcome him, actually, the one who "Woo" the loudest, was me. Cos..feel very proud mah. Eh..I bring friend. Yen Hao was very shy the whole time. After that we then listen to sermons. Something happened that made me very unhappy before that, on the way to CG. Bro then talk to me about my temper. Haiz..stupid Ivan! But forget it! I don't wish to say what happen so please don't come and ask me. Ask Esther Ho! Ask Ivan! I know...maybe I am being stingy. But...some experiences happened to me some time ago, make me very doubtful of people especially when it comes to money. I was very angry because he was very impatient of getting money from me! Oei! Since you are the one who wanna borrow money from me, then you should WAIT right? I told you my bank has no money and I cannot transfer it to you! Ask you to come to Kallang to get cash from me instead you don't want! Fine! Forget it! Then you keep on SMSing me to ask me to transfer money to you! How many times you want me to tell you I HAVE NO MONEY IN MY BANK?! So I ask Esther Ho to lend him $20 then he use Esther's hp to call me to shout at me,"Oei! I said already don't let Esther they all know right?!" Then we quarrelled over the phone. KNS! I should have known! I shouldn't have pick up Esther's call! I should have thought,"Esther NEVER EVER CALL MY HANDPHONE BEFORE!" SO STUPID! KNS! I think sooner or later I will start to hate Ivan! Just don't make me hate him to the core!

Went for fellowship at night with some members. Went to Geylang Lorong 24? or 14? To have supper. Have a lot of fun chatting there. MingWei then ask me,"Oei..how are you going home later?" Good question! I don't know. Luckily in the end Ming Ze send us home. But strangely all of the members reject him. I really had no choice but to take his lift cos there's no transport for me home. This time, luckily he drives fast but smooth. At night, someone called me cos I didn't log in to my msn. My father is hogging the computer again. Chat about many things until 5+am in the morning. We then finally hang up and I slept for 2-3 hours and wake up to prepare myself.

Went to shop for YenHao's gift. The actual gift I was eyeing for, actually cost $206++ if I am not wrong. I only know it's $200+. When I showed him the inital gift I was eyeing for him, his expression was wierd. Then he just walk out of the shop. Haiz..don't be angry lah. Okay okay..Le gong mai jo mai okay?(Hokkien Language)

We then went to shop around and went to look around other shops that sells bracelet. I then found another at Suntec and I ask him to choose and I'll pay for it. He said,"No! You choose! If I choose it seems insincere!" Okay lor. The sales assistant then recommend me ladies bracelet -_-" I then told her that it's for a guy. She said,"Oh.." then still recommend me those slim type. She ask,"Do you know his waist size?" I then whisper to her,"The person I wanted to give this bracelet to is just right beside you"She took a look at YenHao and said,"Orh"then she recommend me another type. This time I took it. When YenHao saw it, he was stun and said,"Huh?! You really buy that?!" I said,"No no no..I buy with Monopoly money. Not real money". He was speechless for I-don't-know-how-long. But then again, the bracelet is a little too small for him. Feel so sad...I wanted to take it back from him to return to the shop to ask them to put an extra extension but he said he don't want. Haiz..sorry lah..I know I am a very bad gift-giver. I am really sincerely sorry.

Met YenHao's friend around the afternoon but didn't chat with his friend much. I don't know what to talk? After that we bid his friend goodbye and went for service. After service we were suppose to go for BS but was cancelled at the last minute. I was like,"Huh? No BS?!" and felt somewhat disappointed. Went for fellowship with the rest instead.

I then receive someone's message and what he said worries me. He doesn't want to let me know what is going on and...Don't know lah..just feel very sad that's all. Don't come and ask me why. I know..I know. I have no right to say anything of what he do in his life. I guess I could only keep it to myself...although...it somehow pains me but I don't think he knows. Some times ignorance is really a bliss.

Went home with Bro and the rest. They chat happily while I just listen to music. Receive Esther's SMS about that idiotic %$^&$%#! Why?! My business?! Just don't let me see him! Don't know who is the %^&#$% who say that he love Lynn very much! Now what happened?! Like shit lah! I think I will end here for now. Sorry for the rubbish entry.

Very happy!

Went out with Esther Ho, Ivan and Da Lao Po yesterday! Actually I was waiting for bus at the bus-stop to go home. Received Esther's call after I had knock off from work. I think if she were to SMS me, I would have board the bus home. We then scheduled to meet each other at Marina Square. Esther mistaken Da Lao Po and my identity. She is Da Lao Po! I am Xiao Lao Po! Hahaha! Who is our "Husband"? Well, it's for us to know and for you to find out. Muahahaha!

Ivan then join us for dinner. My friends then ask me who is Joseph? Hahaha! Only my close friends will know who is Joseph. Ivan then chat with us after dinner. Sat there to chat for a very long time. He sure have a lot of funny stories to tell. I thought I heard glass smash somewhere? There could be a fight? To me it sounds like some kind of window have been broken.

Ivan then show me two guys and said he wanted to introduce the two guys to me. Sorry, I am not interested in them. Cos they do not prossess the qualities I look for in a guy. Ivan keep saying,"Why? Eh..they are not bad leh!" Not bad? One is an Ah Beng and a very heavy smoker(more heavier than Someone) and the other is..I don't know how to say lah. Esther then said,"No! You know why she don't want? Cos she wants a guy who can cook very well, can do housework type" I then add,"Ya lor, I also want a boyfriend who can drive. Take me to his races, Love me wholeheartedly and be faithful to me. They cannot right? So don't introduce to me" Ivan then said,"You really don't want them? Serious? 1? 2? 3? If don't want then No more le hor!" I then said to him seriously,"No! I don't want! Confirm plus garentee plus chop!" Esther then replied,"Ai ya! She have le lah. The guy who cook curry for her de lor!" My face then turn very red! That one is only my friend -_-" she then add,"Her Ai Xin curry" >.<"' *Face turns ultra red* He only give me to try sample! Not cook for me! Liew! Kena suan! Ivan said he wanted to introduce it to Lynn. Esther replied,"Oh..must go through Juliet's approval first. If she say can means okay. If not she will not approve." I then laugh.

I think I have to end here. Will blog again some other time. Don't suan me le hor!