Brother Wen Kai's preaching and cell group - WooHoo! Woot!

HuiYi gave me a morning call at 8+am today. Cos the other day when we are talking, I suddenly told her that I would like to go to Brother Kai's cell group on Sunday. When she heard that, she was very happy. I do not know why, but I suddenly wanted to see how is Brother Kai's cell group like cos they are really very happy after transferring there.

I was late for about 10 minutes. I tried calling HuiYi but she did not pick up my call. Initally I thought that she had left without me, cos she told me not to be late. Luckily she did pick up my call in the end and meet up with me and we rush there quickly.

When I step into the house, I had no memories of Brother Kai and his cell group. But somehow I had a feeling that I have been here before. That is what happens, when you have a very bad memory. I then glance around the house and I saw alot of awards on his table. One of the awards, jolt my memory. It was then I realize that I came for make-up cell group before. I think twice? After that we then sat down and had a brief introduction of ourselves. Cos there are some other members from other cell groups that came for make-up cell group. I then try very hard and strike a conversation with a guy sitting beside me. Cos normally, if I am new in an enviornment, I won't make the first move to talk first. Normally I wait for people to come and talk to me(I guess W117 should know?)But HuiYi told me that I must try and mingle with people. So I took the first step to talk. Although I do not know what to say. Somehow, I find that it is not so difficult to talk to people after all. Maybe because the guy behaves like my style. Dare not talk much the first time seeing other people outside of your own cell group. We did not talk much but at least manage to say a few sentences.(Which I would normally get freak out talking to people whom I don't know for the first time)

The sermon for the day was very...touching and POWERFUL! Yes that is the word I am looking for! I felt that all the things he preach today, are what I am going through right now and alot of things that he said, touches my heart. The most amazing thing I find about Brother Kai is that, he seems to know that I am carrying grudges in my heart. He didn't say it to me directly, but he just speaks like that. He said that the Holy Spirit tells him that some of us are having grudges in our hearts(or something like that?)and he encourages us to let it go. Initally I was thinking,"Huh?! then what about that ^&$%^#?! I won't let him off just like that!"but I do not know why, no matter how revangful I am towards ZBR, I just leave it onto God's hands after Brother Kai's resurrance. But..Although I leave it at God's hands, when I let it go, I was thinking,"Okay! *%^& $%^ ZBR! I'll see how God deal with you!" But I know God won't let him die no matter how much I wanted him to. But I believe maybe God has other plans or ways to "punish" him. I think I just have to wait and see lor.

After the whole cell group meeting ends, HuiYi ask how I felt about the cell group and Brother Kai's peaching? I told her exactly how I felt. I now truly understands why they are so happy here. Brother Kai then came and talk to me and ask me how I feel about the cell group? I replied okay but told him that I had not been attending church and cell group for the past 3 weeks(How time flies). He then encourage me to come for another cell group meeting again next week but he said it's entirely up to me whether I wanted to come or not. Cos he don't want to sound like he's forcing me or whatever. He then chat with me for a little while to get to know about me. He then ask me have I recovered from my hurt? I replied that I had just recovered after hearing his peaching. He then sound very surprise when I told him that.

We then went for fellowship and I was very surprise how many people went for fellowship together after cell group. Sandy then try to talk to me more and keep hanging around me. A very nice and active sister in the cell group. After fellowship, we then bid the rest goodbye and I went out with HuiYi, WeiJing, Sandy and JingXian to chinatown. We went for window shopping and eat some desserts. I like the Almond dessert most! I regret not ordering that in the first place. After that one by one, they bid each other goodbye and I went to sit at a corner with HuiYi and copied one of her previous notes. After that we bid each other goodbye and I went to do some shopping before going home. Quite tired at the end of the day.

WooHoo DXO rox!

Yesterday night met HuiYi, Jing Xian, Wei Jing, Peng Yee and Ming Wei to go out for a walk. Went for late night shopping again. I didn't bought anything while some of them bought some jackets and clothes. HuiYi learnt about what happened to me and she talk to me about it. But no matter what, I cannot go back to church for now. Jonathan ignored me after he learnt what is my real reason for my absence from cell group and church. But I don't blame him.

After that I bid the rest of them goodbye while I send HuiYi to the MRT station a while later, cos we have a lot of things to talk. After that then I bid her goodbye and I meet up with *Eileen to go to DXO. While inside the DXO, Eileen complain that there are no crowds there. We then went to explore the rooms at DXO. Really not much people on Friday night. Hey! It's a Ladies' nite leh! Where are all the crowds gone to? Eileen then comment that maybe partly because of the World cup, so most of them could be either staying at home to watch soccer or at some places elsewhere. Haiz..stupid World Cup...but I cannot blame that there are not much crowds cos World Cup only shown once every 4 years. But I know where I can go and have my drinks to unwind on Fridays if I wanted to drink. Cos initally I thought that there is no clubs that operate ladies' nite on Fridays. Now I have found one! Haha! The music was good too! Just that there are not much crowds that's all. Haha! I know where to go drinking on Wednesday to Fridays! Yeh!

Sorry guys, now drinking is the only way for me to escape my problems. There are too much things happening around me which I could not say. There is nothing I could do to help too. After that I then bid Eileen goodbye and board NR home. But...coincidently, I saw Andrew in the bus with a girl beside him. Wah! Lied to me that he don't have any girlfriend. Or maybe the girl only appeared in his life only recently? Whatever it is, it's not my business. Haha! Cos we seldom contact nowadays. I then tease him that he never introduce his girlfriend to me? He then gave me a weak smile. After that I then bid them goodbye before I went home.

Spiritually dried...metally unstable...emontionally unwell

Finish my work quite fast again today. Cos I didn't realize that the paper is too thin and the cases are easy to do. Only two back-logs(Thank God!) Sitting infront to the monitor and staring at the screen.

I then browse through the internet to log on to CHC website. After browsing though the event's calandar, there is a event I would like to go but I need tickets to get in there. It falls on the 6th August 2006. It's a major event to me. I would like to participate but don't know if I could by then? Still have unresolve matter in my hands. Another hint: It'll take place at Kallang indoor stadium..and like I said, it's a major event to me and I guess especially CHC members?

Not feeling well again today. I thought I had recovered from fever but another sickness came to me. Compared with fever, I would rather suffer from fever than this! My colleague who sat next to my cabin ask if I am okay? She seem quite concern about me and she said that she notice that I am quite weak in my body nowadays. She suspect that it could be the diet fomula(that to this day, I am still taking it), cause the problem. Sad to say, because I have stop taking it for a while before taking it again a few days ago, alot of health problems came to me. My Mum insist me not to take anymore diet pills, fomulas etc. She said they are unless and will only do more harm to my body than good. When I am still working in Harbour Front, I remembered Ya Cin keep on complaining that I am not scared of cold and my body system that time is strong enough to keep me from getting sick(at least most of the time) but after taking it, my body system reverse. I keep falling ill to the extend that there was once I had to leave early cos I'm running very high fever which last for 2 days I think? Actually I keep ignoring their advises cos of the result that I can see that I am losing weight..but..sad to say, I gain back the weight that I have lost again :'( This is the bad side-effects of controlling your weight using medications. So far I had not tried slimming centres. Hmm..an old schoolmate from ITE of mine, tried a particular well-known slimming centre, she paid over $1000+ for the whole slimming program, but in the end it didn't work for her and she complained to my ex-consultant(Cos I didn't contact that consultant anymore)that she only manage to lose a tinnie winnie bit of weight with that slimming centre but in the end she gain back the weight she had took great efforts to lose and she's very angry with it.

Recently there's this erm..I duno how to say this in English. It's a kind of "lingerie" that claims that could slim the body down and slowly the curves of the body will show up if wear for long-term basis. The cost? $1600+++(For the most "cheapest") and up to $1800+++ to $3K+(For the most expensive). Initally I was thinking of saving up to buy that to try. But then again, I saw it in the news recently plus my Mum told me that one of her friend had bought that "lingerie" for $1000+(close to $2000..to be exact amount)to try on, not only that it didn't work for her, but because that clothing wrap the skin too tight and for prolong periods of time, her friend's body size didn't change but her skin condition worsen. Her friend then discard that "slimming lingerie" away. How true is it I do not know. But the news surely don't lie right? The reporters claim that some women, whose body could not accept to all these kinda changes, their skin became worst than before and because of the tight clothing that is wrap around their body for long term basis, certain parts of their body became swollen. I was shock when I see those pictures from the news! I then pray to God and feeling thankful that I don't have the money to buy that kinda stuff. I told my Mum while watching the news that I was thinking of buying if I save enough money one day. She said although she keep nagging me to save but I didn't, she is also thankful that I didn't have much money with me. She said if I do, I may be con by all these slimming stuffs. I then gave her this look (-_-")

Haiz..looks like it's going to take me a extremely long time for me to slim down. Cos..I have one weakness and temptation that I could never get rid of - The Love for Food! So..please? Don't tempt me with food :(

Very boring

Just recovered from high fever today. Yesterday when I came to work, an hour after I started work, I start to feel very cold. Initally I thought it was because of the air-condition that is on very cold. But usually it is switch it at the room tempreture.

After about another hour has pass, I began to feel very uncomfortable. I then felt my forehead a little "hot" and went over to ask a colleague to feel my forehead. She look at me with very big eyes after she felt my forehead and she said,"How come you are so hot?! Are you having a fever? You want to request to take MC?" I then ask for 2 tablets of panadols from her and luckily she has it. I then went to take a rest.

By the time I had knock off, I was feel extramely uncomfortable and find it difficult to breathe. Andrew called me yesterday night but hang up saying nothing cos I think maybe I sound sleepish to him. He called me at 2am in the morning. Actually I had already went to bed but I didn't want to sound like I just woke up..tried clearing my throat before speaking to him but he still can hear it though the phone that I have no energy to talk to him. So he hang up. Haiz...sianz...Next time I think I drink some water before answering the phone..maybe he won't be able to differenciate my "sleepish" voice then.

I then went to Orchard to meet Jia Xin to get the newspaper from her that I had requested. Bought Sun's both Albums cos I wanted the Diary. Very Bo liao right? I was thinking of selling one of the Albums cos I don't want to have two same Albums. Although it's just the cover difference. I just wanted the Diary. So if anyone wants to buy one of the CD you can buy it from me :P

After that I then went home and Sheryln lend me her jacket to wear. They instruct me not to eat rice and even porridge also cannot eat! Cos they said it contains "Rice" as long as the food contains "rice", I cannot comsume. Sianz...

I then prayed(after such a long long time)that I can get well by morning. Because I am still under one month probation, I am not allowed to take MCs. Luckily, The Lord has answered my prayer. I woke up slightly late today so I took a cab to work cos I don't want to be late. By the time I step out of the house it's already 8.00am in the morning! So you can guess if I were to take MRT or Bus to work, I'll definitely be late! He is indeed the Johovah Healer!(Or whatever the spelling). I had read it when I was working in a clinic before I found this job.

Saw in the news yesterday that a lorry had overturned at a road and the driver was injured. One look at the lorry and I know it's not his. I was thinking in my mind,"Why didn't that %^*#$%^ *$%^@#^ kena?!" How I wish that the lorry(That ZBR was driving) was badly crush and he was killed on the spot! But then again, he state on his friendster that he is working as Civil Servent right now. Huh?! A person who has police record can work in Civil Servent line meh? But he told me once before that he has a God-father who is working in the police force and could help him clear his blacklist. So even if the employer were to do background check on him, they would not find any police record on him. KNS! Nevermind, I'll wait! I'll make sure that you'll die before me ZBR! Be careful hor, one of these days when you cross the road, I hope a lorry knock you down! Don't ever let me see you alive!

Hmm..Guess I have to end here for now. Some times, I really wonder why, those people who done evil deeds could live such a long life while those kind souls(referring to some people to me when I was young) died early? Not fair!

Hmmmm.....

Recently my friends have been worried over my health. Jia Xin even said to me that she prefer the "Juliet" who eats alot but sleep lesser. Not the other way round. Cos recently my appetite has decrease and my intake of food is much lesser(I didn't even notice!). But I do sleep more now. More than 8 hours...I think now my current longest record for sleeping is 11 hours! But I do sleep more during my off days. Don't really have any appetite for food these days. Some times, I am really very hungry but after that I just take a few spoonfuls of food then I'll push the whole plate away. It's not that the food doesn't taste nice. It's just that I don't have the appetite to finish the whole food anymore. I remember the other day I scare my friends off when we meet together for dinner at Orchard Road. I just eat a few spoonfuls and I told my friends I am full and cannot eat anymore. Erm..don't worry lah..I guess I'll be back to "normal" as time passes by. Maybe it's just the disgustive system problem.

But looking on the bright side, It's also a very nice way to lose weight :-P Just finish my work at the office. Cos I rush through my work. That is why I said sometimes I regret finishing my assignments so soon. Cos I end up staring at the computer and doing nothing. Oh ya, talking about computer, I just went for eye check up with Jia Xin and Sheyln yesterday. The eye check up cost me about $30. The person said I have slight colur blindness and I am long-sighted. Strange..I always thought that I am short-sighted? But luckily she said I can have an option not to wear spects as my condition is still okay. Can choose not to wear spects. I don't like to wear spects. I remembered when I used to wear spects when I was in my primary school daze, I was nicknamed,"Pink Ranger"in school. -_-" Cos my spects fame was pink in colour and it was very big in size. The same as the power rangers "spects". I then took off my spects and never wear any spects again as I grow up. But sad to say, my vision has become more and more blur too.

I didn't sleep yesterday night. Cos I develope flu and it cause me very difficult to sleep. So I end up staying awake the whole night. So terrible! Then my stupid neighbour blasting music at 3am in the morning!!! KNS! I then blast Linkin Park CD songs back to my neighbour. Okay..I didn't on it too loud cos I scared to wake the neighbour upstairs. It's the neighbour downstairs that is "fighting" with me what for I let the upstairs neighbour suffer right? After 2 hours, I no longer hear his music. Liew! Last time I open techno and you quickly turn off your radio! Now I open Rock and you still on your music!? Nevermind, If I have money I go and buy Metal CD! Then I'll come back and "fight" with you again! Or I see which Rock band plays the loudest songs then I go and buy that and fight with you!(Cos He only plays pop music..English hits which I hate the most!)My God-brother used to teach me one thing. His idea was very interesting! He said, if I really wanna fight with my neighbour, go and get those charnting prayers that keep charnting the same tune non-stop and my neighbour will definitely off his music immediately. I find that very interesting. I used to have that in casette tape but I think I lost it when I shift house that time. But it's okay. That chant will only make me sleep. Cos it plays the same tune really non-stop.

After that I then get ready for work. Drank coffee to keep me awake for the rest of the day. I then found a watch on the table when I switch on the lights. Although the size is a little small but I still quite like it. I know who gave me but felt guilty that I never buy him anything.

I think I have to end here. Will blog again soon.

Who suggested this lame late-night shopping?

Yesterday's work was a tinnie winnie stressful cos when the new cases came out, some of it had problems. But luckily my supervisor ask me not to do those cases. Felt so stupid keep going to her to ask her this and that. Hmm..will try to be more independent as time goes by. I think I really need to wear glasses. Cos nowadays I cannot see the words clearly and alot of it are blur images to me. Don't have the time to go for eye check-up. I also wanna do color blind test altogether with eye check up. Anyone knows which clinic or which eye centre in Singapore do color blind test? If you came across it let me know? Thanks.

Went for shopping at Expo with Jia Xin and only manage to buy only one item. I wanted to look around more but she keep complaining that we are late in meeting Esther. So sad. Can't get to see other things.

Went for late night shopping with Jia Xin and Esther at Bugis. Walk past a crowd of soccer fans. But it's a country that I am not interested in. Germany with another country whom I forgot the name. I then saw on the board that two days later, will be England VS another country! Yeh! England go!!! Heard that Rooney will be playing in the World Cup. But I thought the news some time ago state that he won't be playing for 6 months? Cos of his injury. Well I guess maybe he has recovered and I do not know cos I have not been reading the news lately. Ronadino(duno is it the correct name?) is taken out from the world cup..at least I heard. Why?! I thought he's a strong player in the soccer team? How come that he's been taken out from world cup?! No..no..no..maybe they predict wrongly? I hope....Cos I always heard my God-brother sing praises about Ronadino whenever we talk about soccer. Ronadino is his favourite player. On New Year's Day he even showed me some slide shows on how Ronadino played in the soccer match. His skills are....wow! Superb! I can say. It's those skills that I can never ever get to learn. Cos I haven't master my basics yet :-(

Bought a spegettie strap shirt. Initally I wanted the brown colour but they don't have the size that I wanted. Jia Xin then pick out a purple colour spegettie strap shirt and it looks more nicer than the one I had my eyes on. Luckily it had the size that I wanted. Thanks JiaXin! Esther then ask,"Wow! Buy so sexy for what? Go chiong?" I then gave her a smile and she know what I meant. Long time didn't go le..miss the volkas there. But like I said, I don't like to go to the same clubbing place too long. I'll get bored easily. So far I like MOS and Zouk. Cos have alot of space to move around. Unlike Devil's Bar..I used to like Devil's Bar but when it's ladies nite, the room will be very crowded and there's no space for walking. I hate it! Especially space constrain..Haiz..The other time I happen to go to alamak chat, the chatters are talking about clubbing - my favourite topic. A guy then comment that MOS is for "Ginnas"("Kids" in hokkien) I was thinking," ** ***! Saying that I am Ginna lah!?" Felt a little insult, but he add a comment that he feels that MOS is the same as Sparks last time. Not much difference. Oh is it? I don't know. Only those regular chiongsters will know bah. Heard that there used to be a club called "Fire Disco" or something like that, that is more happening than that clubs now. Hmm..again I have no comments on that. Cos like I said, I don't know much about past clubs.

After we then went to window shop around and Jia Xin pass her things to me to carry as I suddenly felt strange not carrying any plastic bags. I thought I was carrying some plastic bags just now? Esther said it's my imagination. When I went home, I suddenly realize I forgot to return to her her plastic bag! -_-" So absent-minded. Help her to carry until I carried it home myself.

I think I'll end here for now. Sorry for the long blogging again...

Haha hee hee *Siao!*

I had finish the assignment given to me yesterday with a bit of OT. So I had nothing to do today. Some times, I really regret finishing my work too fast. Cos I will end up nothing to do for the rest of the hours. I pray that there will be a new case note for me the do later in the afternoon. If not I'll be bored for the rest of 3 hours at work! But some times, one of my supervisor will give me two stacks of paper at a time for me to do. Wah! Then I will take a very long time to finish it. Cos before typing we must write notes down on the paper before we can proceed typing.

Just got my pay today! Yeh! So happy! Cos I never expect that I can get paid so fast. I just work coming to two weeks only and my consultant told me I would only be paid after I served one full month of work. I didn't even work a month. Just a week plus! Okay lah..although the pay is not much but it can at least last me for another 3 weeks or so. Yeh! Dress-down day again today!(Friday). I love Fridays. Cos that is the only time I could wear Jeans to work. The problem is that, I have more Jeans than pants in my house so that is why I prefer Friday + weekends. But tomorrow have to work again for a few hours. I pray that I can at least do something...pray that there will be new cases coming in that can be done something about it. No back-log cases please!

Recently been feeling very down. Nowadays I am not used to not saying grace before eating. It's been a habit. Although I had left the house of God but...somehow I felt that a part of me still wants to be with Him. Just that there are some problems in my life that I cannot go back to Him. I don't for how long. I know that He doesn't like the current me but sorry Father, I won't forgive and I won't forget so easily. Let him off just like that after he done so much damage to me and my life? I must at least know and see that he gets he retributation! I hope to see him get life sentence in jail! Stupid ZBR! I'll make sure one day you'll pay for this!

Dreamt of her yesterday(my friends should know who). Don't know is it a nightmare or what? I dream that she has grown into a very pretty girl(chio bu!). I guess by then she should be 13 years old or slightly older than that. She was picking flowers in a very big garden. When I approach her, her back was facing me. She then turn around a look at me with the same eyes that she used to look at me as always. After that she walk towards me carrying a basket of flowers she has picked in her hands. She then ask me a question that made me cry. I don't know how to answer her question. After that she smiled and bid me goodbye, walking off with the basket of flowers that she carried. I wonder what that dream meant?

I think I'll end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

I want my revange! You'll pay for it Zamri Bin Rasheed!!!!

Yesterday work was very boring. Haiz..late for work too. But luckily my supervisor was kind enough to consider a half day leave for me although I am not entitled to. She give me a choice whether to come for work in the afternoon or to take 1 day leave instead. I choose to come to work although she told me that I won't be paid for that day..cos..late for work for duno how many hours. Haiz...

Receive a shocking SMS from Brother Eugune that YueMing's grandfather had passed away. When I receive the message, my first reaction was,"Huh?! How could it be?!"(I "huh" slightly loud in the office but luckily no one heard me) I then ask Brother Eugune for the address but little did I know that he SMS me the wrong address instead.

Met Nicholas, Jonathan and Jia Ling at night to go for the ceremony. On the way, Nicholas came over to ask me to share with him about my problem. I had shared almost everything about what has been going on with my life and I think he is shock that I am behaving in this manner and that is how I have been thinking. He didn't say anything but ask me to forgive the person. At that time, I was thinking,"You think I would?!" he then keep quiet for the rest of the day. Haiz..Nick..can don't be so scared of me or not? I know lah..I am sorry to scare you like that. It's my fault. Sorry Nick.

We then walk a very long way to get there cos of the wrong address. When we reach there, we then sat down with the cell group members. Not all of them turn up though. I then met a new girl named,"Faith". A very petite and friendly girl. I wanted to console YueMing but when I saw her, I do not know what to say. Haiz..don't know how come I am so dumb suddenly. We then ate and fellowship with one another. I just sit down and kept quiet throughout while the rest chat with each other. After that we went to pay respects to YueMing's grandfather and left the place.

Yue Ming then send me to the bus stop and while waiting for the bus, I then shared with her something and she told me exactly the same thing HuiYi told me the other day. She ask me to learnt to forgive(Ya wait long long). She said that she knows that it is very difficult but I must try and told me to put God above our problems and not among our problems. I did not put God among my problems but I put God beneathe my problems. Meaning my problems are on top of God. She told me that if I put God first and on top of my problems, God's grace will solve the problem automaticly. Oh yeah? But I don't think what I want and expect, God will help me. Especially it is something evil. I don't know but since she is in church longer than me and she is quite strong spiritually in God, maybe she'll know better. There are times, I felt ignored in the cell group. Sorry but I really don't know how to mingle with people. I am very scared that I will say things that offend people unknowingly. So that is why most of the time I tend to be very quiet.

I will see how things goes as time goes by...but I really wanna see him suffer! In Jail hopefully! Stupid ZBR! U KNS! #&*%@^ #&%^&@#! I hope you'll get your retributation soon! Not only from me..but from someone else!(Only I know who...)

I MUST GET MY REVANGE!!!! I WANNA SEE HIM DEAD!!!!!

Wow! This is the 2nd time I have been sleeping for almost the whole day. The first time I remembered I slept the longest is during a year on before and after National Day but I forgot which year was it. On National Day Eve night, I slept till the next morning after National Day..don't know how many hours I had slept. This morning when I came home, I sleep for 11 hours. Actually I woke up once at 10am after Andrew SMS me but went back to sleep again until 5.30pm my Mum woke me up and ask why I have been sleeping the whole day and she suspect that I've been going drinking last night. Haiyo! Even if I'm drunk I also won't sleep for so long lah! My friends complain that ever since I work in office I began to feel tired easily and that I have gained weight. So sad lor..Don't wish to see anybody now! Especially someone...

After that I then went to meet Jia Xin at 7+pm. She actually meet me at 6.30pm but I was late for an hour. When I reach there, SHE'S NOT THERE YET!!! KNS! What for asking me to meet at 6.30pm when you yourself also late for an hour plus huh?! Next time I know le! I won't come the time that you state!!!! I'll come 1 hour later!!!! %^&*$%^!!!!!

After that Esther and Lynn came later and we went to hang around. We then went to TCC to have a drink and sharing cakes to eat and we wish Jia Xing Happy Birthday. Jia Xin then ask is it that I won't be going to church permenently? I told her that I'll see about it. Cos alot of things have been happening and I have to stop going to church for a period of time. A few of the members are quite concern about me and asked what has been happening in my life? Sorry but I can't really say. One thing I could tell you guys is that, I am no longer fit to be in church anymore. I don't know when will I be back or I may not be coming back to church anymore. I don't know. I see how things goes. But...sorry to say, I'll definitely take my revange!!!! I WANT TO SEE HIM DEAD!!!! I had cursed him from the bottom of my heart that I wish him dead!!! with no place for burial!!!(Si wu zhang shen zi di!) I do not know how long it will take but I am willing to wait....for the day of his death! ZBR!!!! You think you are so great in ruining my life?! Fine! Since you do this kinda %^&$-up thingy! I'll make sure your life is living ^&$ for you!!!! I'll make you pay for this! I WANT YOU DEAD!!! Don't ever let me see you on the streets!!! I wish you die in a very horrible way!!! Even if he's not dead, I wish that he'll be sentence to life sentence if he is wanted by the police again! But, whenever I said this, Esther seems to be very scared..cos she knows my curses came true not only once, but twice. This is the third time. I wonder when will it come true?

For my church-mates, Sorry Guyz I think you all roughly had an idea why I suddenly seems to disappear? I had things to settle and there are alot of things going on in my life that I can't come back for now...I do not know when will I be back. Maybe temporary for a period of time or not at all. I'll see about it. In the meantime, don't worry about me. Please don't pray for me or anything that saying that I must forgive the person lah..or whatever! I won't forgive him..until the day he is Dead! I know that maybe you all don't understand what is going on and what has happened that I am so angry and murderous. I don't know how to explain to you guys and anyway, I don't wish to say. Maybe I'll come back after he's dead or jailed for life sentence!

For my friends who knows what has been going on, don't worry about me too. Esther, since you said that my curses came true twice before, I just take this time as a test to see if my curses really could came true as you had said it. If it really did, good! I wanna see that &^*$%^-#^%&*$ suffer!!! The best, DEAD! If not, then the previous two times could be a mere coincidence.

After that we then went home. Finally it's the first time of the night I could go home! Jia Xin took a taxi home while I took NR home.

Stupid life...

Today is another boring day for me. Don't know what the $%^ am I living for?! Finish my workload le. Actually there's a new case notes just came in. But very funny! Cannot be all the same type of stupid case mah!? WHOLE LIST OF UNNUMBERED CASE?! Must be error! Cos I have never do such cases before! WHOLE LIST unnumbered?! If a few items unnumbered I can understand but WHOLE LIST?! Siao bo?! Somemore I have never done that case before! WTH?!

Finally today is Friday! Yeh! Can dress down again! Yesterday went shopping with Jia Xin and Esther and they help me to choose clothes. But it's casual clothing. I have tried on some office clothing but it doesn't fit me. Bought over $50!? Wah! First time spending $50 plus on T-shirts!? But luckily it's not my own money. I use the voucher that is given to me from my friends. Thanks Guyz! Even though it's not my own money, but still I feel $50 plus for a few T-shirts is quite expensive. Or maybe it's because of the brand?

Yesterday Esther was very scared that I am so angry. I told her that if one day I were to murder someone(my friends should know who), don't be surprise. I want to see him DEAD!!! Or at least jail for life sentence!!!! Don't ever let me see you on the streets!!!! I'll definitely kill you if I had the chance!!! Mark my words!!!! My friends told me to ignore him. How could I?! When I told them the reason, Jia Xin then agreed with him on his words!!!!!!! Okay lor! Since you all see me as that way, then what for talking to me!? What for being my friends?! I don't need your Pity!!!!!!! Or empathy or whatsoever!!!! If it is really that way, then I rather be alone like I used to many years ago! I don't like and I don't want people to pity me!!!!!!!

Yesterday was the very first time Alphonsus Korkor don't have anything to say to me after so many years that we didn't met? Or was it something that I've said? Forget it Kor..just forget it. The Juliet meimei that you used to know is "dead". I can garentee you that the "me" that you are seeing now is not the same as before. I'm sorry for the changes Kor. But still I am sorry that I cannot and will not see you face-to-face anymore, even though that we haven't met for all these years. I don't want you to see the state I am in now and I really do not want to see your reaction. I am really very surprise that you've finally said what you have been hiding from me for so many years Kor. I am very disappointed. But it's all too late. Sorry...it's my fault. I have been too stupid to notice Kor. I should have known...Remember to invite me if you ever held your wedding with Da Sao okay? Even though I am like this, still I wanted to give the both of you my blessings personally. All the best in your future with Da Sao. Remember what you've promise me Kor. Sorry about the way I address you. It's been a habit and sorry that it's very hard for me to change the way I address you. Very difficult. Maybe...someday, I'll be able to change the way I address you, but not now.

Guess I have to end here now. Sorry for the BL blogging again. Bye Folks!

Come lah! Take my useless soul away!!!

Been feeling very down recently. Why did all these stupid things happen? Really very tired....feel like ending my life with all these stupid s***! Don't worry about me guyz..just leave me alone.

Been crying for the past two days. Was chatting with Alphonsus Korkor for the past two days through msn. We are both shock to learnt about some things about each other. Why didn't I know earlier?! Why didn't I spot the signs earlier?! For the past two days that I've been chatting with him, I cried alot. Lucky thing that we did not chat face-to-face. I then told him that I wish him all the best with his girlfriend and drop him hints that I wish to end the friendship-cum-God-brother-sister-relationship with him. He seems hurt by what I said and do not know what is going on. Sorry Kor, I have let you down too much! Just treat it as I have never ever exist in your life before. I do not dare to chat with him face to face. I do not want to see his reaction.

Finish my work quite fast today and spend the rest of the two whole hours slacking at the office. Alot of things has been running through my mind. It seems so near but yet so far(The end times). How I wish that it would arrive sooner. Really very tired of my life and tired of everything. I had already given up on myself and my stupid life. Really regret of what I had done during my younger years. But sadly, time could not be turn back.

Receive an annoyanous chain mail in my email. It was a picture taken from a hospital with a girl lying on the hospital bed and beneathe the hospital bed, a girl dress in all white, lying on the ground, her face facing my monitor and her eyes are opening very wide. Her face is very pale. Whiter than the printing paper and her long black curly hair lying all over. Below the note, it said: Send this to ** people in ** minutes. If not, this girl will come to you tonight and take your soul away. It is not a joke! (And it lists the stories of how people mystrious died after receiving this email and did not forward it or just delete it away). I then delete the email without forwarding and in my mind, I was thinking,"If you really want to take my soul after I delete this email, come lah! I don't care anymore!" There's nothing for me to live for anyway.

After that, it was time to knock off and I just do a little shopping before I went home. Nothing interesting. Just another BL blogging again. I then called *Eileen out for a drink as I was feeling down but too bad she couldn't join me but invite me to join her on Friday night instead. Don't know whether to go or not cos on Friday, there is no ladies' nite. Unless she is going to Pubs then it's different story cos Pub is entrance free but the drinks are charged. Will see how things goes. Nite folks!

When will the end time comes? I'm looking forward to it..meaningless life...

These few days I got insult mails in my friendster account. It was from one of my ex-bf. Really very sad about it. I think it was partly my fault. After he insult me, I felt very down. I know there will be people asking,"Why take his insult so seriously? Just ignore him lah"sorry but I can't cos since this incident partly my fault, I have nothing to say. First time kena insult till no dignity. Anyway, after I read the insults, I think through it alot. Thinking of what I had done in the past. I remembered last week Pastor said that we can have a choice of whether to choose to build a wall between others or choose to welcome them with open arms, I think I had made my decision now - to build walls between others. I know this might sound very sad but sorry. I have stated in my previous blog that I can no longer trust. Stupidity has it's price after all.

Luckily for the first half of the day, I have nothing to do so I can cry out in the office. Cos I had finish my work and email my supervisor the workload. I then went to her to ask if there is anything she wants me to do? She look at me and said the new batch of files had not been ready yet so I can rest temporary if I want to. I then sat down and think through alot of things.

I wasn't very happy with my birthday yesterday. Cos someone didn't treat the day with respect...or maybe I didn't deserve it? Purposely came late and can walk somemore! After she then went to window shopping dragging one of my friend along! Anyway very angry for almost the whole day. At night when I went to Cineleisure to celebrate my birthday, on the way there, I keep calling that stupid idiot "princess" upteen times but she never pick up my call. She only said she will be there late but don't know how late? After that, when JiaXin called her, she said she don't wanna come cos she don't have mood to come! KNS! WTF! I called her and she don't wanna pick up my call! And when Jia Xin called her, she then pick up the call to tell her that she has no mood to come!? Don't know how to tell me on the phone when I called is it?! Don't know how to pick up my call is it?! Don't know how to say already! I said before, if you all don't have the heart to celebrate with me then don't celebrate!!! WO BU XI HAN! 21st birthday only mah! JUST TREAT IT AS I AM DEAD AND BURN JOSS STICKS AND HELL MONEY FOR ME CAN LE!!! But still I appreciate for the friends who really help me celebrated my birthday. Sheryln, Esther, Lynn, Vincent Korkor and Jia Xin..THANKS ALOT! I appreciate it :) Especially Jia Xin, took a lot of effort to help me organize the birthday. Initally I told her I am not celebrating..but she persuade me to celebrate.

Received some presents from my friends. They gave me a stack of voucher worth $140. Wow! $140! They said that I could use it to buy office clothing. Thanks alot guyz! Vincent korkor gave me a hp holder..cos he said that he think that's what I need. Hmm..can use it to rest my hp when its not in use. Really like it alot! Thanks Kor! Very kawaii ne!

Yesterday night saw Alphonsus Korkor online. Very surprise to see him. But he ask me alot of strange questions. Kor! You are getting married soon leh! Why say these kinda things to me?! I do not know what was he thinking in his mind. Suddenly rake up the past to talk to me. Or maybe he don't know what to say bah? I wonder what happen between him and Da sao? I hope nothing happens? Actually he started to speak very strangely to me even before Da sao entered his life. There's certain things in the past that he told me, I don't even remember. When I told him certain things he used to do in the past, he too, didn't remember. Haiz..what's wrong? He then showed me his recent photo..I was surprise that he gained alot of weight since the very last time I saw him. Hmm..okay lah..it's been quite a long time since I last saw him, so..it's not surprise that he has gain so much weight.

After that went back to work when the new files arrive. Why this batch have alot of back-logs?! I hate back-logs! After that I accompany Jia Xin to go for shopping and bought a flask. Until now I still don't know where is the Pantreen? Cos nobody told me. When I ask, they said,"You go look for it yourself lah!" Actually I don't know there's a pantreen until a colleague told me that I could bring my own cup and boil coffee/milo inside the pantreen. But...Where is the pantreen!? From the day I step into the company until now I still don't know where is the pantreen lor.

I think I shall end here for now. Will blog again next time.

Unhappy 21st Birthday

This afternoon I went out with my friends to Jurong Point and we do some shopping there. Jia Xin was late! Haiz..who is the one who ask to meet at 12.30pm but late herself? I then went to window shop around with Esther and she help me to pick earrings and an anklet for me. Lynn also came and join us. We then went to Long John Silver to have our lunch. After that we then went to a shop and I showed Jia Xin a Cardiant(Is is spell like that?)that I had set my eyes on. She then help me to pick a color that she thinks it suit me most.

She ask me not to wear Cardiant to work often and ask me to dress formerly whenever possible. After that we went to Sasa shop and I finally found the make-up box I am looking for!!! Yeh!!! Haha!!!(*Siao!*) but I actually took a long time to make a decision although I finally found what I wanted cos there is this other box(smaller)which looks simple and cute. In the end, I then bought the one that I had set my eyes on and wanted it for a long time. Before we left Sasa shop, my eyes caught a small set of eye shadows and I just look at the price for awhile before I put it back while my friends are looking around at the shop. After that I bid them goodbye and rush for service.

When I reach to the hall, I couldn't spot Nicholas anywhere. I then called him and eventually he guide me to the place they are sitting. I am very surprise that Nicholas can see me from so far away!(plus the hall is quite crowded with people) Wow! Nicholas, you sure have a good eye-sight! He then wave at me from a far distance and ask me whether I can see him waving? I then quickly join them for the service. The sisters ask me,"Wow! Juliet. Went for shopping?" I replied,"Ya" and they wanted to see the make-up that I have bought. I then pass the make up to them and they took turns to take a look before returning it to me.

After service, the cell group gathered around and sing Happy Birthday songs to Peggy and me. So coincidence that our birthday falls on the same day! We live just one block away from each other too! After that when it was testimonal time, I was surprise to what Nicholas said to me. Out of so many testimonals that is given to me, his was the one that I could never forget. I do not know whether he mean it from his heart or he is just saying for the sake of saying? But his testimonal really touch me alot...although maybe he find it just a simple testimonal but Nick, hey..If you are reading this, I just wanna say, Thanks alot! I am really touch by your testimonal for me. I am also feel a little consoled from MingYing's testimonal. She said that she knows that I feel sad that most of my friends has left the cell group and that I am the only one staying on and say alot of things to console me. Thanks MingYing! :) I appreciate it. Jialing then gave Peggy and me a present and when I open it, I was very surprise to what I received! It was the eye shadow makeup that I saw at Sasa just now! Cos I was thinking of buying it some other time when I really got enough money for it next time. But...maybe it was a coincidence. Or maybe it could be that God is blessing that makeup for me. Thanks Jialing! Thanks Father..Thanks Holy Spirit :)

But when it comes to Brother Tony's testimonal, honestly speaking I don't quite like what he said. It's just that I didn't show it out to him but I gave him a fake smile(YueMing, don't tell Brother Tony!! Just read and forget it). Now then I realize that in his eyes, I am so worthless in the cell group! If you want me to come to church just for the attendence sake, honestly speaking, I can don't come if I want to! I have better things to do than to come to church on a Saturday afternooon if I want to! So disappointed that he said that kinda thing to me!(Those who were there, I think you all had heard what Brother Tony said to me?)Sorry...even though it seems positive thing of what he said, but sorry to say, I don't see it as a positive thing! I see it as NEGATIVE! My feeling at the time was like, all of the cell group members pour roses on me while Brother Tony pour rubbish onto me! If you guys know what I mean and how I felt when he said those things to me! Okay lah, put attendence aside lah, I would really like to know, as a member, do I mean anything to him and to the cell group? If yes then okay, I can continue to stay in the cell group and try to mingle with the members. If NOT, if he just wants me to come for the attendence sake, or if he wants me to come for the sake of coming, then sorry to say, I am ultra disappointed that I am being treated this way! Someone spoke on behalf of Brother Tony before that since he is a Brother, he has difficulty expressing himself and I heard that guys in general are not very good in expressing themselves unlike sisters. She claims that Brother Tony ask about me through the sisters. Whether or not this is true I do not know and I don't wish to know. Before this, someone(I cannot say who..sorry) told me before that we cannot scold cell group leaders lah...cannot backstab or whatever lah cos if the person can be a cell group leader, that is because God has given the person authority and he is God's precious leader. Sorry Father, sorry guys but THIS IS ME. If I had anything I am not happy about, I just state it here. Cos like I said, some times, I had difficulty expressing myself face-to-face. I do not know how to tell him that I am quite upset by what he has said to me..I just don't know how to say it in a very "nice" way. That's all. Can't find the right words to put across to him. So I just keep quiet.

After that we then pray for Yue Ming's Grandpa and hope that he'll get well soon. After that went to Simei to fellowship with the members. Ate Sirlin steak for dinner with the rest..Yum! After that we then catch the train with Jeffery and Dilion while the rest bid us goodbye.

Hahahahaha.....sooooo happy :P

Yesterday I went down to the Agency to sign some papers. They said they need me to sign some contract before I can start work. WooHoo! Finally got a new job le! It is what I always wanted to do!

After that went to meet YueMing for awhile and she said alot of things to me about asking me to remember God's blessing on me and what was the very first song that was played when I first step into church to accept him again. After that she keep quiet while I thought alot of things in my mind..the very first song that was played when I first received him was,"So you would come". I love that song alot. But it is also the song that makes me cry alot. After I had done with my crying, she then prayed for me for awhile before I went off to meet Sylvia and the rest of the group. No one told me that Sylvia will be there. KNS..then purposely made me sit beside her! We didn't talk to each other at first and after that, slowly, she find excuses to ask me questions about my new job. Haha! Finally she talks to me le? After that Andrew then send me a sweet good night SMS and later SMS me to ask me to call him(cos he never paid his hp bill so his line is half-way cut). My friends then tease me about him.

I then use a public payphone to call him as I have a $5 value phone card which I never use before. We chat for a very long time. But mostly is about his studies and homework. He then wish me luck in my new job while I wish him luck in his studies. He feels a bit heartache that I am standing while talking to him. KNS! Like real! After that I wondered why my friends didn't come out? I then SMS to Sheryln that I am outside at the payphone. When they came out, I bid Andrew goodbye first and use my handphone to call him.

As I miss my last bus, I had no choice but to take a cab home. Haiz..$10 gone down the drain. He seems relieve when I told him that I had reach home and ask me to give him a morning call at 7.15am. But then he don't believe that I could wake up so early. -_-" Hello? I have to work early in the morning Mr.Andrew! Ni hen ke ai leh!

This morning, I woke up at 6am but I am feeling very tired. Maybe it's that I don't use to wake up so early in the morning. I then drag myself out of bed to get myself ready for work. Almost lost my way when I reach Chinatown station. Haiz..dunno where is the company located. I then called Andrew at 7.15am sharp. He sounds very cute when he just wake up. :P After that he SMS me a thank you message for waking him up -_-" When I finally found the building, I waited for 30minutes before I approach the customer service counter and a lady then lead me to the department I will be working at. About 15 minutes later, a young lady then look for me urgently and lead me upstairs to do my tempoary pass. A plump lady then greet me upstairs and lead me to the conference room. She said she has been looking for me since morning. Ahhh! Malu! After that she then brief me about the dress code. She seems to be very pleasent and a cheerful person.

After the briefing she welcome me to the company. I'll be taking over a guy who is leaving tomorrow. I then watch how my colleagues do the job and one of them then let me try hands-on as she said maybe I will remember it more better that way. When it was lunch time, Wong then ask me whether I would like to join the other colleagues out for lunch? I agreed cos I do not know where to eat. Wong is a very soft-spoken person but I think she finds it hard to click with me cos the topics that she talk about, I do not understand and it's a topic I hated most - politics. Please, I can talk to you about anything and everything except THAT. Don't ask me why. I just don't have to knowledge an interest to talk about such stuff to you. The guy then talks to me about travelling and Wong says that He likes to talk about travelling alot. But too bad he is quitting so soon. I guess that he would be a very nice colleague to be around with. He also share his tibits with us. Haha!

After lunch time, I am feeling very tired and sleepy as there is nothing for me to do there. I then ask the guy to show me how to use the photocopy machine. He showed me once but I forgot how to use it -_-" cos I saw him keeping pressing the buttons for a very long time before my paper can be photocopied. Haiz..so complicated. Yeh! Tomorrow can dress-down! I like it man! (^.^)>o (Peace!) I guess I will end here for now. Sorry for the long-winded blogging guyz..take care!

Job Agency? Guy? Love? God?

Yesterday I went to job Agency with Angel. Went to two job Agencies. One is recommended by my God-brother, Samuel. He insist that I must go. Haiz..the other is walk-in with Angel. I don't quite like the walk-in. Cos the consultant seems unfriendly and her spoken English is not very strong so most of the time I don't what is she talking about. After we then left the Agency and Angel actually wanted to go to other Agencies to apply for job but I don't want. Cos I don't want to confuse myself. Although yes it will slightly increase my chance of getting employed but I don't want.

After that we went to Sambawang CD shop and I bought a classical CD songs. Quite cheap. 3 CDs for $16.90. Later went to meet Sheryln for lunch. Pasta Mania again! Liew! I think if I were to continue going out with Angel like that, I can die more faster than you can say,"See?". After that Sheryln went back to her work and I went to Takashimaya KFC to look for my ex-colleagues. Sir Anthony saw me and gave me a smile but said nothing and went back to his office. While I was eating, Angel called me twice crying over the phone. I was very concern about her and ask if she need me to go down to her place to talk to her Mum for her? She said okay lor..When Sheryln sms me to say she just knock off, I apologise to her that I must help Angel and won't be meeting her and Jia Xin later(cos initally we planned that after Sheryln knock off, we will look for Jia Xin together and Jia Xin will help me to do the shopping for office wear). I then rush down to Angel's place.

When I reach there, I was extreamely angry! Cos after I reach there, she was talking on the phone with Jia Xing HAPPILY! And the worst part is her Mum is not around! I wanted to speak to her mother! Since her Mum misunderstand her, I wanted to speak to her face-to-face to clear all the misunderstand her Mum has on her. But in my mind, I was very angry that I feel like taking out the Agency's name card and throw at her Mum's face to tell her,"Aunti! You don't believe you call this Agency and ask whether is there a girl with me this morning at the Agency or not! I was with your daughter at this Agency this morning! She did not go out to have fun! She is out to look for a job!!!"I know lah..if I were to really do that, I would be in the wrong lah. But that is what mostly I would do If I am extreamely angry with someone. Worst to worst..erm..I think my God-brother(Vincent)has seen me done this more than twice. I dun want to state what is it. But my friends whom also saw me doing that will know what is it(something that I always do when I am angry..which is also not very nice).

I then left Angel's place and went to the Arcade and watch people play ParaPara. Haiz..the guys dance more expert than me. Have style de. After that I then went to meet Jia Xin and Sheryln and Jia Xin help me to choose an office bag and blouse. I need these two things. The pants I already had it and the shoes..I got it from HuiYi. Thank you HuiYi! You are the best sister-in-christ that I ever had! Not only you are there when I am happy. You are also there for me when I am down and discourage. Of course not forgetting my friends, especially Esther! You are also there for me when I need a listening ear and I really admire you that you always listening to my complains without ever feeling tired. Haha...thank you so much for your care. Sorry if I ever said anything that hurt you. Thank you for your friendship for so many years le..hmm...10-and-a-half years le ne! Don't believe you count it yourself..from Primary 5 until now.

After that meet Esther for supper and crap alot at Macdonald's. Have alot of laughter. But too bad..someone is missing because of me. Esther and group should know who bah. It's not that I didn't forgive her. Is she didn't forgive me lor. Since she is so angry to see me what for asking her out? I scared that it will be more unhappy for you all.

I think I will end here for now. Will blog again some other time.

Kana Shoot

Yesterday during cell group meeting, I didn't really join in. I suddenly harbor hatred towards God and the Holy Spirit. I then felt a sense of evilness within me..a feeling that I used to had a long time ago. I think a few of them must have notice that I didn't pray with them. I guess that the movie really affect me alot in a very negative way.

After the prayer, I then wanted to rush off. As I was late for meeting my friends. But when I told Brother Tony that I wanted to go off, he asked,"Juliet, is something bothering you today? You seems to lost focus for the prayer". I was surprise and thought,"He notice?!"For the first time ever, he finally take notice of me! Cos he was praying in the presence of God so I don't think that he notice that I wasn't praying at all. I then raise my voice slightly and told him that I don't think I can pray and worship to God anymore and that I have been thinking of backsliding. I told him this,"I can't believe that the God that I have been praying to and the Bible that I have been reading(although I didn't really read..but there was a time I really read the Bible for that period of time. From Mattrew to John), lies to me!!!" I was about to cry when I said that but I quickly blink my tears away. He seems very shock by my reaction and ask am I referring to the Da Vinci Code? I ask how did he know? He smiled and said that it is the hot topic currently in Singapore. He then slightly raise his voice to me and said,"Juliet, do you know that the movie you have watch is actually a fiction?" I said,"I know..but some things about the movie of what it says, I find it very hard to believe and it seems true! Like why was Jesus wearing almost the same color clothing as Mary?! And why did it said Jesus and Mary had a child when the Bible doesn't says so!? Even the discovery channel also said that Jesus actually LAUGH at his disciples?!" He took a deep breath before answering me that when the signs of end of age is about to come, one of the signs is false prophesy will come. What I had seen and heard about the Da Vinci code are all lies. He also said that when a person's is not spiritually strong and watch this kinda show, their faith for God will usually be shaken like what I am now. He then said,"You have not been praying and reading the Bible am I right?"I then look at him and nod..cos I had lost the fire and love for God and the Holy Spirit that I used to have. I remembered it was started when I think that I don't have time for God and don't have time for prayer. It was always either,"No time" or "Too tired to pray". I always told myself that,"I'll pray tomorrow". But till now, that day never comes and I guess maybe it's because of that, I have drawn further and further away from Father. Slowly, I find it extremely difficult to walk in His ways and I guess He has move on and left me behind.

He then urge me to start reading the Bible all over again and to pray to God more often. Thank God for the blessings that He showered on me, no matter how small or how big the blessings are and always remember his blessings. He said to me,"Juliet, always remember God's blessings on you. Do you remember any prayers that you made to him that he has answered it to you?"I then thought for awhile and I can name a few. Some small and some big. He also request that if I had any doubts or problems, it is best that I speak to someone than to keep it to myself. After that he then left me alone and Brother Eugene came and talk to me. Cos I think he has over-heard the conversations between me and Brother Tony as we were talking quite loudly. Brother Eugene said alot of things to me and he said since the movie is still fresh in my memory, it is best that I could buy the Da Vinci Code book by Mark Connell?(Can't remember the exact author). He said the book will have the true answers to what I seek from the movie. I had never seen Brother Eugene with that look before..his eyes are serious and his facial expression showed concern about my spiritual life with God. Cos I am used to seeing his jovial side of him. This is the very first time that I saw him being so serious. He also talk about his experiences with God that touches my heart. Maybe I have never notice God the way Brother Eugene does.

After that I then went to meet my friends and was 2 hours late. Haiz..went to the wrong place to meet them somemore..*laughs*. But we finally manage to meet in the end but I went home early as I was feeling too tired.

Met Andrew for the first time today

This morning, I went to Clementi to pay for my bills. After that I then hang around aimlessly there and later watch a movie alone. Sianz..Andrew then ask me out for lunch but too bad I was in the movie threater so I couldn't meet him.

After around 7pm, he then SMS me to ask me to meet him to accompany him for study. After much hesitation, I then agree to meet him at Bukit Batok. I then took a shower and later took a bus to Bukit Batok interchange. When I reach there, I greeted him but he look at me with a daze look on his face -_-" I know he never seen me before but don't need to give me that kinda look right? We then went to Macdonald's and I greet Rozita there. After that I then joined him and I play with my puzzle book while he study his Science test. After a while, he then showed me his IC and Army card. Strange? He haven't return his army card and yet he still can get back his pink IC? Hmm..but I didn't ask him anything about it cos I am afraid he will find me nosy. I then went to order Ice Milo and after I had returned, he pay me for the ice milo. Haiz..I wanted to treat him but he said,"No no no..since you come all the way down to accompany me, I should be the one who treat you. Nevermind..since you already bought the drinks then I just pay for my share. Next time if I come all the way down to meet you then you treat me back".

He then return to study and I return to play my puzzle game. After the he then request me to draw his time-table for him as he always has no time to draw. After I finish drawing for him, he look surprise and said,"Huh?! So fast?! Oh okay...thanks". He then took a rest from his test and play with my puzzle book. Wah! He looks for the words quite fast and he finish a page within 5 minutes!!! He then said that it is considered nothing and that I should meet his elder sister, whom she completes the crossword puzzle more faster than him. After he finish studying for his test, we then went out of the Macdonald and I greet one of my ex-colleague and she ask,"Wah! New boyfriend? Where's Adrian"? I then told her that Andrew is not my new boyfriend but a friend and that I have broken up with Adrian a long time ago. She was surprise by the reason that I broke up with him and she comment,"Wah! He's a b*******!!! I see that he's so gentle and sweet but yet he did such a thing to you!" I then said,"Nevermind lah..so long ago le..haiz..anyway I got to go..My friend is waiting. Sorry..chat with you some other time. Bye". She then nods and went back to her work.

Andrew then wait for me outside the Macdonald's and Rozita came out to talk to me for a short while. When she learnt that the guy with me is Andrew, she said,"Alamak! He's Andrew?! Sial lah! Mati!"She took a peek at Andrew and bid me goodbye before going into the counter. Andrew then gave me a whierd look as he stood at a distance away from me so I don't think he could hear what Rozita comments about him. He wanted to send me to the bus interchange but I reject and told him that I wanted to walk around the shopping mall. He said,"What? At this time of the night? I thought most shops are close? Nevermind..I accompany you". I reject him and ask him to go back by himself and he give me a disappointed look and said,"Okay..but SMS me once you reach home". We then bid each other goodbye and I went to the Arcade for awhile before heading home. Finally get to see him in person. Haha..so happy :P

Knowing a new friend + Last day

Yesterday morning, I work with Kat and I don't know why she was so happy to see me. After that we then work until lunch time and I went out to eat by myself and went to do some mini-shopping for awhile before I went back. After that, Kat suddenly ask me if I wanted to eat ice-kachang and she will be giving me a treat? Strange? How come she treat me so nice out of the sudden? I then join but and after ordering the ice kachang, I then told her that I actually haven't eat ice kachang for quite alot of years. Cos when I wanted to eat, my gums will feel very painful if I eat anything cold. So I dare not eat cold foods for a number of years. She then said I may have sensitive teeth or gums and that I must see a dentist. I don't want! I just leave it as that.

After eating with Kat, strangely enough, for the first time ever, I didn't feel any sharp pain in my gums/teeth. She was very happy for me. After that we went back to the clinic and she took a short nap while I SMS to Andrew(A new friend that I had through MSN and Friendster). He is older than me by a year but his wisdom is quite amazing to me. Maybe because I had not seen the world much than him. I had difficulty communicating with him in English as his spoken English is those University standard type of English(The same English as my God-Brother who have graduate in the University of Melbourne)Wah! Use alot of "Chiem" English word to me. I then purposely use Chinese to talk to him as I felt that I am better in Chinese. But when he spoke to me in Chinese, the way that he speaks, he reminds me of my first love as he used to be speaking in that manner to me too - The "Ah Beng" type of speaking. I felt very happy when I receives his SMS or talks to him because..although his circumstances is very messy, still, he is able to talk to me positively and offer me advise in a positive way. But until now I dare not meet him in person as I feel that he is those type of people that go for looks. Cos I see the type of female friends he has in his friendster, I have a feeling that he only befriends pretty girls.

I then told him that maybe, one day, I might bring him to meet my friends. He said he will follow me as long as my friends don't mind. Haha! My Dear Friends, if you ever see him, please don't be afraid of his looks and please don't reject him okay? If you want to know why I am saying this, you can SMS me and I will tell you in the SMS as I don't wish to say it here.

I guess I have to end here for now. Will blog again some time.

Happy Birthday Shuang Feng!

Yesterday I didn't manage to go to church cos I am attending my ex-supervisor's Birthday. When I reach there, Shuang Feng(Birthday girl/KFC Trainee Manager now) greeted me but as me to help myself around. Haiz...I do not know any of them there except Ah Feng. I then gave her a small present for her birthday.

As many of them crowd around the BBQ pit, I could not cook anything there. Haiz...After that Umi, Mdm Jasmine(my ex-Manager)and some of my ex-colleagues whom most of them I had forgotten their names, came very late at night to wish Ah feng Happy Birthday. I was very disappointed that I never get to see both Big and small Aidah and Benjamin Sir(My favourite Manager). Not every KFC crews attend Ah Feng's birthday. I then called small Aidah and she thought that I called her by mistake. >.<

We then went to take pictures and after that when Ah feng came out for the first time, all of them sabotage her. She then said,"Liew! Lucky I wear very simple! U all ah!" I pity Ah feng. Later she then said,"Eh! Pick up the rubbish lah"and after she picked up, she throw back at them. We then chat with each other for awhile and I learnt that all of them are still in KFC while I am working elsewhere. I miss them though. Cos when I used to work in KFC, all of us are like a family. A feeling of home which I never get when I work elsewhere. Except when I was working in Macdonald's and KFC. A guy then came and help me with the cooking. I sat down and stare at the escape theme park. There is a game I saw that I wanted to play - "Car racing". But too bad I do not know how much is the entrance fee and whether do they charge for each game or what?

After taking pictures with Ah feng, I then went out and pretend that I wanted to go back home. A guy then pass me 3 bags of water bomb and we standby at a corner. Some of them, whom Ah feng had seen them carry water bomb before, pretend that they never carry any and when she finally came out, all of us throw the water bomb at her. 1 of it land in on the back of my translucent blouse. KNS! Who is that idiot who throw at me?! Luckily all of them don't know my birthday but I gave them a hint that my birthday is this month. Umi and the group then wanted to throw water bomb at me. I then told them not to throw as I am wearing translucent blouse and it will become transparent when contact with water. I then stay inside the room and dare not come out until Umi and the rest give up(Cos I don't have extra clothes to change).

I then followed Umi to the MRT where we bid each other goodbye and I quickly catch the last train with Moteh(My ex-colleague). I then went home to watch a mid-night movie before going to sleep. Had a very fun day yesterday.

Bible Thingy

This morning, Dr.W still ignore me even after I had greeted her. I wonder what have I done wrong? I didn't ask her. I just leave her as she is. The first half of the day passes quite slowly and boring.

After that Dr.W ask me to wash the trays and informing me the things to do. Kat then left in the evening and JX came and take over her duties. After that we then chat for awhile and she said she is from the Ursher ministry! I then find out about the duties that the Urshers do and she then share with me the different positions of the Urshers and the difference of the duties that they do. Sounds very interesting! She then said,"Join me lah! Become an Ursher too!"I would like to..but my working timing is so tight that I don't think that I can go off early. Dr.W is already not happy that I can't work on Fridays cos of cell group meetings, and I guess if I were to tell her that I wanted to join the Ursher ministry, she will gone mad! She then mention to me that the church needs people for Ursher ministry. I want to join! But..too bad. I can't...at least not now. I think I will wait until my work has stablize and that I am being confirmed then I will discuss with Dr.W again and see what she says.

YueMing then called me in the evening to pray with me. I then share about the book that I had read, to her. She also told me the same thing that Regina told me,"If you are easily shaken by the book, then I also suggest that you don't watch the movie". She said that there are alot of things that I still need to learn. She then share with me about the book, and a verse from the Bible suddenly struck me. I suddenly remembered a verse from the Bible that says that when the end is near, false prophetsy will come and alot of questions will be ask. It is exactly what I am experiencing now! But I am still very confuse to which is which? I haven't found any answers to my questions yet.

Haiz..I think I shall end here for now....feeling more and more confuse....

Help me

I felt very depress after reading a book. Those who are smart, you can try and guess what the book is. I don't have the original copy of the book though. I heard from Rigina that the original book is quite thick and quite complicated. I WANT THAT BOOK!!! Sorry that I cannot reveal much of the contents of the book cos it is quite a sensitive topic to talk about. It is about religion thingy.

Although the book I have in my hand is not the original contents, but it is quite confusing as the characters discuss about the original book, alot of details were missing and some of my questions that I thought in my head were not answered in this book. I WANT THE ORIGINAL BOOK! I DON'T CARE! BUT HOOK OR BY CROOK I MUST GET MY HANDS ON THAT ORIGINAL BOOK!!! But Regina warn me sternly not to read that book as it will shake my faith violently. She said,"I pray that if you ever get your hands on that book, your spiritual life will not be affected badly. Cos if you really can't take what is stated in the book, you will eventually backslide. Mark my words". But..I DON'T CARE! I want to know alot of things!!! But in order for me to know both sides of the story, I must read through the WHOLE Bible before reading the book. As alot of contents of the book state are quite confusing to me. I discuss with Rigina about it and she seems quite offended by me. She said,"I don't want you to get brainwash by that book alone! Do you know that the book you are reading now are mostly anti-Christ?" I told her that I don't know. But..I was thinking, if what the book states are true, Christians, please don't blame me for doubting the Bible. Although I am guilty for not reading the Bible much, but I still know certain topics of the Bible. I even learnt some shocking findings about the Bible which I could not state it here. I had a "spiritual fight" with Regina because of this. Lucky she is firm and strong enough to answer all the doubts and questions about the book that I "threw" at her. She then told me,"If you are quite stress-up and deeply affected by this book alone, then I suggest that you don't watch the movie later on".

I have not yet finish reading the book. I am only half-way through. The topics that the characters discuss are more and more confusing that I desprately wanted to know the answers to it!!! But maybe if I ever get my hands on the real book, all my answers will be answered. Or maybe the book could be more confusing that I needed to seek for more answers to my questions. Haiz..Please..I don't want to hear anymore of this!!! Father!!! Tell me that all these things are lies?! But I really want to know..Which is which??? Which are truth?! Which are the lies?! After reading this book and after learning some of the historical things, I have serious doubts about the Bibles(In fact, all the Bibles). I wanted to cry but I couldn't cry. Although the story itself is quite messed up and confusing. But still I can catch a tinnie winnie bit here and there. The rest I have to find out myself!

Dr.W is not in a good mood today. Haiz..I don't think for the rest of my days will be good. I'll try to be on my guard now.

I think I will end here for now. Felt so depress and disappointed that everything now is in a mess.

Dislike became hatred

This morning, I went to meet Angel to pass her the classified jobs from CHC. We then went to Bugis for a walk but I couldn't find the push-cart that sells the socks type of hp pouch. I wonder where is it located? We then went to Pasta Mania and chat. After that we walk around at Suntec for awhile before we proceed to Harbour Front. I am broke after purchasing two books from the Life bookshop.

When we reach there, Esther was very surprise to see me. Ya Cin then ask how am I in my new job and I replied,"Good! I am very happy there! Better than here!"She then said,"Ai yah! You don't be like that can? After you left, she also ask alot about you from Esther". I then said sacasticly,"Oh is it? I thought that she doesn't like me very much?"She shook her head and said,"As long as you are happy in your new job then okay lor".

I then chose two earrings and ask Esther to purchase it for me. I then hang around there until closing time and went to meet Jia Xing and Sheryln at our usual huant. Initally I plan to go back with Esther but then it was a last minute meeting with them..sianz. When I saw Jia Xing, I was not very happy to see her. Cos of what she comment the other time. We then voice out our opinion about friendship and our expectations of each other. Esther is usually doing the peace-maker job..haiz..Esther, Xing ku ni le! Jia Xing was quite bothered by the fact that I am not that kinda friend that could sacrifice for friendship. She knows that I don't quite like her very much but at the same time, she doesn't want my dislike for her to become hatred. She has seen it herself and I believe most of my friends had somehow or another witness how my dislike for some people could become hatred overtime. It is either the problem had not been solved or that I had bear that incident in my mind for quite a long time and find it very difficult to forgive those who hurt me alot. Either by their words or by the things that they had done to me. This is also the reason why I HATE people to play pretendence to me! One thing is that I am a person who is lousy at pretending that the incident had never happened. But luckily, those who know me inside-out, could tell that there is something amiss or not quite right about me by just looking at my facial expressions or my actions towards them. Cos I am the kinda person, that if I don't like something about someone and that I don't wish to say it out, I will tend to keep it in my heart and slowly, when it accmelates, I will shock the people around me by suddenly "vacanoing" all the incidents out in just one shot and usually making the people involve speechless and shock. Especially if the incident has passed quite a long time ago and that I never voice it out until then. Esther and Sheryln wants us to solve our disagreements as soon as possible as they do not want the history to repeat itself(They should know what had happened before).

After some time, we finally clear our disagreements and I feel that both of us are wrong in this situation. We had since apologised to each other. She had learnt where friendship stands in my life and she is quite disappointed. Sorry but after being hurt from too many incidents, I had retreat back into my own world and the "door" in my heart has since closed and shut tightly. I had swear never to open that door of mine for the third time. I used to trust people too much to the extend that I got hurt quite badly in life - That was the first time I learnt to trust. After that the "door" in my heart has since close and I find it very difficult to trust. That is until my God-brother entered into my life and unknowing re-open that door of trust of my heart(that was the 2nd time I learnt to trust..or at least, he taught me to). Just when I had began to learnt to trust people all over again, I keep getting hurts from different people and eventually the person who re-open the door of trust of my heart, hurt me too deeply instead by piercing knife into my heart with his words. Since that incident, I then told myself that I would never ever trust again for the third time! Even though I had forgive him of that incident that he unknowing hurt me, but still I couldn't forget the words that he ever said to me.

No no no..I am not blaming him or whatever now. No matter what, I thank him from the buttom of my heart for the days that he had showed me how to trust people. But I am sorry that I could no longer hold the door of my heart open ever again. I had hurt the people around me by being what I used to be but I am very sorry. Maybe, someday, someone could open the door of trust again..which I guess it's extremely difficult.

I guess I had to end here for now. Will blog again some other time. Anyway, if you know who you are, I just wanna tell you that, It's not your fault. I had chose this way myself cos of fear. Anyway, I just wanna say "Thank You" for the things that you had done to brighten my life and "Sorry" that I had to chose this way...

Service

This morning I went to work as usual and there are some things that Dr.W said to me, I felt quite upset. I didn't say anything for the rest of the day and my mood was quite low after she said that. I understand that she is a straight-forward person. So I don't blame her or anything.

During service, I didn't really sing the praise and worship cos I have some worries that I couldn't let go of. Jeff brought his Mum to service and we then try to talk to his Mum. After that I went for fellowship and Bible Study. Jonathan notice that I am not in my usual self and keep asking me what happened? I then told him,"Nothing. It's just that I have some worries on my mind". I then went and bought a new Bible cos I like the color very much. Anyway it's a different version of the current Bible I am carrying now. So I don't feel that it's a waste of money.

We then went to TBP and eat KFC. I then bought cheese fries but I couldn't finish it and ask Jonathan to share with me. Sorry Jonathan..didn't mean to make you so full. After that I bid them goodbye and went to take a bus home. I prefer to take bus than MRT after an incident happened once when I was in a MRT quite a long time ago. After that I became sort-of "racist" towards certain racial groups just because of that incident and avoid taking trains whenever possible(I used to carry a pen-knife for this purpose). Hmm..I guess I had certain weird ways of solving problems. Hahaha.

so sad

This morning I went to work quite early to get everything done. Regina was very surprise to see me in the clinic and ask what time did I reach the clinic? I replied,"9.02am"and she raise her eyebrowns and said,"So early?" Haiz..Kiasu mah. Cos I scared that Dr.W will be there earlier than me. Anyway dunno who is the person who wants me to be there by 9am but in the end she herself is late. KNS! But I always wonder this question in my mind,"How come I am the only one who came early to work but yet end my work quite late?" Not fair! But still I didn't write overtime on my time street. I purposely write the time I am suppose to come in and suppose to knock off. But I don't think the doctors will notice as I never complain to them about this before.

After that I then went home and get change and took a short nap before I went to Bukit Batok to visit my friend, Rozita. As she was busy serving customers, I then went to visit a "friend". When I saw her, I had a mix feelings of happy and heartbroken. I am happy that I can get to see her finally. But I am very heartbroken by....well I don't wish to say. She then ask me alot of questions. A few of it I couldn't answer. She doesn't seems to be listening to me when I am talking to her. But seriously, I don't blame her for treating me this way since I let her down so much. After that we then spend time "alone" which I am quite happy. When I was about to go off, she bid me goodbye. I really don't wish to go. The way that she bids me makes me cry. I didn't cry infront of her. But I cried when I was on the way to meet Rozita(Those who know who she is...don't tag in my tagboard)

After meeting Rozita, I then went to walk around West Mall. I really hate it when the sales assistants of certain shops, followed me around when I am looking at things. I finally found the things I always wanted in a shop! But I felt very sad that I couldn't find Sasa shop. There is something I wanted to buy there. But I can't state here what is the thing that I wanted. In case my friends went to buy for my birthday present. No no no! Haha..if you want, you can guess :P

I then saw a high-heel shoes that I have always looking for. But sadly, the material is not what I wanted. Hopefully the high heel shoes I have in my mind won't hurt my feet. Cos usually if I wore high heel shoes for quite a long period of time, my feet will hurt. My god-brother witness it before so I think he should know.

I think I have to end here for now. Will blog again some other time. Take care folks!

I don't want to...Help!

Yesterday night when I was about to sleep, Kenneth called me. I really don't understand why even after I had told him what I wanted to say long time ago, he still do not understand. After that I give him a breakdown of what and why I don't like about him. But from the way he protest, I don't think that he really understand the reason why I leave him. Sianz..I told him that I am very tired of continuing to explain to him.

After chatting for quite some time, he too, also comment that I have changed. What exactly did I change?! Why Nor and him said exactly the same thing? He said that I have changed too much to the extend that it is not the same "me" that he knew. Haiz..I don't know. Maybe. I have just learnt that guys can be great liars some times.

After that he has another phone call and put me on hold. While I was on hold, I then hang up the phone(Haha! Very bad hor?) I then went to sleep. But this morning, he SMS me again asking me to give him a chance. Help!!! Haiz..If I want to terminate my line, I can. As my contract is already 2-and-a-half years old. But I just don't think that it is the right time to terminate yet. Worst! He is in the sunday service in the same church as me!!! KNS! I finally located his cell group and cell group leader's name. Initally I thought that he lied to me as I couldn't find the cell group leader's name as he claimed. But after scanning certain details that he said, I finally found his cell group leader and the cell group's holding place! KNS! Remind not to go to cell groups in Tampines the next time round! I don't wanna see him!

I think next time if I ever can't attend Saturday service, I will attend sunday service through internet. I know this sounds real stupid. But that's my only way of avoiding someone. Haha! Heard on the news that Rooney can't play for the world cup as he is injured. Haiz..Rooney! You have a great rest and recover soon okay? I'll wait till the day for your return to the soccer court!

I guess I will end here for now..quite a "bo liao" blogging again..haiz...

Lousy Pianoist

This morning I tried playing the piano but my mind was in a blank. I then played the only two songs that I am familiar with. But still I do not know how to play "Tong Hua". There is also another song I am trying very hard to play(cos I never learnt music in my life before). It is my childhood favourite song. It is still my favourite song in my life but sadly, I didn't hear that song anymore. I remember a long long time ago, for those who are born in the 1980's and have watch Japanese Drama before, maybe you will know what is the song. The Drama title is "101 の.."and I like the theme song very much. It is played by piano. But too bad I could no longer find that song anymore. If anyone has the CD of that song, do you mind selling it to me? Cos I am looking for that song since childhood.

I then went to work and do alot of cleaning up. The cleaning already drain half of my energy away. After that I then sat at the reception counter and stare blankly at the computer. Going through a list of appointments for the day..Haiz..quite busy for today.

I then went to buy lunch with Kat and we eat in the store room. After that she went to take a short nap while I play games on my hp. Very boring! After that we then continue our work and Kat teach me things on the computer. She ask me to be more confident of myself as I seems to be very nervous in everything I do.

After she knock off. I then continue to work and stay with Dr.W. She made me clean up all over again. Haiz...no choice. Quite tiring. After that I then went home.

Labour Day

I woke up quite late today. Woke up at 12.30pm. Haha! It's my first time that I ever woke up so late. I then slack at home and my Mum ask me whether I want to go shopping with her at Hougang Mall? I agreed and get change to follow her for shopping.

When we reach there, we saw a small shop selling clothes and there is a piece of clothing that caught my eye. The design is quite smiliar to what Sylvia usually wear. But I really like that piece of shirt. Haiz..but I think I must slim down a little more as I don't look really good on the cloth itself. But I really like it. My Mum bought it for me anyway(Thanks Ma! You're the best!) She then think for quite a long time before purchasing a shirt to match the clothe I am eyeing. KNS! Dress like sylvia! But hey! I am not copying her style of dressing okay? It's just that I felt that the shirt is very nice and I like it very much. Maybe it will make me more girly? My Mum complain that I've been a tom-boy too much and she is very glad that I have finally change my style of dressing a little.

We then went to C.O.A.X and I saw a very long jacket that's very nice. She said I can wear it when I go to karaoke sessions with my friends. Erm..I will wear it. But I am very scared that my friends will say that I wear till very "Kua(1) Zhang(1)". Spend quite alot of money on only a few pieces of clothes. Although it is not my own money but still I feel very heartache for it. We then went to Kopitiam and my Mum ordered curry fish head to eat. After that we then ordered drinks and chat about clothes while drinking. Haiz..it has been far quite a long long time since I last had dinner and shopping with my Mum.

We then went for window shopping for a little while and head back home. She then help me to pack my room and took out all the clothes that I no longer wear it or seldom wear it. Wah! I don't know that I have so many clothes that I no longer wear?! Haiz..I guess it has been a long time since I pack my wardrobe. I think it is also time that I change my style of clothing. Luckily my Mum is quite girly in her younger days. So she knows how to pick clothes well. I think alot of my friends will agree that my Mum is more fashionable than me when it comes to clothings? Haha!

Haiz..have to start work tomorrow morning. Don't feel like going back to work :P I think I have to end here for now. Will blog again some time.