Sad sad day

On Saturday, it is the day I dread the most. My worst fear had came true. Yue Ming had ask me to go for Cell Group meeting but I request her to let me go for another cell group as the previous one bore me. The Leader is okay but her cell group members are strange. I don't know. The way the behave is quite..unnatural. I then went for another cell group and it was okay. We played games that requires memory but it was fun than the last cell group and I find that it is easier for me to remember as we only need to remember the actions of the other party. Hahaha! My action was the simplest but yet no one sabo me and only a guy out of the rest do my action for once. So basically, I was just sitting there and watching them sabo each other except me. When they heard which cell group I am from and especially when they heard Brother Tony, one of them said,"Oh! He's a great Leader!"

I then told HuiYi I couldn't go for my Bible study as it end around 3.30pm. So sad that I can't even go for my last Bible study with her. We then went back to church in a Brother's car. It was very crump but luckily we were manage to squeeze in. When we reach Expo, we part ways and I went to meet HuiYi in church. At church, fear came over me and I told Li Yi about it but she ask me to relax. It is also the last time I get to sit with her. During the service, I cried alot as I am very hurt in my heart and to what Pastor Kong has preached. After the service, we "celebrate" Li Yi's birthday and Yue Ming gave her a Bible as her present as she lost hers some time back.

I then hang around for awhile until HuiYi and the group disappears and I went to look for them at the last minute. After I heard what they were praying, my heart sank and I wanted to break down but I control myself. Cos again my prayers are not answered. YueMing then called me to say she is on the way to meet us. I had this very strange feeling when I saw Brother Tony, Yue Ming and the rest of the group walking toward us. We then went to buy our food.

After that, HuiYi ask me to join them for the talk to Brother Tony. After hearing what each of them said, Brother Tony shared about his views and ask us alot of questions which I couldn't answer a single of them! Somehow I can feel the pain Brother Tony is feeling but I do not know how to console him. He even said things that made me think back of what he has done for me. I remembered when I first join W117, I was very fustruated as I felt that my presence was not anknowledge by him and I don't feel as part of the cell group! I had curve for his attention with no luck. But after what happened to my God-brother, he started to take notice of me bit by bit and slowly trying to get to know me better. He even had a small talk with me yesterday before the service starts and somehow I could feel the hurt within his words. It's just normal conversation but I do not know why, I somehow could sense that he was hurting.

They then sit together and I overheard WeiJing said,"Juliet hesisted!"Sorry guys, but after what I heard Brother Tony had said, I decided to give him one more chance and I will try to get to know him better too. Brother Tony then help me with my resume as I had my eyes for a job position. But I need a month advance to give notice to my current company. He said that I could not work for long in my current job. He was right. Cos I was planning to quit after next year when I get my bonus but now I don't think I could hold on that long. He then tick for me a few list of jobs that I could try to apply and this time I had my eyes on two jobs instead of one. Yue Ming then gave me encouragment and ask me to go for it. I told them my fears if I quit my job and they understands but ask me to keep on trying.

After that I went to meet JiaXing at the usual huant and she gave me some in-depth question that some employers will ask and teach me on how to respond to each of the "nonsense" questions if the employer were to suddenly ask me. After that I talk to my God-brother about what happen in the cell group while Esther and Jia Xing went to talk at the other side. After I heard what my God-brother had told me, I feel heartbroken. But I told him that if he were to come back to church one day, I will be the first one to wait for him at the door(other than the urshers)to welcome him back. He said he will see about it.

We then went to have supper and my friends complain that I finish the Banana-cum-Mango milk very slow. After that, we send Esther to take a cab while we send Jia Xing home. I then share with my god-brother half of the story to what happened while I was in club Momo. The rest, I apologise to him that I really could not share. This is only between me and *Eileen and only Eileen knows the whole story. I then told him what Eileen had told me when she called my god-brother using my handphone. He explain to me that I had disturb his piano practice. Okay lor, but next time I won't call and I will ask my friends not to call him anymore as I do not want to disturb him. Even if something happened to me *touch wood*

I was very surprise to learnt that Kenneth goes to the Sunday service and he has sign up to be an usher! He wants me to join his cell group but I decline. I pray to God and said,"If I and Kenneth are really meant to be together, let us meet this coming saturday". But I know very well in my heart that we could no longer be together and I don't wish to be with him due to certain reasons. KNS! Aim the ministry I wanted to do! Ok lor! Since you do urshering, I will do something else! I don't want to do the duty together with you!

I think I should stop here. Will blog again soon.