Help me..

This morning, I went to meet YueMing for breakfast at Macdonald's. We then chat alot of things and she shared with me about the cell group, the bible verse, the bible stories and alot of things. She even encourage me for my job searching and prayed for me. I was very surprise to receive 2 calls. One was from Brother Tony's friend and tell me about the job scrope. He said he will notify me again when I get short-listed(I wonder what is short-listed by the way?)The other is from a job Agency which I had subcribe to, to help me to look-out for a job. The way she ask me the reason for quitting my current job, she said it quite sacarticly but because I was surprise by the call, I couldn't really answer her questions. But nevermind..I then pass YueMing my resume as she said she will help me to pass it to her friend who also work in a job Agency company. She then went off and I went to work. Really appreciate her for taking her time off to have breakfast with me and shared with me on alot of things. I find that she has wisdom..like..a person whom I can look up to when I had problems or when I needed help or just someone to talk to. She has something which I lack in myself. At least this is how I feel towards her. But she said that I must grow spiritually on my own. Haiz..I'll try. But I don't think I am that strong yet.

Started to be very depress. I am starting to feel regret for something that I have done. After work, Nor talk to me and shot me down with her words. I feel like crying but I couldn't. My heart is weighing very heavily. It's like there's a huge stone sitting ontop of my heart. Very heavy and very painful. I then took something that I think that could made me forget my problems but strangely enough, I couldn't feel the "Heavenly" feeling that I have felt yesterday when I took it. Haiz..

I then went home and one of my god-sister called me and conference with two other guys. One of them was her boyfriend while the other guy is the one she wanted to introduce to me. I wonder what was that for? She told me that the guy could be a very good boyfriend. So what? Haiz..I have something else to worry about now and have no time for BGR. The guy she wanted to introduce to me is only older than me by a year. When I talk about soccer, basketball and bowling, my god sister keep very quiet on the phone. When I talk about make-up, clothes and clubbing, the guy keep quiet. Haiz..very difficult to make the both of them to talk at the same time. I then told the guy that I don't like guys who are quiet. I prefer guys who are more talkative. He said that he don't know me well and so he don't know what to talk. He also afraid that he might said things that offend me since he don't know me. My god-sister then arrange us to meet(meaning she, her boyfriend, the guy and me to meet together one day). The guy is also a Man-Utd supporter! Yeh! Finally got someone who share the same club with me! We then talk about Man-Utd and I gave my own opinion to the soccer team and he slightly agree with me on certain aspects and disagree with me on most parts -_-". My god-sister kept very quiet as she said she don't know anything on soccer. The guy is still serving his NS. Hmm..luckily not in the same unit as Adrian(Thank God!).

She then talk about a misunderstanding between me and her and I had almost forgotten about it if she never mention it. Both of us never apologise then. She also told me a secret that happen around that time and I ask why didn't she told me about it? She said that she don't wanna break my relationship up and she is not that kinda person that I thought. One thing is that I never gave her a chance to do her explanation then. I told her that I don't know who to believe anymore as I lost trust in almost everyone. But anyway, it's past. I am no longer with the guy because of certain reasons. She said she is quite upset and disappointed that I treat her like a normal friend than a god-sister while she take me as if like her own elder sister. Sometimes, I really thank God that he made me in this state after an accident(I mean making me to be blur and forgetful)cos in this way, maybe I could forget some unhappy incidents easily as I am a forgetful person. But sad to say, I cannot recall happy moments too if the incident has pass too long. Maybe having a forgetful memory is a bliss in certain aspects for me. So that I could forget things easily and unknowingly forgives the person(maybe)Haha and hopefully to forget some people that I do not wish to remember.

Why can't I cry when I wanted to? I feel like using something else to relieve my pain in my heart but somebody has taken my penknife from my pencil case when we meet and throw it into a rubbish bin!(You should know who you are)He said that he don't want me to cut myself ever again. I could feel his concern then..but now..I don't think he cares anymore. He even said something that hurt me a few days ago and I will never ever forget what he said to me! I wish that he could just kill me right there and then after what he has said. But..it's only in my imagination. How I wish I could be like LiYi but I need alot of courage to do what she did. Forget it..just be what I used to be. I know I will hurt alot of people this way but I am very sorry. Like I said, I could no longer trust anyone anymore. But..I must state something here first..if you know who you are, I only want to tell you this: You are not the only one who hurt me now. There are others who are hurting me at the same time right now okay? In case you wanted to say something again that made me angry at your words!

I think I shall end here for now. Will blog again some other time.